Posted on 03/05/2010 4:26:04 AM PST by Lucky9teen
No problem
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in
real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says,
‘Kin ya swallar?’
The woman shakes her head no.
Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.
His partner says, ‘Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I ain’t niver seed nobody do it!’
I went down this morning to sign up my Dog for welfare. At first the lady said, Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare. So I explained to her that my Dog is unemployed, lazy, can’t speak English and has no frigging clue who his Daddy is. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My Dog gets his first check Friday. What a great country.
Got rid of it but it wasn’t as easy as it should have been. Thanks.
Forgiven. :-)
GEORGE: Was it a scratch or a pick?< /SEINFELD >JERRY: It was a scratch.
GEORGE: Hey. It's me.
JERRY: Don't you think I know the difference between a pick and a scratch?
[Buzzer]
JERRY: Yeah?
ELAINE: (OC) It's me.
JERRY: Come on up.
GEORGE: Was there any nostril penetration?
JERRY: There may have been some incidental penetration. But from her angle she was in no position to make the call.
GEORGE: So let's say in her mind she witnessed a pick. Okay, so then what?
JERRY: Is that so unforgivable? Is that like breaking a commandment? Did God say to Moses thou shalt not pick?
GEORGE: I guarantee you that Moses was a picker. You wander throughh the desert for forty years with that dry air. ... You telling me you're not going to have occasion to clean house a little bit.
JERRY: Let me ask you something. If you were going out with somebody and if she did that what would, would you do? Would you continue going out with her?
GEORGE: No. That's disgusting!
Okay...I KNOW it’s a pic of some fatass cow in a Wal-Mart....
But I WANT that shirt!!
That bag needed a warning label, “this bag is not a safety device”.
Obama: "Mmmmm, hot greasy porn." (this is from this week, he's already off his diet)
She is gunning for Tina Fey's job. Payback time!
WARNING: KENNEDY CROSSING!
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