Skip to comments.***The OFFICIAL Weekend Singles Thread*** November 9-11, 2007 - Holidays & Dealing With Loneliness
Posted on 11/09/2007 7:25:47 PM PST by DaveLoneRanger
Good evening, everyone! It's hard to believe it, but Thanksgiving is just a couple of weeks away, and after that, we're only six weeks out from Christmas! 2008 is just around the bend, and 2007 will soon become obsolete.
For many of us, the holidays are a time to visit family or friends...when the very air you breathe seems laden with Yuletide cheer.
But with the love and joy we observe in others, for those of us who are single, there is no doubt that there is a slightly bitter edge of loneliness tainting that happiness. There is family love, to be sure. There is Christmas spirit in plenty. But lurking on the edge is that quiet ache for someone to share our innermost self with.
This not being said in the interest of being depressing, of course! It's just a facet of the upcoming holidays that I know I don't look forward to, and one or two others among the group have pointed out. (Tonight's topic is by request, actually.)
So, what are your plans for the holidays? If there are kids in your family, how might you handle their plans? What do you do to handle any loneliness and how would you handle being alone at Christmas, or Thanksgiving or New Years? How do you handle your kids' pain?
A conservative gal. That’s the only way to go. If you can’t meet them at church, then why not here?
Regardless, it's definitely fun to hang out with cool conservative women. I would rather there were many more. It seems the balance of conservatism rests with men, at least according to the polls.
We generally didn’t start listening to Christmas music until fairly late — for one thing, as Catholics, we celebrate Christmas for more than just Christmas Day, and it’s not like all the decorations and music and all go away on the 26th. ;-) Of course, people look at you like you have two heads if you dare to play Christmas music in January, but hey, most folks think Catholics are pretty bizarre anyhow...
Liturgically speaking, Advent is more of a looking forward to the birth of Christ, and the real party and celebration of His birth doesn’t happen until Christmas Eve. So there’s a bit of a distinction between Advent music and Christmas music.
I enjoy watching her do things. She is competent and good-hearted. Should we have kids, I know she will be a fine mother, too.
God can truly work in people. It’s great when you see it.
I had always admired great relationships. I was seldom, if ever, jealous of a great relationship. I really just wanted more people to have them, myself included. However, I was occasionally jealous of guys who had found a great woman. Great women make standing for all the right things, growing in all the better ways, more worth it. You know that a great woman chooses a man she thinks will be a great partner. What an honor as that guy, I thought!
We need to have healthy relationships with healthy people, bringing a healthy person into the relationship. It sometimes seems you are walking the better path and may never find the right one—this may be true. But a good woman is worth the wait.
This Christmas will surely be great. Not because of material wealth, but because she and I lead simple lives and are grateful for everything over and above simple needs, along with being grateful for the simple stuff.
We are two low-maintenance people who enjoy each other and being there for others at the same time.
I hope each of you find such a compatible person.
Oh, as for loneliness, I had one year when I was overseas in the military where no one invited me for Thanksgiving and I didn’t feel like I could invite myself...I’ve never been good at that. I dropped a few “sad and lonely” hints, but no one picked up on ‘em.
I had a microwaved turkey TV dinner in my room, and it rained all day, and my parents were in a time zone six hours away so I really couldn’t talk to them except briefly, fairly early in the day. It was the most pathetic Thanksgiving *ever*.
Every one since that has seemed absolutely outstanding in comparison. ;-)
This will be the most "complete" holiday season in about 4 years.
The best cure for lonliness is to be with other people....LOL....some people will charge ya $500 an hour for that kind of advice...I offered it up for free.
The local christian radio station played Christmas music on Halloween. It was just for one day only. They called it a "treat."
We have a local radio station that has been playing Christmas music non stop since some time in October. That’s a bit too early for me.
Then tonight I went to visit my daughter who is away at college and we decided to go to the local mall-I was shocked to see that the mall Santa was already there and he was doing pretty good business as there was a fairly long line of kiddos waiting to see him.
For Thanksgiving, I put on Charles Ives' 2nd Symphony, which is about as American as you can get.
During Advent, I put on John Rutter's "Magnificat", which is a gem with a Mexican flavor. Then I move to Brahms' Marienbilder, a collection of medieval poems set a capella with chorus.
On the first day of winter, I do Schubert's Winterreise, which is one of the most depressing vocal song cycles ever written but is an absolute masterpiece. I can only bear to listen to that once a year.
On Christmas Eve, I put on the complete Tchaikovsky "Nutcracker" ballet, followed by Charpentier's "Midnight Mass", a late Renaissance/early Baroque piece.
For Christmas, I listen to the Baltimore Consort's Christmas disc, which is a collection of English Renaissance tunes for the season. Then I listen to Handel's "Messiah" in the 1981 Hogwood edition with period instruments and utilizing genuine Baroque performance practices.
Not bad for one who stays alone on the holidays.
Just give me my classical music, and I'm happy.
That is cool. Everything I know about Seattle I learned on Frasier.
My own daughter (from my first marriage) now lives with me, and so we will have some sort of family Christmas this year. But my son lives in another state, and won't be able to be here with his two sons.
Now that we're on the subject, we now have shopping malls instead of "downtown."
In the time and place I grew up, the Christmas season officially began the day after Thanksgiving. A downtown department store had a huge lighted Santa Claus mounted on the outside wall, complete with sleigh and all eight reindeer. (Rudolph was added later.) The flashing lights gave the illusion of gliding runners and a cracking whip. At dark on Thanksgiving Friday, the display was turned on for the first time.
This was the only store in town where the kids could line up to see Santa. And, just like the boy in "A Christmas Story," I remember the year I just had to have a Red Ryder BB gun. I got it, along with the admonishment, "Be careful, or you'll put your eye out."
Hi slugbug. I see you’re from the part of the country where I grew up. Still have family there — a sis in my home town of Ft. Wayne and brother in W. Lafayette, where his wife works for Purdue. I also not a similar observation. (I’m up at post # 17.)
You do bring back memories, Rosie. I had 30 years with a true Catholic, and Christmas was always the most special time of year. The grandchildren were given Advent Calendars, and the Christmas Tree — and Christmas spirit — lasted until the Feast of the Epiphany.
My daughter goes to Purdue so the Lafayette Mall is where I saw the Santa last night. I just think it is way too early-let’s get Thanksgiving over with, then we can start the Christmas stuff!
Ah, yes, Advent calendars! It was always so exciting to start one of those, knowing that Christmas was just around the corner! We kids would take turns opening the days, with the rest gathered around to see what the little picture and (on some) verse said for the day. Later, when it got so there was so many of us, we usually had at least two calendars: one for the big kids and one for the little kids.
Sadly, it’s very hard to find true, Christ-based Advent calendars anymore. They’re all “Countdown to Santa!!” type things. There used to be some really beautiful ones once upon a time.
We also celebrated a lot of the saint days and feast days throughout Advent, so December was always a really exciting time!
Unfortunately this part occurs year round, not just during the holidays.
I was at my sister's two weeks ago where her in-laws and our mother had all converged for the weekend, I thought it was funny (quite a surprise but still funny) that the M-in-law commented to me out of the blue (and several times too) - "Gosh you sure are looking good! We need to find you a man!"
I am very thankful to have friends who invite me to stop by if I have no other plans, and frequently I will spend the holidays making the rounds (all local stops), and then go home and relax with some old movies and fuzzy slippers.
This is a tough one for me. My ex was the type that did her best to mess with me. During the divorce she tried to destroy everything I valued, including Christmas.
As a Christian, Christmas is supposed to be a time to celebrate. A time to be happy. For me it is a reminder that I was served with the divorce papers on Christmas Eve . . .
Cute, huh? And folks wonder why I am bitter about it.
What are your Thanksgiving plans this year? Will you have someone to share it with? Will you be working? Will you dine out, either with friends, or alone? Do you prefer just to sleep in and spend a quiet day on your own? Will you be enjoying the parades? Will you be enjoying the traditional meal?
Depends. They have to be the right kind of people, and even then, that’s just a temporary social solution. When you’re with other people, eventually you disperse and go home. When you’re married, you get to be yourself with your spouse.
What about Advent wreaths? There isn’t any Catholic blood in my veins, but our family does the candle-lighting, usually sitting in the dark with only the light, the Christmas tree and the wood stove fire lighting the room, and read from the Bible and sing Christmas songs together.
For the most part, the pains of loneliness don't hit me worse on Christmas than they do at any other time of the year. Of course, part of the reason may be that I've always been able to make it home for Christmas. If I find myself alone and hundreds of miles from my family because something is forcing me to stay at work, the situation is going to be pretty ugly.
I'm not ready for Christmas music until the second week of December. I'm no longer really excited by Christmas music even then. If I didn't hear it at all, I wouldn't be upset, but hearing Christmas music in October or early November irritates me. The one exception that I'll grant is that I knew a preacher once who would have the church sing one or two Christmas hymns during the summer. His justification was that these hymns were good worship music regardless of the season and that having the church sing them during the off season as worship music might help people think of them more as worship music at Christmas and not just as seasonal nostalgia music.
I've heard that the real "gender gap" in ideology is among single women. Married women tend to be more conservative in their voting habits. Unfortunately, that means that conservative guys end up having to marry someone that they hope will change with marriage. If you know of a way to change the equation, we'd all love to hear it.
I may have to be extra careful to avoid the malls. I couldn't stand the thought of the malls having Santa out this early.
For pure nostalgia, the over-sized displays at the mall can't compete with simple decorations along the "downtown" streets of a small town. If I want to torture myself by getting in the Christmas spirit, I find a small town in the mountains and drive down the main street. Red, bell-shaped decorations hanging at the end of green holders on each of the streetlight poles says "It's Christmas" more than ten thousand lights and huge, inflatable snowmen at the mall could ever do.
Yes, Advent wreaths are part of Advent for both at church and at home. We usually had a family Advent wreath, with a Christmas candle in the middle that wasn’t lighted until Christmas Eve.
The Christmas season lasts from Christmas Eve until Ephiphany (Theophany in the Eastern Church, and I assume the Orthodox Church as well), when we celebrate the coming of the wisemen.
Unfortunately this part occurs year round, not just during the holidays.I'll second that motion. But since Christmas is generally accepted to enhance the love and overall "good feeling" of life, it stands to reason that it would increase that quiet yearning loneliness also.
I was at my sister's two weeks ago where her in-laws and our mother had all converged for the weekend, I thought it was funny (quite a surprise but still funny) that the M-in-law commented to me out of the blue (and several times too) - "Gosh you sure are looking good! We need to find you a man!"You should count yourself fortunate to have friends/family that care about you that way. :-) If someone said that to me, I'd ask them if they had anyone particular in mind...and perhaps tell them to let me know if someone crosses their path that they think ideal.
Once when I was picking up my sister at the mall, I wore a big white wig and beard as a (rather unconvincing) disguise. A couple of kids pointed at me and said “LOOK, SANTA!” I gave a hearty ho-ho-ho, and got a few similar reactions around the mall. I realized that I think I would really enjoy playing Santa sometime. I’d have to pick up some age, weight and a beard to do it right, though...
Yes! The Christ candle, big and white. What were the operating names for the other candles? I think ours are the Prophecy candle (usually associated with songs such as “O Come O Come Emmanuel”) and then the Bethlehem candle, then the Shepherds candle (different color) then the fourth, the Angels, then the Christ candle on Christmas Eve.
The full version of “O Come O Come Emmanuel” has a LOT of verses and is sung throughout Advent, most places I’ve been.
If there are special names for the candles, I don’t know them! The third Sunday of Advent is “Gaudete Sunday”, though, and that’s the rose colored candle. “Gautete” means “rejoice” - because it’s almost Christmas, and because (as I recall!) the antiphons and readings for that Mass center around rejoicing because He is near.
There is a religious version of an Advent Calendar in cross stitch in the Maxim crafts catalog this year. I think I also may have seen it in Herrschener’s but can’t find that catalog so will order it from Maxim’s.
If you don’t do cross stitch, maybe you could use the inks that look like stitches. My cousin, who doesn’t do any needlework except an occasional afghan in knit, did a kit in cross stitch using the ink pens instead of thread and honest, from 5’ away, you couldn’t tell it hadn’t been stitched. Just a thought.
I’m going to buy one - and do it in cross stitch.
I agree with you. I’m tired of the Santa, and reindeer and holly versions. I want an Advent calendar that celebrates the real reason for the season!!!
Indeed, my wife would always withhold the Magi from the creche scene until Epiphany. Sometimes she would place them in another part of the room, as if they were on their journey.
Our family tradition has always been to put up the tree and lights the day after Thanksgiving.....It's something to look forward to and anticipate. On Thanksgiving....after we've stuffed ourselves appropriately....we pile into cars and go scout Christmas lights.
Early Fall is busy around here.... raking leaves, winterizing the garden and yard...etc. Thanksgiving marks the end of those preparations.....and the beginning of winter/Christmas..... in my mind.
With that said.... I hate Christmas shopping crowds.....so I do my shopping online and all year long. I just pick up last minute items to top off the list between the holidays. It gives me time to do what I love best. DECORATE! *chuckle* We have a cookie weekend where the gals/kids come down to bake. Everyone picks their favorites (at least three varieties) and we spend the whole weekend baking and making Christmas ornaments for "Nana's tree". In the evening.... we'll watch Christmas movies, pop corn and string cranberries.
Traditionally on Christmas Eve.....we read the Christmas Story from the Bible.... pray a prayer of thanksgiving before opening gifts and enjoy our hot toddies (kids get hot cider), taking pictures and watching the wide-eyed wonder and giddiness of the children as they open their gifts. I'm VERY thankful my son and DIL are now back in Texas to enjoy all this. So are they. :)
Then why not make it your mission to give them a greeting on Christmas Eve? Go to your local VA hospital on Christmas Eve....with goodie bags to pass around to those who have no family and brighten their heart for a day. There are volunteer coordinators who would work with you to find the particular soldiers needing a boost. You could start your own Christmas tradition. It would surely heal your heart and soul by giving away..... what you need yourself. :)
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