Posted on 10/01/2014 8:53:36 AM PDT by John Semmens
The Seattle City Council passed a new ordinance that will fine people for throwing away too much food. The concern is that this discarded food should be composted rather than just trashed.
“Our growth rate for recycling has stalled,” complained Council member Sally Bagshaw. “The notion of some city residents that they need not participate in this effort is erroneous. A successful program requires the full compliance of every citizen.”
To enforce the stricter rules the City will empower trash collectors to examine a family’s discards to determine whether any items found could have been recycled. “We’ve taken voluntary obedience about as far as it can go,” Bagshaw said. “We must not shy away from using the ‘stick’ if that is what it takes to keep people in line.”
Meanwhile, in Montville, New Jersey, the town council is mulling over an ordinance that would authorize police to conduct warrant-less searches of private dwellings in a bid to curb underage drinking.
“The theory that this might be an unconstitutional invasion of privacy is invalidated by the fact that cities in this state have enacted 300 similar ordinances,” Montville attorney Fred Semrau contended. “The four walls of a home should not serve to conceal illegal consumption of alcohol.”
As for any damage that might occur when police break into private teenage drinking parties, Semrau laid the responsibility on the parents. “If parents would exert proper control over their children external interventions like this wouldn’t be necessary.”
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
http://azconservative.org/2014/09/27/school-board-to-add-masturbation-to-kindergarten-curriculum/
Does that not mean they’d have to crush progressives?
(And, as always, the satire portion becomes less and less relevant given we are talking about progressives.)
Yet another reason I would never live in a city.
I love your semi-satire articles.
Keep up the good work!
Sanfran is gonna be a lotta work.
Now, in the “you just can't make that stuff up” farcical absurdity of the current political climate, I read it as a challenge to sort the news component from the satirical side.
It's kind of gotten to be like those picture puzzles in the newspapers where you try to find what is wrong or different between two drawings and some times takes some very close scrutiny to discern the which is the satire component.
In a sense, that makes John's work even more of a valid social commentary on the increasingly Kafkaesque and bizzaro world we currently find ourselves living in where reality is far stranger than any fiction we could have imagined pre 2008
The garbage perusal comment is only semi-satire. I read a while back that in England, they accept tattle-tale tips from neighbors on substandard trash sorting.
Has this piece been approved by the Irony Impaired Review Board?
LOL (sort of)
/Obligatory sarc off notice
Get the government out of the bedroom. AND INTO THE KITCHEN!!
Well done, John.
Remember Michelle 0’s idea to set up cameras at school cafeteria trash cans so they could track what students throw a away? I wonder if they ever followed through on that project. They had set aside a ridiculous among of money to fund it.
Isn't that already a practice in some places?
What if the said food could also be considered toxic waste? Not to disparage any one in particular cooking but some individuals have been know to produce such items.
I can see some conflicts of interest for many liberals here. Should go after people who throw away food they would ban given the chance?
Would this include large vats of lard from a person seeking a healthier live style?
What if a prepped has seen the true blue liberal light (went a fell in love with tree hugger) and has become a full blown vegan. Would they be forced to give their100 cases of ding dongs ( a food know to cause irrational behavior much like twikies ) to a less inform citizen of this earth? Would it not be a crime against humanity to give them to a homeless shelter?
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