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7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail (Quickly)
Cracked.com ^ | Aug 17, 2010 | David Dietle

Posted on 08/17/2010 7:11:55 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows

Let's pretend for a moment that zombies are real (as if half of you weren't already daydreaming about that very thing). Have you noticed how most zombie movies take place only after the apocalypse is in full-swing? By the time we join our survivors, the military and government are already wiped out, and none of the streets are safe.

There's a reason the movie starts there, and not earlier. It's because the early part, where we go from one zombie to millions, doesn't make any sense. If you let the creeping buzzkill of logic into the zombie party, you realize the zombies would all be re-dead long before you even got a chance to fire up that chainsaw motorcycle you've been working on. Why?

[WARNING: Strong language!]

(Excerpt) Read more at cracked.com ...


TOPICS: Humor; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: napl; zombie; zombies
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41 posted on 08/18/2010 7:51:55 AM PDT by Maverick68
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To: Slings and Arrows; JoeProBono
Well, that's a load off my mind.

Beware of "zombie ants"!

'Zombie ants' controlled by parasitic fungus for 48m years (Guardian ^ | August 18th 2010 | Ian Sample)

42 posted on 08/18/2010 11:45:49 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (Those who support the construction of the WTC mosque oppose Christian missionaries working abroad.)
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To: Slings and Arrows
There's a reason the movie starts there, and not earlier. It's because the early part, where we go from one zombie to millions, doesn't make any sense.

Then explain November 2008.

43 posted on 08/18/2010 11:53:59 AM PDT by kevao
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To: Slings and Arrows
It's because the early part, where we go from one zombie to millions, doesn't make any sense.

EVERYBODY knows that all the bodies from all the cemeteries and morgues all come out at once, making them plentiful and universal.

Get a zombie clue.

Harumph.

44 posted on 08/18/2010 11:57:28 AM PDT by paulycy (Demand Constitutionality Now: Islamo-Marxism is Evil.)
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To: RandallFlagg; All
This list is pathetic. Makes me glad I am fully prepared for WWZ. Examples of fail:

#7.They Have Too Many Natural Predators - World War Z and the Zombie Survival Guide point out that the reanimating component (Solanum virus) makes the host inedible, and fundamentally alters cellular biology in the host.

#6.They Can't Take the Heat - see #7, altered biology.

#6.They Can't Handle the Cold - see #7 and think "cellular anti-freeze"

#5.Biting is a Terrible Way to Spread a Disease - Read "The Walking Dead". The disease effect or whatever it is is already present. The bite just causes death and reanimation more quickly.

#3.They Can't Heal from Day to Day Damage - yeah, but they also don't suffer catastrophic system failure from localized damage, either. See #7

#2.The Landscape is Full of Zombie-Proof Barriers - Again, the assumption that bites are the only way for the disease effect to transmit is incorrect. If it is airborne, or even some sort of strange energy field effect, it can manifest instantly everywhere. Also, these barriers work against any survivors who are probably devoid of most travel technology, at least over the long term.

#1.Weapons and the People Who Use Them - this is basically the assertion than human beings are fully-armed killing machines with a thin leash, and they would wipe out a plague of parasitic human being who look like loved ones, and should apparently react to reason and love with compassion and non-homicidal understanding.

I point to the species Democratus Americanus as all the proof I need that we would allow ourselves to be systematically over-run by a parasitic sub-species of the living-dead, instead of exterminating them as logic dictates.


Frowning takes 68 muscles.
Smiling takes 6.
Pulling this trigger takes 2.
I'm lazy.

45 posted on 08/18/2010 12:31:02 PM PDT by The Comedian (Evil can only succeed if good men don't point at it and laugh.)
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To: Slings and Arrows

http://xkcd.com/734/


46 posted on 08/18/2010 1:54:41 PM PDT by tarawa
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To: The Comedian; RandallFlagg
I got 20 reasons Zombies won't survive long, then I'll reload:


47 posted on 08/19/2010 3:42:11 AM PDT by CholeraJoe ("Tiny Tim. What a waste of a perfectly good crutch." A.A. Gill)
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