Skip to comments.7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail (Quickly)
Posted on 08/17/2010 7:11:55 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows
Let's pretend for a moment that zombies are real (as if half of you weren't already daydreaming about that very thing). Have you noticed how most zombie movies take place only after the apocalypse is in full-swing? By the time we join our survivors, the military and government are already wiped out, and none of the streets are safe.
There's a reason the movie starts there, and not earlier. It's because the early part, where we go from one zombie to millions, doesn't make any sense. If you let the creeping buzzkill of logic into the zombie party, you realize the zombies would all be re-dead long before you even got a chance to fire up that chainsaw motorcycle you've been working on. Why?
[WARNING: Strong language!]
(Excerpt) Read more at cracked.com ...
World War Z...
I guess that I can sell off some of my excessive gear.
Bring em on.
The last zombie outbreak I witnessed was in early November, 2008...
Not as many fresh, living brains as there used to be.
And always check the back seat.
Just sent this to my daughter.
Hey, she lives in New York.
I find the “28 Days Later” scenario much more plausible. Crazed infected people also don’t suffer from the tortured explanations people come up with for the walking dead.
“Really, even if zombies existed right now, the whole concept of a zombie apocalypse is just laughable. Now robots, on the other hand...”
I knew it. But everyone knows the proper terminology is “cybernetic organisms” not “robots”.
The book World War Z explained how the Solanum (zombie) virus made the tissue toxic to animals and thus wasn’t consumed.
That one ought to end in 70-odd days.
And a lot of the ones that are left seem to be past their sell-by date.
Where was this guy? ComicCon?
Oooh, target-rich environment!
Damnit. I was hoping one day to team up with Alice and do some "Zombie hunting".
RE: Your Brains (a fun song about (DU?)zombies)
Is there a new “Alice” movie coming out this year?
I have a dream where a mutant virus gets loose that turns a bunch of people into zombie clowns. I’ll take refuge in a mall that has a fully functioning food court. Then I’ll get up on the roof armed with a sniper rifle, gyros, lemon juliuses and Copenhagen. Naturally I’d kill the last zombie clown before college football season kicked off. MLK had a better dream but I’d like to think this one makes the Top 10.
Does this mean I can’t sell future stock options for my Soylent Green “zombie catchers”?
Man has gotta make a buck or two, I got 6 grandchildren to feed!
If the premise in Stephen King’s “Cell” were to work, zombies would outnumber non-zombies in no time.
Out in a month. Trailer looks great in full HD. The movie was filmed with the same 3D camera technology that Avatar was filmed with. I’ll pay to see it in theaters. Should be fun to watch.
¨Kill the brain and you kill the ghoul.¨
**Sob*** They’re right. There’s no chance for WWZ. I’m selling my zombie kit to the first sucker who comes along.
Cracked used to be a magazine the last I heard. Thanks for the ping. It’s nice to be reacquainted with an old friend.
Every few months or so I have a zombie dream. Always different in details but always with a sea of zombies attacking me and a small group. We are safe (kind of) on our side of an impassible region but there is a bridge or a staircase where they keep coming and coming 3 or so side by side. We have a barrel full of guns and we shoot until the gun gets hot and grab another. Over and over and over. But they keep coming. After a half hour or so the dream just ends.
And in my zombie dreams I’m not scared, just manic and frustrated. I blow them up with shotguns but they keep coming! SOBs. I hate zombies.
Go play some L4D, that will help the dreams :)
Googled L4D. Sounds like a fun video game. But I think that will cause more zombie dreams except instead of dozens of helpers I will be limited to 4, and the zombies will make it across the bridge!
Yea it’s a really fun game. Can be VERY intense. Especially it’s sequel, they really ratcheted it up in that one.
Another upside is that it uses a 7 yr old engine so most computers can play it!
You’re welcome, and try ebay.
Very observant of you.
Beware of "zombie ants"!
'Zombie ants' controlled by parasitic fungus for 48m years (Guardian ^ | August 18th 2010 | Ian Sample)
Then explain November 2008.
EVERYBODY knows that all the bodies from all the cemeteries and morgues all come out at once, making them plentiful and universal.
Get a zombie clue.
#7.They Have Too Many Natural Predators - World War Z and the Zombie Survival Guide point out that the reanimating component (Solanum virus) makes the host inedible, and fundamentally alters cellular biology in the host.
#6.They Can't Take the Heat - see #7, altered biology.
#6.They Can't Handle the Cold - see #7 and think "cellular anti-freeze"
#5.Biting is a Terrible Way to Spread a Disease - Read "The Walking Dead". The disease effect or whatever it is is already present. The bite just causes death and reanimation more quickly.
#3.They Can't Heal from Day to Day Damage - yeah, but they also don't suffer catastrophic system failure from localized damage, either. See #7
#2.The Landscape is Full of Zombie-Proof Barriers - Again, the assumption that bites are the only way for the disease effect to transmit is incorrect. If it is airborne, or even some sort of strange energy field effect, it can manifest instantly everywhere. Also, these barriers work against any survivors who are probably devoid of most travel technology, at least over the long term.
#1.Weapons and the People Who Use Them - this is basically the assertion than human beings are fully-armed killing machines with a thin leash, and they would wipe out a plague of parasitic human being who look like loved ones, and should apparently react to reason and love with compassion and non-homicidal understanding.
I point to the species Democratus Americanus as all the proof I need that we would allow ourselves to be systematically over-run by a parasitic sub-species of the living-dead, instead of exterminating them as logic dictates.
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