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THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD

Posted on 09/10/2010 6:17:24 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

Last month, a survey was conducted by the U.N. worldwide. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a HUGE failure.


 

A five-year UN study has reported that western democracies are the worst place any human being could ever possibly want to live in.

The director of the Why The West Sucks committee, Lee Chen, stated: "We based our report on a very simple criteria. We take the most perfect idealistic environment and see how the so-called western democracies measure up. Not surprisingly, they were not even close."

The reports points out many glaring examples of how the western democracies are "living hellholes."
People are in prison. If everything was perfect no one would be in prison.

People are sometimes sad. If everything was perfect no one would be sad.

People get angry at other people. If everything was perfect no one would be mad.

Most shockingly, each country contains large numbers of citizens that criticize the current government. Syrian observer Hassam Assad was astonished: "Clearly if people are openly criticizing their own government within the country itself things must be bordering on the edge of anarchy. I know back home no one ever criticizes my uncle. The reason why is obvious: his rule is perfect."

To complete the report, WTWS committee members - who hail from many diverse and open minded countries including China, Burma, Libya and Syria - spent five long and arduous years in the world's finest hotels eating the best in food and drink the earth can offer. At a total cost of $2.4 billion, the report is one of the most comprehensive ever completed.

The WTWS is eagerly preparing its next report which will cover worldwide pornography and strip clubs. It is also expected to take five years. Early indications are that western society is disgusting and sinful.


 

How bad is the economy, really?

The economy is so bad that African television stations are showing 'Sponsor an American Child' commercials!

The economy is so bad, a picture is now only worth 200 words.

It's so bad, Snoop Dogg had to start eating regular brownies. 

The economy is so bad, I saw the CEO of Wal-Mart shopping at Wal-Mart.

The economy is so bad, I went to my bank the other day and the teller handed me a note saying, "This is a robbery!"

The economy is so bad, George W. Bush appeared in a flight suit and declared economic recovery was complete.

The economy is so bad, Bill Gates had to switch to dial up.


The economy is so bad, Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

The economy is so bad, Dr. Seuss rose from the grave to write a new book: Green Eggs and Spam.

The economy is so bad that I went to my bank to get a loan, they said, "What a coincidence! That's just what we were going to ask you!"

The economy is so bad, rapper 50 Cent had to change his name to 10 Cent.
The economy is so bad, Barack Obama changed his slogan to "Maybe We Can!"

The economy is so bad, my ATM gave me an IOU!

The economy is so bad that the highest-paying job in town is jury duty.

The economy is so bad I saw a man in Costco buying one roll of toilet paper.

The economy is so bad that I saw a van full of legal immigrants illegally crossing the border to Mexico.

The economy is so bad, I became a Pastafarian hoping that a meatball will appear to me.

The economy is so bad that parents in Bevery Hills are considering raising their own children.

The economy is so bad that even people who aren't in Barack Obama's cabinet aren't paying taxes.


The economy is so bad I saw a polygamist with only one wife.

The economy is so bad that I saw someone using the sun to get a tan! 

The economy is so bad that wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.

The economy is so bad, I saw four CEOs playing miniature golf.

The economy is so bad, Hot Wheels stock is trading higher than GM.

The economy is so bad, Obama met with three small businesses to discuss his Stimulus Plan: GM, Pfizer, and Citigroup.

It's so bad, McDonalds is introducing the 1/4-Ouncer.

The economy's so bad, Exxon-Mobil  laid off 25 Congressmen.

The economy is so bad, mothers in Ethiopia are telling their children, "Finish your meal! Don't you know there are starving children in the US?"

The economy is so bad, that a prostitute asked me if she could borrow $20 until she can get back on her back.

It's so bad, a stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

The economy is so bad, that Martha Stewart did a show on creative uses for food stamps.

The economy is so bad, Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

The economy is so bad, my sister had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

The economy is so bad, that I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank.

It's so bad, I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

The economy is so bad, hobos in Beverly Hills now have to drink tap water.

The economy is so bad, Barack Obama unveiled his plan to close Guantanamo Bay for good: He's turning it into a bank!

The economy is so bad, that the White House turkey turned down his Thanksgiving pardon-- all his wealth was in stocks, and he has nothing to live for.

The economy is so bad, Sarah Palin is only shooting moose for food, not for fun.

It's so bad, I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

The economy is so bad, my niece told me she wants to dress up as a 401-K for Halloween so that she can turn invisible.

The economy is so bad, that instead of a coin toss at the beginning of the Super Bowl, they played "Rock, Paper, Scissors."

The economy is so bad that Roy's tigers are now eating him out of necessity.

The economy is so bad, the Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

It's so bad, they built an Indian reservation on a casino.

The economy is so bad, people are standing behind George Bush wherever he goes hoping for free shoes.

The economy is so bad, Michael Phelps has to share a bong.

The economy is so bad that when Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The economy is so bad, a certain celebutante changed her name to "Paris Holiday Inn."

The economy is so bad, Malia and Sasha Obama started a lemonade stand to raise money for bailouts.

It's so bad, the Lone Ranger sold his silver bullets on Ebay.

The economy is so bad that 7 of 10 houses on Sesame Street are in foreclosure.

The economy is so bad that the only company hiring this week is the one that sends people to scrape bankers off the sidewalk on Wall Street.

It's so bad, they renamed Wall Street "Wal-Mart Street."

The economy is so bad, Angelina had to adopt a highway.



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: ofst; recovery; silliness; stimulus
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To: fredhead






51 posted on 09/10/2010 8:22:34 AM PDT by MissTed (My dogs have more integrity then my President)
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To: r-q-tek86

52 posted on 09/10/2010 8:25:17 AM PDT by Daffynition ("Life Imitates Bacon, but Bacon does not imitate Life. Bacon IS life." ~paulycy)
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To: Lucky9teen

53 posted on 09/10/2010 8:25:39 AM PDT by Mr. Silverback (Anyone who says we need illegals to do the jobs Americans won't do has never watched "Dirty Jobs.")
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To: Lucky9teen

54 posted on 09/10/2010 8:27:40 AM PDT by Mr. Silverback (Anyone who says we need illegals to do the jobs Americans won't do has never watched "Dirty Jobs.")
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To: Mr. Silverback; Lucky9teen
Yeah. Who cares?


55 posted on 09/10/2010 8:27:48 AM PDT by Daffynition ("Life Imitates Bacon, but Bacon does not imitate Life. Bacon IS life." ~paulycy)
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To: Lucky9teen

56 posted on 09/10/2010 8:29:15 AM PDT by Mr. Silverback (Anyone who says we need illegals to do the jobs Americans won't do has never watched "Dirty Jobs.")
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To: workerbee

57 posted on 09/10/2010 8:30:11 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This post is not a statement of fact. It is merely a personal opinion -- or humor -- or both.)
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To: Lucky9teen

58 posted on 09/10/2010 8:30:42 AM PDT by Mr. Silverback (Anyone who says we need illegals to do the jobs Americans won't do has never watched "Dirty Jobs.")
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To: gimme1ibertee

59 posted on 09/10/2010 8:36:56 AM PDT by Lady Jag (Double your income... Fire the government)
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To: Lady Jag

LOLOLOL!


60 posted on 09/10/2010 8:37:34 AM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: wyokostur

Ewwwwww!


61 posted on 09/10/2010 8:38:10 AM PDT by Mr. Silverback (Anyone who says we need illegals to do the jobs Americans won't do has never watched "Dirty Jobs.")
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To: Lady Jag

62 posted on 09/10/2010 9:00:10 AM PDT by MissTed (My dogs have more integrity then my President)
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To: Daffynition
obamafinger2
63 posted on 09/10/2010 9:01:12 AM PDT by Nateman (If liberals are not screaming you are doing it wrong!)
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To: workerbee

I hope you’re talking about coffee...


64 posted on 09/10/2010 9:01:20 AM PDT by Zeppelin (Keep on FReepin' on...)
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To: Nateman
Oh! HAHAHA!


65 posted on 09/10/2010 9:03:21 AM PDT by Daffynition ("Life Imitates Bacon, but Bacon does not imitate Life. Bacon IS life." ~paulycy)
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To: Nateman

66 posted on 09/10/2010 9:06:10 AM PDT by Nateman (If liberals are not screaming you are doing it wrong!)
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To: Nateman
Superfubo (Not for the easily offended!)
67 posted on 09/10/2010 9:14:42 AM PDT by Nateman (If liberals are not screaming you are doing it wrong!)
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To: Nateman
TheLeader
68 posted on 09/10/2010 9:16:00 AM PDT by Nateman (If liberals are not screaming you are doing it wrong!)
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To: Nateman
clockzero

It's appeasement time!

69 posted on 09/10/2010 9:18:44 AM PDT by Nateman (If liberals are not screaming you are doing it wrong!)
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To: Nateman
novemberfools
70 posted on 09/10/2010 9:21:34 AM PDT by Nateman (If liberals are not screaming you are doing it wrong!)
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To: MissTed
change
71 posted on 09/10/2010 9:25:01 AM PDT by Nateman (If liberals are not screaming you are doing it wrong!)
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To: Nateman

72 posted on 09/10/2010 9:25:31 AM PDT by Nateman (If liberals are not screaming you are doing it wrong!)
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To: Nateman

73 posted on 09/10/2010 9:28:49 AM PDT by Nateman (If liberals are not screaming you are doing it wrong!)
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To: Nateman

74 posted on 09/10/2010 9:30:47 AM PDT by Nateman (If liberals are not screaming you are doing it wrong!)
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To: Nateman

75 posted on 09/10/2010 9:33:41 AM PDT by Nateman (If liberals are not screaming you are doing it wrong!)
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To: Nateman

76 posted on 09/10/2010 9:35:27 AM PDT by Nateman (If liberals are not screaming you are doing it wrong!)
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To: Nateman
submissiontozero
77 posted on 09/10/2010 9:38:08 AM PDT by Nateman (If liberals are not screaming you are doing it wrong!)
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To: Nateman
loonygoons
78 posted on 09/10/2010 9:42:17 AM PDT by Nateman (If liberals are not screaming you are doing it wrong!)
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To: Lady Jag

ROTFL!!! Another Leftist TeaParty!


79 posted on 09/10/2010 9:49:20 AM PDT by gimme1ibertee ("In a time of universal deceit,telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act"-George Orwell)
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To: workerbee

Well it’s good to see that Obama at least personally takes her outside to go potty. Why is he bringing the dog along though?


80 posted on 09/10/2010 9:51:20 AM PDT by CougarGA7 (It take a village to raise an idiot.)
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To: workerbee

81 posted on 09/10/2010 9:55:50 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (The "Summer of Recovery" is soon to be followed by the "Fall of America")
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To: CougarGA7

Bad FReeper. No soup for you!


82 posted on 09/10/2010 10:00:17 AM PDT by workerbee (FAIL, BABY, FAIL!)
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To: MissTed

83 posted on 09/10/2010 10:04:35 AM PDT by Lady Jag (Double your income... Fire the government)
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To: workerbee

You know, now that I think about it, by using the word “dog” there is still two ways you can look at my post.


84 posted on 09/10/2010 10:09:09 AM PDT by CougarGA7 (It take a village to raise an idiot.)
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To: Lady Jag
Yowza! How about a nice melon to the kisser!


85 posted on 09/10/2010 10:12:46 AM PDT by MissTed (My dogs have more integrity then my President)
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To: Lucky9teen

lol!


86 posted on 09/10/2010 10:14:32 AM PDT by KC_Conspirator
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To: Lucky9teen

Came across some good, sound advice for us ladies...Charm and composure must prevail at all times. If a gunfight erupts, exit the scene with grace and serenity.


87 posted on 09/10/2010 10:45:36 AM PDT by wyokostur
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To: Lucky9teen

88 posted on 09/10/2010 10:52:10 AM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: workerbee; Nateman; quantim

89 posted on 09/10/2010 11:00:17 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (Barack attended the church of GD America for 20 years. He has NO room to speak out on religion.)
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To: Lucky9teen
I Move Around - Lee Hazlewood

I've seen a Matador in Barcelona cry
I've seen old Singapore, the bridge on River Kwai
I've seen the Mardi Gras, and been in one horse town
Since I saw you with him, I move, I move around
I move around
I move around


90 posted on 09/10/2010 11:03:31 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (Barack attended the church of GD America for 20 years. He has NO room to speak out on religion.)
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To: Logic n' Reason

Also works with Yankees.


91 posted on 09/10/2010 11:06:17 AM PDT by upchuck (If we let the federal gvmnt live beyond its means, we will soon have to live below ours. ~Joe Miller)
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To: Nateman

All of those are great


92 posted on 09/10/2010 11:37:33 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (Barack attended the church of GD America for 20 years. He has NO room to speak out on religion.)
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To: Lucky9teen

93 posted on 09/10/2010 11:48:04 AM PDT by davidlachnicht ("IF WE ARE ALL TO BE TARGETS, THEN WE ALL MUST BE SOLDIERS.")
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To: martin_fierro

Must have smoked the peels, not eaten the fruit...


94 posted on 09/10/2010 12:25:00 PM PDT by IYAS9YAS (Liberalism can be summed up thusly: someone craps their pants and we all have to wear diapers)
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To: MissTed
Did you see that whole video online. It appears all she got was a headache.

And a face lift.


95 posted on 09/10/2010 12:44:56 PM PDT by Lady Jag (Double your income... Fire the government)
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To: MissTed

Worst scare of my life was when the toast popped up while I was dealing a hand of Solitare!

LOL!


96 posted on 09/10/2010 12:58:28 PM PDT by Monkey Face (The Big Bang Theory: God spoke and BANG! It was done.)
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To: MissTed

THAT made my day! Thanks!!!


97 posted on 09/10/2010 1:02:26 PM PDT by Monkey Face (The Big Bang Theory: God spoke and BANG! It was done.)
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To: stephenjohnbanker

‘Face really needed the laughs today, for sure!!

:oþ


98 posted on 09/10/2010 1:04:34 PM PDT by Monkey Face (The Big Bang Theory: God spoke and BANG! It was done.)
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To: dragonblustar
The next carp CRAP czar?

There. Fixed it.

99 posted on 09/10/2010 1:07:52 PM PDT by Monkey Face (The Big Bang Theory: God spoke and BANG! It was done.)
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To: Monkey Face

100?


100 posted on 09/10/2010 1:08:44 PM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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