Skip to comments.The 10 Most Dangerous Mistakes YOU Probably Make With Womenó And What To Do About It...
Posted on 02/28/2005 8:24:39 AM PST by pissant
MISTAKE #1: Being Too Much Of A "Nice Guy"
Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted to "nice" guys?
Of course you have.
Just like me, I'm sure you've had attractive female friends that always seemed to date "jerks"... but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU.
What's going on here?
It's actually very simple...
Women don't base their choices of men on how "nice" a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.
And guess what?
Being nice doesn't make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION.
And being NICE doesn't make a woman CHOOSE you.
I realize that this doesn't make a lot of logical sense, and it's hard to ACCEPT... but GET OVER IT.
Until you accept this FACT and begin to act on it, you'll NEVER have the success with women that you want.
MISTAKE #2: Trying To "Convince Her To Like You"
What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like... but she's just not interested?
Right! They try to "convince" the woman to feel differently.
Well, I have news for you... YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!
Never, ever, EVER.
You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning".
Think about it.
If a woman doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her?
But we all do it.
When a woman just isn't interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind.
Bad idea. One that will never work.
MISTAKE #3: Looking To Her For Approval Or Permission
In our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman's "approval" or "permission".
Another HORRIBLE idea.
Women are NEVER attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them... EVER.
Don't get me wrong here.
You don't have to treat women BADLY for them to like you.
But if you think that treating a woman well means "always getting her approval and permission for things", think again.
You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval.
Doubt me? Just ask any attractive woman if Wussy guys who chase her around and want her approval annoy her...
MISTAKE #4: Trying To "Buy" Her Affection With Food And Gifts
How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn't treat her even HALF as well as you did?
If you're like me, then you've had it happen a LOT.
Well guess what?
It's only NATURAL when this happens...
That's right, I said NATURAL.
When you do these things, you send a clear message:
"I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to try to buy your attention and affection".
Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. That's right, I said that women see this as MANIPULATION.
MISTAKE #5: Sharing "How You Feel" Too Early In The Relationship With Her
Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most men make with women is sharing how they "feel" too early on.
Attractive women are rare.
And they get a LOT of attention from men.
Most men don't realize this, but attractive women are being approached in one way or another ALL THE TIME
An attractive woman is often approached several times a DAY by men who are interested. This translate into dozens of times per week, and often HUNDREDS of times per month.
And guess what?
Attractive women have usually dated a LOT of men.
That's right. They have EXPERIENCE.
They know what to expect.
And one thing that turns an attractive women off and sends her running away faster than just about anything is a guy who starts saying "You know, I really, REALLY like you" after one or two dates.
This signals to the woman that you're just like all the other guys who fall for her too fast... and can't control themselves.
Don't do it. Lean back. Relax.
There's a much better way...
MISTAKE #6: Not "Getting" How Attraction Works For Women
Women are VERY different from men when it comes to ATTRACTION.
You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.
When a man sees a beautiful, young, sexy woman, he INSTANTLY feels a sexual attraction.
But does the same apply for women?
Do women feel sexual attraction to men based mostly on looks? Or is something else going on?
Well, after studying this topic for over five full years now, I can tell you that women usually have their "attraction mechanisms" triggered by things OTHER than looks.
Have you ever noticed that you see a lot more average and unattractive men with beautiful women than the other way around?
Think about it.
Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men... and they're attracted to the way a man makes them FEEL than they are to looks alone.
If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
But it's not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this.
And ANY guy can learn how...
MISTAKE #7: Thinking That It Takes Money And Looks
One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they've even gotten started... because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money... or guys who are a certain height... or guys who are a certain age.
And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things.
But MOST women are far more interested in a man's personality than his wallet or his looks.
There are personality traits that attract women like a magnet...
And if you learn what they are and how to use them, YOU can be one of these guys.
YOU DO NOT have to "settle" for a woman just because you aren't rich, tall, or handsome.
Let me say this again: If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
MISTAKE #8: Giving Away All Of Your Power To Women
Earlier I mentioned that it's a mistake to look to a woman for approval or permission.
Well, another similar tactic that a lot of guys use is GIVING AWAY THEIR POWER to women.
Said differently, guys try to get women to like them by doing whatever the woman wants.
Another bad idea...
Women are NEVER attracted to men that they can walk all over... Women aren't attracted to Wussies!
MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing EXACTLY What To Do In Each Type Of Situation With Women
Now I'm going to blow your mind...
A woman ALWAYS knows what you're thinking.
Women are approximately TEN TIMES better than men at reading body language. That's ten TIMES.
I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you're out on a date with a woman, and you want to kiss her, she knows it.
And if you don't know exactly what to do and exactly HOW to kiss her, and you just sit there looking at her and getting nervous, she won't help!
And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating...
Approaching a woman, getting her number, asking her out, kissing her, getting physical... everything.
If you don't know what to do in each situation, you will probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.
And you KNOW it.
It is VITALLY important that you know EXACTLY how to go from one step to the next with a woman... from the first meeting, all the way to the bedroom.
MISTAKE #10: Not Getting HELP
This is the biggest mistake of all.
This is the mistake that keeps most men from EVER having the kind of success with women that they truly want.
I know, guys don't like to make themselves look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help.
Hey, I've been there myself.
Let me tell you a little about me and how I figured out how to be successful with women...
About five years ago I became fed up with the fact that I didn't know how to approach, meet, and get dates with women that I was attracted to.
It frustrated the hell out of me.
One night I was out with a friend, and I saw a woman I wanted to ask out, but I just couldn't get up the nerve to do it. I can still remember that night... right on the spot I made the decision to do whatever it took to learn how to be successful with women and dating.
Well, after a lot of hard work and trying all kinds of crazy things, I finally figured it all out.
I can now approach just about any woman and get her number almost instantly. I've dated models, I've dated actresses, and I've dated nice, normal, regular girls as well.
It has been a very rewarding experience. I no longer feel that sick, insecure feeling... like I don't know how to meet women... and I might wind up alone.
I know that anytime, anywhere, I can go out and meet attractive women.
LOL i can but why get suspended?
That's my attitude! In fact, it's my only hope!
Since that is never possible and guessing is still an inexact science, welcome to your second home. They can only train us so well.
Ah, grasshopper then you have not yet learned the lessons of this thread.
So yer sayin' I got a chance.
Sure... you been introduced to cyborg?
...ha ha just kidding.
Oh, that's for married people, never mind.
Thanks! This is a bitter lesson for a lot of folks to accept, I think. Whenever it comes up on FR, I interestingly find more support from women for my position. Men seem to react to it with more hostility.
I suspect it's that women know it's basically true (even if it does sound a little harsh), and that some men have a lot of emotional investment in being 'nice,' and they hate seeing that emotional investment undermined (by the truth).
Looks like a surefire way to remain single forever.
All this lameass "guyspeak" is such a turn-off.
May as well high-five after each sentence. YEAH!
Half of his observations are proof his perception is stuck in clicheland and he hasn't looked around the real world with his eyes open. It's cute and normal for newborn kittens to be so blind, but grown men should see beyond this shallow level.
I think you have an ally in Cyborg with your commentary
I think he's just trying to sell his book. I figured that out from the first sentence. The best selling books in men's magazines seem to be the 'how to attract a gorgeous girl' books in the same way diet books are peddled to women.
When did you have a little sense of humor? Are congratulations in order?
No, I haven't noticed this at all. Have you? Look around at the couples you see this week at the store or the mall or walking together on the street.... I don't think this "observation" is true at all. It's a salesman's pitch, like cyborg said.....
They're selling this stuff to guys who believe following their advice will mean getting a porn star look alike. It's the same mentality behind selling ab lounges to women who are 300 lbs.
I've made no declarations on the merits of the author's arguments yet. For one thing, I could write the definitive book on it, at least from a feller's perspective.
That said a couple of his points are valid.
Unfortunately, the only resemblence between me and Angelina Jolie is that we're both lunatics.
"Please note that our intrepid author fails to mention a sense of humor."
Yeah I noticed that too. A guy has about 30 seconds to try to make me laugh. If it doesn't happen, I'm not interested. My boyfriend makes me laugh a thousand times a day.
With regard to extended romantic relationships with either? Considering that women often think they will be able to change the man they're with, women would probably have better success trying to change the nice guy rather than the jerk. Though my thinking that probably misses the point.
wow men really do have a lot to learn. Men are in bigtime denial. I'm sure guys like this have a website to give out false hope for average men. He must be selling some bogus program to make money. Movies like Hitch with Will Smith and websites like this are a part of the problem with the world today. It turns average guys that are somewhat tolerable into complete weirdos like those men that swim naked to get to anna kournikova's home. In the movie hitch it is claimed that some average middle aged fatso can get girls like supermodel amber valetta if they can just get girls to see how wonderful they are. LOL what a joke!
Men are on roughly the same timeline as women maybe minus 5 years. As they age it can only get worse the quality of women they can attract. Yes men can obtain money and improve their chances but their are limits especially as a man ages.
It won't stop men from trying to think and convince other men there are ways.
The only men that can get away with being jerks are guys that are extremely good looking. (colin farrel, johhny depp types)
If some ugly old dweeb of a man started acting like a complete jerk to me it wouldn't make me more sexually attracted to him, it would just make him an ugly old dweeb who I reeeeally hate because now he's a jerk.
If Donald Trump wasn't extremely rich, he'd never get a flippin' date, that's for sure.
Get a load of this!
I don't get that this is what he's advocating. What I get from the article is he's saying that the needy "I worship the ground you walk on -- I can't live without you -- please let me be your doormat and walk all over me" type of "nice guy" is not going to get any respect
What he's actually saying in the article is "Women are NEVER attracted to men that they can walk all over... Women aren't attracted to Wussies!". He's not saying don't be polite -- he's saying have some respect and don't beg
What I've noticed is that women like self-confidence (not to be confused with arrogance), ability (not to be confused with mere wealth), and respect (not to be confused with propitiation)
The attitude he seems to be advocating for guys toward women is "I like you, I think you're great, and I will treat you well. But don't think I won't drop you and find somebody else if you disrespect me. I'm not your puppy"
I just don't get the article and I'm not understanding what you're saying. A man wouldn't have to tell me all that. I would make it clear I respect him but he'll have to respect me too and treat me like a lady. The only times I've seen men be spineless when they're running after a pretty woman.
Got something you want to discuss?
You know what got me,,a cool ironic smile as if he was thinking what a prissy little girl I was. It just drove me mad.
But my husband was always sweet and kind of nerdy and shy,,I liked that. His humor and wit also was winning. Plus I knew his word was his bond, he was utterly loyal and would ditch me in a moment if I strayed. Being fickle, that won me. I would never marry a man who would tolerate unfaithfulness. I also liked it when he said sexist things, it was sort of a challenge.
you hit the nail on the head. I can make my husband howl with laughter and he can make me howl. We each are the funniest person the other ever met. Sometimes we just look at each other and laugh. I think that is cement to a marriage and wonderful in a courtship.
but a warning, don't joke during sex, men don't like that.
We'll keep it between us.
Admitting the biggest mistake I ever made with a woman would involve getting me thrown off this family site of ours.
Women can't stand needy men. Nice is different but sometimes needy men pose as nice and that repels me. I think women want independence. A man who wouldn't die if you were out of his life. We want sturdiness.
Trump would probably get dates even if he wasn't rich, because he would still be asking.
The guys who don't bother even asking girls for a date, and then complain that they don't have dates, just kill me.
So freepmail me.
BTW: Some of the most beautiful women in the world live in southern Louisiana: New Iberia, St. Martinville, Lafayette, etc.
Cloak your shyness with a cool ironic smile like you are thinking funny things and it will work!
Those ladies are gorgeous and make good wives.
Laz you perv!! Forward the freep mail to me!!
I wonder about the term DANGEROUS in the title.
Has someone been injured, maimed, mutilated? I want to hear those stories.... after we hear all the lurid tales.
Basically, I think Sauron is trying to say that he believes that men can be 'nice', but not walkovers.
And self-respect, and confidence in a man is attractive.
To be honest, I think Sauron is right in what he is saying. I want to be with a good, decent man. But a man who gave me my own way the whole time, would lose appeal for me, something rapid. Because, like a child, I'd just push those boundaries to see how far I could go.
Unless you offer money.
(shaking it off) NO! NO, I SAY! FOUL TEMPTRESS, BEGONE! :o)
I would not expect a man to behave that way with me. I would hope we'd have that sorted out. This whole idea that if a woman pays a man a compliment and says he's nice, it's somehow an insult is mind boggling.
They say Charles Whitman would never have climbed that school tower with a rifle if he had only gotten laid.
(Say, y'know, I have a rifle, and there's lots of towers in Atlanta)
Now come on. You have to admit thats an ORIGINAL line, no? :^D
How about if I share a really hideous secret with you for the freepmail? Really hot Laz, really x rated stuff. Stuff I never tell anyone. Plus my brother in law's recipe for E'touffee.
Please! Here's the short version. It works.
1) Be nice when you can.
2) Carry your balls for yourself.
There's an evolutionary advantage to this preference. A pregnant woman is very vulnerable, likewise a woman who has to care for a young child. Historically, the ideal man is somebody who can be depended on to protect his woman and children against all threats, and aggresively secure resources for them against all competitors. The "nice guy" does not fit this profile
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