Skip to comments.EPA Gets Serious about CO2 Crackdown
Posted on 12/12/2009 10:47:39 AM PST by John Semmens
Tired of waiting for Congress to pass the Cap-and-Trade bill, the US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) announced it will initiate its own measures to control carbon dioxide emissions. The thrust of the EPAs approach will be to determine a carbon emissions budget for every individual household and assess fines and penalties for those whose emissions exceed an allowable amount.
EPA administrator Lisa Jackson acknowledged that this approach would be more costly than a cap and trade system, but defended it as leverage to induce Congress to take action. Carbon dioxide is the most dangerous pollutant because there are so many sources of emission. It is imperative that we take action to cut it.
Jackson said the budgets for each individual will be set using the model for how the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) assesses income taxes. Everyone who now fills out a tax return will be required to also fill out an annual declaration of estimated emissions form, Jackson explained. There will be an instruction bookletlike the one the IRS mails to taxpayersthat emissions filers can use to help them complete the form.
The types of information required on the form will include number of persons in the household and their weights, number and type of motor vehicles owned, miles driven, and frequency of miscellaneous use of combustibles like gasoline-powered lawn mowers and backyard grills.
Those who try to cheat by underreporting their emissions will be subject to audits, Jackson reminded. There will also be neighborhood spot checks, as well as a system to reward those who turn in cheating neighbors. Not incidentally, the surveillance system will open up job opportunities and help fight the recession.
(Excerpt) Read more at azconserv1.wordpress.com ...
OMG, DO NOT give these people any ideas. What we regard as satire will end up being the law of the land under liberals.
In celebration of this new edict, I shall, gleefully and exuberantly, fart an extra two ‘toot’s to ‘global warming’....ALL HAIL THE CO2 MONARCHY!!!!!!
John, thanks for the ping, but you’re not fooling me this time!
I can just see it now. These people will make the East German Stazi look tame.
Recently, MIT researchers prophesied weak ocean mitigation of carbon dioxide (CO2), which is claimed to be the major source of global warming. However, atmospheric CO2 represents less than one particle for 10,000, making finding Waldo in a puzzle more likely. Water vapor that CO2 bonds with (think of carbonated water) is 25 times more plentiful in the atmosphere, and 2.5 million times more plentiful in oceans. When a single hurricane uses enough energy to power Japan for a year, how can weather have minimal influence on CO2 reduction, which also has minimal atmospheric presence? Few scientists have any remianing credibility.
You’d think the Republicans would be raising hell about this, but I won’t hold my breath. :)
“Carbon dioxide is the most dangerous pollutant because there are so many sources of emission.
this is satire, right?
I know this suppose to be a satire but there are serious proposals directly analgous to what you have written. Someone in power in the UK propoed a CO2 “debit card” that would be swipped everytime you purchased petro or did some other activity that emitted CO2. If you ran out of CO2 credits you would be automatically forced to buy more.
Will this plan include green Block Captains?
Funny, but I can easily see them doing it!!
School kids! Did dad boff mom more than once last week? Win a free basketball if dad's IRS exertion log fails to match his activities.
..........Be aware use of basketball may violate your daily CO2 cap, which is punishable by law.
Funny! I don't have to: COPD has my lung capacity down to 60% of normal, thus my exhalations contain 40% less CO2 than average for my age/size. I should get some sort of EPA credit for that.
We should make it a crime to open any carbonated beverage and release all of that CO2. We also need to declare war on yeast and try and exterminate them since they produce CO2, bring back prohibition and save the planet.
Yesterday I was reading the federal jobs website and there are a bunch of new positions advertised, doing an "energy use census" nationwide in the Spring.
This may not be satire after all.
Environmental Gestapo Agency.
The arrogance and thuggery of this administration is really amazing, isn't it?
Enjoy your chains, America.
I know this is satire, but would the EPA even think about axeing people like algore, zero, juan francis sKerry about their trips abroad if this were to happen? I doubt it.
They pretend to know the reason. It has already been written.
The Musical Fruit,
The more eat, the more you toot,
The more you toot, the better you feel,
So eat beans with every meal.
Check this out with a link explaining what the CO2 fuss is all about and exposing the contrived “hockey stick” formulation used to get this far.
This time you have made me chuckle for a long and “shaking” time.
I wonder how far toward this description we will really be subjected? Now I am not chuckling!
"Mrs. Jackson, I hyperventilate in your general direction."
:) Good stuff, John. Thanks for satirizing these criminals.
Tax my CO2, I’ll give you the methane for free.
Haha! I’m getting better... it only takes me 3 paragraphs before I figure out its from you! Great work as always!
Too damn close to what they’re probably thinking John. Have you ever considered that maybe some of these nuts are reading your posts to get ideas? I’m only half kidding.
Eliminate CO2. Then eradicate all green plant life.
Then take a deep breath.
These people are beyond insane with this sick enviro-religion.
Particulalrly enjoyed the last couple paragraphs:
"Reports of heavy violence in Mexico should not deter tourists, said U.S. Consul Michael Barkin. 'Really, Mexico is no worse than the south side of Chicago,' Barkin assured the McAllen (Texas) Chamber of Commerce. 'Your odds of coming through without being robbed, kidnapped or murdered are relatively good. Theres probably less than 10% chance you will be a victim.'...The Consul advised that 'if you are one of the unfortunate minority who is victimized and are still alive afterwards, please contact the Consulate so we can fill out the proper after-incident reports.'"
Can't tell you how many times I've engaged moon-bats during the Iraq war and insisted one was safer in Baghdad than Chicago, LA, New York City or Philly. LOL!
Good grief. I fell for it again. With BO, satire is hardly necessary.
On the other hand, is that blog satire or prophesy? I hope they keep a list of how often their satires become reality.
Don’t worry. For years I have been exhaling into non-biodegrdable baloons and then burying them in my backyard. In this manner I have stored thousands of tons of carbon dioxide that otherwise would have gone into the atmosphere and any Freeper who would like to buy some of these carbon dioxide offsets from me may do so at a significant discount!
Except for you John Semmens! Sorry dude your posts make me laugh so hard that I break at least one baloon every time I read one of your stories and as such I can’t possibly offer you the lower rate.
I’ve been out of touch with FR for a week.
My sister’s long twilight ended last Wednesday and I had to go out of state to tuck her in for that last night.
Thanks for cheering me up.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.