Schools battle emotional bullying

The Cincinnati Enquier ^ | May 12, 2002 | Karen Sampler

[Prodigal Son]

So who IS "da uglyest person at Sycamore High School?"

The article never says... I hate it when that happens.

[SuziQ]

Makes you wonder how any of us survived childhood without the help of these d#$@ bluestocking.

Well, it used to be that bullies finally got their a$$es kicked by someone which 'taught' them that it wasn't worth their while to do it anymore. The problem in the last 20-25 years is that someone started this 'don't hit people' idea, and the bullies took great advantage of that. THEY would hit or punch or knock someone down surreptitiously so THEY wouldn't get in trouble, but if someone tried to hit back the original victim would be the one to get in trouble.

When our #2 son was in the 3rd grade, he was one of the new kids in school. Until Christmas, the class bully picked on a different boy, who didn't return after Christmas vacation. So the bully turned on my son. He would come home and complain and I would tell him to tell the teacher or stay away from the boy. I SO wanted to tell him to just smack the kid, but thought that wasn't the right thing to say to him. One day, I went to pick him up from school and had to chat with the headmaster because our son was 'fighting on the playground'. Turns out, our son had had just about enough and flattened the kid during recess. When I asked the headmaster what the school policy was on dealing with problems between kids on the playground, he said "We try to get them to work it out". I said, "Well, our son worked it out, what's YOUR problem!" That bully NEVER bothered our son again!

If someone is a consistent bully, he or she needs to be taken to task for it. There's no excuse for putting us with that kind of crap! I don't care if we had to put up with it as kids or not, it's not right and never will be. I don't think all these 'programs' with their talking points, etc. will work; the kids who tend to bully will find a way to get around the talking and discussing. If kids are bullying, they should be punished to the point that it is not worth their while to even attempt it!

[NYCVirago]

Fantastic post!

[twyn1]

Thank You for your honesty

from a home-educating mom of a child who was also the target of bullies -- took him out of the gov'ment school system and he's grown to become a sweet and yet quite confident young man (on the Dean's list at college before he has "officially" graduated from high school)

[Maceman]

Are you naive enough to believe that bullying does not go on at elite private schools. Bullying goes on at all schools.

I think you missed my point, which was that the bigger problem with our school system is that it is run by a government bureaucracy, with all that that entails. And those that advocate for that entrenched system, i.e. the professional education establishment, are the biggest bullies on the planet. I know. I ran for school committee and lost.

The issue of bullying in any given individual situation is a matter for the most local level of control possible. That is, the relationship between the parents and the school. In an ideal world, if my kid were being bullied, I would go to the school and say: "what are you going to do about it?." if I didn;t like the answer, I might or might not take legal action, but I would certainly send my child somewhere else. That option is not available now, because the government runs a one-sixed fits-all state assigned student distribution.

Get it?

[BlackVeil]

"Screw the people who are saying here that I should have just toughened up and that life's not fair, blah, blah, blah. I did toughen up, but it made no difference." Absolutely - your whole post puts it so well. I was sorry to read of your ordeal, I could identify with a lot of it. But in my case, I came from an unstable family background and was constantly swapped around relatives. Most of whom did not want me there, and didn't mind letting me know it. I was a clumsy and shy girl, an obvious target for school bullies, and yet I somehow escaped most of that. Instead, I got bullied by adults at home, and I often walked slowly home from school, trembling because I knew they were going to have another go at me. I met a few nasty kids while growing up, but none of them had a patch on the emotionally abusive adults. Like you, I read a lot.

[Hot Soup]

All right. Let's start early teaching kids that adults will solve all of your problems for you. If someone is emotionally uncomfortable with things that their peers say to them the teachers who are standing by at all times to monitor will swoop in and save them. This BolShevik is ridiculous on so many levels it almost hurts.
First, as I said, it teaches kids that they don't have to solve their own problems- the people in power will(hint: that is the government for people who are no longer in school).
Second, it teaches kids that anything negative or mildly insulting is evil and will not be tolerated. If a statement is unpopular with the people it describes or refers to it is unspeakable(hint: political correctness is the adult equivalent)
Third, it tries to solve people's problems for them in a completely and obviously ineffective manner. Nevermind that bullying will always go on because constant supervision is impossible. Nevermind that presentations and promises on ending the reign of evil bullies will only reaffirm the victim's view that there is nothing he can do and the system must protect him while having no effect on the bullies. We don't like bullying and so we have to do something to make ourselves feel better.(hint: welfare, gun control, regulations, requirements and restrictions on every product imaginable, affirmative action and a million other worthless government programs are the adult equivalent)

Life in school is a preparation for life as an adult. Children do not think of themselves as children, they think of themselves as people. They should be taught to take care of themselves just as adults have to. If children are brought up in a mini-society(school) where liberal government-type policies and attitudes prevail they will end up believing that these attitudes are the right ones and that these policies are a good idea. Schools should be as self-regulatory as possible and children should be allowed to grow up in a society where they mostly take care of themselves(from their point of view). Yes, watch their activities and teach them about right and wrong. Yes, care for them and provide for them. Yes, help them when they call for help(and teach them when it is appropriate to do so). But do not let them grow up thinking that there should always be someone in power there to solve their problems for them.
By the way, I am a HS senior who has been homeschooled and educated in public and private schools, so I know what I am talking about.

[cgbg]

You're probably a lesson one.

I can be if necessary--but only when necessary.

[freedox]

"“They'd cry, they'd all apologize, we'd sing "Kumbayah......"

Personally, I think I'd rather take the bullying.

[Irene Adler]

"Lesson 2: Learn physical self-defense and mental toughness. You will need it."

I advocate this for boys because the bullying they face is so much more often physical in nature. It isn't the answer for girls who generally face a far different kind of bullying.

My Mom-in-law and her siblings came for an alcoholic, abusive, poverty-stricken home environment. She and her sibs were also subjected to vicious teasing at school about their drunken father and poor status. Just picture being abused both at home and at school; their lives must have been pure hell. Every one of the siblings (six) quit school after 8th grade because they couldn't take it anymore. Most did not do well in later life due to the abuse and lack of a good education.

I came from a much more affluent home environment but faced bullying in school for years due to being a reader and a better student than most of the other kids, also just for being "different". I never felt normal all the way through school. It took years to get over it. I feel I missed out on many opportunties in my early life because of a fear of drawing attention to myself, a direct result of the abuse.

This is one thing the schools are doing right IF they really do hang the responsibility right on the bullys, themselves, and do not blindly insist on the "moral equivalence" approach of "mediating" between bully and victim.

[SarahW]

What is all this wimpy "we asked them to stop" and "I asked why she was bullying". You *order* the kids to stop, and you punish them severely if they don't.

[boris]

I thought the way to combat this was to reach deep inside, and get in touch with your telekinetic powers...

--Boris

[Plutarch]

This stuff doesn't come out of thin air--- it's part of someone's agenda. Whose agenda? The homosexuals.

The only reason we are hearing about "bullying" is because the homo's can use it to have "gay bashing" fall under the "bullying" banner.

[Maceman]

You remark about leaving lets me know that you should study elite private schools a little more.

Screw any school that cannot guarantee its students a safe environment, and a proper procedure for assuring that students do not physically intimidate or assault each other.

There are lots more ways to get an education than elite private schools -- or at least there would be if the government did not claim and enforce a monopoly on defining and delivering education.

If the bullying reaches a point with no solution where I don't believe that there's any alternative but to remove my kid from an untenable situation, then I would have no choice but to pull her out of it and take my business elsewhere. After all, I am the customer -- not my kid. And if all the elite schools are no better, then I would seriously re-examine my own assumptions about the value of their education offering compared with that available from other channels.

[BlackVeil]

Irene wrote: "I never felt normal all the way through school. It took years to get over it. I feel I missed out on many opportunties in my early life ... " That is very sad, and I hope that you have been able to recover from the damage which you suffered.