Skip to comments.$~$~$~THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD~$~$~$
Posted on 04/08/2011 5:59:12 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Anyway, heres what to expect from a government shutdown:
* All legislators will now have to find real jobs, but there are few places that consider voting yes and no on lots of stuff as qualifying experience and certainly they wont be $200,000 a year for that.
* If you were dependent on any sort of welfare from the federal government, youre probably gonna die. Sorry!
* With no federal government, there wont be any enforced rules of engagement for troops overseas. In fact, you guys are just basically wandering ronin now. So if you see someone you think needs a killin, just go ahead and shoot him.
* Obama will end up on the side of the road with a sign saying, Will make impotent proclamations for food.
* Federal prisons will shut down and all the prisoners will escape. Theyll probably have an easier time finding gainful employment than the legislators.
* U.S. currency will no longer be supported, so youll need to get your money in something that will last the government shutdown such as Facebook credits.
* Without the federal government, each state will now become an independent country. If your state wants to invade Kentucky and steal all its gold, you better be quick about it because I bet a lot of other states have the same idea.
* Without a big federal government to push everyone around, liberals wont know what to do with themselves and will all die off during the winter. Too bad winter is about over so it will be a while until that happens.
* There will be no federal enforcement of borders, so it will be up to the states now without any outside interference. That means you can finally build that fence to keep Californians out.
* The U.S. Postal service will shutdown, which means youll only be able to use Netflix instant streaming as theyll no longer be able to get you DVDs. If the post office shutting down affects you in any other way, then come on; get with this century, people.
* You know that guy who always yells at you when you try to climb the statue of Abraham Lincoln, well he aint gonna be there no more so no one is going to stop me!
Some people will then plot on how to get the federal government running again, but I think thats pretty wrong-headed. Eventually, we should adjust just fine to no federal government and probably be better off in the long run. A federal government seemed like an interesting idea, but it was just unworkable. Well, lets just dust off those Articles of Confederation and give those a try again.
So who has a truck and can help me steal a T-Rex from the Smithsonian?
Why let bickering politicians be the only ones to control the government? Youve got gripes, too! Now you can get your own Government Shutdown Switch and issue your own threats. The Government Shutdown Switch connects easily to the Washington power grid online from anywhere, and controls the entire Federal government including Congress, the Senate, the White House, and all Federal agencies. Simply throw the switch until you hear a click, and all government activity will come to an immediate stop. That includes all Federal funding even previously unstoppable entitlement programs like Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid, as well as all military spending. Youll have the government right where you want it! Congress, the Senate and the President will do anything to see that your demands are met like better mail service, more Federal holidays, lower taxes, and straightening out that property dispute with your screwy neighbor just to get the government running again. Youll have the upper hand because youll still have your Government Shutdown Switch, and can pull the same stunt over and over!
Government Shutdown Switch, $199.95
Monkeys are soo disgusting....
“$~$~$~THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD~$~$~$”
Myself, I prefer the term, “Big Sh!tty Friday”
Wow! You both made my day! Four minutes after my post, and I have not one but two responses! Thanks!
That’s about what (BSF) it is for me. I work for the Navy, soooooooo..........unpaid vacation (furlough) if no signing.
These buttheads have had SIX MONTHS to get this done. The Dems shouldn’t blame the Pubs, half of that time the Dems were still in control.
Just hit it with a wire brush - it’ll be alright.
Remember that liberals will be changing their light bulbs from the round types to the mercury-filled curly-type -- and do not walk under their ladders.
A little WD-40 will take care of that.
Don’t think there’s enough material there to turn those rotors. Might have to replace them.
Nah—she’s still got a few more miles left in them.
Not real funny but anyway
A woman, married three times, walked
into a bridal shop one day and told the
sales clerk that she was looking for a
wedding gown for her fourth wedding.
“Of course, madam,” replied the sales
clerk, “exactly what type and color are
you looking for?”
The bride-to-be said: “A long frilly
white dress with a veil.”
The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then
said, “Please don’t take this the wrong
way, but gowns of that nature are
considered more appropriate for brides
who are being married the first time -
for those who are a bit more innocent,
if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory
or sky blue would be nice?”
“Well,” replied the customer, a little
peeved at the clerk’s directness, “I
can assure you that a white gown would
be quite appropriate. Believe it or not,
despite all my marriages, I remain as
innocent as a first time bride.
You see, my first husband was so
excited about our wedding, he died
as we were checking into our hotel.
My second husband and I got into
such a terrible fight in the limo on
our way to our honeymoon that we
had that wedding annulled immediately
and never spoke to each other again.”
“What about your third husband?”
asked the sales clerk.
“That one was a Democrat,” said the
woman, “and every night for four years,
he just sat on the edge of the bed and
told me how good it was going to be,
but nothing ever happened..”
Nah—she’s still got a few more miles left in them.
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