Filthy laundry over America!

The Ghost of Welfare Past resurrected when Bill Clinton, true to form, kneeled on Congress’ back and shoved another welfare provision up its budget. It gives a $1,500 tax credit to any student defector with six or more illegitimate children whose welfare check cannot keep pace with the rising cost of his/her drug habit. (Speaking of his/her, whatever became of Ellen DeGeneres?)

One would think the Clinton big giveaway couldn’t possibly go on this long, but it has. The people who work must resent the people who don’t. The problem is, they don’t resent them enough, and they have no points of leverage in the Clinton bureaucracy. While conservatives twist their handkerchiefs, the EEOC is encouraging discontented minorities to pool their grievances and bring a class action suit against God. Apparently the Clintons haven’t yet remedied all the mistakes made in Heaven.

Even real sensitivity is no substitute for honesty. President Touchie Feelie has neither. On camera, he effects that expression "cons" get while trying to convince the cops they’re not violating their parole. "Slick Willie" never manages to come off as innocent. The nearest he gets to it is looking like Chauncey Gardener on "speed."

History is strewn with the wreckage of democracies that allowed the police apparatus to come under the aegis of the likes of Heinrich Himmler and Janet Reno, currently abusing her office as Attorney General by attempting to intimidate Congressman Dan Burton. As yet, none of his colleagues have rushed to support him. The only thing worse than the audacious criminality of the Clinton Administration is the cravenness of a Congress unwilling to confront it. If the South is ever to rise again it won’t be under the aegis of Senator Trent Lott of Mississippi. Clinton keeps spitting in his face and he keeps saying "It’s raining."

Reno has nothing to fear from the timorous Senate. She no more has to worry losing her job than she does about losing her looks. The lady couldn’t get laid on a battleship.

It’s no surprise Washington D.C. is the murder and rape capital of the world. Police response time is slow because people in the District can’t dial 911 without first counting their way up to it. Incidentally, the D.C. Police have a new felony signal: Code 86: (Clinton in Progress.)

Historians have already labeled the Clinton gang as the "What’s In It For Me Administration." The White House Park Police have added a gated drive-on manhole for Clinton buddies like Trie, Huang, and Chung. If they weren’t doing something illegal, what were they doing at the White House? Slumming?

It’s a good thing the fund raising scandal boiled over when it did. Huang was about to talk Clinton into yet another controversial trade deal with China. Super computers for sex paraphernalia.

Satan never accepted a second invitation to the Clinton White House because the first one gave him deja vu. The White House doesn’t need an impeachment, it needs an exorcism.

The good news is, the media is in an integrity crisis. The bad news is, the crisis is over. A memorial ceremony is scheduled for the White House Rose Garden at which Bill Clinton will commemorate the death of the media, which expired conveniently on Election Day in 1992, and according to its vital signs, is still dead. Clinton aides describe it as a "bring your own confetti" affair. Proceeds will go toward adding a rumpus room to The National Press Integrity Mausoleum. After the ceremony, the White House Press Corps will jump into the Presidential limo and take the truth out for a "spin."

(In the middle of the Q and A at Clinton’s last press conference, an NBA referee broke through the Secret Service protection, whistled a question dead, and called the President for goaltending.)

When a politician has been sufficiently seasoned by chicanery he’s ready for a job in the media. When he’s rendered sufficiently jaded by the public’s adulation, he’s ready to go back into government. David Gergin’s ongoing commute between the studio and White House suggests integrity doesn’t travel well.

The national debate has reduced itself to spats of minty quibbling between Bill Buckley and Michael Kinsley. It’s alleged, the reason Eleanor Clift never was invited to stay in the Lincoln bedroom is because she already has a three room apartment up Clinton’s colon.

Apparently, hypocrisy made its nest in the media because there’s no place else it could have gotten a better deal. The liberal press hopes to bail out its darlings in the White House by backing the McCain-Feingold bill, which is tantamount to burning down a rain forest to get rid of the weeds. Media’s one positive contribution to America: Taxpayers will not have to cough up the money for a new generation of tanks. The Pentagon is making the old Abrams impervious to enemy fire by treating its armor plate with Cokie Robert’s hairspray.

ET TU, BRIAN? The equal time call-in policy has converted C-Span from a let-it-all-hang-out disseminator of public opinion to a time release spansule for politically correct pap. The media seems unable to visualize any social organization in which people don’t have to line up or take turns. Neither could Vladimir Ilyich Lenin.

If all the girls in Arkansas were laid end to end they’d have no trouble getting jobs in the Clinton White House. Recent events in the Oval Office have prompted Clinton’s new Secret Service designation: Fondler One. In light of his current difficulties, both political and sexual, it is undecided whether Bubba’s next State of the Union speech will be televised on Court TV or the Playboy Channel. It’s said, Clinton has been diagnosed with a medical condition called Lothario’s Syndrome. If he doesn’t have an affair every few days, his sperm will back up and drown him.

White House staffers deny Clinton sneaks out of Pennsylvania Avenue’s Camp Runamuck at night for some sexual trysting. Actually, he skulks over to a secret barber shop where he gets his hair de-frizzed. (Vince Foster threatened to leak this to Bill Safire just before they found his body in Fort Marcy Park.)

It’s reported, Clinton had to take Kathleen Willey into an adjoining room because even the President can’t corner a broad in an oval-shaped office. If Bubba would clean up his act, he might be able to get on the Jerry Springer Show. (Show biz note: Springer traveled his show to Florida. To make him feel at home, a local councilman proposed changing the city’s name from Miami to Depravity-by-the-Sea.)

Bill Clinton is the only American President who can’t remember the Alamo, the Maine, Pearl Harbor or a phone call he made asking someone in Indonesia for a million dollars last Tuesday. Odds are, when he has to produce his penis in court for identifying marks, he’ll claim he forgot the trial date and tell the judge he left it in his other pants.

The White House line is, their boss is not a sex maniac in denial, but when Clinton enters the secretarial pool, those bits of foam that form in the corners of his mouth are a dead giveaway.

The Clinton Legal Defense Fund has collected $17 million so far. $5 million will go to prove he is morally incapable of sexual indiscretion. The other $12 million will pay for the orgy after the trial.

This endless revamping of motion picture ratings proves there aren’t enough ways to arrange the letters of an eye chart to warn a family off the crap about to come up on the screen. Motion picture industry apologist, Jack Valenti, seems determined to convince Americans what is needed is not cleaner shows, but a dirtier alphabet. [Television is worse. "Next Jenny Jones: Misunderstood ax murderers from incestuous families who commit ax murders on transvestite prostitutes get "’makeovers.’" Rate this one GP - Generally Pornographic.]

Hillary Clinton, the Imelda Marcos of the Beltway, has been nominated for the title Black Belt Yenta of the Year. Her presence on the national scene is an uncomfortable intimation of what Shelley Winters would look like if she didn’t take those few extra moments with herself in the morning.

Veterans will tell you, the one thing that increased confidence in their chances of getting out of Viet Nam alive was the sure knowledge Bill Clinton would never be there.

Now that Clinton has unified Europe under NATO, there’s no "other country" for refugees from tyranny to run and hide.

However much it seems our national nightmare will never end, one day there will be a new President of the United States. While cleaning out his desk, Clinton might consider these jobs for which he is uniquely suited.

Thanks to Morris, Clinton has already spent more time talking to hookers on the telephone than Heidi Fleiss.

Physical fitness instructor. Can instruct overweight people how to improve their figures by lying their asses off.

I could go on but, any President who could say, "Hey, pal. Can you spare a hundred grand for a cup of coffee?" with a straight face, doesn’t need any help. This guy can sell snake oil back to a snake.

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The town of Hope, Arkansas, (which has much to answer for) is making plans to celebrate being Bill Clinton’s birthplace. The Auto Club gives the following directions to the proposed site. Interstate 5 out of Little Rock, then turn right on the Gomorrah off ramp. Nobody in Hope has objected to making a shrine of the house in which Bill Clinton was born. But they can’t find anyone in town who’s willing to live next door to it.

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The office of alien abduction and cultural exchange was mysteriously abandoned...the departure pt. was from a Miami Florida storefront campaign office---left no fowarding address or records of ever being here or from anywhere else---just a note...incurable disease/horror---janetreno/billclinton!!

Planet Earth on quarantine from outer space martians---permanently!

From the moment he said "I did not inhale," I knew he was a liar. He has proven me right at every turn. Every time I see him speak, I see the face of a smug, self-confident liar, amused at the fact that he is so easily able to decieve.

It is probably the sin of pride that prevents this country from imprisoning him for his traitorous deeds. Certainly no American wants to ever admit that one of our Presidents was a criminal. No American wants to have to look anyone from any other country in the face and say "Yes, we made a horrible mistake."

This sin of pride will be our downfall. We are strong enough to overcome any obstacle, and strong enough to adapt to any change, and we Americans are even strong enough to put aside differences with our political enemies to temporarily unite for the common defense, but we are still not strong enough to swallow our pride in the face of the rest of the world, admit our mistake, and put this man on trial for treason, and then execute him. He is a rapist, and a murderer, a liar, a thief, and a solicitor of our security, and we are not strong enough to face and then remedy the situation, because to do so would be an admission that can be as easily fooled by a good liar as anyone. Worse yet, we would have to admit to being fooled repeatedly. He lied twice, shame on me.

I hope all of you will invest as much time writing your Senators and congressmen as you do watching television. I know a lot of you already do, but I know a lot of you only pay this site lip service, as I did for my first six months or so.

This must change, or we will lose everything our fathers and grandfathers fought and died for.

LIFE AFTER CLINTON

Shill--security at the Mustang Ranch...

when the cattle drive goes through town on a long holiday weekend--4th of juelie!

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