Help! Family of Heroin Addicts and what?

[WhoisAlanGreenspan?]

Looking for some comments and any advice.

I lost my only son to this horrible addiction to heroin just a few months ago. 4/2/16 Now I've been contacted by a nephew (in-law) who shares the same problems.

I want to help him if I can.

The thought I had was in addition to gathering his papers from another location, driving him with those papers to the Secretary of State office and paying for the new ID, that he needs to get a (for sure) new job. I would also give him a five dollar bill. And tell him he is to hold that same bill if he ever wants me to help him again.

The thinking is that an addict spends everything he has on getting high, but if he can maintain some self control by saving the five bucks in his pocket I loaned him, I'll talk with him and continue trying to help.

[Mears]

“Lock them away and let them watch tv and eat good food.”

—
That will clean them up but unless they want to quit as soon as they are free they will head for the nearest drug dealer.

They have to WANT to get clean,mentally and spiritually.

.

[WhoisAlanGreenspan?]

Thanks for all of the responses. I won't do the five dollar bill thing. He has two brothers who are good guys that he burnt bridges with. I talked to one while this FR thread has gathered those comments.

I'll do the rich uncle routine. I'll ask him to come to my funeral. And to thank me there. And to actually thank me by making sure I don't have to come to his funeral.

[philetus]

I did too.
A drink, needle, or line is on the table.
If you pick it up and drink, shoot, or snort it, that is a conscience decision to continue in your “addiction”.
Nothing physically forced you to do it.

[Jonty30]

I know that, but they won’t have the mentality to consider anything else until a sense or normalcy of being drug free takes place. My proposal is just to get them to first break the relationship with always being high.

After 6 months, or before, then they could be approached about their spiritual life and mental health.

[cornfedcowboy]

He will most likely spend the 5$. You shouldn’t take it personally. He is an addict. I guarantee you he wishes he wasn’t. You need to go toalanon meetings to learn and understand families of addiction. You will definitely benefit as well.

[ViLaLuz]

What state is he in?

[headstamp 2]

“He has two brothers who are good guys that he burnt bridges with”

And you are the next one in line for him to use up.

Be extremely careful. Take care of YOU. Your son’s addiction and death should be plenty for you to deal with right now.

Your family needs to recover too.

Someone like your nephew is extremely dangerous for you or your family to be around. He’ll move right into your son’s role as an addict.

Please forgive my bluntness.

[WhoisAlanGreenspan?]

My son tried very hard. His last stab at rehab was his own idea that followed days of talks where I probably felt the closest I ever felt to him. He'd heard of farming or ranching camps where you just worked all day and there was nothing or anyone else around. Upper Michigan and maybe Colorado or something.

He never made it out of my backyard. That's where I found him.

[Jonty30]

I am sorry for your loss and none of my comments are meant to be critical of addicts, like your son.

I know that heroin or meth addiction is very tough to break. I’ve never even tried drugs, but I can see from before and after pics that addicts love drugs more than they fear death, which is what some here do not understand.

That’s why I support locking addicts away for months until they can get some sense of themselves back.

[MissH]

I am sorry for your loss. Glad you had those talks before he left. I pray my children are never pulled into drug use. God bless.

[tinyowl]

Get him into rehab immediately, give him nothing else other than whatever directs him into treatment and N.A.

If you naively try to do this with merely the power of your love and your smarts and your will, you will fail and he will die. I am not being overly dramatic.

During the process of quitting booze many years ago, I came to know many young people who were addicted to opiates. Merely being involved with AA means I regularly hear the stories of relatives, sons, nephews dying of drugs.

The booze usually takes 10's of years to kill people. The drugs take a matter of a few years or less.

Getting a job is the least of his worries.

Your role is to do whatever you can to get him into serious help, but you are almost certainly not that help, other than facilitating him getting that help.

Get in touch with N.A. and/or a treatment facility (I would call Hazeldon,) tell them exactly what the situation is, and do whatever they tell you. Some of it may not seem to make sense to you, or it may seem extreme. It isn't.

I am very very sorry to hear about your son.

You said a couple time in your note "my thinking" and "my thought was" etc. This is not a put down: The addiction will not respond to your thinking, has no respect for your thinking, is bigger than your thinking, no matter how much love is in it.

You need advice from experts and to follow that advice.

Give him your love and your spiritual support, but leave this to experts when it comes to the drug and the addiction. If you don't, the statistical chances of recovery before death or for all purposes ruining his life are not not good at all. If the right people with the right expertise are brought into his life, he has a chance.

Here is Hazeldon's website - number is on the page you'll land on ... call them now ... Hazeldon.org 1·800·257·7810 and for the sake of your nephew just find a way to do what they tell you. I don't believe they will try to 'sell you' on Hazeldon itself - rather I think they will help you do whatever needs to be done first - probably they will recommend treatment - but there are many great treatment facilities.

If and when the time comes, it can be decided where he should go - I just refer you to Hazeldon because they know what they are talking about. There are a ton of resources available who know what this is all about. Tap into them and learn from them, do what they tell you, unless of course it goes against your ethics, which is unlikely. Get as much information as possible from people who know about this.

And ... none of this will amount to anything until he chooses it, but you can be ready, and you can support him towards it. Do not enable him with money or helping him get jobs etc. It's sad - unfair in a way - because they have no idea what they are getting into. To some extent - booze gives fair warning and is usually more gradual.

Summary: Get in touch now with people who know not just 'how horrible this disease is' ... but who actually know what can be done in the real world, what works, what doesn't, and how people who have actually made it through did it.

[Tammy8]

addicts love drugs more than they fear death, which is what some here do not understand.

My ex-son-in-law told my daughter he would rather die than go to rehab. That was 11 years ago and he is still an addict, I have no idea how he is still alive.

Having an addict in the family is like a bomb going off in the middle of the family. It effects everyone in the family.

[TNoldman]

Also consider a Christian Based 12 Step Program - Celebrate Recovery.

Praise God -In Jesus’ Name I Pray. Amen.

[jodster36]

My good friend actually called the police, on her own daughter when she found heroin in her bedroom out in the open. This after she tried helping many other ways. It was what saved her. She’s been clean for 7 years. But, she WANTED to be clean. If they aren’t ready and don’t want it, absolutely nothing will help. Sorry for the loss of your son. I’ll pray for you to find guidance with your nephew.

[Falconspeed]

Thank you for seeking counsel from the FR community. Every counsel here is sound and worth posting on the refrigerator with magnets.

Sorry to hear about a nephew who is suffering. I repeat the counsel given here: step aside, light a candle and pray that your nephew hits rock bottom in the street surrounded by homeless and concerned strangers who call the police. If the police ask you, “Is this your nephew? Can we take him in?” You say, “Yes, please do.” Then the nephew gets a record, a social worker and help. Then he will need al-anon 2x daily for one to seven years. Amazing people work at Salvation Army.

[struggle]

The best thing is to get them out of the local community before you dry them out. I they’re around people they know, they won’t say no.

[fella]

Before you do anything go to a bookstore or a library and read some books on addiction. If you don’t you’ll be opening yourself up to a world of manipulation, financial destruction and you own set of mental problems.

Been there and done that. Get him into a good rehab program.

[Ouderkirk]

As you are well aware....they will only get help when they have hit rock bottom.

Until that time, you are best to keep a certain distance, lest they abuse your good will.

I have a brother who is an addict to anything. Heroin, Crack, Meth, Pot, nicotine, alcohol. If it gets you high, he’s all in. Squandered everything that ever belonged to my family on drugs. Over a half million dollars. He’s homeless, toothless, and worthless.

Best of luck, and stay safe.

[B4Ranch]

Yeah and if he had died you would be in prison.

[lastchance]

I am sorry for the loss of your son. Your desire to help your nephew is commendable. There is more understanding about the biochemistry of addiction now than in the past. One thing is that promise has been shown using certain drugs for the treatment of addiction. One of these is gabapentin. Another is buprenorphine. These and other treatments are part of an overall program under strict medical supervision. Weaning off the drug is only the beginning. Keeping up with therapy is important.

The usual 12 step programs do not work for everyone. Going off an addictive drug like heroin takes more than just deciding to stop. Diseases do not work like that. No body tells a diabetic to just will themselves into being able to eat sugar and unlimited carbs.

The majority of addicts don’t live in a vacuum they have families that love them. You are not alone in being one of those family members. Real help means finding what resources are available for your nephew and seeing he avails himself of them. Find a medical center that specializes in treatment of addiction. If involuntary commitment is warranted do so. It may save his life. God bless.