The God of Cake [Hilarious; w/comix]

Hyperbole-And-A-Half ^ | 10/13/10 | Allie

[Slings and Arrows]

My mom baked the most fantastic cake for my grandfather's 73rd birthday party. The cake was slathered in impossibly thick frosting and topped with an assortment of delightful creatures which my mom crafted out of mini-marshmallows and toothpicks. To a four-year-old child, it was a thing of wonder - half toy, half cake and all glorious possibility.

But my mom knew that it was extremely important to keep the cake away from me because she knew that if I was allowed even a tiny amount of sugar, not only would I become intensely hyperactive, but the entire scope of my existence would funnel down to the singular goal of obtaining and ingesting more sugar. My need for sugar would become so massive, that it would collapse in upon itself and create a vacuum into which even more sugar would be drawn until all the world had been stripped of sweetness.

[70times7]

This little story is unfathomable to me - in our family that kid would have been punished way before the box in front of the fridge!

Same here. Anyone else notice what is missing from the story? One of the phrases my father used was: "you want to cry? I'll give you something to cry about." And he would, too.

I have carried on that tradition with my kids, minus the ass whoopings. "you can either stop crying and be quiet right now or go to your room. If you will not stop or go to your room I will drag you there."

I have never had to go up more than 3 stairs (while grasping an ankle) before surrender. Once any one of my kids had experienced being moved toward their room, nothing beyond words was needed again.

[downwdims]

I can’t wait till Portal 2 comes out for sure. The first one was one of the most innovative concepts in a long time, and judging by the E3 stuff, the second one looks pretty kick a as well.

[Vor Lady]

I’ve never played it; but my three teen sons are hard core and waiting for the sequel. I only know about the cake from the Portal song, which my kids play on Rock Band. My daughter can do the voice of the computer perfectly; even made a funny recording for her voice mail.

[martin_fierro]

[Manic_Episode]

One whack and the cake would have been safe and there would not be a story to write about.

[TheOldLady]

Cake... sigh...

I can make a low-carb cake out of almond meal that tastes a lot like vanilla cake.

A lot like... sigh...

[To Hell With Poverty]

Who wrote that? I’d like to meet her so I could beat her senseless.

[Lazamataz]

Personally, I feel it is a good argument for universal nuclear annihilation.

[FourPeas]

I think the last lines of defiance say it all.

It had potential, but failed miserably.

I pity her employer.

[Apple Pan Dowdy]

All of you who said this was not realistic and that she should have been disciplined by parents........

Look at the name of her blog.... "Hyperbole"

Hyperboles are figures of speech that are exaggerated in order to create emphasis or effect. Hyperbole is a literary device often used in poetry, and is frequently encountered in casual speech. An example of hyperbole is: "The bag weighed a ton". Hyperbole helps to make the point that the bag was very heavy although it is not probable that it would actually weigh a ton.

So lighten up a bit and just enjoy the humor here! She is hilarious!

[RandallFlagg]

[downwdims]

Pie>Cake

[Lady Jag]

That's the sweetest thing I've seen in a dog's age.

The Cake God, however, was cursed forever:

[Titan Magroyne]

"IMO, what makes it funny is not the story so much as the cartoons. That, and the fact that the protagonist reminds me of some dogs I’ve known."

---

Oh gawd. Now that you mention it --

My laborador retriever... ...the cat's litterbox.

[The Grammarian]

I’ve been meaning to play that game. Any idea if there’s a freeware out?

Not to my knowledge. You can get it for about $20 on Steam, or $30 as part of the Orange Box, which comes with a couple other games to boot (including Half-Life 2, HL2 Episodes 1 & 2, Portal, and Team Fortress 2).

There's a free demo on Steam, though.

And the ending is all over Youtube.

[Slings and Arrows]

OK, thanks - gonna see if I can scare up a copy.

[Slings and Arrows]

He’d be better off with an oven.

[Slings and Arrows]

Bingo.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

Surprisingly, this tactic did not garner much sympathy.

Parents are so heartless!

Now I want cake. I wonder what I have in the pantry....