Skip to comments.Need advice: Friend marrying broke Muslim loser [vanity]
Posted on 11/10/2011 9:50:19 AM PST by Feline_AIDS
Short version: What's the tactful way to tell a friend she's marrying a loser, and should I bother?
Long version: A friend of mine, who is nominally a conservative Christian, is engaged to her liberal Muslim boyfriend of two years. At many points along the way, I dropped subtle hints about how unwise it is for a Christian to marry a non-Christian. I'm not sure why she started dating him in the first place, but I have three guesses from observing the relationship from the beginning. 1) He pursued her relentlessly. 2) He's more masculine than most of the other guys in her graduate program. 3) She desperately wants to be married and have kids.
Her family has objected to the relationship since day 1, and I've never been supportive either. I think everyone thought she would realize what a terrible idea he was and ditch him. Unfortunately, she's also pretty depressed and not receiving treatment. The depression started when they started dating.
This guy is the definition of a loser. He's been in a graduate program for the better part of a decade, has yet to even finish the first major milestone in that degree, and the end is nowhere in sight. They both are racking up debt like nobody's business, too. He can and does pontificate on liberal talking points and Islamic apologetics. He has few friends because he is an insufferable loud-talker who must always be right.
She basically broke her father's heart when she started dating this guy, so becoming engaged must have just ripped her old man's heart right out of his chest. I'm pretty sure that once they get married, the Muslim will want to move away from her family, because I can't imagine him hanging around where he's disliked.
He's the kind of Muslim who feels allegiance to Islam over his American citizenship in a political, principled way that has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with "identity." In my mind, he's the kind of guy who would radicalize because of some "injustice" somewhere, try to force his wife to convert, and saw her head off with a dull knife if she protested. The closest I ever came to telling her to run, not walk, away from this guy was when I said I worried he'd turn her into a liberal or Muslim, which she assured me would never be the case.
So how do I tell my friend that she should ditch this guy, go see a therapist or doctor, punch herself in the face for ever entertaining such a stupid idea as marrying this fool, and then for the rest of her life listen to her parents when they disapprove of a big life decision she's making, because they're probably right? I don't think any of her other friends have ever said anything negative or cautionary about this guy.
Pros of saying something:
-Friend might not go through a terrible divorce or
-Friend might not go through a terrible beheading
-It's the right thing to do, I think
-Will likely worsen her depression
-Will certainly complicate if not ruin our friendship
Find out if he knows how to pilot a plane, but cannot take off or land.
You have to tell her the truth. If she doesn’t listen, too bad.
Offer her a place to hide when it goes wrong.
I seriously doubt you can do anything to convince her, some women just seem to court disaster.
ya might point out what the Bible says about being unequally yoked. Ya might point out how muslims treat women.
I would say something if it were a friend of mine. The trick is saying it in a loving manner and not getting sucked in to a major argument.
.Either way you will probably lose her as a friend.
We've heard that story before. The burka comes next.
Ask her if she’s prepared to deal with him killing their daughter some years down the road, because she refuses to wear a burqa to some event or other?
1 Thessalonians 5:17
New American Standard Bible (NASB)
17 pray without ceasing;
Send her a copy of the Sally Field movie: Not Without My Daughter
—2) He’s more masculine than most of the other guys in her graduate program.—
Yeah, same reason guys go for the “trashy” girls. Usually they don’t marry them, though. Either way, this will affect the rest of her life, and there is little you can do about it.
It is best to learn from the mistakes of others, but in matters of love, often the only way to learn is through your own mistakes.
I agree with San Jacinto. You do have to tell her the truth. You can’t make her believe it, but when something bad happens to her (and it will), you will regret not having said something.
Suggest to her that she does not CONVERT, it is not an option.
Have her watch, “Not Without My Daughter.”
I think you owe her the truth. But it probably won’t work. If she marries the guy your relationship with her is over anyway.
Send her this link along with a hug
Patriot Act = GITMO
She is headed for a disaster of epic proportions. I can’t stress enough what a bad decision she is making. It would be one thing if he were just a secular Middle Eastern fella (still not a great choice). But a practicing Muslim - she’s crazy.
Teach her about Islam, FAST. Explain honor killings and beheaded wives, female genital mutilation, the whole nine.
Christians should be equally yoked in marriage, but they should definitely NOT marry Muslims.
You have to be willing to lose her friendship in order to save her. Tell her the 100% unvarnished truth. Treat her like a sick alcoholic.
Still, your friend may just be one of those females that seemingly has an unconscious death wish.
She is headed for disaster if she does this. It’s very troubling that her depression started when they began dating.
Have her read about Betty Mahmoody—she married an Iranian and went to Iran for a visit—but then she and her daughter were kept there against their will. She had to escape.
When your entire family and all your friends are against something, it speaks volumes. She’s in a very dangerous situation.
[ Offer her a place to hide when it goes wrong. ]
About all you can do in this case.
Some people will never learn until they get a few hard knocks from life and even then they cannot.
I got a better story than this.
My very liberal next door neighbor’s 22 year old daughter met Muslim boy in Cairo when there on a foreign study program. He wrote her that he needs to get married to avoid the draft. She agreed. She flew to Cairo, got married and came home. He will follow when he gets papers to come to the US.
She came to my daughter’s Halloween party in a burka which she wears to be “close” to her husband. My daughter was petrified that one of her friends would make a terrorist comment but none did.
When the parents are asked how they feel, they make helpless gestures. What can we do?
I predict this marriage won’t end well.
Oh, and I would definitely end the friendship with her for your own safety. The last thing you need is this guy in your life. He sounds dangerous.
Your friend has chosen this path. Don’t put yourself in danger.
I am unmarried and I was never THAT desperate!!
Re: Not Without my Daughter—my thoughts exactly.
And Feline Aids—you might consider showing her this thread, as well.
Trap her in a group meeting with family and friends. Hammer into her head that if she wants to jump off a cliff you will not be there to catch her.
If she was to have children with him, they will be Muslim and he will steal them away from her and return to his country.
That movie is based on a TRUE story, she finally did get her daughter back after she hired some men to do the job.
It appears to me that the Muslims, want to assimilate into the American society, and what better way to do that than by marrying an American girl, have the mixed race children, educate them in Islam and return them to America to do damage.
Remember Obama is the same, white mother who he hates, and his loyalty is to his father and islam.
Get her to watch the movie “Not Without My Daughter”
"Honor" killings are becoming a big problem in Canada.
Not long ago there were four women killed--three daughters and the mother--by the dad and son, because they girls dressed like typical Canadian girls. They were in a car that was pushed into a canal and they all drowned.
Kind of like an intervention. Actually that might be the best idea, facing a group of people all at the same time, who have a shared agenda for the meeting.
I suspect he's deliberately taking a long time, if he's taking on deferred student loan debt. Have fun with being a grad student for as long as possible, then return to Burp-istan when the game's over and blow off the student loans, taking your friend with him.
Once your friend has arrived in a Muslim country as his wife, she can kiss her freedom goodbye. He will own her.
My niece married and now divorced from a Jehovah’s witness. What a disaster that turned out to be.
Exactly. I’s tell the OP the following...
One person cannot save another from themself and trying in this case will only lead to your own grief. It’s the same as women marrying a man and thinking they will ‘fix’ them... Ain’t gonna happen. Cut ties and wish her well because she’s lost to you already.
So... which country is this guy from?
Have her watch the film/read the book Not Without My Daughter.
#2: Provide links to stories about Muslim men in America killing their wives and children, especially daughters who want to be more "westernized".
#3: What will she do if he takes their children to a muslim country to live?
#4: Tell her she's already in his thrall because she won't end the relationship now; marriage will make the commitment worse and he WILL make her become a muslim.
#5: Her depression will worsen when she realizes no one in her family and no friends will want to keep company with her OR he will isolate her from her family and friends.
If you are a true friend, tell her things directly, don't beat around the bush.
Your friend might have deeper things going on that what you or we think we think.
She might be contemplating giving the world the 12th imam (or whatever he's called)
Not the kind of friend you need. If she cannot understand how you are trying to help her and prevent her from possibly committing suicide, being with a Muslim can be suicide.
Eight posts and counting, I think they'll get the message. ;)
does he have a passport and leave the country frequently?
that’s another stike against.
good luck seeing her kids if/when it all goes sideways jihadi.
I’d advise Dad to hire a PI and do a very thorough investigation. I’d take what I had to Homeland Security and have him investigated.
By the time all that happens, we may have a new President who will take the allegation seriously and roll him and the rest of his cell up.
You aren’t going to change her mind. Period.
Him however, he can be deported, arrested, surveilled.
The FBI, for the most part, takes these sorts of reports seriously.
I’d spike her food with birth control pills before she gets knocked up.
My two cents.
This is the biography that “Not Without My Daughter” the movie was based on. Good book, very good movie.
Really sorry to hear that.......While he may be a decent guy now, she will ultimately become a second class citizen and abused wife.
A Sally Fields movie immediately comes to mind........"Not Without My Daughter"
If she gets away from the guy her depression may go away. You need to tell her the truth in love and pray...both good advice from others on here. She is heading to disaster and inside she probably senses the fact but doesn’t mean she will wake up.
Marriage and kids will come, but at what cost? I would postulate that the cost to a good Christian man would be far less than the cost to a Muslim. Also, ask her how she wants to raise her sons and daughters. As Muslims or as Christians. Ask her if she has asked her boyfriend to renounce Mohammad and accept Christ as God's son and the one and only Savior.
My other thought was to ask her "has he ever tried/theatened to hit you?", with a follow-up question of "more than once?"
You have a delicate situation here. Keep in mind that you need a way to tell her the truth about what she can possibly expect in this kind of relationship once she has tied the knot. If you don’t tell her she could always use you as an excuse for allowing her to go through hell she is about to endure.
You need to educate yourself on various aspects of Islam that directly relate to her.
One is wife beating which is an institution within Islam. How about being confined to the home and never talking to another man unless it is family. How about the consequences of breaking the rules? Honor killing anyone?
How about the status of women in general in Islam? They rank just barely above infidels and we know how Muzzies feel about them. Misogyny within Islam is a given.
How about what happens to the children they have? They are automatically Muslim once they are born because they have a Muzzie father. What if they try and convert out? That act is punishable by death. Does she mind her husband beating and/or possibly killing her children?
Does she mind wearing a burka, chador, or nikab? By doing so she loses her ability to express her individuality to the public.
These are just some of the issues you need to discuss with her. Just let her know that when things go bad enough for her to desire to escape it that you are there to help her get out. Some people need to go to the School of Hard Knocks to really understand certain things.
Then she could write a book afterward about her descent into the living hell of Islam from a Western/American perspective.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.