Skip to comments.The 10 Most Dangerous Mistakes YOU Probably Make With Womenó And What To Do About It...
Posted on 02/28/2005 8:24:39 AM PST by pissant
MISTAKE #1: Being Too Much Of A "Nice Guy"
Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted to "nice" guys?
Of course you have.
Just like me, I'm sure you've had attractive female friends that always seemed to date "jerks"... but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU.
What's going on here?
It's actually very simple...
Women don't base their choices of men on how "nice" a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.
And guess what?
Being nice doesn't make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION.
And being NICE doesn't make a woman CHOOSE you.
I realize that this doesn't make a lot of logical sense, and it's hard to ACCEPT... but GET OVER IT.
Until you accept this FACT and begin to act on it, you'll NEVER have the success with women that you want.
MISTAKE #2: Trying To "Convince Her To Like You"
What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like... but she's just not interested?
Right! They try to "convince" the woman to feel differently.
Well, I have news for you... YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!
Never, ever, EVER.
You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning".
Think about it.
If a woman doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her?
But we all do it.
When a woman just isn't interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind.
Bad idea. One that will never work.
MISTAKE #3: Looking To Her For Approval Or Permission
In our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman's "approval" or "permission".
Another HORRIBLE idea.
Women are NEVER attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them... EVER.
Don't get me wrong here.
You don't have to treat women BADLY for them to like you.
But if you think that treating a woman well means "always getting her approval and permission for things", think again.
You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval.
Doubt me? Just ask any attractive woman if Wussy guys who chase her around and want her approval annoy her...
MISTAKE #4: Trying To "Buy" Her Affection With Food And Gifts
How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn't treat her even HALF as well as you did?
If you're like me, then you've had it happen a LOT.
Well guess what?
It's only NATURAL when this happens...
That's right, I said NATURAL.
When you do these things, you send a clear message:
"I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to try to buy your attention and affection".
Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. That's right, I said that women see this as MANIPULATION.
MISTAKE #5: Sharing "How You Feel" Too Early In The Relationship With Her
Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most men make with women is sharing how they "feel" too early on.
Attractive women are rare.
And they get a LOT of attention from men.
Most men don't realize this, but attractive women are being approached in one way or another ALL THE TIME
An attractive woman is often approached several times a DAY by men who are interested. This translate into dozens of times per week, and often HUNDREDS of times per month.
And guess what?
Attractive women have usually dated a LOT of men.
That's right. They have EXPERIENCE.
They know what to expect.
And one thing that turns an attractive women off and sends her running away faster than just about anything is a guy who starts saying "You know, I really, REALLY like you" after one or two dates.
This signals to the woman that you're just like all the other guys who fall for her too fast... and can't control themselves.
Don't do it. Lean back. Relax.
There's a much better way...
MISTAKE #6: Not "Getting" How Attraction Works For Women
Women are VERY different from men when it comes to ATTRACTION.
You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.
When a man sees a beautiful, young, sexy woman, he INSTANTLY feels a sexual attraction.
But does the same apply for women?
Do women feel sexual attraction to men based mostly on looks? Or is something else going on?
Well, after studying this topic for over five full years now, I can tell you that women usually have their "attraction mechanisms" triggered by things OTHER than looks.
Have you ever noticed that you see a lot more average and unattractive men with beautiful women than the other way around?
Think about it.
Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men... and they're attracted to the way a man makes them FEEL than they are to looks alone.
If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
But it's not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this.
And ANY guy can learn how...
MISTAKE #7: Thinking That It Takes Money And Looks
One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they've even gotten started... because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money... or guys who are a certain height... or guys who are a certain age.
And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things.
But MOST women are far more interested in a man's personality than his wallet or his looks.
There are personality traits that attract women like a magnet...
And if you learn what they are and how to use them, YOU can be one of these guys.
YOU DO NOT have to "settle" for a woman just because you aren't rich, tall, or handsome.
Let me say this again: If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
MISTAKE #8: Giving Away All Of Your Power To Women
Earlier I mentioned that it's a mistake to look to a woman for approval or permission.
Well, another similar tactic that a lot of guys use is GIVING AWAY THEIR POWER to women.
Said differently, guys try to get women to like them by doing whatever the woman wants.
Another bad idea...
Women are NEVER attracted to men that they can walk all over... Women aren't attracted to Wussies!
MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing EXACTLY What To Do In Each Type Of Situation With Women
Now I'm going to blow your mind...
A woman ALWAYS knows what you're thinking.
Women are approximately TEN TIMES better than men at reading body language. That's ten TIMES.
I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you're out on a date with a woman, and you want to kiss her, she knows it.
And if you don't know exactly what to do and exactly HOW to kiss her, and you just sit there looking at her and getting nervous, she won't help!
And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating...
Approaching a woman, getting her number, asking her out, kissing her, getting physical... everything.
If you don't know what to do in each situation, you will probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.
And you KNOW it.
It is VITALLY important that you know EXACTLY how to go from one step to the next with a woman... from the first meeting, all the way to the bedroom.
MISTAKE #10: Not Getting HELP
This is the biggest mistake of all.
This is the mistake that keeps most men from EVER having the kind of success with women that they truly want.
I know, guys don't like to make themselves look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help.
Hey, I've been there myself.
Let me tell you a little about me and how I figured out how to be successful with women...
About five years ago I became fed up with the fact that I didn't know how to approach, meet, and get dates with women that I was attracted to.
It frustrated the hell out of me.
One night I was out with a friend, and I saw a woman I wanted to ask out, but I just couldn't get up the nerve to do it. I can still remember that night... right on the spot I made the decision to do whatever it took to learn how to be successful with women and dating.
Well, after a lot of hard work and trying all kinds of crazy things, I finally figured it all out.
I can now approach just about any woman and get her number almost instantly. I've dated models, I've dated actresses, and I've dated nice, normal, regular girls as well.
It has been a very rewarding experience. I no longer feel that sick, insecure feeling... like I don't know how to meet women... and I might wind up alone.
I know that anytime, anywhere, I can go out and meet attractive women.
I'm just a bit of a liberty taker. A bloke who doesn't rein me in from time to time, gets a whole load of sulky bitch at the end of the day! *LOL*
And I wouldn't mind, I'm normally nice...sans hormones! *L*
Freepmail please :O)
I plan to enhance this charming quality.
Bump for future reference.
You're not speaking out of turn at all... I don't think I'll figure out why some guys feel insulted by being called nice.
I always knew you were :D
Cuz chicks always seem attracted to the bad boys.
So I cultivate a nice bad-boy image whilst all the while, I'm a nizeguy inside.
(don't tell anyone)
Smart man! LOL
Luckily (?) I live in Austin, home of the original tower, and not Atlanta.... so suddenly I feel safer than I did a few moments ago.
Uh-oh ... You just broke one of these rules for men --- you became "safe."
I sound like uber-nazi babe! *L*
Well I advertise all the time...oh wait. Not the same thing!
I don't understand what you mean.
I don't know either... it's late, I haven't had chocolate.
Two words: Plane fare.
FEAR ME AGAIN!!!!!
Always the recipe for TPD: Total Posting Disaster.
Go ahead and confess... just use code words
Hot dog, donut, tunnel ... the standard symbols
which is why W has a dose and Chirac doesn't. :)
Yes there is, you are 100% correct - I think we are of likemind on the issue.
I think the biggest problem with men who cling to the nice guy/jerk paradigm is that they limit it to those two choices.
A man can (and should) be good to the woman in his life - he can show her kindness because she has seen his strength; he can show her gentleness because she has seen his toughness.
She has to belive those things exist in him, at some level, to be genuinely sexually excited by him. This is for the reason you raised, and more reasons, too.
If the choice is nice guy or jerk, neither soultion is wise and both present problems for the woman - the nice guy has stripped himself of his masculine instinct so is a dud, and the jerk has exagerated his masculine traits and becomes a dud for wholly different reasons.
I'm neither a nice guy nor a jerk. I am a 'good guy.' Batman is a good guy - not particularly nice, not notably jerky, but a noble guy who fights for what's right but he fights outside of the box. Can he be mean? Sure. Is he mean? No, not really.
I tell guys to be 'good guys.' Know when to wisely use your strength and dominance - quite simply, the female needs the male to exhibit these traits, or else she will just find a superior male (by this standard).
The nice guys cling to the paradigm - they have too much emotionally invested in it. Despite that fact that overwhelming evidence is against their position, they hang on that, by gosh, they will win the girl of their dreams even though that strategy hasn't worked for many men in the history of civilization. ;-)
Hmmm...you DO know that post reads, REALLY bad. Don't you?
What? Me? o:-)
Let's just say that I thought it would be a long weekend of pleasure, but hundreds of dollars and various visits to the doctor later, it JUST WASN"T WORTH IT!
Words of advice: STAY AWAY FROM WOMEN FROM BARRAQUILLA! They may pretend to be the love of your life, but THEY ARE WALKING PETRI DISHES!
I'm sure it's nothing a course of antibiotics won't cure! ;-)
How many people freepmailed wanting to know what the hell you were talking about? LOL
She now lives in Baldwin and is married to one of Nassau County's finest, btw. Her ultimate goal was to get residency in this country, so its only a matter of time until she serves him with the papers.
Hi Rintense! How are you?
I read the Dose occasionally and really enjoy it when I do. You started a good thing there, ya know? ;-)
I'm good, and you? You are missed on the dose!!!!
So write a book about it and make some money off your misery.
Life is good. We have been busy and are just getting over an awful cough/cold/flue thingie that hung around for more than three weeks. It's spring and the wildflowers are in full bloom. The trees are full of blossoms. *happy sigh*
Spring!?!?!? WE might get up to 20 inches of snow in the next 24 hours. Damn groundhog.
Lol! You ought to move to sunny California! ;-)
Keep warm girl!
Hey, wait a minute!!!
If you keep defaming my Barranquillera women, I'll see to it that I kick your New York-transplant ass!!! ;)
Now, if you want to talk about the Caleñas, I wouldn't mind...
Trembling isn't enough?
Must I shriek and pass out?
I am personally acquainted with many such couples.
I'm 100% skeptic on this subject, actually.
I've given up dating altogether. Sincerely, there's no one out there for me.
After traveling 2200 miles all the way to Colombia to visit her, spending time, money and devotion to her (I even tried to have her come to the United States, but fell through since she was denied her visa in Bogotá), after giving me hopes for a relationship, then, midway through my trip, she tells me that she doesn't feel anything more than "appreciation", and that she's not attracted to me.
After breaking my heart like that, I say "to hell with dating!!!"
I really loved her, but it wasn't enough.
And I'm not about to change my ways. I'm a nice guy by nature and education. I was taught not to treat women like objects, and that they deserve the utmost respect.
So, I've come to the decision to just forget about dating at all. It's just a waste of time.
Why, you may ask???
Because I don't want to be hurt anymore. She bled my heart dry, and there's not much love left for a significant other.
This Spanish phrase summarizes it: "Más vale solo que mal acompañado" (or "better alone than in bad company")
You're almost as scary as Laz.
Good thing you gave up.
Here's another short version:
Do what you say, and say what you do...... and pray that you were raised well in the first place.
It isn't an insult, but it means that you mave been moved permanently to the "just a friend" category and there's no road back. ;)
Well I guess if that's what guys experience I can't criticize. It happens to women too.
They are all wimps.
You sir are a man!
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