Skip to comments.Bernie Sanders switches to Republican Party after combing hair
Posted on 04/02/2016 7:17:01 PM PDT by The Looking Spoon
During what campaign staffers describe as a "senior moment" Democratic presidential candidate Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont picked up a comb that was sitting on a table at his campaign headquarters and used it on himself.
"This has been a crazy campaign, but that was by far the most insane thing I've witnessed so far," said campaign staffer Chip Beaverton. "He looked, I don't know, his hair was nice and even. He looked, um, respectable? As crazy as that is to say, it's nothing compared to what happened next."
According to witnesses at the scene Senator Sanders calmly walked out of the building and to the nearest post office, where he subsequently obtained a voter registration form and reregistered as a Republican.
Senator Sanders said his reason for making the switch was simple. "There was something about my hair being neat and tidy that had a profound effect on everything about who I am," said Sanders. "Being responsible about something small, like my hair, made me realize for the first time in my life the importance of responsibility over the big things like the economy and national debt.
The move by Sanders, who was at one time viewed by American communists and socialists as the first chance to vote for a Democrat they actually like, has sent shockwaves through the country and political world. Causing hardcore leftists to figuratively melt down while suicide hotline wires do so literally.
Not all Democrats were so heartbroken over the news. The Clinton Campaign welcomed the development and congratulated Senator Sanders on becoming the man he was always meant to be. In a statement former Secretary of State and current Democratic Party front-runner Hillary Clinton reflected on the importance appearance can have on ones view of the world.
"I grew up in a Republican family. I was taught to bathe regularly, brush my hair, wear makeup and clothes becoming of a woman. I remember seeing the light of liberalism in college when I stopped caring about all of those things and shifted my focus on controlling how other people live. Now the reverse is true for Bernie, and good for ME...uh, him!"
Below is the evolution of Sanders's official senate portrait pre and post the change to Republican.
Bernie lookin’ real cool.
He does look less insane with his hair combed.
I need to get good at gifs like that...
They just upped his Thorazine.
LOL! That would help too.
He could easily be Thad Cochran....
Just needs a visit to the dentist and he’ll be all set.
Now that’s funny!!
I’m sure the hair on the inside of his head is still a mess.
Hide the shampoo. We don’t want Debbie Washerwoman-Schitz coming over to our side.
Now if you could just do something with that overbite...
Whoa. I will confess I had a few reservations about selling my country out and establishing a dictatorship of the proletariat, but not now. That hair! If Bernie trims his ears I’m even willing to overlook that state ownership of the means of production thing...
HELL NO! We dont want the insane sonofabitch!
Don’t be fooled! It’s when they comb their hair that they at their most dangerous!
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