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Toothy raccoon bit off manhood
The Sun ^ | today | Staff reporter at The Sun

Posted on 01/26/2009 8:34:31 AM PST by OL Hickory

Alexander Kirilov, 44, was on a drunken weekend with pals when he lept on the terrified – but toothy – fur ball.

“When I saw the raccoon I thought I’d have some fun,” he told stunned casualty surgeons in Moscow.

Now Russian plastic surgeons are trying to restore his mangled manhood.

(Excerpt) Read more at thesun.co.uk ...


TOPICS: Education; Health/Medicine; Humor; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: bite; manhood; raccoon; wild
Oh those wild and crazy Russians!!
1 posted on 01/26/2009 8:34:31 AM PST by OL Hickory
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To: OL Hickory

Hold muh vodka comrade.


2 posted on 01/26/2009 8:36:35 AM PST by cripplecreek (The poor bastards have us surrounded.)
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To: OL Hickory
“When I saw the raccoon I thought I’d have some fun.”

OK. Which one of you guys told him the raccoon's name was 'Monica'?

3 posted on 01/26/2009 8:38:09 AM PST by theDentist (Qwerty ergo typo : I type, therefore I misspelll)
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Comment #4 Removed by Moderator

To: OL Hickory

Wild boar coon attacked me on a houseboat one nite and my hand is till scarred.

I cleaved his ass in gratitude.

He and his posse wouldn’t shoo off the boat


5 posted on 01/26/2009 8:40:26 AM PST by wardaddy
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To: OL Hickory

Darwin award candidtae. While he did not kill himself, he has effectively removed himself from the gene pool.


6 posted on 01/26/2009 8:41:30 AM PST by bird4four4 (God Damn America!!! - Mr. Wright, your prayer has been answered 11-4-08)
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To: OL Hickory

“Just shoot up here amongst us! Ones of us has gotta get some relief!” - Jerry Clower


7 posted on 01/26/2009 8:41:58 AM PST by SampleMan (Community Organizer: What liberals do when they run out of college, before they run out of Marxism.)
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To: OL Hickory

I’m guessing the perp’s new nickname is “Shorty” ...


8 posted on 01/26/2009 8:42:01 AM PST by mgc1122
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To: SampleMan

Knock ‘im out John.


9 posted on 01/26/2009 8:42:59 AM PST by cripplecreek (The poor bastards have us surrounded.)
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Comment #10 Removed by Moderator

To: OL Hickory

He was trying to RAPE it?? Deserves what he got. Or lost.


11 posted on 01/26/2009 8:45:17 AM PST by cake_crumb (Waiting for Dear Leader Obama to drop sea levels and heal Earth.)
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To: mgc1122
"I’m guessing the perp’s new nickname is “Shorty” ..."

Post of the day!

12 posted on 01/26/2009 8:47:06 AM PST by cake_crumb (Waiting for Dear Leader Obama to drop sea levels and heal Earth.)
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To: SampleMan
Knock im out John
13 posted on 01/26/2009 8:47:46 AM PST by cripplecreek (The poor bastards have us surrounded.)
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To: Lazamataz

Absolutely true. Just for those of us wondering what a raccoon is doing in Russia, they were introduced to Russia, along with France, Germany and the Netherlands, for use as fur animals. They have, like most introduced critters, become a nuisance.


14 posted on 01/26/2009 8:48:05 AM PST by seatrout (I wouldn't know most "American Idol" winners if I tripped over them!)
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To: dighton

Sometimes you need to hide in plain sight.

15 posted on 01/26/2009 8:50:10 AM PST by MozarkDawg
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To: OL Hickory

This does not make sense. I went to the article, be there’s not much info. Would he not have to be naked for the racoon to have...um...access? Why would one be naked outdoors during a Russian winter? What an idiot! I suspect he got what he deserved.


16 posted on 01/26/2009 8:53:03 AM PST by Bigg Red (Palin in 2012!)
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To: All

Just an alternative lifestyle. Nothing to see here.


17 posted on 01/26/2009 8:53:39 AM PST by WillVoteForFood
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To: OL Hickory

Recently a friend had a racoon attack his full grown lab. The coon grabbed the Lab by the head and was dragging it into the woods.
My friend grabbed an axe, and he said it took 3 strong blows with the axe to stop the racoon.

Racoons are nothing to mess with, as this mad Russian will tell you.


18 posted on 01/26/2009 8:55:44 AM PST by brownsfan (We are sooooo screwed.)
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To: OL Hickory
What is it with the Russians and racoons? There's a related story about a man who tried to pet one, and it was rabid.

Racoons are cute, but rabies is endemic in the racoon population. For anybody who doesn't know this, admire them at a distance.

19 posted on 01/26/2009 8:55:52 AM PST by Savage Beast (The Left is decadence. Hubris and denial lead to tragedy.)
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To: cake_crumb

“He fought the racoon and the racoon won!!” I’m delighted over that.


20 posted on 01/26/2009 8:59:16 AM PST by cubreporter
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To: wardaddy

had them under the deck. Played loud music and kept the lights on all night. They left. someone told us the loud music affects their nervous system. It worked.


21 posted on 01/26/2009 9:00:54 AM PST by cubreporter
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To: OL Hickory

Pound for pound racoons are one of the toughest animals on the planet. I once saw the results on a couple of farm dogs after they tried to kill a cornered racoon. Needless to stay the dogs stayed some distance from racoons after that encounter.


22 posted on 01/26/2009 9:07:18 AM PST by Upstate NY Guy
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To: OL Hickory

My friends said she felt sorry...

for the raccoon. :D


23 posted on 01/26/2009 9:07:51 AM PST by Toki ("Palin Pingers" Freepmail Liberity Rocks or me to get on the list today!)
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To: OL Hickory

Didn’t even know raccoons lived in Russia..............


24 posted on 01/26/2009 9:09:55 AM PST by Osage Orange (Ban Thugs...Not Guns!!)
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To: seatrout

The raccoons may be a nuisance, but they can’t possibly be as great a nuisance as drunken humans whose first impulse upon spotting a raccoon is to attack it with “manhood” drawn. Russia would be much better off with more raccoons and fewer of this sort of human.


25 posted on 01/26/2009 9:13:12 AM PST by GovernmentShrinker
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To: Bigg Red
I went to the article, be there’s not much info.

Some kinds of info aren't even printable in the Sun :-)

26 posted on 01/26/2009 9:14:51 AM PST by GovernmentShrinker
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To: Osage Orange
'Didn’t even know raccoons lived in Russia.."

Hermann Goering had a pair of American raccoons released in the forest in 1934 for the purpose of hunting. Since then they have spread all over Europe. In Germany they are called "Waschbaren" (wash bear).

27 posted on 01/26/2009 9:18:50 AM PST by Upstate NY Guy
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To: GovernmentShrinker

—Russia would be much better off with more raccoons and fewer of this sort of human.—

Well, since this knucklehead won’t be able to spread his DNA around anymore (depends on the skill of Russian doctors—not much to hope for there) the critter may have accomplished just that!


28 posted on 01/26/2009 9:24:18 AM PST by seatrout (I wouldn't know most "American Idol" winners if I tripped over them!)
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To: OL Hickory

Owies. A wise gentleman once told me, “Don’t stick yer Johnson into anything with teeth.” Words to live by.


29 posted on 01/26/2009 9:27:51 AM PST by Billthedrill
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To: Savage Beast

—Racoons are cute, but rabies is endemic in the racoon population. For anybody who doesn’t know this, admire them at a distance.—

Way back in the day, my daughter and I, at a local lake feeding ducks, watched in horror as passers-by gathered around a “tame” racoon—IN BROAD DAYLIGHT—that was in a stupor. I carefully explained to my little one the terrible ramifications of this, went to a local home, and ask them to call 911. After a short time, a man came by with a shovel, conked the ‘coon (obviously dying of “dumb” rabies) on the head, and carried him away. Alas, what fools these mortals be.


30 posted on 01/26/2009 9:28:43 AM PST by seatrout (I wouldn't know most "American Idol" winners if I tripped over them!)
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To: OL Hickory

Why was he trying to rape a racoon?


31 posted on 01/26/2009 9:29:27 AM PST by BuffaloJack
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To: BuffaloJack

—Why was he trying to rape a racoon?—

He said she was “askin’ for it.”


32 posted on 01/26/2009 9:31:40 AM PST by seatrout (I wouldn't know most "American Idol" winners if I tripped over them!)
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To: Bigg Red

On occasion I’ve had to trap raccoons. The nasty ones let you know in no uncertain terms what they’d do with a mouthful of teeth given a chance. Fabric isn’t any protection. A .22 “capsule” administered to the head before letting them out of the trap is.

I suspect the Russian raccoon when attacked, bit and ripped at the closest thing at hand. Which happened to be Ivan’s crotch. The man’s lucky it wasn’t his throat.


33 posted on 01/26/2009 9:31:56 AM PST by meatloaf
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To: OL Hickory

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQPDy3nGiP8

Safe for work.


34 posted on 01/26/2009 9:42:27 AM PST by gracesdad
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To: meatloaf

I trap and release about 15-20 raccoons a year and haven’t had to kill any of them yet. Good thing, since I haven’t got a gun, only my boots! Raccoons, possums and sometimes a mink. All after my small chicken flock.

I can’t imagine what kind of idiot goes with bare hands towards wild animals, though.


35 posted on 01/26/2009 9:49:05 AM PST by blueminnesota
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To: Billthedrill
A wise gentleman once told me, “Don’t stick yer Johnson into anything with teeth.”

Uh, does it matter if they're not their own teeth?

Just asking...you know, wondering what if?

36 posted on 01/26/2009 9:58:54 AM PST by OldSmaj (I oppose BO. I am now TREASONOUS. To hell with Hussein.)
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To: OL Hickory
He just wanted a hug!


37 posted on 01/26/2009 10:08:16 AM PST by pogo101
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To: Upstate NY Guy
Interesting........

thx

38 posted on 01/26/2009 10:13:38 AM PST by Osage Orange (Ban Thugs...Not Guns!!)
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To: OL Hickory
“He’s been told they can get things working again but they can’t sew back on what the raccoon bit off," said a pal.

“That’s gone forever so there isn’t going to be much for them to work with."

39 posted on 01/26/2009 10:14:29 AM PST by tvdog12345
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To: meatloaf
Hi Meatloaf You sure are right on how to deal with a coon. The one I trapped snarled, spit and growled. Nasty creatures. Killed many a fowl on my farm. Also found a decapitated rabbit near my barn.(wild rabbit) Thats how raccoons kill, they decapitate. They don;t swim too well when thrown into a pond while still in the live trap...I love animals but hate coons.
40 posted on 01/26/2009 10:14:50 AM PST by goat granny
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To: blueminnesota

I usually get rid of only the ones smart enough to get a steel garbage can lid off. Of course a few more may be “encapsulated” before I get the smart one out of the gene pool.


41 posted on 01/26/2009 10:42:19 AM PST by meatloaf
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To: goat granny

I like to get it over fast. None of the coons I took care of had to swim.


42 posted on 01/26/2009 10:43:37 AM PST by meatloaf
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To: meatloaf
LOL When the pond dried up (due to a neighbor deciding to pump of his 10 acre 15 foot deep conststuction sand pit and I had to dig a new well) then I had to to shoot. My other neighbor corrected me in shooting a coon still in the trap. He came over with a air gun, stunned the animal, dumped it out of the trap then shot it. He was concerned about a riccochet. Coons are horrible....not even cute.
43 posted on 01/26/2009 11:10:58 AM PST by goat granny
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To: MozarkDawg

Great pic! Pass along my compliments to the artist.


44 posted on 01/26/2009 11:43:38 AM PST by dighton
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To: seatrout
My wife and I came across an adorable baby raccoon alone in the wilderness, apparently abandoned. It was very appealing. I insisted that we leave it where it was. I felt bad because it would have been easy prey for predators. But it is possible that its mother might find it and rescue it. And anyway the risk of rabies is far too great to do otherwise.

It's easy to understand why they spread rabies among themselves so readily. They seem to fight constantly. At our home in the wilderness we can hear them in the night.

45 posted on 01/26/2009 11:45:01 AM PST by Savage Beast (The Left is decadence. Hubris and denial lead to tragedy.)
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To: Billthedrill

“Don’t stick yer Johnson into anything with teeth.”

Which begs the punchline:

“With gums like that, who would?”


46 posted on 01/26/2009 11:56:13 AM PST by PLMerite ("Unarmed, one can only flee from Evil. But Evil isn't overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper)
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To: meatloaf

Okay. Thanks for the info.


47 posted on 01/26/2009 12:46:22 PM PST by Bigg Red (Palin in 2012!)
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To: cubreporter

they were tearing the screens off the boat and refusing to leave...over and over...tried water and throwing crap at them and hollering....they were in a remote cove on a TN mt lake and little fear of uprigt primates

i went outside and got close and hollered at the boar and he lurched up and bit me nicely on my hand

i went inside and came back out with my 10” fixed blade Gerber and killed him

never had much trouble with coons except in my cans and usually a few shots in the butt with my .177 Crossman will run them off

i was taken aback that sucker bit me like that.....i’ve since learned they will chew yer ass up if riled


48 posted on 01/26/2009 4:56:11 PM PST by wardaddy
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To: OL Hickory
“Hold my vodka and watch this...”
49 posted on 01/26/2009 4:58:36 PM PST by RichInOC (No! BAD Rich! (What'd I say?))
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To: wardaddy

Sorry for your injury. Clearly, they are a force to be reckoned with. Yipes.


50 posted on 01/26/2009 9:40:56 PM PST by cubreporter
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