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Need advice: Friend marrying broke Muslim loser [vanity]

Posted on 11/10/2011 9:50:19 AM PST by Feline_AIDS

Short version: What's the tactful way to tell a friend she's marrying a loser, and should I bother?

Long version: A friend of mine, who is nominally a conservative Christian, is engaged to her liberal Muslim boyfriend of two years. At many points along the way, I dropped subtle hints about how unwise it is for a Christian to marry a non-Christian. I'm not sure why she started dating him in the first place, but I have three guesses from observing the relationship from the beginning. 1) He pursued her relentlessly. 2) He's more masculine than most of the other guys in her graduate program. 3) She desperately wants to be married and have kids.

Her family has objected to the relationship since day 1, and I've never been supportive either. I think everyone thought she would realize what a terrible idea he was and ditch him. Unfortunately, she's also pretty depressed and not receiving treatment. The depression started when they started dating.

This guy is the definition of a loser. He's been in a graduate program for the better part of a decade, has yet to even finish the first major milestone in that degree, and the end is nowhere in sight. They both are racking up debt like nobody's business, too. He can and does pontificate on liberal talking points and Islamic apologetics. He has few friends because he is an insufferable loud-talker who must always be right.

She basically broke her father's heart when she started dating this guy, so becoming engaged must have just ripped her old man's heart right out of his chest. I'm pretty sure that once they get married, the Muslim will want to move away from her family, because I can't imagine him hanging around where he's disliked.

He's the kind of Muslim who feels allegiance to Islam over his American citizenship in a political, principled way that has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with "identity." In my mind, he's the kind of guy who would radicalize because of some "injustice" somewhere, try to force his wife to convert, and saw her head off with a dull knife if she protested. The closest I ever came to telling her to run, not walk, away from this guy was when I said I worried he'd turn her into a liberal or Muslim, which she assured me would never be the case.

So how do I tell my friend that she should ditch this guy, go see a therapist or doctor, punch herself in the face for ever entertaining such a stupid idea as marrying this fool, and then for the rest of her life listen to her parents when they disapprove of a big life decision she's making, because they're probably right? I don't think any of her other friends have ever said anything negative or cautionary about this guy.

Pros of saying something:

-Friend might not go through a terrible divorce or

-Friend might not go through a terrible beheading

-Clear conscience

-It's the right thing to do, I think

Cons:

-Will likely worsen her depression

-Will certainly complicate if not ruin our friendship


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Religion; Society
KEYWORDS: depression; idiots; islam; marriage; muslims
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1 posted on 11/10/2011 9:50:24 AM PST by Feline_AIDS
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To: Feline_AIDS

Find out if he knows how to pilot a plane, but cannot take off or land.


2 posted on 11/10/2011 9:51:51 AM PST by edpc (Wilby 2012)
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To: Feline_AIDS

You have to tell her the truth. If she doesn’t listen, too bad.


3 posted on 11/10/2011 9:52:18 AM PST by San Jacinto
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To: Feline_AIDS

Offer her a place to hide when it goes wrong.


4 posted on 11/10/2011 9:52:48 AM PST by cripplecreek (A vote for Amnesty is a vote for a permanent Democrat majority. ..Choose well.)
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To: Feline_AIDS

I seriously doubt you can do anything to convince her, some women just seem to court disaster.


5 posted on 11/10/2011 9:52:53 AM PST by SWAMPSNIPER (The Second Amendment, a Matter of Fact, Not a Matter of Opinion)
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To: Feline_AIDS

ya might point out what the Bible says about being unequally yoked. Ya might point out how muslims treat women.

I would say something if it were a friend of mine. The trick is saying it in a loving manner and not getting sucked in to a major argument.

.Either way you will probably lose her as a friend.


6 posted on 11/10/2011 9:54:03 AM PST by driftdiver (I could eat it raw, but why do that when I have a fire.)
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To: Feline_AIDS
I'm pretty sure that once they get married, the Muslim will want to move away from her family

We've heard that story before. The burka comes next.

7 posted on 11/10/2011 9:54:30 AM PST by JennysCool (My hypocrisy goes only so far)
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To: Feline_AIDS
Perhaps you can suggest that she watch (or watch with her) the 1991 Sally Field movie Not Without My Daughter.
8 posted on 11/10/2011 9:54:30 AM PST by Maceman (Obama: As American as nasei goreng)
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To: Feline_AIDS

Ask her if she’s prepared to deal with him killing their daughter some years down the road, because she refuses to wear a burqa to some event or other?


9 posted on 11/10/2011 9:55:23 AM PST by NEMDF
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To: Feline_AIDS

1 Thessalonians 5:17

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

17 pray without ceasing;


10 posted on 11/10/2011 9:55:23 AM PST by Eccl 10:2 (Pray for the peace of Jerusalem - Ps 122:6)
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To: Feline_AIDS

Send her a copy of the Sally Field movie: Not Without My Daughter


11 posted on 11/10/2011 9:56:17 AM PST by miss marmelstein (Let's have a Cain Mutiny!)
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To: Feline_AIDS

—2) He’s more masculine than most of the other guys in her graduate program.—

Yeah, same reason guys go for the “trashy” girls. Usually they don’t marry them, though. Either way, this will affect the rest of her life, and there is little you can do about it.

It is best to learn from the mistakes of others, but in matters of love, often the only way to learn is through your own mistakes.


12 posted on 11/10/2011 9:56:47 AM PST by cuban leaf (Were doomed! Details at eleven.)
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To: San Jacinto; Feline_AIDS

I agree with San Jacinto. You do have to tell her the truth. You can’t make her believe it, but when something bad happens to her (and it will), you will regret not having said something.


13 posted on 11/10/2011 9:56:56 AM PST by wolfpat (Not to know what has been transacted in former times is to be always a child. -- Cicero)
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To: Feline_AIDS

Suggest to her that she does not CONVERT, it is not an option.


14 posted on 11/10/2011 9:56:56 AM PST by Fred (no job no house no gas no food no problem Obama 2012)
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To: Feline_AIDS

Have her watch, “Not Without My Daughter.”


15 posted on 11/10/2011 9:57:40 AM PST by dfwgator (I stand with Herman Cain.)
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To: SWAMPSNIPER

I think you owe her the truth. But it probably won’t work. If she marries the guy your relationship with her is over anyway.


16 posted on 11/10/2011 9:57:53 AM PST by I Shall Endure
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To: Feline_AIDS

Send her this link along with a hug


17 posted on 11/10/2011 9:58:02 AM PST by Java4Jay
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To: Maceman

GMTA


18 posted on 11/10/2011 9:58:20 AM PST by dfwgator (I stand with Herman Cain.)
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To: Feline_AIDS

Patriot Act = GITMO


19 posted on 11/10/2011 9:58:34 AM PST by BlowNegative (The Thing about Silent Warfare - Don't leave footprints)
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To: Feline_AIDS

She is headed for a disaster of epic proportions. I can’t stress enough what a bad decision she is making. It would be one thing if he were just a secular Middle Eastern fella (still not a great choice). But a practicing Muslim - she’s crazy.

Teach her about Islam, FAST. Explain honor killings and beheaded wives, female genital mutilation, the whole nine.

Christians should be equally yoked in marriage, but they should definitely NOT marry Muslims.

You have to be willing to lose her friendship in order to save her. Tell her the 100% unvarnished truth. Treat her like a sick alcoholic.

Still, your friend may just be one of those females that seemingly has an unconscious death wish.


20 posted on 11/10/2011 9:58:40 AM PST by Retired Greyhound (.)
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To: Feline_AIDS

She is headed for disaster if she does this. It’s very troubling that her depression started when they began dating.

Have her read about Betty Mahmoody—she married an Iranian and went to Iran for a visit—but then she and her daughter were kept there against their will. She had to escape.

When your entire family and all your friends are against something, it speaks volumes. She’s in a very dangerous situation.


21 posted on 11/10/2011 10:00:02 AM PST by proud American in Canada (Go, Herman!)
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To: cripplecreek

[ Offer her a place to hide when it goes wrong. ]

About all you can do in this case.

Some people will never learn until they get a few hard knocks from life and even then they cannot.


22 posted on 11/10/2011 10:00:40 AM PST by GraceG
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To: Feline_AIDS

I got a better story than this.

My very liberal next door neighbor’s 22 year old daughter met Muslim boy in Cairo when there on a foreign study program. He wrote her that he needs to get married to avoid the draft. She agreed. She flew to Cairo, got married and came home. He will follow when he gets papers to come to the US.

She came to my daughter’s Halloween party in a burka which she wears to be “close” to her husband. My daughter was petrified that one of her friends would make a terrorist comment but none did.

When the parents are asked how they feel, they make helpless gestures. What can we do?

I predict this marriage won’t end well.


23 posted on 11/10/2011 10:00:50 AM PST by y6162
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To: Feline_AIDS

Oh, and I would definitely end the friendship with her for your own safety. The last thing you need is this guy in your life. He sounds dangerous.

Your friend has chosen this path. Don’t put yourself in danger.


24 posted on 11/10/2011 10:02:21 AM PST by Retired Greyhound (.)
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To: Feline_AIDS
Sounds like a blueprint for disaster.

I am unmarried and I was never THAT desperate!!

25 posted on 11/10/2011 10:02:27 AM PST by SMARTY ("The man who has no inner-life is a slave to his surroundings. "Henri Frederic Amiel)
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To: miss marmelstein; Maceman; Feline_AIDS

Re: Not Without my Daughter—my thoughts exactly.

And Feline Aids—you might consider showing her this thread, as well.


26 posted on 11/10/2011 10:02:47 AM PST by proud American in Canada (Go, Herman!)
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To: Feline_AIDS

Trap her in a group meeting with family and friends. Hammer into her head that if she wants to jump off a cliff you will not be there to catch her.


27 posted on 11/10/2011 10:03:03 AM PST by Java4Jay
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To: Feline_AIDS
Sounds to me like she had a sheltered childhood. That's the fault of the parents if that's the case.

Only thing I can tell you is to try and get her out to live a little. I'm sure there are some pretty solid dudes out there that could change her mind and get her attention.
28 posted on 11/10/2011 10:04:08 AM PST by randomhero97 ("First you want to kill me, now you want to kiss me. Blow!" - Ash)
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To: Feline_AIDS
Sally Fields made a movie, "Not Without My daughter", about how her Muslim husband took her daughter to live in his country.

If she was to have children with him, they will be Muslim and he will steal them away from her and return to his country.

That movie is based on a TRUE story, she finally did get her daughter back after she hired some men to do the job.

It appears to me that the Muslims, want to assimilate into the American society, and what better way to do that than by marrying an American girl, have the mixed race children, educate them in Islam and return them to America to do damage.

Remember Obama is the same, white mother who he hates, and his loyalty is to his father and islam.

29 posted on 11/10/2011 10:05:13 AM PST by annieokie
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To: Feline_AIDS

Get her to watch the movie “Not Without My Daughter”


30 posted on 11/10/2011 10:05:28 AM PST by NRA1995 (Obama's presidency is shovel-ready; let's bury it in 2012!)
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To: NEMDF; Feline_AIDS
Ask her if she’s prepared to deal with him killing their daughter some years down the road, because she refuses to wear a burqa to some event or other?

"Honor" killings are becoming a big problem in Canada.

Not long ago there were four women killed--three daughters and the mother--by the dad and son, because they girls dressed like typical Canadian girls. They were in a car that was pushed into a canal and they all drowned.

31 posted on 11/10/2011 10:05:49 AM PST by proud American in Canada (Go, Herman!)
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To: Java4Jay

Kind of like an intervention. Actually that might be the best idea, facing a group of people all at the same time, who have a shared agenda for the meeting.


32 posted on 11/10/2011 10:06:03 AM PST by NEMDF
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To: Feline_AIDS
This guy is the definition of a loser. He's been in a graduate program for the better part of a decade, has yet to even finish the first major milestone in that degree, and the end is nowhere in sight. They both are racking up debt like nobody's business, too. He can and does pontificate on liberal talking points and Islamic apologetics. He has few friends because he is an insufferable loud-talker who must always be right.

I suspect he's deliberately taking a long time, if he's taking on deferred student loan debt. Have fun with being a grad student for as long as possible, then return to Burp-istan when the game's over and blow off the student loans, taking your friend with him.

Once your friend has arrived in a Muslim country as his wife, she can kiss her freedom goodbye. He will own her.

33 posted on 11/10/2011 10:06:09 AM PST by PapaBear3625 (During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act.)
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To: Feline_AIDS

My niece married and now divorced from a Jehovah’s witness. What a disaster that turned out to be.


34 posted on 11/10/2011 10:07:20 AM PST by tflabo (Restore the Republic)
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To: Retired Greyhound

Exactly. I’s tell the OP the following...

One person cannot save another from themself and trying in this case will only lead to your own grief. It’s the same as women marrying a man and thinking they will ‘fix’ them... Ain’t gonna happen. Cut ties and wish her well because she’s lost to you already.


35 posted on 11/10/2011 10:07:21 AM PST by Norm Lenhart (Chief Druid of Trollhenge: Cult of Palin)
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To: Feline_AIDS

So... which country is this guy from?


36 posted on 11/10/2011 10:07:42 AM PST by MetaThought
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To: Feline_AIDS
Short version: What's the tactful way to tell a friend she's marrying a loser, and should I bother?

Have her watch the film/read the book Not Without My Daughter.

37 posted on 11/10/2011 10:08:49 AM PST by Alex Murphy (http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/religion/2703506/posts?page=518#518)
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To: Feline_AIDS
#1: Ask her why she doesn't think she deserves better.

#2: Provide links to stories about Muslim men in America killing their wives and children, especially daughters who want to be more "westernized".

#3: What will she do if he takes their children to a muslim country to live?

#4: Tell her she's already in his thrall because she won't end the relationship now; marriage will make the commitment worse and he WILL make her become a muslim.

#5: Her depression will worsen when she realizes no one in her family and no friends will want to keep company with her OR he will isolate her from her family and friends.

If you are a true friend, tell her things directly, don't beat around the bush.

38 posted on 11/10/2011 10:09:58 AM PST by DallasDeb (usafa06mom)
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To: Feline_AIDS
ANYone, even nominally Christian, refusing to listen to Godly wisdom, should be left to their desire(s) but sincerely prayed for.

Your friend might have deeper things going on that what you or we think we think.

She might be contemplating giving the world the 12th imam (or whatever he's called)

39 posted on 11/10/2011 10:10:05 AM PST by knarf (I say things that are true ... I have no proof ... but they're true)
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To: Feline_AIDS
-Will certainly complicate if not ruin our friendship

Not the kind of friend you need. If she cannot understand how you are trying to help her and prevent her from possibly committing suicide, being with a Muslim can be suicide.

40 posted on 11/10/2011 10:10:17 AM PST by Ratman83
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To: Alex Murphy
Have her watch the film/read the book Not Without My Daughter.

Eight posts and counting, I think they'll get the message. ;)

41 posted on 11/10/2011 10:11:11 AM PST by dfwgator (I stand with Herman Cain.)
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To: Feline_AIDS

does he have a passport and leave the country frequently?

that’s another stike against.

good luck seeing her kids if/when it all goes sideways jihadi.


42 posted on 11/10/2011 10:11:11 AM PST by WOBBLY BOB (See ya later, debt inflator ! Gone in 4 (2012))
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To: Feline_AIDS

I’d advise Dad to hire a PI and do a very thorough investigation. I’d take what I had to Homeland Security and have him investigated.

By the time all that happens, we may have a new President who will take the allegation seriously and roll him and the rest of his cell up.

You aren’t going to change her mind. Period.

Him however, he can be deported, arrested, surveilled.

The FBI, for the most part, takes these sorts of reports seriously.

I’d spike her food with birth control pills before she gets knocked up.

My two cents.


43 posted on 11/10/2011 10:12:03 AM PST by RinaseaofDs (Does beheading qualify as 'breaking my back', in the Jeffersonian sense of the expression?)
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To: proud American in Canada

This is the biography that “Not Without My Daughter” the movie was based on. Good book, very good movie.


44 posted on 11/10/2011 10:12:46 AM PST by miss marmelstein (Let's have a Cain Mutiny!)
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To: Feline_AIDS
is engaged to her liberal Muslim boyfriend of two years.

Really sorry to hear that.......While he may be a decent guy now, she will ultimately become a second class citizen and abused wife.

A Sally Fields movie immediately comes to mind........"Not Without My Daughter"

45 posted on 11/10/2011 10:12:46 AM PST by Hot Tabasco
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To: Feline_AIDS

If she gets away from the guy her depression may go away. You need to tell her the truth in love and pray...both good advice from others on here. She is heading to disaster and inside she probably senses the fact but doesn’t mean she will wake up.


46 posted on 11/10/2011 10:14:01 AM PST by outinyellowdogcountry
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To: Feline_AIDS
Remind her that often God wants us to pass on what seems to be good to us, so that he can bless us with what is great to God.

Marriage and kids will come, but at what cost? I would postulate that the cost to a good Christian man would be far less than the cost to a Muslim. Also, ask her how she wants to raise her sons and daughters. As Muslims or as Christians. Ask her if she has asked her boyfriend to renounce Mohammad and accept Christ as God's son and the one and only Savior.

47 posted on 11/10/2011 10:14:27 AM PST by taxcontrol
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To: dfwgator
Eight posts and counting, I think they'll get the message. ;)

My other thought was to ask her "has he ever tried/theatened to hit you?", with a follow-up question of "more than once?"

48 posted on 11/10/2011 10:15:04 AM PST by Alex Murphy (http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/religion/2703506/posts?page=518#518)
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To: Feline_AIDS

You have a delicate situation here. Keep in mind that you need a way to tell her the truth about what she can possibly expect in this kind of relationship once she has tied the knot. If you don’t tell her she could always use you as an excuse for allowing her to go through hell she is about to endure.

You need to educate yourself on various aspects of Islam that directly relate to her.

One is wife beating which is an institution within Islam. How about being confined to the home and never talking to another man unless it is family. How about the consequences of breaking the rules? Honor killing anyone?

How about the status of women in general in Islam? They rank just barely above infidels and we know how Muzzies feel about them. Misogyny within Islam is a given.

How about what happens to the children they have? They are automatically Muslim once they are born because they have a Muzzie father. What if they try and convert out? That act is punishable by death. Does she mind her husband beating and/or possibly killing her children?

Does she mind wearing a burka, chador, or nikab? By doing so she loses her ability to express her individuality to the public.

These are just some of the issues you need to discuss with her. Just let her know that when things go bad enough for her to desire to escape it that you are there to help her get out. Some people need to go to the School of Hard Knocks to really understand certain things.

Then she could write a book afterward about her descent into the living hell of Islam from a Western/American perspective.


49 posted on 11/10/2011 10:15:50 AM PST by Jack Hydrazine (It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine!)
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To: Feline_AIDS
The closest I ever came to telling her to run, not walk, away from this guy was when I said I worried he'd turn her into a liberal or Muslim, which she assured me would never be the case.
**********
OF COURSE that "would never be the case" -- UNTIL he starts demanding her conversion and then raising any children as Muslims, and "let's go visit my folks back home" and stay there. At the risk of her friendship, it's literally either 1) (possible) loss of friendship with someone who rejects the advice of everyone who is concerned about her, or 2) (guaranteed) loss of friendship with someone who would be lost forever if she goes through with it. She doesn't realize yet that she will be required to change, and it will be too late then.
50 posted on 11/10/2011 10:16:02 AM PST by wildandcrazyrussian
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