Skip to comments.Opinions Needed-Trying to advise a friend (Vanity)
Posted on 06/14/2010 1:19:25 PM PDT by hoagy62
I need some advice for a friend of mine from my church. Since none of you know where I go or who he is, I can protect his anonymity. He doesn't know I'm doing this.
He seemed a bit upset at church this weekend, so I asked what happened. Here's what he told me: Last Tuesday, he was on Facebook. He noticed that he'd received a private message from someone he'd 'friended' about a month earlier. This woman was a high-school acquaintance, one of several he's added to his friend list in anticipation of his 30-year high school reunion coming this summer.
Anyway, this message said "What did you do to my little sister at your dad's lake cabin?" He thought about it...the sister in question was about 12 at the time and he was 16 or 17. Her mom and his dad worked together for the city and his dad invited them out to the cabin for a day during his vacation. My friend asked back "What are you talking about?" According to this woman, her sister just recently revealed to her that she remembers this guy (my friend) trying to get him to touch his genitals. He told me that he does remember that she was AT the lake cabin, but he has no recollection of this incident. He does remember that they swam together and that there was a lot of splashing, but NOTHING like what this woman is accusing him of.
The conversation went from messages to chat (she initiated it) and they spent the next half-hour or so going back and forth...him denying any knowledge of the incident, and her calling him a liar and a pervert an saying that if she'd have found this out back in high school, he'd have been dead. During the course of the conversation, she'd said that the sister did tell her mother about the incident, and the mother told her to 'let it go', whether because she didn't think anything of it, or for other reasons, he doesn't know. WHY this was brought up NOW, my friend has no idea. The conversation ended with him saying that IF anything happened...and if it did it was totally unintentional...that he was sorry for her BUT that he didn't do anything, and with her saying that he's lucky that she has love and respect for his dad. There have been no further contacts.
Some things to know about my friend-he's happily married, has kids, and had been a Christian for over 20 years. He said that he brought his wife in as soon as the accusation was made, and she sat there with him and saw the conversation. She got on her laptop and looked up the law in our state. Apparently, the statute of limitations expired YEARS ago for that kind of incident, so no charges could be filed. He swears to me that there was NO rape or intercourse.
What he's afraid of is a lawsuit where this woman would try to extract money from him. I'm thinking that for something that happened more than 30 years ago and with no physical evidence save for her word against his...that's not something a court would even consider. His wife believes him that nothing happened. He also went to one of our pastors and relayed the same story. The pastor said that something he learned in psychology (a degree he's working for right now) if a person replays an incident over and over in their mind the way they THOUGHT it went, even if that was NOT what happened, they convince themselves that THEIR perception of what happened is the truth.
My question for you, my fellow FReepers is: Should this guy worry? Should he lawyer up in preparation for a possible lawsuit? (According to him, the woman gave no indication that any reparations or damages were being considered...for what it's worth.)
My friend is an upstanding guy and he's really upset that this accusation was made.
I think its meaningless if its nothing more than an accusation. If he thinks police will get involved he should retain an attorney and be prepared.
Wouldn't sweat it. That's not a threat of a lawsuit. Statute of limitations would apply. Sounds more like a threat of extortion.
Go to Dailykos. They probably care about this crap.
If the statute of limitations is long-expired, WHY would the police get involved on something that happened 30+ years ago? If a murder was involved, yes...but this?
This is very true.
I think if your friend has had a clean life and has had no criminal or civil complaints against him, it be rather hard to prove something like that. I hope the sister doesn't keep haggling him about it.
Never chat or answer private messages on Facebook.
Statute of limitations. He said, she said. Nothing to look at here. If a law suit were to be brought it would have to be by the injured party (not the sister). I doubt there’s anything to worry about here.
He should pray for forgiveness for what he might have done. Having been molested by more than one uncle during my very young years, I can tell you that I never said a word to my parents (because I was told not to), and I never forgot what happened—but not the details. I have in the past few years (I’m now 57) told a couple of my sisters what happened. This woman may have gone through similar trauma and has only recently shared the experience with her sister. Maybe he was inebriated when he did it. I’m not accusing him, but this is very believable to me. I wouldn’t hire an attorney. She probably doesn’t want the publicity and nothing can be proved at this point.
Aren’t you just a ray of compassion...
There’s a reason why there’s a statute of limitations.
Memories are notoriously dicey; sometimes they are even coerced.
The actual offense the woman said your friend committed also has me confused. The woman says he TRIED to touch her sister inappropriately? So this is a second-hand story about an incident where there was not even any actual contact?
Sounds like this woman is a bit of a nut if this is on her mind 30 years later. I’d advise your friend to skip the reunion, though. This woman might be the type to make an over-the-top scene of some kind.
What do you think?
I think you need to ask the admin mods to send this thread into the cornfield.
Sounds like extortion.....but it IS another reason why I will never have a social networking account. Not if you ever want a decent job in your future.
I’ve known him for quite a while. Very clean life. He says that going to the class reunion is now out of the question, since he’s fairly sure the older sister will be there.
Do not communicate with the woman - at all. Block her from face page and chat. She can be sued for extortion or slander so she should watch her nasty self. Sounds like demented fishing to me.
Also, how do you know that that crazee weird broad isn't going to find THIS discussion and taunt him some more with it????
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