Hat tip to TheOldLady for her valuable proofreading and help!
I like this ending better:
Jack, recognizing from his military training he was behind enemy lines, played the poor traumatized soldier for the principal and doctor, agreeing with everything they said. He left the school that day with orders to attend sensitivity training along with anger management counseling, which he did for the next several weeks.
Surprisingly, after the school’s ‘Winter Solstice’ break, neither the principal nor the school’s psychologist returned for work. They had both gone away on vacation and nobody ever heard from them again. Jack ran for local office and won several elections, which eventually led to a successful run for Congress. He was always known as a very calculating, intelligent person, and he was instrumental in overturning several years’ worth of poor legislation.
I suspect you made a good point, but couldn't read the thing. Brevity is the soul of wit; this runs some 2,260 words -- give or take.
The usual newspaper editorial is limited to 600-700 words.
Very well written and “readable”. And sadly could be a look into our not to distant future.
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Good psychological portrait of the characters in the coming American tragedy.
I wish the outcome were different for Jack and Tyler, but this is the true one. Nothing to add or subtract.
Oh great, some quarterwit from DU will read this and get ideas.
The story was going well until you called a “magazine” a “clip.” Oh well. I’ll bet it was interesting after that.
Perfect. Well done! More!
[If any debt-sucking sociopaths whine about your great work, ignore them. Don’t let hags or their pet SNAGs (sensitive New Age guys) weld your hook to the bottom, only because you presented characters resembling them. Works like yours are much needed. Drive on!]
I’ve edited for several publications. Your story flows. It was very well written as a creative work.
Well done, if depressing, but that’s inevitable without getting into fantasy land right now.
Welcome to the USSA, comrades!
Silence is indeed consent. RESIST LOUDLY!
BTW, I’m working a a story off and on similar to this but from the angle of Obongocare. As I read things like this, I do think SWAT teams should be banned. I used to like the 1970’s era SWAT TV show, but when the tune comes on the radio, I have to turn it off now.
I can see your story happening... to me!
Nothing Jack did was wrong, oh wait! He went against the system thinking!
Our country is quickly becoming a society where “what our generation considers normal” to a society where up is down, left is right, and what “used to be normal” is now taboo.