Skip to comments.****The Official Friday Silliness Thread****
Posted on 06/06/2008 5:37:22 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called “The Knob,” where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman’s head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the woman wanted “The Knob.”
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. “All these years, everything has been working just fine. I’ve had to turn the knob many times and I’ve always loved the results. But now I’ve developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won’t get rid of them.”
The doctor looked at her closely and said, “Those aren’t bags, those are your breasts.”
She said, “Well then, I guess there’s no point in asking about the goatee.”
Are you sure? I got an email that said it was co-written by Mark Twain and George Carlin.
I refute your chart. The entire graph looks like Pacman when he has closed his mouth.
There once was an Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was ‘Onestone’.
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, ‘If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!’
The word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, ‘Good morning, Onestone.’
He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night.
He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.
Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.
Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird’s cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, ‘Good to see you, Onestone’.
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn’t die!
What is the moral of this story?????...........................
OH, Come on... take a guess!
Think about it...
(You’re going to love this!)
And the moral is...
You can’t kill two birds with one stone!!
From Loud Mime | 06/04/2008 10:16:09 AM PDT read
Im going to be traveling on Friday, but wanted to send you some good jokes about Communism:
A man is thrown in a Soviet prison cell and the other inhabitants of the cell crowd round him. How long you in for, they ask. Ten years, the new man laments. And what did you do? Nothing. I did nothing. You liar, the prisoners shout. For nothing you get five years.
A man goes to car showroom and orders a Lada. The sales guy tells him theres a bit of a waiting list but the car will be available for collection on June 24th 2017. The man asks
Morning or afternoon?
Why do you care? says the salesman
Because they are coming to connect my new phone line in the morning
Three workers find themselves locked up, and they ask each other what theyre in for.
The first man says: I was always ten minutes late to work, so I was accused of sabotage. The second man says: I was always ten minutes early to work, so I was accused of espionage.
The third man says: I always got to work on time, so I was accused of having a Western watch.
A man from Soviet Russia, a man from Soviet Poland and an American are on a train.
The Russian is bored. He looks around, reaches up to the shelf and takes down his suitcase. He opens it to reveal countless bottles of vodka. He takes one and throws the rest out of the window. He takes a swig from the bottle and throws that out of the window as well.
The Pole and the American are amazed. Why did you do that? they ask. The Russian shrugs his shoulders and says Where I am from we have plenty of vodka.
The American, not wanting to be outdone, reaches up to the shelf and takes down his suitcase. Inside are countless packets of cigarettes. He takes a pack and throws the rest out of the window. He then takes a cigarette, lights it and takes a drag. He then throws the cigarette and the packet out of the window.
The Russian and the Pole are amazed. Why did you do that? they ask. The American shrugs and says Where I am from we have loads of cigarettes.
The Pole looks a little uncomfortable, thinks for a moment and then throws the Russian out of the window.
An American and a Russian General meet up at Disarmament talks and start boasting about their armies. The Russian general says My army is the best fed army in the world. Each day the Red Army soldier eats 1500 calories.
The American Army General says Thats nothing, the US Army gets 4000 calories a day.
The Russian says Nonsense, nobody can eat that many Potatoes in a day.
Ping to #51
LOL! Priceless! Where were you during spring classes?
In a previous life, that was Hillary Clinton’s campaign bus.
Shepherd Smith was actually covering a car chase when the nut started doing this. I’m always impressed with Shep’s impromptu quick wit - “ohh, and now it’s time to make the donuts” he said.
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