He’s played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago.
One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it , “ he tells his wife , “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad , once I’ve hit the ball , I can’t see where it went.”
His wife sympathizes. As they sit down she says , “Why don’t you take my brother with you , and give it one more try?”
“That’s no good , “ sighs Arthur. “Your brother is a hundred and three years old. He can’t help.”
“He may be a hundred and three , “ says the wife , “but his eyesight is perfect.”
So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.
He tees up , takes an almighty swing and squints down the fairway.
He turns to the brother-in-law , “Did you see the ball?”
“Of course I did , “ says the brother-in-law , “I have perfect eyesight.”
“Where did it go?” asks Arthur.
“I don’t remember.”
An elderly lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant birthday
by staying overnight in one of London’s most expensive hotels.
When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for £250.00.
She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high.
“It’s a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren’t worth £250.00 for just an overnight stop
without even breakfast.”
The clerk told her that £250.00 is the ‘standard rate’ so she insisted on speaking
to the Manager.
The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced:
“The hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre which
are available for use.”
‘But I didn’t use them,” she said.
‘’Well, they are here, and you could have,” explained the Manager.
He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows
for which the hotel is famous.
“We have the best entertainers from Edinburgh, Glasgow, and Aberdeen performing here,”
the Manager said.
“But I didn’t go to any of those shows,” she said.
“Well, we have them, and you could have,” the Manager replied..
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, “But I didn’t use it!”
The Manager was unmoved, so she decided to pay, wrote a cheque and gave it to
The Manager was surprised whenhe looked at the cheque.
“But madam, this cheque is only made out for £50.00.”’
‘That’s absolutely correct. I charged you £200.00 for sleeping with me,” she replied.
“But I didn’t ! “ exclaims the very surprised Manager.
“Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have.”