Skip to comments.The legend of the Angel Oromni
Posted on 03/31/2012 7:12:11 AM PDT by Peter ODonnell
In olden times, the people of rural America sought a vision, and they went up on the Hill of Saynomorah, and were met by mysterious figures, including the preacher McLame, who said, "only follow me, and my assistant Sweet Medicine, and we will remove the curse from the land." And the people said, but what about Mitt here, he is fair to look at, and only treats his dog bad. But the figures said trust us, anyone can win, yet it was not so.
And the people kept going up the hill, until the received the plates of Obama from the Angel Oromni. "On these plates is a secret message," said the Angel, "and the meaning is vote Obama by choosing Mitt." The people were puzzled by this message and took the plates, and called that place Hill Fourmorah from that day.
Now the people were sore afflicted and fed up with Buffalo TV news, and headed west. Everywhere they went, nobody liked them and they were harassed by the Santorum tribes, who wore one vest and hated pornography. Yet they knew the miracle of the Mitt-vote, for as many as swore to follow the teachings of Santorum, equally as many voted for Mitt although they remembered it not in the following day. And they passed the Place Not Likely, and said watch this place because one day, Jesus will return and do something here, and nobody quite knew what that was. And at night when they camped, a strong wind arose each night and made the sound of Gin-Gritch-good-enough, but the people could not understand that message.
And there was the cry of the Ronpaulinator, people swore they had heard it, but nobody ever saw the Ronpaulinator by day, and they wondered greatly what it might mean, to spend less than they had, as the sages of the Libertarian Tribes had said the cry was telling.
Meanwhile in the land, the main religion was the worship of Gaia, and sacrifices were made, and the Obama that made desperate was placed in the White House, where it ought not to be, and remained there for forty-two months, aided by the forces of Medicine Woman, whose people had ruled in ancient times, and by the Wizard of Wilmington, who had a mental defect but could still become king under certain circumstances.
And the Angel Oromni appeared again and said, "Stay here for this is a good place, near by to Lost Wages and the site of the Miracles of Mitt in the Snow. And count up your votes, for you will have many wives and rule worlds and almost win the Electoral College." And the people said, what's the point of that? And the wind blew again, and it said Gin-gritch-forget-about-moon-bases-other-stuff-good, and the people said, so? Let's join the Santorum people, for their vests are funky, and what could go wrong?
And in the distant wilderness, Sweet Medicine Woman prayed to an unknown God that she might be chosen to end the Obama that made desperate, and remove it from the holy place, before it burned a hole through the treasury and gave away the tribes of Israel to the False Prophet who had the forbidden fire. And the Obama made a secret pledge to the Little Horn of the Seven Kings of Babylon, who were Lenin, Stalin, Malenkov, Khrushchov, Brezhnev, Andropov, and Chernenko, and to the eighth who was of the seven, Gorbachev, and to he who was, and was not, and then was again, Putin, and his number was 666, and he told the Little Horn, I shall serve as you know, and the Little Horn said, same here dude, and they were of one accord.
And the Angel Oromni appeared one last time and said "Umm maybe not" and the people gathered in a place that was far from Salt Lake, and they faced a decision of great import, in fact, all they needed for this great import was to build a pipeline and it would flow freely, yet the Obama that made bad decisions said, "let us build only the second half" which meant that while nothing got into the pipeline, yet it dropped the sacred oil in the place where oil should be.
And they offered child sacrifices, silenced the Loud Rush of Many Days, and said that men might marry men. At this point, the Lord said, "Okay, I am done messing around and either take Santorum or listen to Gingrich, or even the Ronpaulinator, for though he be crazy, he be crazy like a fox."
And the Obama that had been there was not there, and Mitt untied the dog, and it came down from the top of the chariot.
That was.. entertaining!
And the Obama did a miracle in the Place of Mutterings, he found the hidden devil and killed him, or killed him yet again, and took his body and dumped it in the sea. And the princes of Muttering did a lot more muttering, and blew each other up. And this was the One Good Thing that Obama did, for everything else was crap.
You’ll find me to be an equal opportunity lampooner, for example, if Santorum is nominated his motto will be Vat I Can.
I have this sudden urge to go door to door.
Very good. LOL. Better to laugh than cry I suppose.
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