Skip to comments.Worst War Movies Ever Made
Posted on 11/11/2011 4:18:37 PM PST by PJ-Comix
Today is Veterans Day so I guess it is also a day to discuss the WORST war movies ever made. Here is my list of a few of the WORST movies IMHO:
1. Battle of the Bulge---This movie was so bad and inaccurate that Former President Eisenhower held a press conference just to denounce it. Not only was it historically inaccurate with an absurd plot (a Boston police detective piecing together battlefield clues to help defeat the Germans) but the geographic locale was all wrong with the dense Ardennes forrest at times appearing to be a large western prairie. Okay, the Panzer Lied scene was kind of interesting but the rest of it was ridiculous.
2. Starship Troopers---Okay this was science fiction but did why did they insult the viewer's intelligence by using obsolete WWI battlefield tactics a couple of hundred years in the future? Drone rockets could have nuked those bugs without sending troopers in with machine guns.
3. Naked and the Dead---Painful to watch.
4. Thin Red Line---Hollywood attempted two versions of James Jones brilliant novel which was probably the best such book written in modern times and failed miserably both times. A tragedy since the book was incredible.
5. Pearl Harbor---Did anybody else wish that a stray Japanese bullet would have put Ben Affleck out of his, and our, misery? And the scene with President Franklin D. Roosevelt rising out of his wheelchair to walk was both painful to watch as well as laughable.
6. The Alamo---I wanted to like this movie but Frankie Avalon as the most unconvincing frontiersman ever, Smitty from Tennessee, ruined my usual suspension of disbelief while watching a movie. Frankie was way too urban for the role. Whenever I started getting into the movie, Frankie as Smitty kept ruining it for me. I kept seeing the Alamo but I kept thinking of South Philly. Also I kept thinking about Alamo eye candy, Linda Cristal, but that's another story.
Do ya suppose it was the drums that got Ringo that gig?
Thin Red Line
Wife and I were going to walk out but so many in the audience were laughing we stayed because it became a Rocky Horror type joke. People were chanting “Lizard-Lizard” or “Girl on swing!” We stayed only to see how bad it could get.
If you have not seen it:
Wind sweeps thru tree, soldiers attack, girl on porch swings, lizard sticks out tongue, little boys swim as camera (obviously operated by Gerry Sandusky) takes shots from inappropriate angles. More lizard tongues, more palm trees in wind, a quick shooting and a few more girls on swings.
Heartbreak Ridge is one of those movies that seem watchable the first time but just get worse with repeated viewings.
But it’s worth it just for the cluster-you-know-what scene.
“SWEDE! SWEDE! SWEDE!”
Some other stinkers:
Lee Van Cleef’s Commando’s
Go Tell The Spartans
The Siege of Firebase Gloria
German Film Die Bruche (The Bridge)
Windtalkers=something Nicholas Cage is in= no good.
onoz. A no wire hangars movie again.
“There haven’t been hippies around here for centuries man, you been freeze dried or doing hard time?”
Matt Damon, not Brad Pitt, and I refuse to watch it. I’ll watch the Bourne movies, but that’s it for my Matt Damon intake.
To add to the list—”The Hurt Locker.” Garbage.
Oh, and if anyone thought “Starship Troopers” was bad (and it was, but it was enjoyable), check out the (direct-to-video) sequels.
And one would think it would be difficult to get from New York to England by train.
I thought that the US was the nation that built the Intercontinental Railroad.
It was, I learned it from President Obama.
Yes. You can see all the good scenes/lines in a few minutes on YouTube.
The Ayatollah of Rock-and-Rolla!
In Harms Way
I have a friend I can reduce to jelly anytime by saying "Was my Peter-san brave?"
YOU THE MAID?
From that movie I learned that Japanese ships had no sailors aboard them.
At least in the Ukraine there are plenty of army babes everywhere
But a least Barbara Bach is more believable than 85lb Keira Knightley taking multiple 300lb+ Saxon warriors in King Arthur
And made out of balsa wood.
My God, sign me up! I would hit it times 20!!!!!!!!!
Hart’s War was pretty much unwatchable.
“I’m committing my tanks!!”
That does it!! In Harms Way was/is one of the five greatest movies of all time.
It is full of cliches, improbable characters, cheesy action scenes, with a love story mixed in.
In short, it was pure John Wayne. The box office and history disagrees with the critics who tell us what movies to like and dislike.
Bruce Willis plays the worst American Army officer in history.
Okay. The scene at the beginning of Where Eagles Dare when the German officer arrives at the mountain fortress in a helicopter (Bell model 47) just ruins what was a pretty good flick.
Your post prompted me to do a Wiki search and there was one Allied air raid targeting the Graf Zeppelin.
How come ever WWII Navy movie has the Japs dressed in their best uniforms in the middle of the ocean in the middle of a war. NOBODY wears their dress uniforms in the middle of the ocean, ESPECIALLY in wartime.
Particularly garbage like the Deer Hunter, Apocalypse Now, Full Metal Jacket, Platoon and other such cartoons.
Just watched an idiotic WW I movie called The Somme in which nobody gets dirty, gunfire is somewhat rare and at the end of an interminable hour and a half of chattered gibberish, the launch a charge across a pretty green field and one by one, they fall gracefully and bloodlessly to apparently one machinegun. No budget, apparently.
I hate war movies because they are never produced or directed by actual veterans (Oliver Stone is as much a veteran as John Kerry). The usual technical adviser for such tripe is Dale Dye, a former Marine PAO who wouldn't have the slightest idea what combat is like but he has still wangled his way into "advising" scores of war films... Sheesh.
Alamo, the John Wayne epic or some other remake?
“Windtalkers” with that idiot Nicolas Cage......
Oh no, not Heartbreak Ridge!!! Eastwood utters the best lines of his career in that flick!
“The Marines are looking for a few good men...and you ain’t it.”
No mention of Platoon, Forrest Gump, Full Metal Jacket, Rambo, Born on the 4th of July?
While some of these only refer to Vietnam, they make cartoon characters of the fighting men who went there.
The two babes... er, soldiers on the right in the front two rows appear to be wearing non-regulation footgear.
Some non-reg wearing of the lids there too.
You beat me to it!...I rate Kelly’s Heros up there with Blazing Saddles...
If you thought “Apocalypse Now” was bad you see “Apocalypse Now Redux” which includes scenes that were edited out of the final version. The navy swift boat crew actually scores with the playboy bunnies. The playboy bunnies were stranded when their helicopter ran out of gas. The sailors gave thier diesal fuel in exchange for the fun with the bunnies.
This movie is an embarrassment to me and my fellow Apache pilots on so many levels. It's just God awful. I absolutely cringe when it comes on, then immediately change the channel.
INGLOURIUS BASTERDS. I know it’s supposed to be ridiculous, but it’s REALLY ridiculous.
The Gilligans’s Island episode where Gilligan finds a left behind Japanese soldier... Is that considered a war movie??
I guess it could be.. The Japanese soldier didn’t know the war was over.
Ahhh.. Girrigan... You-are-my-plisoner... hahahahah!!
Can one of you HTML pilots cue up a pick of that guy... I think he looks just like Margaret Carlson. Thick glasses, buck teeth..
Hypothetical wars count too?
“The Day After”
What part did Frankie Avalon play? I don’t remember him at all.
Frankie Avalon, Glen Campbell, Ricky Nelson. Did the Duke have all the crooners of the minute in his films?
No, “The Green Zone” starred Matt Damon. But yes, it did suck.
He played the one person who got out of the Alamo alive, went to Sam Houston to beg for reinforcements, but like his career, failed.
Yep, there is not one Kraut in it!
Second place, the battle for Endor in Return of the Jedi, where the Empire loses to some stuffed animals not because of military strategy, but because they appeal to the target demographic and are cute.
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