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Amy's Place ... Poetry and Potpourri ... September, 2011
9-1-2011 | JustAmy; St.Louie1; MamaBear; Billie; Meg33

Posted on 09/01/2011 1:15:08 AM PDT by JustAmy




Welcome To....



'Amy's Place' welcomes all poets
and those who enjoy poetry.
'Amy's Place' is more than just about poetry.
Come in, relax, and share with fellow FReepers
your thoughts about any of the things on the *Menu*.

Enjoy! :)












Never Forget!






Bad Penny




Amy's personal guardian ~
the ever charming, lovable, huggable,

LouieWolf





Many thanks for stopping by. : )











TOPICS: Humor; Miscellaneous; Poetry; The Poetry Branch
KEYWORDS: amysplace; friends; poetry; september
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To: left that other site

Beautiful tribute to your wonderful Daddy...Thank you for sharing.
(((HUGS)))


301 posted on 09/07/2011 1:25:11 PM PDT by MEG33 (God Bless Our Military Men And Women)
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To: oldteen

Soooo cute, teenie.


302 posted on 09/07/2011 1:26:51 PM PDT by MEG33 (God Bless Our Military Men And Women)
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To: stephenjohnbanker

Thank you, Dear Friend, for your kind words.


303 posted on 09/07/2011 1:29:47 PM PDT by left that other site (Psalm 122:6)
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To: Kitty Mittens

Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers.


304 posted on 09/07/2011 1:31:12 PM PDT by left that other site (Psalm 122:6)
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To: JustAmy

Thank you, dear Amy, For your words and prayers and lovely graphic.
(((hugs)))


305 posted on 09/07/2011 1:34:31 PM PDT by left that other site (Psalm 122:6)
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To: GailA

Thank you, Sweet FRiend, for your prayers and wonderful music!
(((hugs)))


306 posted on 09/07/2011 1:49:36 PM PDT by left that other site (Psalm 122:6)
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To: left that other site

What a wonderful tribute to your Daddy.

Prayers of comfort for you and family.


307 posted on 09/07/2011 2:31:02 PM PDT by Diver Dave (Because He Lives, I Can Face Tomorrow)
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To: Diver Dave

Thank You, Dear Friend. Your kind words are a great comfort to me. His wish is to be buried in Bourne Veterans Cemetery.
(((hugs)))
Love
ML


308 posted on 09/07/2011 2:42:39 PM PDT by left that other site (Psalm 122:6)
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To: JustAmy; oldteen; MEG33; yorkie; jaycee; tiapam; Kitty Mittens; pollywog; Dubya; everyone
Dropping in to send a hello and love to all of you who have so kindly continued to ping me even though I've been so neglectful in replying to your lovely posts.

I have been involved in the political election race and making graphics and have neglected even my email.

I've thought of those of you in Texas with the horrible fires and I've thought of those of you who are ill, and keep you in my prayers.

It's time to cook dinner and I'm looking forward to watching the debates tonight. Take care all of you!!


309 posted on 09/07/2011 4:04:53 PM PDT by potlatch
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To: left that other site

My pleasure, and my prayers will continue!


310 posted on 09/07/2011 6:55:31 PM PDT by stephenjohnbanker (God, family, country, mom, apple pie, the girl next door and a Ford F250 to pull my boat.)
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To: ConorMacNessa

311 posted on 09/07/2011 8:19:17 PM PDT by tiapam (One Nation Under God !)
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To: yorkie

The video was such a treat, Yorkie!! Thank you!


312 posted on 09/07/2011 8:22:57 PM PDT by tiapam (One Nation Under God !)
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To: JustAmy

:)


313 posted on 09/07/2011 8:23:58 PM PDT by tiapam (One Nation Under God !)
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To: left that other site

314 posted on 09/07/2011 8:28:39 PM PDT by tiapam (One Nation Under God !)
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To: oldteen

Darling graphic, Teenie! Thank you!


315 posted on 09/07/2011 8:31:10 PM PDT by tiapam (One Nation Under God !)
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To: All

Dumb Joke

Going to the Dogs

When our client’s dog lapped up anti-freeze, the veterinarian I work for ordered a unique treatment: an IV drip mixing fluids with vodka. “Go buy the cheapest bottle you can find,” he told me.

At the liquor store, I was uneasy buying cheap booze so early in the day, and I felt compelled to explain things to the clerk.

“Believe it or not,” I said, “this is for a sick dog.”

As I was leaving, the next customer plunked down two bottles of muscatel and announced, “These are for my cats.”


316 posted on 09/07/2011 8:50:00 PM PDT by Dubya (JESUS SAVES)
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To: JustAmy; Conspiracy Guy
Very nice.

Thank you!

317 posted on 09/07/2011 8:51:42 PM PDT by oldteen
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To: Dubya

While doing renovations in our house, one of the workmen paused to look at a flattering photo of me wearing makeup and a fancy gown. I heard him let out a low whistle and ask my son, Joshua, “Who’s that?”

“That’s my mom,” Joshua answered. “Wow,” the man said, “my mother doesn’t look like that.”

“Yeah,” my son said, “well, neither does mine.”


318 posted on 09/07/2011 8:51:42 PM PDT by Dubya (JESUS SAVES)
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To: Dubya

One of my fourth graders asked my teacher’s assistant, “How old are you, Mrs. Glass?”

“You should never ask an adult’s age,” I broke in. “That’s okay.” Harriett smiled. “I’m fifty.”

“Wow, you don’t look that old,” the boy said. I was breathing a sigh of relief when another child chimed in, “Parts of her do.”


319 posted on 09/07/2011 8:53:57 PM PDT by Dubya (JESUS SAVES)
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To: Dubya

Knowing the Territory

It was my friend’s first camping trip with her husband, and they were lost. He tried all the usual tactics to determine direction—moss on the trees (there was none), direction of the sun (it was overcast), and so on. Just as she began to panic, he spotted a cabin in the distance. “This way,” he said as he led her back to their camp.

“How did you do that?” my friend asked.

“Simple. In this part of the country, the satellite dishes point south.”


320 posted on 09/07/2011 8:55:47 PM PDT by Dubya (JESUS SAVES)
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To: MEG33
Hope it stayed cool in your corner of the world. Still praying for rain in Texas and all areas that NEED it!

We have a fire about 30 miles up the hill. Several homes were being evacuated a few hours ago.

321 posted on 09/07/2011 8:55:58 PM PDT by oldteen
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To: Dubya

The boy came skipping into the house with a big lollipop in his hands. “Where did you get it?” his mother asked.

“I bought it with the nickel you gave me.”

“The nickel I gave you was for Sunday School.”

“I know Mom,” said the boy, “but the minister met me at the door and got me in free.”


322 posted on 09/07/2011 8:57:47 PM PDT by Dubya (JESUS SAVES)
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To: Dubya

When our students began raising donations for Child Abuse Prevention Week, the school administration did its part by setting up a collection box outside the principal’s office and displaying a banner by the front door of the lobby. It read “Please give $1 to help stop child abuse in the front office.”


323 posted on 09/07/2011 8:59:16 PM PDT by Dubya (JESUS SAVES)
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To: LUV W
Too cute, LUVVY!

Cool is nice but rain would be MUCH better! :)

324 posted on 09/07/2011 8:59:36 PM PDT by oldteen
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To: Dubya

Man On His Deathbed

As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, “I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I’ve slept with dozens of them.”

His wife looked at him calmly and said, “Why do you think I gave you the poison?”


325 posted on 09/07/2011 9:03:00 PM PDT by Dubya (JESUS SAVES)
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To: Dubya

Divorce

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”

“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old man says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her,” and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “They’re not getting divorced if I have anything to do about it,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this.”

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife and says, “Okay, they’re coming for Thanksgiving...now what do we tell them for Christmas?”


326 posted on 09/07/2011 9:04:00 PM PDT by Dubya (JESUS SAVES)
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To: Dubya

Bigger Turkey

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”


327 posted on 09/07/2011 9:04:44 PM PDT by Dubya (JESUS SAVES)
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To: JustAmy
Thank you Amy.

Hope your Wednesday went well. It was hot up here so I'm sure you had it down there!

328 posted on 09/07/2011 9:09:34 PM PDT by oldteen
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To: Dubya

An elderly gentleman....

Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, ‘Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.’

The gentleman replied, ‘Oh, I haven’t told my family yet.

I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!’

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: ‘Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?’

Slim says, ‘I feel just like a newborn baby..’

‘Really!? Like a newborn baby!?’

‘Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.’

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.’

The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’

The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?

You know.... The one that’s red and has thorns.’

‘Do you mean a rose?’

‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he d idn’t need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. ‘Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’ he asks.

‘Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?’

‘Sure..’

‘Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?’ she asks.

‘No, I can remember it.’

‘Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so a s not to forget it?’

He says, ‘I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.’

‘I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?’ she asks.

Irritated, he says, ‘I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!’

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.

‘Where’s my toast ?’

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:

‘So I hear you’re getting married?’

‘Yep!’

‘Do I know her?’

‘Nope!’

‘This woman, is she good looking?’

‘Not really.’

‘Is she a good cook?’

‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’

‘Does she have lots of money?’

‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’

‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’

‘Because she can still drive!’

Three old guys are out walking.

First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’

Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’

Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer..’

A man was telling his neighbour, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid.. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art.. It’s perfect.’

‘Really,’ answered the neighbor . ‘What kind is it?’

‘Twelve thirty..’

Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’

Morris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.’’

The doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that.. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’

One more. . ..!

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’

‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’


329 posted on 09/07/2011 9:09:54 PM PDT by Dubya (JESUS SAVES)
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To: Dubya

Entertaining Guests

After dinner one evening a the president was entertaining their house guest by playing the piano.

At one point he turned to the visitor, a fat conservative talk show host, and said, “I understand you love music.”

“Yes,” murmured the guest politely. “But never you mind. Keep right on playing .


330 posted on 09/07/2011 9:11:31 PM PDT by Dubya (JESUS SAVES)
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To: MEG33
Thanks, M.

Your graphics today are great, as usual! :)

331 posted on 09/07/2011 9:16:15 PM PDT by oldteen
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To: potlatch
Thank you, potlatch!

The light is always on! ;)

332 posted on 09/07/2011 9:18:50 PM PDT by oldteen
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To: Dubya

The problem - There’s a box with a hole at each end and there’s a rabbit in the box. The rabbit sticks his head out of the hole in one end, and a minute later he sticks it out the other end.

Half a minute later, his head appears at the opposite end, a fourth of a minute later it appears at the end opposite to that one, an eighth of a minute later... etc., etc.

How long will it take before the rabbit sticks its head out of both ends of the box at the same time?

In theory, two minutes. In practice, no answer is possible unless, of course, you split hares.


333 posted on 09/07/2011 9:19:24 PM PDT by Dubya (JESUS SAVES)
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To: Dubya

Cat Allergy

A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets.

Someone asked her what the bracelet was for.

She replied, “I’m allergic to nuts and eggs.”

The person asked, “Are you allergic to cats?”

The girl said, “I don’t know..... I don’t eat cats.”


334 posted on 09/07/2011 9:21:47 PM PDT by Dubya (JESUS SAVES)
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To: yorkie
That is such a cute graphic, yorkie!

Let's hope it becomes real very soon!

335 posted on 09/07/2011 9:22:26 PM PDT by oldteen
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To: Dubya

Shredded Similes, Mutilated Metaphors

For your entertainment, more actual similes and metaphors found by high school English teachers from across the country in their student’s essays.

- He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

- The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

- The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

- McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

- From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

- Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.


336 posted on 09/07/2011 9:25:20 PM PDT by Dubya (JESUS SAVES)
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To: Dubya

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

- The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

- He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

- The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

- It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

- He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Even More Shredded Similes, Mutilated Metaphors

For your entertainment, even more actual similes and metaphors found by high school English teachers from across the country in their student’s essays.

- The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

- Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

- They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

- John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

- He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

- Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

- Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.


337 posted on 09/07/2011 9:27:08 PM PDT by Dubya (JESUS SAVES)
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To: tiapam
You are most welcome, t-pammy!

How ya been?

338 posted on 09/07/2011 9:30:05 PM PDT by oldteen
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To: Dubya
A whole lotta great chuckles tonight, Dubya!

Thank you for all of them!

339 posted on 09/07/2011 9:35:58 PM PDT by oldteen
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To: All

Obituary of the Pillsbury Dough Boy

Please join me in remembering a great icon. Veteran Pillsbury spokesperson, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch and many others.

The graveside was piled high with flours as long-time friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who “never knew how much he was kneaded.”

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, even as a crusty old man, he was still considered a roll model for millions.

Toward the end it was thought he’d raise once again, but he was no tart.

Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.


340 posted on 09/07/2011 9:43:47 PM PDT by Dubya (JESUS SAVES)
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To: oldteen

glad to do it. You are welcome.


341 posted on 09/07/2011 9:44:47 PM PDT by Dubya (JESUS SAVES)
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To: Dubya

Funny stuff, Dubya.
Keep up the good work. :^)


342 posted on 09/07/2011 9:59:42 PM PDT by Diver Dave (Because He Lives, I Can Face Tomorrow)
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To: JustAmy; FRiends; All; everyone
Thank you All, Dear FRiends, for the Pings, Pics, and Posts!

(((((((Goodnight, and God Bless)))))))

CUTE GOODNIGHT PIC

343 posted on 09/07/2011 10:57:01 PM PDT by Kitty Mittens (To God Be All Excellent Praise!)
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To: potlatch
(((((It's Always a Blessing to See you, Potlatch)))))! I Love your Graphic.



344 posted on 09/07/2011 11:25:20 PM PDT by Kitty Mittens (To God Be All Excellent Praise!)
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To: yorkie
Thank you for the Beautiful Graphic, Sweet Yorkie, and for your Prayers.


345 posted on 09/07/2011 11:44:40 PM PDT by Kitty Mittens (To God Be All Excellent Praise!)
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To: All

The Bridge to Your Breakthrough

TODAY’S SCRIPTURE

“Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!”
(Habakkuk 3:17–18, NLT)

TODAY’S WORD from Joel and Victoria

Habakkuk knew what to do when things seemed completely hopeless. His world was literally falling apart around Him. There was destruction everywhere he looked. But Habakkuk knew that God was bigger than his circumstances! So what did he do? He invited God into his circumstances by rejoicing and praising the Lord. He made the choice to be joyful knowing that it would connect him to the One who would deliver him!

Are you facing a situation that seems dark or hopeless? No matter how difficult things may seem, God has a plan to bring you out into a place of victory. Your praise is the bridge that will carry you into your land of promise. The Bible tells us that God inhabits the praises of His people, and when the presence of God manifests, the enemy has to flee! The Bible also tells us that there is fullness of joy in His presence. His joy empowers us to walk through any difficulty we may be facing. No matter how things may seem in the natural, you can rejoice today because God is working behind the scenes on your behalf. As you praise Him, He will fill you with His joy and pour out His abundant blessing in every area of your life.

A PRAYER FOR TODAY

Father in heaven, I come to You trusting that You are my deliverer. No matter what is going on around me, today I choose to bless and praise Your name. I choose to connect to You, knowing that You are the source of my strength, hope and peace. In Jesus’ name, amen.


346 posted on 09/08/2011 12:06:51 AM PDT by Dubya (JESUS SAVES)
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To: Diver Dave

Thanks Dave.


347 posted on 09/08/2011 12:07:39 AM PDT by Dubya (JESUS SAVES)
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To: left that other site
Mary Lou, that was a wonderful piece on your father! He was quite a man and you must be very proud of him! I hope with time your grief is lessened as you remember all the good things about him and the times you had together.

Lamh Foistenach Abu!
348 posted on 09/08/2011 5:12:52 AM PDT by ConorMacNessa (HM/2 USN, 3/5 Marines RVN 1969 - St. Michael the Archangel defend us in Battle!)
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To: ConorMacNessa

Thank you, Dear FRiend.


349 posted on 09/08/2011 5:26:52 AM PDT by left that other site (Psalm 122:6)
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To: tiapam

Thank You, Tiapam.
(((HUGS)))


350 posted on 09/08/2011 5:28:01 AM PDT by left that other site (Psalm 122:6)
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