things mama taught me
1. My mother taught me TO
APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
‘If you’re going to kill
each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning.’
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
‘You better pray that will
come out of the carpet.’
3. My mother taught me about TIME
TRAVEL.
‘If you don’t straighten
up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next
week!’
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
‘Because I said so,
that’s why.’
5. My mother taught me MORE
LOGIC.
‘If you fall out of that
swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store
with me.’
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
‘Make sure you wear clean
underwear, in case you’re in an accident.’
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
‘Keep crying, and I’ll
give you something to cry about.’
8. My mother taught me about the
science of OSMOSIS.
‘Shut your mouth and eat your
supper.’
9. My mother taught me about
CONTORTIONISM.
‘Will you look at that dirt
on the back of your neck!’
10. My mother taught me about
STAMINA.
‘You’ll sit there until
all that spinach is gone.’
11. My mother taught me about
WEATHER.
‘This room of yours looks as
if a tornado went through it.’
12. My mother taught me about
HYPOCRISY.
‘If I told you once, I’ve
told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!’
13. My mother taught me the
CIRCLE OF LIFE.
‘I brought you into this
world, and I can take you out.’
14. My mother taught me about
BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
‘Stop acting like your
father!’
15. My mother taught me about
ENVY.
‘There are millions of less
fortunate children in this world who don’t
have wonderful parents like you
do.’
16. My mother taught me about
ANTICIPATION.
‘Just wait until we get
home.’
17. My mother taught me about
RECEIVING.
‘You are going to get it when
you get home!’
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL
SCIENCE.
‘If you don’t stop
crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that
way.’
19. My mother taught me ESP.
‘Put your sweater on;
don’t you think I know when you are cold?’
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
‘When that lawn mower cuts
off your toes, don’t come
running to me.’
21. My mother taught me HOW TO
BECOME AN ADULT.
‘If you don’t eat your
vegetables, you’ll never grow up.’
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
‘You’re just like your
father.’
23. My mother taught me about my
ROOTS.
‘Shut that door behind you.
Do you think you were born in a barn?’
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
‘When you get to be my age,
you’ll understand.’
25. And my favorite: my mother
taught me about JUSTICE.
‘One day you’ll have
kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!
