Skip to comments.50 Things a Man Should Be Able To Do
Posted on 07/28/2010 5:41:48 PM PDT by Kimmers
50 Things a Man Should Be Able To Do Friday, July 23, 2010, 8:00 AM Joe Carter
[Note: Every Friday on First Thoughts we host a discussion about some aspect of pop culture. Todays theme is "Renaissance Man" lists. Have a suggestion for a topic? Send them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org.]
Every man does not need to know how to tie a bow tie. Lets get that clear up front. I dont know why it is on every Things a Man Should Know How to Do list but its simply not true. If you have a reason to wear a bow tie (e.g., youre going to prom, your name is George Will) then you can ask someone or you can look it up. Thats what Google and preppie college Republican exist.
But there are some things that every man should be able to do. Here are fifty. Not necessarily the fifty most important (though some are), just fifty things a man should be able to do if he wants to live a good life.
1. Forgive your parents They did the best they could . . . or they didnt. Either way, youre a man now so its time to move on.
2. Ask your parents to forgive youYou know what you did. They do too.
3. Change a diaper so that the baby is cleaner and you are no dirtier than when you started.
4. Perform CPR and the Heimlich maneuver.
5. Use a soldering iron to fix a loose connection.
6. Comfort a childIf you want to judge the character of a man, observe how he treats a child. He may not have any himselfhe may not even like kidsbut if he can provide them comfort when they are scared or hurting then he cant be all bad.
7. Cook one signature dish.
8. Calculate square footageWidth x length.
9. Innocently flirt with a woman at least twice your ageWithout causing offense or being disrespectful, of course.
10. Write three coherent, connected, and grammatically correct paragraphsIf its really necessary, you should be able to repeat the process well enough to add three more. Unless you have a job that requires extensive writing, thats probably all youll ever need to get by.
11. Navigate your way around an unfamiliar city without getting completely and utterly lost.
12. Differentiate between various types of mortgages and insurances and know which one is best for your situation.
13. Get a prostate exam without crying.
14. Know what a prostate is.
15. Make and follow a budget so that you can get out ofand stay out ofdebt.
16. Tell a spellbinding (though not necessarily true) story.
17. Survive in water for at least a few minutes without drowning 71 percent of the earths surface is covered by water. Youre bound to fall into it sometime.
18. Know the four lifesaving stepsstop the bleeding, start the breathing, protect the wound, treat for shock.
19. Give a great complimentTip: Be specific, be sincere.
20. Tell a joke that is (a) clean, and (b) funny.
21. Make a brief, informative speech in public without having an anxiety attack and/or using PowerPoint.
22. Type with more than two fingers.
23. Know how to use the mass transit system in any city within 100 miles of his home.
24. Use reference materials to find out any information that youll ever need to know.
25. Recite the Ten Commandments from memoryIf you remember them, its easier to follow them; if you follow them youll avoid about 90 percent of the self-inflicted damage that will screw up your life.
26. Carry on a conversation with someone who bores you to tears.
27. Recognize when you are boring someone to tears with your inane banter.
28. Make a plan for the first 24 hours after a zombie apocalypseSounds silly but youd be surprised how much you can learn about yourself by thinking through unlikely scenarios.
29. Perfectly cook scrambled eggs.
30. Push-start a car with a manual transmissionBy the way, as I learned in the summer of 1988, you cant push start a car with an automatic transmission. (I still dont know why I was stomping on the brake as if it were a clutch.)
31. Tell the difference between snark and wit.
32. Properly maintain your basic form of transportation, whether it be a car, bike, horse, feet, etc.
33. Grow foodeven if you never owned a vegetable garden, you need to understand the basic theory of how to grow food. When the zombie apocalypse happens, youre going to be hungry.
34. Make it through the rest of your life without saying the thirty-seventh dumbest sentence in the English language: I have to learn for myself.
35. Endure an insult with grace.
36. Wash a load of white clothes without turning everything pink.
37. Load, shoot, and clean a firearm.
38. Admit being wrong in a situation that will cost you dearly.
39. Physically protect your loved ones and be willing to risk life and limb if necessary to keep them safe.
40. Lead your family in prayer.
41. Cogently explain and defend your most fundamental beliefs, preferably without raising your voice.
42. Hug another man.
43. Take harsh criticism without being defensive.
44. Differentiate between love and lustand avoid the latter.
45. Recognize wisdom and know how to get it.
46. Help someone who is vomiting (without throwing up yourself).
47. Write a letter of recommendation.
48. Write a love letter.
49. Avoid the Three As That Ruin Your Life: Anger, Adultery, Apathy.
50. Be able to list at least 50 more things a man should be able to do.
#51-Have this guy on speed dial when the Zombies come a knockin’
Biggy on the Guy list,, not just kill it, but gut it, cut it up, freeze or dry or cook it. Thats a Man...
Every real man knows that #30 is only partially correct , you can push start old MoPars with certain A727 tranny’s as they have a rear pump.
I much prefer them half my age.
I'll give him 25 but only because he can only recite the koranus. He doesn't get 33 because the wookie is growing the garden and i'll bet it's been mowed over. I know dam good and well he can't do a 37.
Used to push-start my jeep by meself - starter flunked out when I was in Germany.
Just park on a flat spot, give it a running start, hop in, and pop the clutch.
Drove it that way for 2 years. Freaked the girls out.
OMG! I haven’t considered the wisdom of Lazarus Long for decades!
I absolutely LOVE the collective memory and wit displayed by FReepers.
My addition to the list: A man should know how to (first) relax a woman - melting away the ordinary tensions of the day. Then (second) he should be able to fill the woman with tension of a different sort, without resorting to actions unacceptable outside the public purview.
(Relieving the second tension wave should be accomplished in private, of course...)
Oooh! I guess I should make it clear that I’m over 36 years old, huh? LOL
Real men don’t follow lists.
Real men know that a list is what the slow guy reads while the guy who knows what’s happening gets on with life...
I have no reason to forgive my parents. They is what they is, and made me what I am....
I am comfortable with that and them.
Face the possibility of a situation where you have to kill another person, or they will kill you, and that no other alternative exists.
To keep your equanimity in the face of abundance, taking only what you need.
To safely capture a dangerous wild animal without harm to either it or yourself.
Risk your safety to protect someone else.
To honor someone who truly deserves being honored.
To foul up so gloriously that it will never be forgotten.
(Example, February 4th is the celebrated “Day of the Fart of Abu Hasan”.)
To step on one footprint’s worth of land that likely no person has ever set foot on before.
Re; #1 Forgive your parents...
I never forgave them. Instead, I wrote my dad a letter before he died telling him all the things I learned from him. I didn’t consider I had a right to judge, but I did have the right to realize the legacy he gave me, from his wit to his wisdom, to his general knowledge of how to make the universe work in an acceptable fashion.
It was very therapeutic for me - to reflect on how much he had taught me.
And, according to my mother, it was a treasured keepsake for him.
And if anyone is wondering - YES, I am crying as I type this. I miss you, Dad.
A real man stands among equals, carries those who are weaker, and kneels before God.
Everything else is just details.
If you research it a bit, you’ll find a disturbing number of people who think the Lazarus Long list is nigh unto impossible, and that a person is accomplished if they can do maybe three of them, and that being able to do one is a good goal.
I’ll admit the “comfort the dying” one eludes me, and “plan an invasion” is a challenge. Most of the rest lack only an opportunity to try.
A man needs to know how to thrive if civilization continues on defying all rational thought.
A man needs to know how to survive if civilization continues on, but without an economy.
A man needs to know how to survive if there is no civilization tomorrow. All it takes is one large sunspot to erupt 1 AU away, and in 41 hours there won’t be much left here on Earth.
With the above understood, you need to know basic economics and investments. Bonds and CDs, Puts and Calls, interest owed, dividend income due.
You need to know how to both read and *write* a legal contract.
Basic math. Basic reading.
You need to have basic goods stored at home.
You need a bugout bag.
You need to be prepared for lawlessness at various levels, from politicians and reporters abusing civilized society, to carrying a dummy wallet to flip to a mugger so that you have the option of reaching for your CCW after he begins to turn his back to you, down to armoring your vehicles with surplus body armor and 3M security film on the windows in case of widespread anarchy.
Know how to sail. Know how to fly. Know how to drift a car and how to not high-center a 4x4 truck.
Know how to sharpen a knife and clean a firearm.
Know how to shop. Priceshop on-line to verify that any price someone gives you is in the ballpark.
Know how to pay your bills. Know how to hustle if you have to have income off the grid.
Know how to travel internationally and how to recognize those who are intent on fleecing you.
Know how to fight and how to avoid fights.
Know loyalty to your friends and family.
Know how to train a dog and ride a horse.
Know how to maintain your car and your house.
Know how to use good manners and how to defuse a bully.
Know how to enjoy an evening out with your wife without embarrasing her over a mistake by a $3/hr+tips waiter or cook.
Know how to slow-dance, build a fire, and cook a fish.
Know how to throw a football, catch a baseball, and shoot a basketball.
Know how to sew, burp a baby, and educate your children.
Know how to do the math; is a business deal really a “deal” or not?
Know how to listen to your boss and to your employees.
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