I'm so stupid, I signed up and got the Zot.

[hk409]

THIS SITE IS ZOT!

GIMME A BRAKE ALREADY! YOU GUYS MUST BE THE BIGEST MORONS ON THE WORLD! THE BIGEST MORONS NEXT TO THAT SOFTWARE COMPANY I USED TO VISIT SIX YEARS AGO! OY YOY! YOY! YOY! YOY! YOY! YOY! YOY! YOY! EACH TIME I TRYED TO POST SOMETHING NO MATTER HOW SMART! NO MATTER HOW CONSERVATIVE! EVEN IF I BEND OVER BACK AND DO BACK FLIPS AND THEN BEND OVER FOR THAT DUMB LIBERAL WE UNFORTUNATELY ELECTED! EVEN IF SPELL CHECKER ARE WORKING I STILL GET THEN KICKED OFF!! THEN ZOTTED!! WHY? IS IT JUST BECAUSE I WRITE SO BRILLIANT? BOB RUNS THINGS HERE!? OKAY. OKAY. OKAY. OKAY. OKAY. MAEYBE PEEPLE LIKE JJFATE AND NOAH HORSEFLY IS ASKING FOR IT BUT WHAT ABOUT ME!

[Dead Corpse]

Last Post?

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

Automatic shut off.

Besides, who in this crew irons?

[Conspiracy Guy]

I've had that pointed out!

[Dead Corpse]

I washed and ironed out the table cloth and place mats for my kitchen table the other day.

Damn, I need to get a life....

[TASMANIANRED]

The coffee was just the wake me up to get off my perch and go work out.

What ever else happens today. I was virtuous for an hour.

[airborne]

I've been trying to get this tune out of my head all day...

---

JOHN LENNON & YOKO ONO lyrics - "Nobody Told Me"



(John Lennon)

Everybody's talking and no one says a word
Everybody's making love and no one really cares
There's Nazis in the bathroom just below the stairs
Always something happening and nothing going on
There's always something cooking and nothing in the pot
They're starving back in China so finish what you got

Nobody told me there'd be days like these
Nobody told me there'd be days like these
Nobody told me there'd be days like these
Strange days indeed -- strange days indeed

Everybody's runnin' and no one makes a move
Everyone's a winner and nothing left to lose
There's a little yellow idol to the north of Katmandu
Everybody's flying and no one leaves the ground
Everybody's crying and no one makes a sound
There's a place for us in the movies you just gotta lay around

Nobody told me there'd be days like these
Nobody told me there'd be days like these
Nobody told me there'd be days like these
Strange days indeed -- most peculiar, mama

Everybody's smoking and no one's getting high
Everybody's flying and never touch the sky
There's a UFO over New York and I ain't too surprised

Nobody told me there'd be days like these
Nobody told me there'd be days like these
Nobody told me there'd be days like these
Strange days indeed -- most peculiar, mama

[TASMANIANRED]

Howdy airborne,

I am sure glad to see someone else gets a song lodged right between the hemispheres.

I was beginning to think I needed to use an Allen wrench throught the ear to tighten something down.

[NicknamedBob]

Doesn't that only work on guys named Allen?

[sionnsar]

jj_fate being discussed

[sionnsar]

Drat. They pulled the thread. :-(

[airborne]

It got pulled while I was in mid-ZOT!

Just darn!

[airborne]

Most peculiar, mama!

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

Drat they pulled it!

I managed to save a piece from the wreckage

oh and your website was number one referenced for the book. Also the main reason why he didn't become a Christian i guess.

So ol' PP (who ever he was)didn't become a Christian because of Free Republic.

Why does that not make sense to me? Is it because I am sane?

[OSHA]

I hope they are only moving it to bloggers.

[TASMANIANRED]

You have so expertly seen the wisdom of my approach. The tool works for me because I have nominal rights in the real world.

[BJClinton]

German Toilets

Whenever folks who have lived or traveled in Germany gather for a beer, sooner or later one subject is sure to rear its ugly head: what is the deal with those toilets?

German toilets are quite extraordinary. Other European toilets - well, the ones that aren't merely holes in the floor - work much like their North American cousins. They are shaped a little differently, but the basic principle is the same: the excrement either lands directly in the water or it slides down a steep slope into the water, before being flushed away. Simple, effective and clean. See?

"Normal" toilet

Not so the German toilet. The excrement lands on a bone-dry horizontal shelf, mere inches beneath one's posterior. Repeated flushings are required to slide the ordure off the shelf into a small water-filled hole, from which it hopefully disappears. See?

German toilet

I do not understand the purpose of this toilet. It does not save water - you must flush it eight or ten times to remove every last scrape and smear. It is not hygienic - the smell is ungodly. The only conceivable explanation is that Germans love to inspect their stool, so the German toilet of necessity features a built-in stool inspection shelf. I wouldn't be surprised if the more expensive models include a digital scale: "Mein Gott, zwei kilogram!" exclaims Günter, joyful and relieved.

Further research has revealed that the German toilet is in fact designed to facilitate stool examination. This is a wise, healthy practice, argue Germans, a person's best defence against intestinal disease, water-borne parasites or worm-riddled, undercooked pork sausage. While this made perfectly good sense around 1900, thanks to improvements in public health the whole shelf business should have become obsolete shortly after World War II.

Germans, however, see nothing amiss. They actually like their toilets. Some even dislike North American toilets. You splash yourself, they claim. I don't think this is possible. I've never splashed myself sitting on the toilet. For the wave to reach one's bottom, one would need to eject a hefty pellet at tremendous velocity. I think they're making that up.

We've had innumerable bad experiences with German toilets. In Berlin, we lived on an upper floor and the water pressure was too weak to push a healthy-sized log off the shelf. After a few minutes' fruitless flushing you'd be forced to grab a wad of toilet paper and give the horrid thing an encouraging nudge. Then followed a lengthy bout of brushing and cleaning to remove the skid marks from the porcelain. At the other extreme, in Munich we lived in a basement suite where the water pressure was too high. Worse, the shelf was actually slightly concave, forming a shallow bowl. The first time I flushed the toilet the water came rushing through so forcefully that a small chunk of poo launched off the lip and shot out over the floor. After that we always held the lid down when we flushed. I swore you could feel a kick as the turd ricoched off the underside.

The German toilet's shortcomings are not limited exclusively to Number Twos. It is almost impossible for males to urinate while standing without soaking the bathroom. Urine sprays everywhere. There is a technique, but is tricky and requires a certain degree of penile agility: bestride the toilet and direct the stream vertically down into the hole at the front of the shelf. If you are sufficiently flexible and accurate, it's relatively clean, though it makes one hell of a noise.

The alternative, of course, is to pee sitting down - the dreaded Sitzpinkel. Herein lies the source of much gender conflict, for German women have become increasingly militant in their efforts to encourage or enforce the Sitzpinkel Rule. It's not uncommon to see little stickers on the underside of toilet lids, reminders to less civilized males that they really need to embrace their feminine side and sit the hell down.

An American friend was once at a party where, on his way to the bathroom, he was accosted by the hostess who demanded loudly in front of the other guests that he not pee standing up. The male counter-reaction has been predictably lame, only a few sad jokes here and there. Me, I've made promises, I've tried to be good, but somehow the instinct not to Sitzpinkel runs very deep. I just try not to spray.

Discuss amongst yourselves.

[Conspiracy Guy]

Pass.

[sionnsar]

Doesn't seem to be there. It was so funny; I'd just brought up FR and "jj_fate" caught my eye...

[Laura Earl]

If I'm ever going to Germany, remind me to go to the bathroom before I leave.

[Dead Corpse]

No thanks. It'd only upset the cat...

[Do not dub me shapka broham]

(Audible.)

Ditka:

You bastard!

(Has conniption fit. Is fired from thread. Becomes well-compensated football analyst.)

[NicknamedBob]

"...The tool works for me..."

Then you will appreciate my curiosity, as I have to make do with a Monkey Wrench.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

That was far more then I needed to know about German toilets.

And I swear never to complain about having to hunt ostrich eggs in the bush again.

[TASMANIANRED]

Have you ever wondered just why the Germans want to take over the world ever 50 years or so?

[Do not dub me shapka broham]

We'll ping you.

:0)

-good times, G.J.P.(Jr.)

[Conspiracy Guy]

Please accept my nomination of Mike In Iraq for a K'nigget position in the RKBA. M I I and I have tracked down and slew many trolls. M I I has a good nose for trolls and keeps his broadsword sharp.

[Dead Corpse]

If you think that is odd, try a Japanese squat trench.

[Laura Earl]

kewl!

[Dead Corpse]

Works for me...

[Conspiracy Guy]

for sure. May as well poop on the ground.

[Laura Earl]

I'll just stick with my cursed low flow toilet.

[TASMANIANRED]

I second.

Any disententions?

[MEG33]

I have personally witnessed his fine ability to recognize trolls..I hereby vote YEA.

[NicknamedBob]

Beer Run, (Homeward Bound!)

Three short blasts of the klaxon draw the attention of the inhabitants as they look once more to the apparition on the low hill. Many smile as they watch the last of the beer trucks roll away.

The engines fire up with their customary puff of dark smoke, then tune to a clear exhaust. When the diverter funnels swing into position, the large hot air balloon surges with new life, lifting and swelling like a child being praised.

Passengers begin saying their Good-Byes and start the trek up to the loading ramp. Invariably, each one pauses in the climbing of the stairs to look over at the huge quantities of beer that have been brought aboard and secured in place. A few lick their lips as they then proceed upward.

Two more blasts of the signal resound and reverberate across the town. The time for departure draws near.

[sionnsar]

I have no idea what this is about. I've never seen a toilet like that in Germany.

[Laura Earl]

MII will be an outstanding K'nigget.

[sionnsar]

Whew! Almost missed getting on board...

[MikefromOhio]

Thanks! :)

[Laura Earl]

And that's the work of a dog.

[Conspiracy Guy]

Good that is two votes.

[Conspiracy Guy]

3 votes have it. Now he needs a title and a tour.

[Conspiracy Guy]

4 votes.

[Do not dub me shapka broham]

Make that three!

[Conspiracy Guy]

Wait. I'm too drunk to fly!

[Conspiracy Guy]

My feelings precisely

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

Ya got my vote

[timpad]

He's in, with accolades. Welcome aboard MikeWhoUsedToBeInIraq!

[Conspiracy Guy]

Looks like your in dude. Take some time to page randomly back through our wacky world.

[SandyInSeattle]

The weirdos are out. I just got a FReepmail from "truthandtrulycorrect". Basically the same hateful, vile crapola they spew over at the DUmp. Is it a school holiday or something?

[Conspiracy Guy]

yep.