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Posted on 03/09/2012 4:35:26 AM PST by Lucky9teen
Try to stay calm.
Take a deep breath.
For today is Panic Day.
Can you handle today?
Good, I was worried for a moment.
Hopefully, everything is going just swell in your life, and you have no need for this day.
But, if problems and troubles are looming, try to hold off hitting the panic button until this day arrives.
Don't worry. Don't fret. and, above all, don't panic. However, if ever there was a day to panic, today is that day.
As you get through this unsettling day, you have another day to worry about.......International Panic Day.
Top 20 ways to get the most out of Panic Day:
1) You are definitely encouraged to loudly proclaim, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more!" Or, run around wildly and proclaim , "I'm stressed, I'm stressed and I can't take it any more!"
2) Megaphones are allowed, but its even better if you can exercise your natural lung power, breathing very fully and deeply for a great big, cathartic shout.
3) We encourage employees everywhere to fill their companys suggestion box with the request for a sound proof, padded room. Thus, Panic Day and any other occasion that requires loud, ridiculous behavior can be celebrated discreetly.
4) If, like most of us, you are without a sound proof, padded room, then be bold, be assertive, and take a stand by the water cooler, swearing not to budge until things get better..
5) Stay in bed all day. But first, get up, brush your teeth, head to the kitchen and load up on snacks and drinks. Make sure you have lots of fluffy pillows to hide your head under.
6) Get up and go jogging or swimming or bike riding.
7) Phone in well. Call your boss and tell him or her that you feel too darn good to come in to work today, even though its a fib. That way you wont appear to be a victim.
8) Go to work way over-dressed. Wear a tux or a prom gown, and, when asked what its about, simply reply, I have an engagement later on. Keep em guessing.
9) Call the local TV station and tell them youre going to run for President and that youre holding a news conference at your house at noon.
10) Go the animal shelter and adopt a dog or cat.
11) Attempt to dye your hair in a checkerboard pattern.
12) Head for the toy store and buy as many toy soldiers as you can and come home and conduct a war in your living room.
13) Mix up a couple bottles full of food coloring and water and go out and write wacky things on the snow.
14) Call the Y and try to convince the pool manager that the pool should be filled with lime yogurt.
15) Start a new religion.
16) Put red dots all over your face and go food shopping.
17) Go the shore and walk the beach, or go to the mountains and climb a large hill.
18) Stand on one foot in the middle of a large mall, waving your arms up and down and proclaim, Im a bad bad birdie, Im a bad bad birdie.
19) Go to a Senior Center and sit down and have a chat with some nice older person.
20) Contact the local fire company and ask if you can come over and help wash a fire truck.
If a light sleeper sleeps with a light on, what does a hard sleeper sleep with?
Hau Long is a China man's name.
(Discuss amongst yourselves)
Hahaha, I see that Looter man got a job guiding tourists on horseback ocean tours!
A little water never stopped Looter Man!
Nice touch inserting the bottle of “Jerkins Lotion” on the desk.....
Not a panic story, but a good email.
You dont have to be an engineer to appreciate this story .. but you probably appreciate it even more if you had production line experience.
A toothpaste factory had a problem: they sometimes shipped empty boxes, without the tube inside. This was due to the way the production line was set up, and people with experience in designing production lines will tell you how difficult it is to have everything happen with timings so precise that every single unit coming out of it is perfect 100% of the time. Small variations in the environment (which cant be controlled in a cost-effective fashion) mean you must have quality assurance checks smartly distributed across the line so that customers all the way down to the supermarket dont get pissed off and buy another product instead.
Understanding how important that was, the CEO of the toothpaste factory got the top people in the company together and they decided to start a new project, in which they would hire an external engineering company to solve their empty boxes problem, as their engineering department was already too stretched to take on any extra effort.
The project followed the usual process: budget and project sponsor allocated, RFP, third-parties selected, and six months (and $8 million) later they had a fantastic solution on time, on budget, high quality and everyone in the project had a great time. They solved the problem by using high-tech precision scales that would sound a bell and flash lights whenever a toothpaste box would weigh less than it should. The line would stop, and someone had to walk over and yank the defective box out of it, pressing another button when done to re-start the line.
A while later, the CEO decides to have a look at the ROI of the project: amazing results! No empty boxes ever shipped out of the factory after the scales were put in place. Very few customer complaints, and they were gaining market share. Thats some money well spent! he says, before looking closely at the other statistics in the report.
It turns out, the number of defects picked up by the scales was 0 after three weeks of production use. It shouldve been picking up at least a dozen a day, so maybe there was something wrong with the report. He filed a bug against it, and after some investigation, the engineers come back saying the report was actually correct. The scales really weren’t picking up any defects, because all boxes that got to that point in the conveyor belt were good.
Puzzled, the CEO travels down to the factory, and walks up to the part of the line where the precision scales were installed.
A few feet before the scale, there was a $20 desk fan constantly blowing, and all the empty boxes blew off the belt and into a bin.
Oh, that, says one of the workers one of the guys put it there cause he was tired of walking over every time the darn bell rang.
What the .... ?!
OMG! The last one is epic!
Need eye bleach.
I remember those prices. My dad used to fill up the Plymouth Fury III, buy us all candy bars, and get change back from his $5 bill. Gas wars drove the prices down into the teens. $.17 is the lowest I’ve ever seen.
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