Ditto, but only once, which was more than enough.
It was very painful for me — in more ways than one :(
Be there for her and be patient. It takes time to let go.
Posted on 10/22/2009 9:05:29 AM PDT by Domandred
We had a mild tragedy in our family this month. Late last month we got pregnant with our second child.
Last week my wife started having severe abdominal pains with some bleeding and ended up in the hospital. Initially the doctors thought she just had an infection as everything looked fine and HGc(?) was still going up. They gave her some antibiotics for the infection and sent her on her way.
Two days later the bleeding got worse and pain got intensely worse. We went to the hospital again at 11:30pm Sunday night. This time her HGc was 6 points less than it was two days prior. Hospital put her on a morphine drip for the pain (it was that bad I guess). She was discharged at 5:00am Monday morning. With a Norco script for the pain and told pretty much all she can do it stick through it.
The ER referred her to a new OBGyn as her regular doctor was just a general practitioner for a followup appointment.
Yesterday was that follow up. I guess it went fairly well and the doctor even handled a few things (unrelated to the pregnancy/miscarriage) better than my wife's typical doctor.
He's the kicker though. On the OBGyn's patient paperwork that tells what was done for the visit. It looks to be printed by the hospital group and has little check boxes by each thing an OBGyn would handle.
Her miscarriage diagnosis was listed as...SPONTANEOUS ABORTION
Miscarriage doesn't appear anywhere on the paper.
Sorry my wife didn't have a "spontaneous abortion". She had a miscarriage.
Yes I know I can't do anything about it, and doesn't really matter what the paperwork says. I just wanted to vent.
Maybe it's just me.
Been through that myself many times, you have my condolences.
I’m so sorry about your loss.
I’m very sorry about your loss, and it’s definitely an unpleasant term to see.
so sorry :(
Been through it twice. Hate the term. I am so sorry for your loss.
Medicine tends to conflate abortion with miscarriage, when they have a differrent predictive effect on pregnancy outcome and psychosocial issues - at least if either has occured more than twice. You might want to prepare your wife for the GTPAL score that she may see at a later OB-GYN visit - gestations, term births, pre-term births, abortions (spontaneous and induced), living children.
Again, I am very sorry. Men and women tend to grieve differently in these matters. Be ready for that.
I know this term is a medical diagnosis, but perhaps you could gently communicate to the dr's office how that term was offensive to you and your wife.
Having worked in the field for a long time I assure you that that's the "medicalese" term for a miscarriage.I don't know when this term was first used by doctors...before or after legalized abortion.
The thing that always got me was that abortions were referred to as a "therapeutic abortion"...abbreviated "TAB".
Hopefully you and your wife will recover from this tragedy.
I am sorry for your loss.
There’s emotion wrapped around that word/term, that’s for sure. It is a clinical term obviously, but it’s been so highly charged with religious/philosophical/political debate, that it’s hard to separate the clinical word from the debate surrounding it. We tend to burn words out especially when they’re emotionally charged. For example, think of how many words describing disabilities have been swapped out for new ones over the years when the negative connotations become too burdensome.
My condolences. My wife had several.
But WE never got pregnant. Only her.
“Spontaneous abortion” is the medical term.
I know. We’ve been through three in the last two years.
The hospital asked about a D&C. I didn't know what it meant so I asked. OUCH it hurt just finding out what it meant. No thank you!
My wife knew and had said "only if I have too" before I asked what it was.
My condolence on your loss.
I trust your doctor meant no harm, for billing/medical/legal purposes it is the term which they have to use.
What I find abhorrent is the term for the willfull killing of a living baby, that is called a therapeutic abortion.
You’re not alone in finding it offensive. Years ago, and I mean 24 years ago...I had a miscarriage. Ended up in the ER and they kept referring to me as the “abortion” in bed such and such. It bothered me so much I asked them to quit using the term. They were patronizing explaining that it was what was medically termed a “spontaneous abortion” and I told them I didn’t care, I didn’t want to hear the word again.
Saw that on the check list too, think there was 6 in that grouping of possible check boxes, but I didn't make the connection.
Yea think that wording is worse than spontaneous.
It was very painful for me — in more ways than one :(
Be there for her and be patient. It takes time to let go.
No. It is THEIR pregnancy. She didn’t get pregnant ALONE. She isn’t suffering ALONE.
They WERE pregnant TOGETHER. And now they are grieving TOGETHER.
Very sorry to hear it, all the best to you and your family.
And yes, the doctor’s language is offensive in the extreme.
Sorry hit send too fast.
It was YOUR pregnancy too that was lost. No woman on this planet has ever gotten pregnant ALONE.
That’s one thing that really bothers me about women getting ‘therapeutic abortions’—the father is no part of the equation, when it is his child/ren as well. :*(
My condolences on your loss.
I changed dentists after a visit shortly following the loss of a tubal pregnancy. He used the word “aborted” to finish MY sentence for me. I never walked back in there.
Some women make milk; some don’t.
My wife and I have had 2 miscarriages. Y’all have my prayers.
i am so sorry for your loss. i miscarried my second pregnancy 4 yrs ago and i still think about the what ifs. i agree that the term is offensive, unfortunately it is correct medical terminology.
Well I have three kids and I can tell you with 100% certainty that I have never been pregnant.
Personally I have taken years to get over it, no matter how much I tried to let her know it was not her fault,she blamed herself and it broke us up.
Pray hard and be understanding.
We will be praying for you.
My heart goes out to you and your family. So sorry for the loss of your baby.
mrs
I am so sorry for your loss. :(
When admitting a woman to the OB or GYN floor the reason for admission would list one of the above..
Since abortion for any reason was made available, the term has taken on a bad sound....The abortion for any reason is called a therapeutic abortion or choice.
The term abortion is shocking to one that does not know that it is the medical term for miscarriage...
Miscarriage does not describe the loss of a pregnancy...Miscarriage has a totally different defination and could mean many different things, including "Miscarriage of justice". Hope this helps you underatand the medical reason for the term abortion..
so what lay folks call abortion is really murder. might as well call it what it is. the murder of an unborn baby.
I am so sorry for your loss. May your precious baby RIP.
Again so that you might understand it better. A therapeutic abortion is abortion by choice...the other types are medical terms to describe medically what happened to the pregancy...
Don't get your pantie in a wad over an explanation of why this family had the diagnosis that they did...It also does nothing to help them thought this tragic time for them...They have my sympathy for their grief..
Been there.....
It’s not just you. It happened to me and I was offended by the term. After losing the baby, hearing it referred to that way seemed like adding insult to injury.
Prayers for you.
I did post my sympathy to the family in another post.
I already knew the definition of the medical term for abortion. I am in the medical field. I stated the obvious. Therapeutic abortion is murder. Plain and simple. The father who lost his child was appalled that the term abortion defined a miscarriage, which his family experienced. Words do mean things, so to be blunt, a planned abortion is murder.
My sympathies to you. I cannot imagine losing a child, born or unborn.
Thank you all for your condolences and sympathy.
My wife is feeling much better, but I imaging sudden crying spells will be common for a while.
Were you the father? It’s a combined thing you know, takes 2 to tango and all that. ;-)
Miscarriage isn’t a medical term “spontaneous abortion” is, sorry.
I hear you, and I’m sorry for your loss.
I am sorry for your loss, Domandred. The State’s attack on our language and your wife by naming a miscarriage an abortion, is crudness to the highest degree.
Are you going to raise heck with the source of this outrageous medical form? They have no right to put into her medical record the word “abortion” when she did not have an abortion. That is a terrible thing to do to a mother who has lost her child!
I thought about it, then from several other replies sounds like it's the 'proper' medical term and been in use for a while as disturbing as it is for a first timer (and hopefully only timer) to experience it.
Sidebar: tag line or protest sign for anyone that wants to use it:
Abortion is NOT therapeutic, miscarriage is NOT abortion
thanks, my thoughts exactly!!!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.