Posted on 09/05/2001 7:48:51 AM PDT by OWK
And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to build an Ark. "And in a flash of lightning, He delivered the specifications for an Ark."
"Okay," said Noah, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints.
"Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have the Ark completed, or learn to swim for a very long time." Six months passed, the skies clouded up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping..........
And there was no Ark.
"Noah," shouted the Lord, "Where is the Ark?"
"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction project and your plans didn't meet code. So I had to hire an engineer to re-draw the plans. Then I got into a big fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system."
"Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission."
"Then I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl. I had to convince the U.S. Fish and Wildlife that I need the wood to save the owls. But they wouldn't let me catch any owls. So, no owls." "Then I started gathering up animals, and got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind."
"Just when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being."
"Then the Army Corp of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe."
"Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how many Croatians I'm supposed to hire."
"The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country. And I just got a notice from the state about owing them some kind of use tax. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for at least another five years," Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled.
"You mean you're not going to destroy the earth?" Noah asked hopefully.
"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has."
LOL!
In the beginning there was the Plan.
And then came the Assumptions.
And the Assumptions were without form.
And the Plan was without substance. And darkness was on the face of the Workers.
And they spoke among themselves saying, "It's a crock of poop and it stinks."
And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It is a pail of dung, and we can't live with the smell."
And the Supervisors went unto their Managers saying, "It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."
And the Managers went unto their Directors saying, "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."
And the Directors spoke among themselves saying to one another, "It contains that which aids plant growth, and is very strong."
And the Directors went to the Vice Presidents saying unto them, "It promotes growth, and is very powerful."
And the Vice Presidents went to the President saying unto him, "This new plan will actively promote growth and vigor of the company with very powerful effects."
And the President looked upon the Plan and said it was good.
And the Plan became policy.
And this is how poop happens.
Investigators at a major research institution have discovered the heaviest element known to science. This startling new discovery has been tentatively named Administratium [Ad].;-)This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places.
In fact, an Administratium sample's mass will actually increase over time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isotopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is spontaneously formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the "Critical Morass." You will know it when you see it...
The accumulation of administratium in the last eight years must have reached Critical Morass and started a chain reaction. That's the only way to explain the massive increase of recognizable morons in the world.
Obviously ballots no longer serve to dampen the reaction. Is there any other element that might save us?
Would lead be effective? DT
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