Skip to comments.The 8 Simple Rules for Marrying My Daughter
Posted on 03/15/2012 9:29:59 AM PDT by Altariel
Having a teenage daughter is a bit like living in the middle of a zombie movie. There will be a knock on the door, and when you open it you'll find standing there a smelly, unwashed, slack-faced male wearing ill-fitting clothes and wanting to take your daughter on a date. When she appears from where she has been shoveling on her makeup, he'll regard her with that zombie-hunger in his eyes.
Your natural impulse is to get rid of this one, but doing so doesn't improve things: There are others out there, a whole zombie army, shambling and moaning toward your home.
And what's really discouraging is that this is just the opening skirmish. As time passes, the zombies become more cunning. They learn how to penetrate your defenses, offering to help you around the house, disarming you with their seeming willingness to respect you. And then suddenly, one of them wants to marry your daughter, and you realize that you were lulled into a false sense of security.
Before this happens to you, I suggest you post these 8 Simple Rules to your front door, for all the zombies to read and heed.
Rule No. 1: If you neglected to ask my permission before you proposed to my daughter, don't worry about it. You can make it up to me by making sure your wedding is both beautiful and to a different woman.
Rule No. 2: There are many, many men your age in this world, but there is only one woman who is my daughter. She is unique. You, on the other hand, can be replaced at any time.
Rule No. 3: It has been my job all my life to make my daughter happy. Now it will be your job. My job will be to make sure you do your job. And don't think that just because my daughter has picked you it means you meet my personal standards for what is good for her. I haven't made up my mind yet and will be evaluating you over a time period known as "forever."
Rule No. 4: You may be wondering how to address me: "Dad"? "Bruce"? "Mr. Cameron"? Let's end the awkwardness. For the time being, I suggest you stick with "sir." Sample phrases to help you become accustomed to this term: "May I wash your car for you today, sir?" "Are there any tasks that I can do around the house while you watch the ballgame, sir?" "Is there anything I can do to make your life better, sir?"
Rule No. 5: Call me old-fashioned, but I believe that any man who wishes to marry my daughter should have a good job and a successful career. I'm not saying you need to be the sole source of income, but I am saying if you don't take care of my daughter, I will take care of you.
Rule No. 6: You do not have a legal contract with my daughter she can break off the engagement if she wants and there is nothing you can do about it except change your name and move out of the country. The same goes for you: I would not want you marrying my daughter if you do not truly feel you are the right man for her, nor, if you break it off, would I want you marrying anybody else. Ever.
Rule No. 7: You may, in a very male episode of last-minute panic, decide that you need to sow some wild oats right before the wedding. Let's define our roles: If you are the sower, I will be your reaper.
Rule No. 8: The vows you will be taking commit you to be faithful to my daughter "'til death do you part." Be advised if you break your vows, I'll immediately exercise the second part of the contract.
Naturally, there's more to the whole equation than just what I've got here. These rules are excerpted from my new book, "8 Simple Rules for Marrying My Daughter" (Fireside, April 2008). If you've got a daughter, I suggest you pick up a copy before the zombies breach your defenses.
To write Bruce Cameron, visit his Website at www.wbrucecameron.com. To find out more about Bruce Cameron and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
My sons are 18 and 16. The vast majority of the young women they deal with fall into 2 categories:
1) Morally challenged
My guess is most boys do also.
The challenge is to get the 2 sexes of the “none of the above” to meet and start families. Even with that it is very hard to have a good marriage. If the parents of either get too involved then its damn near impossible. I know the post is supposed to be humorous but I fear that my boys will end up with a princess more than the morally challenged.
Preach it! I have sons as well who are stellar. Some little precious snowflake and her over-protective father are not going to mess with their lives.
I have weapons and retain the right to use them at anytime now or in the future to safeguard and improve the life of my daughter. You maybe marry her and I will graciously allow you to join mean in that duty. Doing this will not remove my 'veto option' now or ever. I already gave 18 to 20 years to give her a good life. I will gladly give another 20 to life if it is needed. I will give you the benifit of the doubt AFTER you have spent an equal amount of time devoted to her happiness and well being.
Thank you! I didn’t appreciate the first list. How about I expect you to treat my daughter with respect and I in turned have taught her to treat you with respect and leave it at that.
On the other hand, we are raising our children for old fashioned courtship instead of the dating rat race. There is no need for my children to go out and sow any oats with anyone. When they are ready for marriage is the time to start looking for a partner not before.
On the other side, we are presuming your daughter is attractive and you aren’t a pig? (Because you kind of sound like a pig.)
Parents of boys become their best cheerleaders. Raise them to be terrific men, excel in academics, great grades, good colleges. We are on their bench every day, rooting them on. They meet a princess and manipulative family and suddenly you are off the bench and kicked out of the game. Parents of boys are expected to suspend their love for their sons.
“Great rules: but they mean absolutely NOTHING to most of the daughters I see out an about these days.”
Interesting that you mention that. I’ve been running into white girls in upper-middleclass neighborhoods who behave worse than “Laquisha”. I can forgive Laquisha because she was born into a very difficult situation and is doing what she can with the bad hand that was dealt her. The other girls, however, have had every advantage and are absolute trash.
If one of our sons brought any of the girls I’ve been seeing home, his mother would shoot him and bury him in the backyard....just as a warning to our other sons.
BTW - Since you sound so bad ass, maybe its best we don't meet in real life. That way you and your 230 grain friend can hide behind the keyboard.
In response to rule #2, why don’t parents teach their daughters to dress in a way that they aren’t actually trying to tempt the boys to look where they shouldn’t. I see teenage girls everyday that have more breast showing than they have covered. You can see their stomachs and their cracks. Their g-string panties are visible above their jeans and there is skin showing between the panties and their jeans. In the summer, if they sit wrong in their ‘shorts’ you can see where the sun don’t shine.
My 12 year old daughter is physically mature for her age and very lovely. We are very careful about the way she dresses and have taught her to inspect herself in the mirror. If she can see down her shirt when she bends over in front of the mirror, then others will be able to see it too.
We have taught our 11 year old son to actually look away or straight in front of him. The assault on the purity of our young men is out of control. You can’t even walk in the mall without a 10 foot high picture of a mostly naked woman posing at you from inside the window of Victoria’s Secret. On another topic, not sure what her secret it is, she seems to have bared it all.
The responsibility lies with both sexes and for us to place the blame on one is just wrong.
we are raising our children for old fashioned courtship instead of the dating rat race. There is no need for my children to go out and sow any oats with anyone. When they are ready for marriage is the time to start looking for a partner not before.”
This is the right answer. I pray for Christian homeschooled wives for my sons, and I have discussed the immoral, dysfunctional dating culture with them. Right now they are too busy with flying, karate, piano, traveling to China, etc. to be concerned about teenaged girls.
At homeschool conferences and conventions I always have my eye out for prospective DILs ;-)
That is the reality. Hence the old saying - A daughter is a daughter for life and a son is a son until he takes a wife.
They always know I will be both father and friend. No one is perfect and always try to do better tomorrow.
Talon’s not expecting anything from our daughter’s suitors that he wasn’t willing to do himself. You don’t have to be a “sniveling coward” to live up to those sorts of ideals. Which ideas, exactly, were so objectionable? Respect for elders? Actually being able to provide for a family before starting one?
Girls with loving, involved fathers should want to marry men who remind them of their dads - I know I did - who will be good fathers to their own daughters. Showing respect for the institution of marriage is a good start. And that’s what the original “rules” in the article are actually talking about. Someone who can match that worldview is going to respect marriage as an institution.
Loving all your posts. BTW, my daughter is a princess. But I expect her to treat a young man she was courting as a prince. Same for my son. Lol only reversed. My son is not a princess. :)
Until such time as they are ready for marriage we have taught them what the Bible expects of them in reference to their relationships with the opposite sex.
1 Timothy 5
Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren; 2The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity.
Don’t discount FreeRepublic as a courtship site - I met my husband here! We’d probably been to one or two homeschool conventions at the same time as each other growing up but as I’d have been twelve at the time, we wouldn’t have met there... You can do an old fashioned courtship online maybe even more easily than in person.
Very well said!
I respectfully disagree JenB. The whole post was in the attitude of ‘my daughter is better than you and you are worthless scum that doesn’t deserve to kiss the ground she walks on’. One of the rules actually said if she breaks it off good, if you break it off then you shouldn’t marry ever (paraphrased).
I have daughters and a son. I wouldn’t want my son treated that way and I wouldn’t want my husband to treat a potential son in law that way. Do I expect a future SIL to treat my daughter with respect? YES but it has to be mutual.
My oldest daughter (12) has received more attention than her dad and I would like (none would be acceptable at this point). My husband has also joked about burying boys in the back yard and such. However, this post was about a grown woman looking for marriage not a 12 year old. The whole thing was a demeaning to men and I for one am sick of the demeaning culture against men and boys.
I know where you are coming from. My daughter recently brought home a boy for my wife and I to meet.
My daughter says he is a security guard and then, “he has a gun for his job.” With pride, the boy removes a 22 and shows me. Something I always told my kids is they would never have to worry if someone broke into our home. Something I wondered was why does a 23 year old man carry a toy for his job.
I look at it and say “cute.” When asked what I carry, I tell him it varies from assignment to assignment. He had this puzzled look on his face. My daughter then says and bless her heart, “daddy has several boxes around the house we are not allowed to look in.”
Never again showed up at the house with a weapon. I’m suprised he is still seeing her.
Ask his permission before Princess can marry
She is a princess and the SIL is always a frog
Take care of my daughter in some princess like fashion ??
immediately call him sir (some welcome to the family)
she can break off the engagement/marriage and you can go FO.
break your vows and I will kill you (Which part of the vow) - How about her to leave her home and cling to her husband ....
This list is full of princess like requirements. Hey that's fine if that's what you or talon expect. Its humorous and all but not real. What I am saying is that it really is the mature and expected behavior that both adults leave their homes and cling together as one to start a family together in front of god and let NO MAN be in the way! If you want veto power over your adult daughters life in a marriage of her own, let me know how that works. If you think this list is spot on then by all means make it know to any serious suitors of the little princess. I pray that my boys avoid your daughters. Please dear god let them find a partner/friend/lover and not a princess.
To the parents of daughters who have little princess friends, yall know exactly what I am saying.
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