Skip to comments.****The Official Friday Silliness Thread****
Posted on 10/03/2008 6:05:20 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts -Jeff Foxworthy
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." -Groucho Marx
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. -H.V. Prochnow
I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it. -Lyndon B. Johnson
"A man's wife has more power over him than the state has." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't. -Unknown
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. -Rodney Dangerfield
Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot. -Minnie Pearl
"Behind every great man there is a surprised woman." -Maryon Pearson
They say love is blind...and marriage is an institution. Well, I'm not ready for an institution for the blind just yet. -Mae West
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too. -H.L. Mencken
"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished." -Zsa Zsa Gabor
"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." -Rodney Dangerfield
No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single. -H.L. Mencken
A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. -Grace Hansen
If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family. -Lawrence Housman
"Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women." -Marion Smith
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? -Barbra Streisand
My mother once told me that if a married couple puts a penny in a pot for every time they make love in the first year, and takes a penny out every time after that, they'll never get all the pennies out of the pot. -Armistead Maupin
"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery." -Erma Bombeck
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. -Lewis Grizzard
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." -James Holt McGavran
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"Joe?, did you crap?"
Some Obama jokes:
What did Barack Obama ask when he learned that Russia invade Georgia? Is South Carolina next?
What's the difference between Sarah Palin and Barack Obama? One is a well dressed, attractive piece of eye-candy. The other kills her own food.
What does Obama say when you sneeze around him? I bless you.
What happens when Obama mentions his relationship with Saul Alinsky? He turns red.
Have you seen the new bumper sticker? Its Obama bin Biden.
Whats the difference between Osama bin Laden and Obama bin Biden? With Obama bin Biden, you get two for the price of one.
Since Barack Obama likes to play basketball and Sarah Palin was point guard on a state champion basketball team in high school. Obama said hed like to play Palin in a game of horse. Palin wants a game of one-on-one. I think I can take him, she said. Everyone knows he wont move to his right.
What did Obama say when the Reverend Jeremiah Wright asked if he was listening during his sermons? Im all ears.
Speaking of ears, whats the difference between Barack Obama and Dumbo? Dumbo is smarter than he looks.
Why did Barack Obama cross the road? To help the other side.
Why did John McCain cross the road? He didnt. He got to the middle and stopped.
Obama claims McCain cheated during the Saddleback Church forum. He knew McCain cheated because he gave straight answers. Politicians aren't supposed to do that.
Obama and McCain were talking in the Senate cloakroom one day. Obama told McCain, Ive got a great way to win the cabbie vote. I give them a big tip, which I charge to the taxpayers, and tell them to vote Obama. McCain responded, I think my approach is better. I dont give them any tip and tell them to vote Obama.
People worry that McCain, if elected, might not last four years due to his age. Others worry that America, if Obamas elected, might not last four years due to his policies.
Why wont Obama laugh at himself? He doesnt want to be accused of being a racist.
Why wont Obama drink Pepsi? He wrote in his book that he prefers Coke.
Why is Jimmy Carter campaigning hard for Obama? Its Carters one shot to avoid going down in history as the worst president ever.
What does terrorist Bill Ayers think of his friend, Barack Obama? He thinks hes the bomb.
Why is Obama so skinny? He has to stay light on his feet to walk on water.
What does Obama and Osama bin Laden have in common? Theyre both friends with terrorists who bombed the Pentagon.
Where did Obama decry the influence of money on politics? Barbara Streisands $28,500 a plate dinner.
Did you notice how Sarah Palin kept referring to McCain as John S. McCain during her speech at the Republican convention? This bewildered conservatives who always thought his middle name was effing.
What do Miley Cyrus and Barack Obama have in common? They both attract young people with mindless verses.
Whats the difference between Michelle Obama and pit bull? Pit bulls arent angry *all* the time.
FRIDAY! Silly stuff! Breakfast of Champions!
Your wife must be a saint. Happy Anniversary!
When (my now Ex) said she liked pickups, I thought she meant trucks.
My favorite Rodney Dangerfield one-liner when it comes to marriage:
“Marry a woman that can cook. I mean the sex will wear off but you’ll always be hungry.”
A high school friend once told me that his father imparted this piece of wisdom:
When you fall in love, and you are deciding to marry the woman, imagine what she looks like first thing in the morning, then ask yourself, “Do I want to wake up and look at THAT every morning for the rest of my life?” If the answer is yes, then marry her.
I realize this picture is supposed to be funny... yet I see nothing funny or incorrect about it... in fact I agree with almost everything in there. Smart way to cool off.
None, they just pass a law against burned out bulbs and
then walk away wondering how come its still dark.
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