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Posted on 08/01/2011 2:29:55 AM PDT by JustAmy
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He’s a cutie, isn’t he? :)
Job Interview
The employer asked the applicant, “I see you were last employed by a psychiatrist. Why did you leave?”
“Well,” she replied, “I just couldn’t win.
“If I was late to work, I was hostile.
“If I was early, I had an anxiety complex. If I was on time, I was compulsive.”
Cleaning House
A poem for the Internet Addict...
I asked the Lord to tell me
Why my house is such a mess.
He asked if I’d been ‘puting,
And I had to answer “yes.”
He told me to get off my butt
And tidy up the house.
And so I started cleaning up...
The smudges off my mouse.
I wiped and shined the topside.
That really did the trick...
I was just admiring my work...
I didn’t mean to ‘click.’
But click, I did, and oops I found
A real absorbing site
That I got SO way into...
I was into it all night. (Sigh)
Nothing’s changed except my mouse
It’s very, very shiny.
I guess my house will stay a mess...
While I sit here and surf the Internet
Can’t imagine drinking coffee all day long! As the saying goes “To each his own”!! :)
Oh.......that takes care of that!! :)
No...thank YOU! :)
I suppose....I can't imagine drinking it at all! But, that's just me! :)
But, I’d let you pick one! But only if the ‘inner child’ appears! lol
Lamh Foistenach Abu!
My friend Jeff was asked by his daughter to officiate at her wedding. This would be a great joy as they traveled to an exotic and romantic location for the ceremony. But there was one major problem—because the wedding party was very small, Jeff would have to perform three separate roles that could be in conflict. He would be the officiating minister, the father of the bride, and the wedding photographer!
Have you ever felt as if you were wearing too many hats? Jethro thought his son-in-law Moses was (Ex. 18). Leading the Israelites, arbitrating personal disputes, and handing down legal judgments for a great multitude was taking its toll. Finally, Jethro approached Moses, telling him: “This thing is too much for you; you are not able to perform it by yourself” (v.18). He wisely counseled Moses to delegate smaller disputes to other advisors and take the more challenging cases himself (v.22).
Whether you’re a mother with small children, an overwhelmed business executive, or an overworked church volunteer, you too can take a lesson from Moses. Why not prayerfully discern if there may be tasks you can delegate to others or even discontinue—so that you don’t wear yourself out.
Read: Exodus 18:13-27
Politically Correct Statements
Your bedroom isn’t cluttered, it’s just “passage restrictive.”
Kids don’t get grounded anymore. They merely hit “social speed bumps.”
You’re not late, you just have a “rescheduled arrival time.”
You’re not having a bad hair day, you’re suffering from “rebellious follicle syndrome.”
No one’s tall anymore. He’s “vertically enhanced.”
You’re not shy. You’re “conversationally selective.”
You don’t talk a lot. You’re just “abundantly verbal.”
It’s not called gossip anymore. It’s “the speedy transmission of near-factual information.”
AND FOR STUDENTS...
The food at the school cafeteria isn’t awful. It’s “digestively challenged.”
No one fails a class anymore, he’s merely “passing impaired.”
You don’t have detention, you’re just one of the “exit delayed.”
These days, a student isn’t lazy. He’s “energetically declined.”
Your locker isn’t overflowing with junk, it’s just “closure prohibitive.”
Your homework isn’t missing, its just having an “out-of-notebook experience.”
You’re not sleeping in class, you’re “rationing consciousness.”
You don’t have smelly gym socks, you have “odor-retentive athletic footwear.”
You weren’t passing notes in class. You were “participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations.”
You’re not being sent to the principal’s office. You’re “going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building.”
Where do you find these jewels?
Great logic, sent it off to my wife at her office and its been a hit!
Hi Johnn....its great seeing you today! I imagine you’ve been busy with your books. We’ve missed ya!
Think I will order the Crab Cakes and Hashbrowns since its getting late in the morning! I will have coffee or course, and orange juice! And what a lovely view!!
Hi Conor! Thanks for getting back to me!! Hope you have a good day, today (at least!! :)
Wow...I'm jealous! NOT! :)
Good luck with that nightmare!
Hope your Wednesday is a great one!
Lamh Foistenach Abu!
Crab Cakes and Hashbrowns it is, they make a great ‘brunch’
Yes I just finished a new book and finally got it set up for Amazon Kindle. Now I get to rest a bit.
Good Morning Mayor! Oh my did I need to read this today.
We are making some major decisions as to what we can or cannot do in our lives right now.
Maybe time to delegate.
Polly
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