Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

If You're Not Married by 40, You're a Freak
www.cafemom.com ^ | 6/17/11 | Sashsa Brown-Worsham

Posted on 06/17/2011 7:45:25 PM PDT by chasio649

We have moved far past the time when an unmarried woman over 35 was branded an "old maid" or when unmarried men were "swinging bachelors," but after seeing the disaster of the marriage between Huma Abedin and Congressman Anthony Weiner, one does have to wonder if the old adage about men over 40 who have never been married is true. Is it a dating red flag?

There is something to be said for marriage. Being in a marriage, whether it ends or stays together, usually means you have some experience with compromise, the ability to love and be loved, and some familiarity with the concept of sharing. "Never-marrieds" on the other hand? Who knows why they're unmarried?

In asking around, it seems the cutoff age between it being cool and it being a red flag is roughly 35 for men and 40 for women.

Of course, nothing is sure-fire and there are as many extenuating circumstances as there are marriages on Earth. But it's a good rule of thumb, when dating, to recognize that a person who has reached a certain age and never had a relationship last longer than a couple months is probably harboring some issues.

Marriage? Maybe not. Maybe they don't want to get married or just don't play musical chairs all that well. There are reasons they may not have walked down the aisle, though in Weiner's case, it probably WAS a red flag. Still, most men over 40 who have had at least one or two long-term relationships that haven't worked out are still marriage material, but those who haven't even had a girlfriend? It's a problem.

We learn something with every relationship we're in. No one would argue that the older you get, the harder it is to compromise. It is. So if you marry young and you compromise together, you get used to that. Someone who has made it to 40 without having to make those compromises and learn and grow with someone would likely be much more rigid in their thinking.

Women over 30 complain all the time that there are few good guys without baggage who are over 30 out there. And it's likely true. There are some good men who stay single, but coupling off whether by marriage or just a long-term relationship is kind of the "norm." So stepping outside of that does make you a bit of a freak.

That said, it isn't fair to not give a guy a chance because of some arbitrary cutoff. There is always the exception to every "rule," right?

Do you think a man or woman over 40 who has never been married is a freak?


TOPICS: Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: serialmorons
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-5051-100101-150 next last
To: PzLdr

You never met the right nut! ;)


51 posted on 06/17/2011 8:27:59 PM PDT by chasio649
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 47 | View Replies]

To: chasio649
I read that Huma and Weiner were happily shopping at the grodery store last night. Stocking up on supplies for their weekend getaway in the Hamptons. They seemed as happy as clams. Go figure. They are living in an alternate universe that i can’t comprehend.

They very well could have an 'open marriage'.

52 posted on 06/17/2011 8:29:54 PM PDT by dfwgator
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 37 | View Replies]

To: Dr. Sivana

Ok...i’ll make exceptions for that.


53 posted on 06/17/2011 8:29:57 PM PDT by chasio649
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 49 | View Replies]

To: SeaHawkFan
but it is not normal for a guy not to be married by then.

Sez you . . I was married at 30 and divorced at 36. If you are, like me, a successful businessman with a lot to lose in another divorce, there is absolutely zero reason to marry. I am 53 and just fine, fine, fine, fine fine with being single. I would rather cut off my arm than be married again.

54 posted on 06/17/2011 8:31:12 PM PDT by atc23 (The Confederacy was the single greatest conservative resistance to federal authority ever.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 10 | View Replies]

To: chasio649

Why do I have a hunch that this blogger is a toxic feminazi, one of the many women who with their spineless leftist “men” have made marriage into basically slavery for men, slavery that the woman can usually bail on with no consequence but poverty for her “sperm donor”?

Nah, couldn’t be...

PS Never married, just seen it too many times. Although to be fair, I did have a female friend get raked over by a meterosexual pedophile who knew how to work the system. Although she did finally get some semblance of justice - after 4 years of H#!!.


55 posted on 06/17/2011 8:32:49 PM PDT by piytar (Obama's Depression. Say it early, say it often. Why? Because it's TRUE.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: chasio649

Seems to me there’s something to be said for marrying later, so calling anyone a “freak” is a load of BS. I married at 29, divorced at 39 and spent the next 10 years putting the pieces back together and getting myself on a good financial footing again. Now the kids are almost grown and I’d actually consider it again if the right woman were out there.


56 posted on 06/17/2011 8:34:00 PM PDT by YankeeReb
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: piytar

I should add: The legal system favors the scumbag, be it the man or woman. Thanks, feminazis!


57 posted on 06/17/2011 8:37:35 PM PDT by piytar (Obama's Depression. Say it early, say it often. Why? Because it's TRUE.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 55 | View Replies]

To: chasio649
Those hyphenated names do raise a flag...don’t they

Oh, yeah! Women who would NEVER use "Mrs. HisName" (because that's so oppressive) end up changing their names legally to HerName-hyphen-HisName. They're still taking HisName! The husbands don't hyphenate their names. Yet somehow this is considered a sign of a liberated woman...

58 posted on 06/17/2011 8:37:35 PM PDT by LibFreeOrDie (Obama promised a gold mine, but will give us the shaft.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 43 | View Replies]

To: chasio649

I’ve never been married and when I look at some of the guys some women chose I kinda want to take as a compliment that they’ve never married me. LOL!


59 posted on 06/17/2011 8:38:37 PM PDT by fkabuckeyesrule
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: YankeeReb

Yikes...i screwed up...I was 37 before i married...i don’t know why i posted 35...i guess i am or was a freak....or was approaching freakdom.....all in all, i am happy to be married and i do feel for the people that have went through nightmare marriages and divorces...life is stressful enough.


60 posted on 06/17/2011 8:38:41 PM PDT by chasio649
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 56 | View Replies]

To: Georgia Girl 2
Stocking up on supplies for their weekend getaway in the Hamptons. They seemed as happy as clams. Go figure.

Well, he met her the same way he met Ginger Lee. As well, she's a muslim so her place in the household is to support the lifestyle of the man - period.

He's going to do plenty of "damage" this weekend since she's been away for quite a while . . . . It's not like he had anything more than digital relationships with these women anyway. I'm sure she's happy about that.

61 posted on 06/17/2011 8:40:26 PM PDT by atc23 (The Confederacy was the single greatest conservative resistance to federal authority ever.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 35 | View Replies]

To: PrincessB

“I know several women who got married at “old maid” ages.”

Yes, my esteemed Godmother, a very conservative woman didn’t get married until she was quite old. At least by the standards of her generation. She must have been at least 40.

I sort of remember my mom saying something about her very strict Italian parents thinking that no one was ever “good enough” for her, and I think she did not get married until both her parents had died.

I could be wrong about that, but everyone WAS surprised when she did get married.

And, insofar as I know, she married a man of at least her age, if not older, and he had never been married either.

And, also insofar as I know, they’ve been happily married for all this time, decades anyway.

I don’t like the idea that being divorced somehow is a good qualifier for marriage.

You really have to judge people as individuals.

Anthony Weiner is not the first jerk man who ever came down the road.


62 posted on 06/17/2011 8:41:58 PM PDT by jocon307
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 17 | View Replies]

To: chasio649
Just short of 60 and a lifelong bachelor. And very happy. The Brown-Worshams of my generation made it a point to tell me how little they needed me and I decided to take them up on it. Now they tell me I'm a freak for believing them.

No alimony. No child support for worthless slacker kids. No heartbreak. The home I always wanted, paid for, and this "slavery" that is housework, well, I do my own joyfully and very adequately, thanks. Yeah, I'm a freak all right.

63 posted on 06/17/2011 8:45:36 PM PDT by Billthedrill
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: All

All these posts are very entertaining to read. I haven’t seen one of these type threads on FR in awhile. Seems like you used to see them more often. I think alot of guys who have a tweener income (not poor but not enough money to attract the golddigger gals) might have a little more trouble in the dating environment. Personally I have virtually no clue where i’d go to meet anyone. I focus more on reading and trying to stay in decent health.


64 posted on 06/17/2011 8:50:43 PM PDT by fkabuckeyesrule
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 63 | View Replies]

To: Betis70

I guess I’m another freak here too...40, never married, would love to meet the right person, but I live in NYC, I’m probably overeducated, and I’m not the kind of skank who is going to jump into bed with some random doofus I just met. Hence, I haven’t dated in over a year because the last few first dates I went on ended with me telling a guy where he could go, and it wasn’t upstairs with me.

And I’m responding to Betis70 because I wanted to say congrats to a Bruins fan from an Islanders fan (being an Islanders fan is almsot a rougher gig than being single in NYC...almost)


65 posted on 06/17/2011 8:53:54 PM PDT by alphadoggie
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 27 | View Replies]

To: chasio649

Hey, you look like my third husband!

How many times have you been married?

Two...


66 posted on 06/17/2011 8:55:23 PM PDT by MV=PY (The Magic Question: Who's paying for it?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: fkabuckeyesrule

I used to post these kinds of threads all the time...it’s been a while though...i have gained quite a bit of insight to relationships, marriage and whatnot...it’s cool to see Freeper’s perspective.


67 posted on 06/17/2011 8:55:28 PM PDT by chasio649
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 64 | View Replies]

To: chasio649
In asking around, it seems the cutoff age between it being cool and it being a red flag is roughly 35 for men and 40 for women.

Yeah this was definitely written by a femnazi

Men it might take until their mid to late 30s to establish their careers (and in the process maybe move a lot more and work lots of overtime).

Meanwhile with women, men go for attractiveness and if no man wanted to marry them when they were young and pretty, well...................

I'll just put my asbestos suit and leave it at that

68 posted on 06/17/2011 9:00:49 PM PDT by qam1 (There's been a huge party. All plates and the bottles are empty, all that's left is the bill to pay)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: qam1

Yeah...my range would be 35 for men and 32 for women...this is coming from a guy that was hounded by family , friends and all by asking “when i was going to get married”...i think it usually starts a little earlier for women....the kid thing and all.


69 posted on 06/17/2011 9:03:46 PM PDT by chasio649
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 68 | View Replies]

To: alphadoggie

I got married last year at 42, my wife was 39. First marriage for both of us. I never knew just how happy I could be until I met her. The big problem is the clock is ticking and my wife wants a baby. NOW. I’m sorry, but we’re just going to leave that up to God, if he decides to bless us. No matter what it was right for me to wait. I could have been married 10 years ago. But that woman turned out to be nuts and I’m sure we would have divorced.


70 posted on 06/17/2011 9:12:44 PM PDT by boop ("Let's just say they'll be satisfied with LESS"... Ming the Merciless)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 65 | View Replies]

To: All

I’m over 40 and never married.

I’m no freak. Try finding a nice girl with traditional values, who hasn’t had relations with the entire fifth fleet, who is interested in starting a family.

I know any number of good men over 40 who are unmarried. All have good jobs, good values and they can not find a good woman.


71 posted on 06/17/2011 9:14:44 PM PDT by warsaw44
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: chasio649

Actually by today’s norms, -I- am the freak. Got married right after getting my BS degree from college at 22. Almost 30 years later, it just keeps getting better. Like they say - life begins when the kids move out & the dog dies (although the latter was quite sad :).


72 posted on 06/17/2011 9:17:27 PM PDT by MCH
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: warsaw44

I’m over 40 and never married.

I’m no freak. Try finding a nice girl with traditional values, who hasn’t had relations with the entire fifth fleet, who is interested in starting a family.

I know any number of good men over 40 who are unmarried. All have good jobs, good values and they can not find a good woman.


Ahhh...you remind me of the good ole days when i used to post the foreign bride threads...now that’s some fireworks! :P


73 posted on 06/17/2011 9:18:10 PM PDT by chasio649
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 71 | View Replies]

To: boop

But that woman turned out to be nuts and I’m sure we would have divorced.


Yepper...been there...good luck to you and your wife.


74 posted on 06/17/2011 9:19:47 PM PDT by chasio649
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 70 | View Replies]

To: chasio649
An ex-girl friend of mine married last year. I was very surprised to see that she went the hyphenated name route.

That is quite a shackle to place on children. Suppose John Smith and Sarah Jones get married. Sarah becomes Sarah Jones Smith. They have a child, Sally Jones Smith.

Sally grows up and marries a man who's mother went hyphenated. The man's name is Hector Washington Hereford.

So...they have a child named James. And his name would be James Jones Smith Washington Hereford? nice going.

75 posted on 06/17/2011 9:23:26 PM PDT by warsaw44
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 34 | View Replies]

To: chasio649

I am 42 years old and have never been married. Been engaged 3 times over a 20 year period. THREE TIMES. All of them, as soon as I gave them the ring, moved on to another guy. All three of them approached me to date, and all three talked about marriage without any prodding from me. Go figure.

After all that, two years ago I found a woman who was eight years older, conservative, officer in the local GOP. She pursued me too. I could not have loved a woman more. Got a promotion to a supervisor and decided she was now high society. Went running back to her ex who she’d divorced years earlier and who she’d turned down flat on getting back together just before we dated.

Told me to get out of her life, never speak to her again, and she regretted dating me. They fell thru and a month later she was back and all but demanded we get together, then went right back to her ex after I basically told her to go to hell.

I can’t tell you how many of my buddies have been thru crap like that. So many people get jerked around they just get their fill. I don’t care if I ever date again.


76 posted on 06/17/2011 9:26:33 PM PDT by Free Vulcan (Vote Republican! You can vote Democrat when you're dead.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Free Vulcan

I don’t have a reply to your post....crap!...you dodged a bullet is all i can say.


77 posted on 06/17/2011 9:29:29 PM PDT by chasio649
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 76 | View Replies]

To: chasio649; Chode
"Single people wish they were married. Married people wish they were dead". ---Benny Hill
78 posted on 06/17/2011 9:37:12 PM PDT by Morgana (I speak no more)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: piytar
have made marriage into basically slavery for men

I knew a guy who had a wife like that. I remember a time he had to call his wife for permission to buy something out of the vending machine. She had him working 12hr/day 7 days per week, and he never saw a dime of it. Eventually he found her cheating on him and he divorced her. It seemed like about 80% of the guys I worked with who were married in their early 20's ended up getting divorced within 10 years or less. Alot of them wanted to go to the bars every night, while I was single and I had no interest in adopting that kind of lifestyle.

79 posted on 06/17/2011 9:41:29 PM PDT by death2tyrants
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 55 | View Replies]

To: chasio649

You think I’d be sad. Actually I’m pissed. Pissed because I have met some amazing women and should be married - but I met them when I was too messed up from the jerk, a-hole psychos I dated. THAT is the worst part.

Now when I meet someone I just don’t trust what I see. Been fooled one time too many. If you don’t want me, fine. Why do you have to screw up my life? Just walk the hell away. But they just got to stick in that knife.


80 posted on 06/17/2011 9:42:08 PM PDT by Free Vulcan (Vote Republican! You can vote Democrat when you're dead.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 77 | View Replies]

To: chasio649

THe further on men and women are single, the harder it is for them to get married. They are used to living single and having everything their way. They have no experience living with other people that they can’t just move out on. They’ve never been truly vested in a relationship they can’t walk out on if stuff gets too bad. It is true they get set in their ways.

The execption, of course, is when two older people like each other, and they just happen to have living habits very closely mirroring each other.


81 posted on 06/17/2011 9:42:15 PM PDT by Secret Agent Man (I'd like to tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: RegulatorCountry

Got that right. I won’t marry again. Once is plenty. It is work to keep it going well. Sometimes a lot of work. Wife would concur.


82 posted on 06/17/2011 9:43:39 PM PDT by Secret Agent Man (I'd like to tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 15 | View Replies]

To: dfwgator

Of course it was an open marriage. Hillary didn’t give up Huma.


83 posted on 06/17/2011 9:44:28 PM PDT by Secret Agent Man (I'd like to tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 52 | View Replies]

To: chasio649

I am 48 and have plenty of experience with compromise and I’ve done enough to know that I will compromise but that is going to be two way street. You give, I give.

I give up on stuff that ain’t important and you don’t unimportant things some stoopid imperative.

You tell me to do something and nothing is going to happen.

You ask me and not only will I do it I’ll probably do even more.

It is always cool to chase women, as a gentleman and understanding of boundries. Heck, women like to be chased. Why do they wear all them pretty clothes and smell good?

I harbor no issues. Just don’t care if I ever get married and if I do it won’t be state sanctioned. The tax benefits aren’t worth it.

I am pretty rigid about being told what to or that I can’t pursue my dreams or just day to day activities. I wasn’t put on this earth so you can subordinate my life to yours.

It’s that equality thing. Don’t ruin it. I’ll give you plenty of room to do your thing and we do lots of things together, even shop.


84 posted on 06/17/2011 9:47:16 PM PDT by Vendome ("Don't take life so seriously... You'll never live through it anyway")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: alphadoggie

You are very smart. Not lying. You shouldn’t have to settle for a loser or some guy just wanting physical stuff. There’s so much disease out there it just isn’t worth it. Your life could be changed permanently forever in one night.

If that isn’t enough to make people really think about holding off, much less have affairs or stuff like that, I don’t know what will.


85 posted on 06/17/2011 9:48:33 PM PDT by Secret Agent Man (I'd like to tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 65 | View Replies]

To: Secret Agent Man

THe further on men and women are single, the harder it is for them to get married. They are used to living single and having everything their way.


That is true...i know the first couple of years i was married, i was constantly saying “my” this or “my” that..had to learn how to say “our”...i realized it hurt my wife’s feelings and i needed to drop that habit.


86 posted on 06/17/2011 9:49:25 PM PDT by chasio649
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 81 | View Replies]

To: warsaw44

These kind of guys have had a lot of success with non-American women.


87 posted on 06/17/2011 9:49:54 PM PDT by Secret Agent Man (I'd like to tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 71 | View Replies]

To: Secret Agent Man

These kind of guys have had a lot of success with non-American women.


You started it... NOT ME! :D


88 posted on 06/17/2011 9:53:06 PM PDT by chasio649
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 87 | View Replies]

To: max americana

If Weiner had married at 25, he’d still be a freak.


89 posted on 06/17/2011 9:54:07 PM PDT by EDINVA ( CHANGE it back!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: cherry
in 12 yrs they have 11 children

Wow. That's what you call making up for lost time.

90 posted on 06/17/2011 9:54:49 PM PDT by giotto
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: Morgana

Single people often wish they were married because single people are lonely and want companionship. They think there are no down sides to not being alone or think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. (With the right person, that is true- not too many RIGHT PEOPLE though).

Married people often wish they would get a break from the other. When you wake up, she’s there. When you come home, she’s there. When you go to sleep, she’s there. (Same for “he”.) All the good things are there but all the bad things that irritate you are too. Because none of us are identical there will always be irritation and compromise and putting up with the others’ crap. YOu just have to try to find someone that has minimal crap to put up with and a lot of good stuff you both are good with.


91 posted on 06/17/2011 9:56:19 PM PDT by Secret Agent Man (I'd like to tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 78 | View Replies]

To: boop
got married last year at 42, my wife was 39. First marriage for both of us. I never knew just how happy I could be until I met her. The big problem is the clock is ticking and my wife wants a baby. NOW.

I could be in the same boat, I'm 41 & the woman I am "scoping out" is 38. She seems great but I still want kids and I been hesitating to "make a move" because of her age. If she were even 2-3 years younger this wouldn't be an issue.

But anyhow, congratulations and best of luck to you and your wife

92 posted on 06/17/2011 9:58:35 PM PDT by qam1 (There's been a huge party. All plates and the bottles are empty, all that's left is the bill to pay)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 70 | View Replies]

To: chasio649

It is a balancing act, because you are both an individual and a couple at the same time.


93 posted on 06/17/2011 9:59:04 PM PDT by Secret Agent Man (I'd like to tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 86 | View Replies]

To: RandallFlagg

Singles’ ping!


94 posted on 06/17/2011 9:59:28 PM PDT by Ellendra (Remember the Battle of Athens, Tennessee: Aug. 2, 1946)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: chasio649

All of this chat is nonsense. Just read Pat Buchanan’s book “The Death of the West”.


95 posted on 06/17/2011 10:03:31 PM PDT by MinorityRepublican
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Gil4

The trick must be to find someone whose craziness is compatable with your own ;)


96 posted on 06/17/2011 10:04:19 PM PDT by Ellendra (Remember the Battle of Athens, Tennessee: Aug. 2, 1946)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 48 | View Replies]

To: warsaw44

My ever-so-liberated daughter did that when she got married. BOTH of them changed to hyphenated names. Gag me !!! They know I don’t like it and will occasionally make some smart aleck comment, but it’s their lives. Don’t know how the grands will do when the arrive, and have asked about quadruple hyphenation, but they don’t seem to have an answer.


97 posted on 06/17/2011 10:05:55 PM PDT by EDINVA ( CHANGE it back!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 75 | View Replies]

To: Ellendra

The trick must be to find someone whose craziness is compatable with your own


Now THAT is truth!


98 posted on 06/17/2011 10:06:27 PM PDT by chasio649
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 96 | View Replies]

To: gogogodzilla

There are married freaks and single freaks out there at every age.

I was lucky to find the love of my life at 26 and I wasn’t really even looking! Maybe hoping, but not actively looking.

I have one over 40 friend single, perfectly content. I have another over 40 friend who is, though a very kind person, a bit of a freak you wouldn’t want to settle down with, but has been looking for “Mr. Right” for 20 years. Some people are their own worst enemies when it comes to love!


99 posted on 06/17/2011 10:09:10 PM PDT by MacMattico
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 50 | View Replies]

To: chasio649

Married 2 days after my 18th birthday and a gradfather at the age of 40 and considered a freak by many of my friends :o). Who’s to say what a freak is?


100 posted on 06/17/2011 10:19:53 PM PDT by Troublemaker
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-5051-100101-150 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson