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If You're Not Married by 40, You're a Freak
www.cafemom.com ^ | 6/17/11 | Sashsa Brown-Worsham

Posted on 06/17/2011 7:45:25 PM PDT by chasio649

We have moved far past the time when an unmarried woman over 35 was branded an "old maid" or when unmarried men were "swinging bachelors," but after seeing the disaster of the marriage between Huma Abedin and Congressman Anthony Weiner, one does have to wonder if the old adage about men over 40 who have never been married is true. Is it a dating red flag?

There is something to be said for marriage. Being in a marriage, whether it ends or stays together, usually means you have some experience with compromise, the ability to love and be loved, and some familiarity with the concept of sharing. "Never-marrieds" on the other hand? Who knows why they're unmarried?

In asking around, it seems the cutoff age between it being cool and it being a red flag is roughly 35 for men and 40 for women.

Of course, nothing is sure-fire and there are as many extenuating circumstances as there are marriages on Earth. But it's a good rule of thumb, when dating, to recognize that a person who has reached a certain age and never had a relationship last longer than a couple months is probably harboring some issues.

Marriage? Maybe not. Maybe they don't want to get married or just don't play musical chairs all that well. There are reasons they may not have walked down the aisle, though in Weiner's case, it probably WAS a red flag. Still, most men over 40 who have had at least one or two long-term relationships that haven't worked out are still marriage material, but those who haven't even had a girlfriend? It's a problem.

We learn something with every relationship we're in. No one would argue that the older you get, the harder it is to compromise. It is. So if you marry young and you compromise together, you get used to that. Someone who has made it to 40 without having to make those compromises and learn and grow with someone would likely be much more rigid in their thinking.

Women over 30 complain all the time that there are few good guys without baggage who are over 30 out there. And it's likely true. There are some good men who stay single, but coupling off whether by marriage or just a long-term relationship is kind of the "norm." So stepping outside of that does make you a bit of a freak.

That said, it isn't fair to not give a guy a chance because of some arbitrary cutoff. There is always the exception to every "rule," right?

Do you think a man or woman over 40 who has never been married is a freak?


TOPICS: Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: serialmorons
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I was 35 before i married...right at the cutoff for this blogger.
1 posted on 06/17/2011 7:45:32 PM PDT by chasio649
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To: chasio649

“the disaster of the marriage between Huma Abedin and”

She only married to fend off the rumor that she’s Hillary’s lesbian lover.

There’s nothing really between them.


2 posted on 06/17/2011 7:47:18 PM PDT by Christian Engineer Mass (25ish Cambridge MA grad student. Many conservative Christians my age out there? __ Click my name)
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To: chasio649

Well...I was married at 21 and the marriage was over pretty much before the rice hit the ground. Raised my son alone and he is now a successful business man with a family of his own and...I’m now well over 40.

There’s alot to be said for ‘never again’. Guess I’m a freak. yeehaw


3 posted on 06/17/2011 7:48:21 PM PDT by Outlaw Woman (Banned from the Rush Limbaugh Facebook page on 06/17/2011.)
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To: chasio649

Weiner is married, over 40 and a certified FREAK so what’s the point again?


4 posted on 06/17/2011 7:48:42 PM PDT by max americana (.)
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To: chasio649

29 for me. Established in a career and able to support a family.


5 posted on 06/17/2011 7:49:07 PM PDT by saganite (What happens to taglines? Is there a termination date?)
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To: Outlaw Woman

Married at 31, divorced at 32. LOL

Just because she says so ain’t a good enough reason.


6 posted on 06/17/2011 7:49:59 PM PDT by cripplecreek (Remember the River Raisin! (look it up))
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To: chasio649

I’ve had several relationships last multiple years but didn’t get married until the tender age of 41. Fortunately we were still able to have a child and hopefully another one. Knowing what I know now I wish I would have started earlier on marriage and having children.


7 posted on 06/17/2011 7:50:33 PM PDT by posterchild
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To: Outlaw Woman

What did you do today to piss off Rush?


8 posted on 06/17/2011 7:50:45 PM PDT by saganite (What happens to taglines? Is there a termination date?)
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To: saganite

29 for me. Established in a career and able to support a family.


Yeah...up until i was 32, i didn’t have time for a serious relationship...after i built a nest, i went on the hunt.


9 posted on 06/17/2011 7:50:58 PM PDT by chasio649
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To: chasio649

I was divorced at 48 and remarried at 57. Told my middle-aged women friends who were interested in 40-50ish men who had never been married that they were wasting their time. A guy who’s not married by 35-40; there’s a reason. Outwardly, some of theses guys seemed normal; but it is not normal for a guy not to be married by then.


10 posted on 06/17/2011 7:51:42 PM PDT by SeaHawkFan
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To: SeaHawkFan

I was pretty set in my ways when i got married...it took some adjusting...but i can honestly say that i am glad that i waited till i was out of my 20’s before marriage....for me at least.


11 posted on 06/17/2011 7:54:43 PM PDT by chasio649
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To: qam1; ItsOurTimeNow; PresbyRev; Fraulein; StoneColdGOP; Clemenza; m18436572; InShanghai; xrp; ...

Xer Ping

Ping list for the discussion of the politics and social (and sometimes nostalgic) aspects that directly effects Generation Reagan / Generation-X (Those born from 1965-1981) including all the spending previous generations are doing that Gen-X and Y will end up paying for.

Freep mail me to be added or dropped. See my home page for details and previous articles.  

12 posted on 06/17/2011 7:56:52 PM PDT by qam1 (There's been a huge party. All plates and the bottles are empty, all that's left is the bill to pay)
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To: chasio649

my cousin married for the first time at age 40..his new wife, also never married, was 35.....in 12 yrs they have 11 children now....no kidding....


13 posted on 06/17/2011 7:57:06 PM PDT by cherry
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To: chasio649

cafemom.com???

What a joke


14 posted on 06/17/2011 7:57:49 PM PDT by Finalapproach29er (God humbles and (if need be) destroys the false idols of the peoples. Be patient, folks...)
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To: chasio649

Well, be prepared for a wave of such “freaks” then, because outside of religious considerations, there are precious few reasons to marry and a whole boatload of reasons not to, for men


15 posted on 06/17/2011 7:57:59 PM PDT by RegulatorCountry
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To: chasio649

I married at 35.

Fair warning from experience: if you date someone for more than 2 years without getting to “yes”, get out. Life is too short.


16 posted on 06/17/2011 7:59:52 PM PDT by ctdonath2
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To: chasio649

I am somewhere to the north of 39, never married and don’t feel like a freak. Would I like to get married? Sure. Do I have to make compromises? Of course. Most healthy people over 35 realize this.

I know several women who got married at “old maid” ages. Men too. I just watched a man who lost his wife after 40 plus years of marriage barely hold it together at the wake. They were in freakdom when they married.


17 posted on 06/17/2011 8:01:56 PM PDT by PrincessB (Drill Baby Drill.)
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To: SeaHawkFan

Some men and women have careers that require a lot of internation travel and large blocks of time away from home.
Not every potential mate wants that live style so one may have to wait until late 30’s or even early 40’s to find a spouse.


18 posted on 06/17/2011 8:02:04 PM PDT by Maine Mariner
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To: RegulatorCountry

Well, be prepared for a wave of such “freaks” then, because outside of religious considerations, there are precious few reasons to marry and a whole boatload of reasons not to, for men


I don’t personally think people are freaks...and much of what you posted, i agree.


19 posted on 06/17/2011 8:02:23 PM PDT by chasio649
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To: qam1

Gee, thanks for the reminder.


20 posted on 06/17/2011 8:03:07 PM PDT by Desdemona ( If trusting the men in the clergy was a requirement for Faith, there would be no one in the pews.)
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To: ctdonath2

I married at 35.

Fair warning from experience: if you date someone for more than 2 years without getting to “yes”, get out. Life is too short.


Now that is GREAT advice...i made the same mistake...i hung around far too long...we probably have mnay of the same experiences.


21 posted on 06/17/2011 8:03:49 PM PDT by chasio649
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To: cripplecreek

Ahh another ‘it was over before the rice hit the ground’ lol. We should start a club. :)

Nope, not remarrying (not speaking for you) was the result of a ‘lesson learned’. The only time I miss being married is when the trash needs to be taken out. nahhh j/k! lol


22 posted on 06/17/2011 8:03:49 PM PDT by Outlaw Woman (Banned from the Rush Limbaugh Facebook page on 06/17/2011.)
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To: cherry

WOW!


23 posted on 06/17/2011 8:04:31 PM PDT by chasio649
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To: chasio649
Do you think a man or woman over 40 who has never been married is a freak?

No. But then I married late in life. So did my husband. First marriage for both of us and Lord willing it will be the last for both of us as well.

24 posted on 06/17/2011 8:05:06 PM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear (Yesterday I meditated, today I seek balance. That was Zen, this is Tao.)
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To: SeaHawkFan

For me, at least, there is very little benefit to being married. I’d be competing with a lifetime of memories, to which I couldn’t measure up and having kids of my own isn’t really a possibility at this point.

As far as relationship skills go, all things can be learned by the willing.

And I used to be willing.


25 posted on 06/17/2011 8:06:54 PM PDT by Jonty30
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To: Maine Mariner

Some men and women have careers that require a lot of internation travel and large blocks of time away from home.
Not every potential mate wants that live style so one may have to wait until late 30’s or even early 40’s to find a spouse.


Yep...i dated a women like that...we got along fine..but her career came first...her choice and she wasn’t a freak.


26 posted on 06/17/2011 8:08:08 PM PDT by chasio649
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To: PrincessB

Another freak here. 41, would love to get married, just never met the right woman. Had one woman I loved, but she turned out to be crazy (which I learned before we got hitched).


27 posted on 06/17/2011 8:08:37 PM PDT by Betis70 (Bruins!)
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To: chasio649

I guess that makes me a “freak”. However; I’d rather be a “freak” who is over 40 and never married than a gal working on her 2nd, 3rd or 4th marriage.

Or one of those cougar things.


28 posted on 06/17/2011 8:08:48 PM PDT by NoGrayZone ("Islamophobia: The irrational fear of being beheaded.")
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To: saganite

I’m fairly confident it’s not Rush watching his FB page. I simply made a comment about the tea line and that his talent would be better used. Well the first comment was removed. So then I posted another and got banned.

Pretty ironic since Rush has been an icon for free speech.

Anyway, they don’t want any negative remarks at all and there have been plenty. Rush was completely on the defense today. *sigh*


29 posted on 06/17/2011 8:08:56 PM PDT by Outlaw Woman (Banned from the Rush Limbaugh Facebook page on 06/17/2011.)
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To: chasio649

I didn’t agree with the “freak” thing, either, hence the quotation marks.

The word was entered into the discussion via the title of the article in question, by the author, Ms. Hyphenated-Worsham.

A real catch, no doubt.


30 posted on 06/17/2011 8:10:31 PM PDT by RegulatorCountry
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To: chasio649

The similar saw used to be by 35; that’s what it was at the time my grandfather married my grandmother, he years beyond it, but their marriage was a faithful, happy, and lifelong one.


31 posted on 06/17/2011 8:11:24 PM PDT by OldNewYork
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To: NoGrayZone

I think we all know someone who should never marry...it’s just not for everyone.


32 posted on 06/17/2011 8:11:36 PM PDT by chasio649
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To: Outlaw Woman

Too bad they’re not listening to the peanut gallery. I turned Rush off Thursday because I got fed up with his tea party. I noticed he toned it down dramatically today. It’s bad enough he shills for his supper (Lifelock etc) during his live broadcast but running almost an hour of infomercial for his tea during his live broadcast is just too much to bear.


33 posted on 06/17/2011 8:13:55 PM PDT by saganite (What happens to taglines? Is there a termination date?)
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To: RegulatorCountry

Those hyphenated names make me grit my teeth....is that too judgemental? :D


34 posted on 06/17/2011 8:14:28 PM PDT by chasio649
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To: chasio649

I read that Huma and Weiner were happily shopping at the grodery store last night. Stocking up on supplies for their weekend getaway in the Hamptons. They seemed as happy as clams. Go figure.


35 posted on 06/17/2011 8:15:36 PM PDT by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose of a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped.)
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To: chasio649
I'm pushing 50 and am single, and I like it like that. I will never, ever get married again. I haven't dated in years, and have no interest in dating.

I did my bit, raised my kids, bought houses for 3 women that wound up hating me, and that's enough for one lifetime.

No TV in the house, get to work on my projects, no one complains about equipment testing in the middle of the kitchen. I also get to have a small house that is cheap to operate, and easy to maintain. Yard? The garden looks great, but if I had grass, I'd have to mow it, and I'd rather work on my projects.

If that's a 'freak', so be it.

Single, solvent, and sane.

/johnny

36 posted on 06/17/2011 8:17:02 PM PDT by JRandomFreeper (Gone Galt)
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To: Georgia Girl 2

I read that Huma and Weiner were happily shopping at the grodery store last night. Stocking up on supplies for their weekend getaway in the Hamptons. They seemed as happy as clams. Go figure.


They are living in an alternate universe that i can’t comprehend.


37 posted on 06/17/2011 8:17:41 PM PDT by chasio649
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To: saganite
The people posting on his FB page reminded me of ‘Oprah’ fans. It was disgusting. Calling him genius and all that bs.

He sounded defensive to me today. I suspect that we're not the only ones that were less than enthusiastic about this stupid venture.

38 posted on 06/17/2011 8:17:57 PM PDT by Outlaw Woman (Banned from the Rush Limbaugh Facebook page on 06/17/2011.)
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To: RegulatorCountry

Another journalistic triumph by Sasha Brown-Worsham: “Are Conservatives As Stupid As they Sound?”

http://www.sodahead.com/united-states/are-conservatives-as-stupid-as-they-sound/question-1843383/


39 posted on 06/17/2011 8:19:14 PM PDT by LibFreeOrDie (Obama promised a gold mine, but will give us the shaft.)
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To: SeaHawkFan

Eh, I don’t know. I married at 27 and my gorgeous, adorable younger brother stayed single. He was living in the country, where there are few single women, and working in a guy-dominated field while he took care of our aging parents. He finally got married at 43 when the folks had passed. He and his wife have been SO HAPPY. Fortunately she knows that she is the luckiest woman in the world, he worships her, and they have a wonderful life together. She’s God’s reward to him for being so good and faithful. It’s only a disappointment to them that they were too old to start a family. But they were not freaks, and their marriage is a lot happier than mine was. They just didn’t meet the right people.


40 posted on 06/17/2011 8:19:24 PM PDT by ottbmare (off-the-track Thoroughbred mare)
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To: JRandomFreeper

Single, solvent, and sane.


Much deserved!


41 posted on 06/17/2011 8:19:27 PM PDT by chasio649
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To: chasio649

I’m so set in my ways now, I don’t think I could “share” my space with another, but I never say never.

Although, I did stop dating, probably close to 4 years now. Those men and their 8 arms were WAY too much for me.....after a first date no less!

My last date ended in me slapping saying “what the hell are you doing, get off”.

Beside most Conservative men I meet now a days are married. I HATE the metros (I’m the girl, you aren’t).

This damn world is upside down!


42 posted on 06/17/2011 8:20:15 PM PDT by NoGrayZone ("Islamophobia: The irrational fear of being beheaded.")
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To: LibFreeOrDie

Those hyphenated names do raise a flag...don’t they?


43 posted on 06/17/2011 8:21:29 PM PDT by chasio649
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To: ottbmare

There are always exceptions to general rules; and great for your brother


44 posted on 06/17/2011 8:21:36 PM PDT by SeaHawkFan
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To: max americana

Weiner had also had a number of precvoius relationships—totally blowing the basis for the article.


45 posted on 06/17/2011 8:23:31 PM PDT by 9YearLurker
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To: chasio649

I HATE the hyphenated names. In my office, I refuse to use them.


46 posted on 06/17/2011 8:24:39 PM PDT by NoGrayZone ("Islamophobia: The irrational fear of being beheaded.")
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To: chasio649

64. Never been married. Why? Keen powers of observation, formal education, native intelligence, and a great deal of good luck. And adherence to my third universal law: All women are nuts.

Flame on.


47 posted on 06/17/2011 8:26:05 PM PDT by PzLdr ("The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am" - Darth Vader)
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To: Betis70

“Had one woman I loved, but she turned out to be crazy”

I assume my wife is crazy because she puts up with me and our six kids.

I suppose there are different varieties and degrees of crazy.


48 posted on 06/17/2011 8:26:29 PM PDT by Gil4 (Sometimes it's not low self-esteem - it's just accurate self-assessment.)
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To: chasio649
Those hyphenated names make me grit my teeth....is that too judgemental? :D

No. However, you should carve out exceptions for those of Iberian heritage, where it is a long-standing practice.

An optional second allowance would be for certain aristocratic British lines.

"I've never heard of him. Have you ever heard of him, Jeeves?"

"I am familiar with the name Bassington-Bassington, sir. There are three branches of the Bassington-Bassington family--the Shropshire Bassington-Bassingtons, the Hampshire Bassington-Bassingtons, and the Kent Bassington-Bassingtons."

"England seems pretty well stocked up with Bassington-Bassingtons."

"Tolerably so, sir."

"No chance of a sudden shortage, I mean, what?"

"Presumably not, sir."
Jeeves Chump Cyril

49 posted on 06/17/2011 8:27:00 PM PDT by Dr. Sivana (There is no salvation in politics.)
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To: RegulatorCountry

Got that right. Pre-nups have been a G-dsend, though.


50 posted on 06/17/2011 8:27:15 PM PDT by gogogodzilla (Live free or die!)
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