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(-:~ThE oFfIcIaL fRiDaY sIlLiNeSs ThReAd~:-)

Posted on 04/09/2010 5:28:55 AM PDT by Lucky9teen




"And in a major reversal of U.S. policy, President Obama has narrowed the conditions under which we would use nuclear weapons. He said we'd only use them against Iran, North Korea or Fox News." –Jay Leno

"President Obama has come out with a new policy for using nuclear weapons. In a related story, Joe Biden said he would try not to drop the F-bomb so often." –Jay Leno

"The United States and Russia have signed a historic nuclear weapons treaty. Apparently, Russia is getting a little nervous. They heard we had successfully mounted a warhead on a Toyota Prius." –Jay Leno

"Next week, the president of China will be at the White House. And good news — he has no plans to foreclose." –Jay Leno

"Well, give you an idea how important this visit is from the Chinese president, I understand Joe Biden is busy learning some Chinese curse words." –Jay Leno


"Well, earlier today, President Obama threw out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals' home opener against the Philadelphia Phillies. And then Vice President Joe Biden was thrown out for cursing at the umpire." –Jay Leno

"Actually, President Obama didn't actually throw the ball. He got it to the catcher's mitt through a series of back-door dealings." –Jay Leno

"Last night, President Obama gave a speech at the Boston Opera House. It was a long night, because you know what they say about the opera: 'It ain't over until the fat lady gets lectured on her eating habits by Michelle Obama.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Michelle Obama held a town hall meeting on C-SPAN to answer questions from kids about her anti-obesity campaign. The most popular question from kids was, 'Why are you doing this to us, lady?'" –Jimmy Fallon


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: nuclear; ofst; silliness
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To: dead

We thought getting rid of McKinny would be an improvement.


51 posted on 04/09/2010 8:39:28 AM PDT by listenhillary (Capitalism = billions raised from poverty, Socialism = billions reduced to starvation)
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To: Lucky9teen
Okay, today my name will be Naoise Abi Cameron but you can call me Nao.


52 posted on 04/09/2010 8:46:30 AM PDT by Lady Jag (Double your income... Fire the government)
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To: ShadowAce

53 posted on 04/09/2010 8:46:49 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (I'll just say the 2nd amendment to the Constitution is there for a reason!)
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To: dead; Lucky9teen
Love your graphic!


54 posted on 04/09/2010 8:48:51 AM PDT by Lady Jag (Double your income... Fire the government)
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To: a fool in paradise
And if you have trouble thinking of a name, here are some ideas:

Al Abama
Lance N. Abcess
Izzy Able
Pete Abred
Sue Age
N. M. E. Agent
Ray D. Aider
Jan U. Airy
Mort U. Airy
Claire D. Aisle
Terri Aki
Bess T. Ality
Chris Anthemum
Nell Anvoid

And the list goes on....
55 posted on 04/09/2010 8:52:14 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (I'll just say the 2nd amendment to the Constitution is there for a reason!)
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To: listenhillary

56 posted on 04/09/2010 8:53:31 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (I'll just say the 2nd amendment to the Constitution is there for a reason!)
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To: dead
WTF?

57 posted on 04/09/2010 8:56:15 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (I'll just say the 2nd amendment to the Constitution is there for a reason!)
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To: rockabyebaby

FRIDAY YAY!!



58 posted on 04/09/2010 8:58:23 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (I'll just say the 2nd amendment to the Constitution is there for a reason!)
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To: Lucky9teen

My sister told me of a name game.
Use your middle name as your first.
Use the street name you grew up on as your last name.
Then you have a soap opera name.


59 posted on 04/09/2010 9:06:17 AM PDT by Texas resident (Outlaw fisherman)
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To: Lucky9teen
Photobucket
60 posted on 04/09/2010 9:17:11 AM PDT by Lost Dutchman ("Weep for the future Na'Toth, Weep for us all." (G'Kar-Babylon 5))
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To: LongElegantLegs
Henceforth, I shall be known as Fanny.

So LongElegantLegs becomes Fanny. Yep, I suppose they do.

61 posted on 04/09/2010 9:25:05 AM PDT by tnlibertarian
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To: LongElegantLegs

WOW! Is this type casting. You are always looked to for insight my fine FReeper friend.

Have a great weekend ... Fanny! ‘-)


62 posted on 04/09/2010 9:37:14 AM PDT by K-oneTexas (I'm not a judge and there ain't enough of me to be a jury. (Zell Miller, A National Party No More))
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To: Lucky9teen

63 posted on 04/09/2010 9:39:04 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (VP Biden on Obamacare's passage: "This is a big f-ing deal". grumpygresh: "Repeal the f-ing deal")
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To: Lucky9teen
ROADTRIP!


64 posted on 04/09/2010 9:40:47 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (VP Biden on Obamacare's passage: "This is a big f-ing deal". grumpygresh: "Repeal the f-ing deal")
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bfl


65 posted on 04/09/2010 9:44:02 AM PDT by doubled (The essence of bigotry is refusing to others the rights that you demand for yourself - Thomas Sowell)
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To: Pan_Yan

I like this game. I am now Kirsteen Effie Ronalda.


66 posted on 04/09/2010 9:44:24 AM PDT by Hoffer Rand (There ARE two Americas: "God's children" and the tax payers)
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To: Lucky9teen

67 posted on 04/09/2010 10:06:24 AM PDT by the_devils_advocate_666
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To: Lucky9teen

This is hilarious!!!

The amazing racist
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1391943289827740318


68 posted on 04/09/2010 10:38:13 AM PDT by sunny48
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To: sunny48

Hysterical!


69 posted on 04/09/2010 10:43:44 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: All

Funny Slogans
Advertisement In A Long Island Shop:
Guitar, for sale....... Cheap...........no strings attached.

Ad In Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!

On a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative. The more The Success, The more The Relatives.
(they will look for you..)

When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...
I Gave Up Reading .

My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn’t Need Glasses...
He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.

You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When:
Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick..
Or when your Son starts To wipe It Off.

Sign In A Bar:
‘Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please do
Pay In Advance.’

Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don’t Stand In Her Way.

Behind Every Great Man,
There Is A Surprised Woman.

The Reason Men Lie Is Because
Women Ask too Many Questions.

Getting Caught
Is The Mother Of Invention.

Laugh And The World Laughs With You,
Snore And You sleep Alone.

The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe
Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.

Sign At A Barber’s Saloon In Detroit :
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.

A Traffic Slogan:
Don’t Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough
Or Else They Will Never Be.

Sign In A Restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.

Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window:
Don’t Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here.
She May Be Your Grandmother !


70 posted on 04/09/2010 10:52:54 AM PDT by sunny48
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To: sunny48

I think I posted this before, but not sure. Senior momeny:)

A pastor wanted to raise money for his church, and on being told that there was a fortune to be made in horses decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. At the local auction, however, the going price for a horse was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead.

He figured since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his surprise the donkey came in third. The next day the local paper carried this headline: “Pastor’s Ass Shows.”

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won! The local paper read: “Pastor’s Ass Out Front.”

The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper read: “Bishop Scratches Pastor’s Ass”.

The bishop was fit to be tied! He ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing the news, posted this headline the next day: “Nun Has Best Ass in Town.”

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten dollars. The next day, the paper read: “Nun Sells Ass For $10.00.”

After the bishop was revived, he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: “Nun Announces Her Ass Is Wild and Free”.

The bishop was buried the next day.


71 posted on 04/09/2010 11:09:29 AM PDT by sunny48
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To: Lucky9teen

I love that one!


72 posted on 04/09/2010 11:25:06 AM PDT by listenhillary (Capitalism = billions raised from poverty, Socialism = billions reduced to starvation)
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To: dead

Mannnnn, I don’t see how anybody could eat a lobster.
Giant boiled bug.
Nasty taste, Nasty texture.
Yech......

Though i did devour lobster once in Jamaica due to severe 3 day starvation a good while back.


73 posted on 04/09/2010 11:25:07 AM PDT by mowowie
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To: sunny48
There's one in my old home town for a funeral parlor:

Don't drink and drive
We can wait

74 posted on 04/09/2010 11:30:19 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: ShadowAce; Lucky9teen

I was Thinking some cool name like Dash Riprock from the Beverly Hillbillies.


75 posted on 04/09/2010 11:35:32 AM PDT by mowowie
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To: Lucky9teen

OK. Just about the strangest thing I’ve ever seen right there.


76 posted on 04/09/2010 11:40:04 AM PDT by Cyber Liberty (Build a man a fire; he'll be warm for a night. Set a man on fire; he'll be warm the rest of his life)
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To: sunny48

Now that was funny!!


77 posted on 04/09/2010 11:43:21 AM PDT by mowowie
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To: LongElegantLegs

Even though it isn’t the holiday season, I will be “Hank”


78 posted on 04/09/2010 11:51:34 AM PDT by r-q-tek86 (It isn't settled because it isn't science)
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To: Lucky9teen

Willie Nelson - Ain’t Goin’ Down on Brokeback Mountain
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yx641-Ozzpc


79 posted on 04/09/2010 12:02:29 PM PDT by Liberty Valance (Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
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To: Lucky9teen
WEIRD.


80 posted on 04/09/2010 12:06:10 PM PDT by a fool in paradise (VP Biden on Obamacare's passage: "This is a big f-ing deal". grumpygresh: "Repeal the f-ing deal")
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To: a fool in paradise

What was it? I can’t see the pic


81 posted on 04/09/2010 12:07:20 PM PDT by Lucky9teen (I'll just say the 2nd amendment to the Constitution is there for a reason!)
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To: Lucky9teen

Creepy wide mouthed grinning cat with rolling eyes.


82 posted on 04/09/2010 12:08:53 PM PDT by a fool in paradise (VP Biden on Obamacare's passage: "This is a big f-ing deal". grumpygresh: "Repeal the f-ing deal")
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To: All

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I’d better see a doctor.”

“Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,” Mike replies

“There’s a diagnostic computer down at WalMart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars - A lot cheaper than a doctor.”

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to WalMart.

He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample.. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

“You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart..”

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results.. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results .

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @ Walmart


83 posted on 04/09/2010 12:20:19 PM PDT by sunny48
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To: Pan_Yan

Guido Paolino Lucrezia Benedetto

I love it!!!!!


84 posted on 04/09/2010 12:28:00 PM PDT by Lucretia Borgia (Never bring a knife to a gun battle. Never bring a community organizer to lead your army.)
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To: ShadowAce

muffler shop:
no appointment needed, we’ll hear you coming.


85 posted on 04/09/2010 12:34:10 PM PDT by absolootezer0 (2x divorced, tattooed, pierced, harley hatin, meghan mccain luvin', smoker and pit bull owner..what?)
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To: Lucretia Borgia

Apparently my wrestler/transformer name is Kup Fortress Maximus. I’m not sure how to take that.


86 posted on 04/09/2010 12:38:30 PM PDT by Pan_Yan
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To: Lucky9teen

I’ve always liked Rod O’Steele.

My coworkers and I have been watching Spartacus lately. We’ve come up with several that fit us:
Geriatricus
Farticus
Flatulus Maximus

As you can probably tell, we’re firefighters with too much time on our hands.


87 posted on 04/09/2010 12:48:37 PM PDT by GimpySadan (Redistribution of wealth? Sure...you first.)
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To: Nateman
AmberLamp is our mole on the inside. We'll preempt any strike from the Chechens. BWAHAHAHA!


88 posted on 04/09/2010 12:55:41 PM PDT by Daffynition ( In the span of one man's lifetime, only the individual has any potential - not the collective.)
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To: Liberty Valance

89 posted on 04/09/2010 1:00:07 PM PDT by Daffynition ( In the span of one man's lifetime, only the individual has any potential - not the collective.)
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To: Lucky9teen

My name is:

Valerio Wolfgang Ortwin Pallav

http://www.behindthename.com/random/


90 posted on 04/09/2010 2:06:54 PM PDT by I Hate Obama ("Sorry I had a fight in the middle of your Black Panther Party." -Forest Gump)
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To: Lucky9teen

Hallo! My name is Inigo Montoyez. You keeled my fadduh! Prepare to die!


91 posted on 04/09/2010 2:14:40 PM PDT by Ingtar (Congress: proof that Entropy trumps Evolution)
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To: r-q-tek86

Ha ha ha! I’ll get the pineapple and cherries!


92 posted on 04/09/2010 3:03:22 PM PDT by LongElegantLegs ( I have nothing better to do than sit around all night watching a lunatic not turn into a werewolf.)
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To: Ingtar

Inconceivable.


93 posted on 04/09/2010 3:55:57 PM PDT by Pan_Yan
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To: sunny48

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1391943289827740318#docid=-6860194475274224076


94 posted on 04/09/2010 5:37:27 PM PDT by mojitojoe (I don't care what you passed. you are irrelevant. I'll NEVER comply in any way. Read my lips, NEVER!)
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To: Lucky9teen

“According to the National Enquirer, Oprah’s finally out of the closet” http://is.gd/bmcci


95 posted on 04/09/2010 6:30:38 PM PDT by BigSkyFreeper ("Ked Tennedy would have been plowed... I mean, proud today..." - Senator Max Baucus (Drunk-MT))
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To: BigSkyFreeper
According to the National Enquirer, Oprah’s finally out of the closet

Geeeez, What a closet that must have been!

96 posted on 04/09/2010 6:31:51 PM PDT by Smokin' Joe (How often God must weep at humans' folly. Stand fast. God knows what He is doing.)
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To: Smokin' Joe

Bet it was a walkin-in closet about the size of my living room! LOL


97 posted on 04/09/2010 6:33:18 PM PDT by BigSkyFreeper ("Ked Tennedy would have been plowed... I mean, proud today..." - Senator Max Baucus (Drunk-MT))
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To: BigSkyFreeper

If you couldn’t play at least a half-court game in there, it must have been a squeeze.


98 posted on 04/09/2010 6:50:52 PM PDT by Smokin' Joe (How often God must weep at humans' folly. Stand fast. God knows what He is doing.)
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I think my name is pookaismydoggie but I can get onto Kate Of Spice Island on a different puter. I just don’t remember the password.

I guess my name can be FORGETFUL today.


99 posted on 04/09/2010 8:33:51 PM PDT by pookaismydog (The artist formerly known as Kate of Spice Island)
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To: pookaismydog

100. Someone had to do it.


100 posted on 04/09/2010 9:53:14 PM PDT by DaveLoneRanger (Bookmark this site, you'll like it: TheArmedCitizen.com)
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