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(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)
Patriot Post ^

Posted on 04/06/2012 6:02:05 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

The Ant and The Grasshopper

TRADITIONAL VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, ABC and CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Kermit the Frog appears on MSNBC with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green." Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Democrat leaders, in every media outlet they can find, exclaim that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper and call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer! The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary Clinton gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Barack Obama appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients. The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Be careful how you vote in 2012.













TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: friday; gas; ofst; silliness
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How about them gas prices...?




1 posted on 04/06/2012 6:02:17 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: Lucky9teen

Woohoo!! It’s Friday!!


2 posted on 04/06/2012 6:02:42 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Lucky9teen

:-)


3 posted on 04/06/2012 6:04:19 AM PDT by smokingfrog ( sleep with one eye open (<o> ---)
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To: Lucky9teen

WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO TGIF


4 posted on 04/06/2012 6:05:11 AM PDT by Currentriverrat (People are calling our President the Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers, that's not allowed is it?)
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To: Lucky9teen

In Before The Ping!! Happy Friday, y’all!


5 posted on 04/06/2012 6:05:27 AM PDT by Old Sarge (RIP FReeper Skyraider (1930-2011) - You Are Missed)
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

TYPICAL OBAMA
SKATIN' BY




CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST




6 posted on 04/06/2012 6:07:38 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen
IATP! Top 10!

I need some silliness!

7 posted on 04/06/2012 6:09:05 AM PDT by Envisioning ( Call me a racist................, one more time......................)
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To: Envisioning

8 posted on 04/06/2012 6:11:42 AM PDT by Envisioning ( Call me a racist................, one more time......................)
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To: Lucky9teen
A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

"Mommy, the little girl asks, how old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite."

"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks,"Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

"That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!"

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

"My Mom won't tell me anything about herself,'"the little girl says to her friend.

"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are. You are 32."

The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"

"I also know that you weigh 130 pounds."

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in Heaven's name did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."

"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"

"Because you got an F in sex."

9 posted on 04/06/2012 6:13:13 AM PDT by N. Theknow (Kennedys=Can't drive, can't ski, can't fly, can't skipper a boat, but they know what's best for you.)
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To: Old Sarge

It’s still dark out there!!


10 posted on 04/06/2012 6:14:32 AM PDT by OregonRancher (Some days, it's not even worth chewing through the restraints)
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To: Lucky9teen

11 posted on 04/06/2012 6:15:58 AM PDT by bigbob
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To: Lucky9teen
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.

Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.

The substitute wanted to know what to play.

"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."

At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."

And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

12 posted on 04/06/2012 6:23:27 AM PDT by N. Theknow (Kennedys=Can't drive, can't ski, can't fly, can't skipper a boat, but they know what's best for you.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 15!!!


13 posted on 04/06/2012 6:25:24 AM PDT by Monkey Face (A day without sunshine is like night.)
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To: Lucky9teen

14 posted on 04/06/2012 6:25:36 AM PDT by ErnBatavia (A conservative, a liberal and a moderate walked into a bar; barkeep said "Hi Mitt")
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To: Lucky9teen

15 posted on 04/06/2012 6:28:04 AM PDT by relictele (We are officially OUT of other people's money!)
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To: Lucky9teen

16 posted on 04/06/2012 6:30:12 AM PDT by relictele (We are officially OUT of other people's money!)
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To: Lucky9teen
Obama makes good on his complaint that US currency has old white geezers and doesn't have pictures that look like him....

Issues all new currency called the Barak at a rate on 1 Barak = $1000

17 posted on 04/06/2012 6:30:36 AM PDT by spokeshave
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To: Lucky9teen

18 posted on 04/06/2012 6:31:10 AM PDT by relictele (We are officially OUT of other people's money!)
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To: Lucky9teen

19 posted on 04/06/2012 6:31:41 AM PDT by relictele (We are officially OUT of other people's money!)
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To: Lucky9teen

20 posted on 04/06/2012 6:32:16 AM PDT by relictele (We are officially OUT of other people's money!)
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To: Lucky9teen

I’m on the first page! SWEEEET!

Now, what do I do?


21 posted on 04/06/2012 6:40:00 AM PDT by mrs. a (It's a short life but a merry one...)
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To: Lucky9teen
After an apparently successful evening at the local watering hole, a young man and his new friend found themselves preparing for bed.

As she waited in the bed, he began undressing, first removing his shoes and socks. His toes were a unsightly mess of twisted stubs.

“Don’t worry, I had Tolio as a kid.” he explained.

Upon removing his pants she saw his terribly pock-marked knees.

“It’s nothing,” he said. “Just a severe case of Neasles when I was young.”

Finally, he removed his underwear at which point his date blurted out…

“Don’t tell me — Smallcox?”

22 posted on 04/06/2012 6:44:16 AM PDT by Aevery_Freeman (Typed using <FONT STYLE=SARCASM> unless otherwise noted)
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To: Lucky9teen

I warned him about the microwave!!
(Happy Easter, all!)

23 posted on 04/06/2012 6:45:15 AM PDT by LUV W (Reserved for a hero........)
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To: Lucky9teen
Just one from me today.


24 posted on 04/06/2012 6:49:08 AM PDT by New Perspective (Proud father of a 8 yr old son with Down Syndrome and fighting to keep him off Obama's death panels.)
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To: Lucky9teen

bttt


25 posted on 04/06/2012 7:00:23 AM PDT by bmwcyle (I am ready to serve Jesus on Earth because the GOP failed again)
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To: Lucky9teen

Ebay ripoff
If you buy stuff on line, check out the seller carefully.
Be careful what you purchase on eBay.

A friend spent $50 on a penis enlarger.

They sent him a magnifying glass.

Instructions said, “Do not use in the sunlight”


26 posted on 04/06/2012 7:23:43 AM PDT by sunny48 (America, home of the ofended)
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To: Lucky9teen

27 posted on 04/06/2012 7:30:09 AM PDT by sunny48 (America, home of the ofended)
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To: sunny48

28 posted on 04/06/2012 7:34:03 AM PDT by sunny48 (America, home of the ofended)
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To: Envisioning
Photobucket
29 posted on 04/06/2012 8:01:16 AM PDT by baddog 219
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To: baddog 219

30 posted on 04/06/2012 8:12:22 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: sunny48

I was in Star Buck`s recently when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart.
The music was really loud so I timed my fart with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs I started to feel better.
I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me…
And suddenly I remembered I was listening to my iPod
…and how was your day?
That’s what happens when old people start using technology !


31 posted on 04/06/2012 8:16:00 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Aevery_Freeman
LOL! The last time I heard that joke, I laughed so hard that I fell off The Big Bang.  
32 posted on 04/06/2012 8:17:53 AM PDT by TheOldLady (FReepmail me to get ON or OFF the ZOT LIGHTNING ping list)
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To: bmwcyle

33 posted on 04/06/2012 8:21:28 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: LUV W

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full...

The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.

‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things-—your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions-—and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else-—the small stuff.

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

Take care of the golf balls first-—the things that really matter.

Set your priorities.

The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented.

The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’

The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.


34 posted on 04/06/2012 8:27:09 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen

LOL! Good answer...good lesson! :)


35 posted on 04/06/2012 8:39:41 AM PDT by LUV W (Reserved for a hero........)
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To: Lucky9teen

36 posted on 04/06/2012 8:40:07 AM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: TheOldLady
...fell off The Big Bang.

Seems your date must have also contracted Smallcox.

37 posted on 04/06/2012 9:02:55 AM PDT by Aevery_Freeman (Typed using <FONT STYLE=SARCASM> unless otherwise noted)
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To: Lucky9teen

I really didn’t plan my outfit well today, I’m wearing a hoodie AND a trench coat. I’m probably the most suspicious looking person in the country.


38 posted on 04/06/2012 9:28:58 AM PDT by absolootezer0 (2x divorced tattooed pierced harley hatin meghan mccain luvin' REAL beer drinkin' smoker ..what?)
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To: Lucky9teen

It just hit me!!!
My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.
He has his food prepared for him. His meals are provided at no cost to him.
He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year,if any medical needs arise.. For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.
He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs,
but he is not required to do any upkeep.
If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.
He receives these accommodations absolutely free.
He is living like a king, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
All of his costs are picked up by others who earn a living.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head.

My darn dog is a Democrat!


39 posted on 04/06/2012 9:35:36 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Lucky9teen


40 posted on 04/06/2012 9:36:36 AM PDT by dragonblustar
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To: Lucky9teen

The commanding officer at the Russian military academy (the equivalent
of a 4-star general in the U.S. ) gave a lecture on Potential Problems
and Military Strategy. At the end of the lecture, he asked if there
were any questions.

An officer stood up and asked, “Will there be a third world war? And,
will Russia take part in it?”

The general answered both questions in the affirmative.

Another officer asked, “Who will be the enemy?”

The general replied, “All indications point to China .”

Everyone in the audience was shocked.

A third officer remarked, “General, we are a nation of only 150
million, compared to the 1.5 billion Chinese. Can we win at all, or
even survive?”

The general answered, “Just think about this for a moment: In modern
warfare, it is not the quantity of soldiers that matters, but the
quality of an army’s capabilities. For example, in the Middle East we
have had a few wars recently where 5 million Jews fought against 150
million Arabs, and Israel was always victorious.”

After a small pause, yet another officer - from the back of the
auditorium asked,

“Do we have enough Jews?”
_____


41 posted on 04/06/2012 9:41:15 AM PDT by unique1
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To: LUV W

42 posted on 04/06/2012 9:41:19 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Lucky9teen

An older couple were lying in bed one night.

The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.”

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: “Then you used to kiss me. “ Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: “Then you used to bite my neck.”

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“To get my teeth!”


43 posted on 04/06/2012 9:43:19 AM PDT by unique1
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To: Lucky9teen

44 posted on 04/06/2012 9:45:40 AM PDT by unique1
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To: Aevery_Freeman
♩ Those Oldies ♬ But Goodies ♫ will forever ♪ remind me, dear, of You! ♭   ;-p
45 posted on 04/06/2012 9:46:22 AM PDT by TheOldLady (FReepmail me to get ON or OFF the ZOT LIGHTNING ping list)
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To: unique1

Older couple in their 80’s.

Wife is standing at the top of the stairs in a nightie and says to her husband: “Climb up these stairs and make mad passionate love to me !”

Husband says: “I can do one or the other”


46 posted on 04/06/2012 10:04:22 AM PDT by stylin19a
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To: Lucky9teen

Thank you. And, a Happy Resurrection Day Celebration to you.


47 posted on 04/06/2012 10:13:24 AM PDT by no dems (I've always been crazy but that's the only thing that's kept me from going insane.)
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To: stylin19a

An old couple is sitting on their front porch, gently rocking back and forth in their rocking chairs.

Suddenly the old woman smacks the man as hard as she can. He falls to the porch in a heap.

After several minutes of struggling to get back into his chair, he turns to her and asks “What the hell did you do that for?”

Peering over her reading glasses she replies “That’s for being a lousy lover all these years!”

They both begin rocking again. Suddenly he smacks her as hard as he can, knocking her from her chair. Looking up at him from the proch, she asks “What was THAT for?”

“That” he says “is for knowing the difference!”


48 posted on 04/06/2012 10:33:15 AM PDT by r-q-tek86 ("It doesn't matter how smart you are if you don't stop and think" - Dr. Sowell)
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To: r-q-tek86

WHOA!

Good thing I’m a widow and the late Igor never asked....

LOL! thanks!


49 posted on 04/06/2012 11:26:13 AM PDT by Monkey Face (A day without sunshine is like night.)
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To: r-q-tek86
:)

Husband watchin TV, wife comes in and asks “What's on TV? Husband says: “Dust” ...and that's how the fight started.

Friday date night husband walks in while wife is dressing and remarks: “Your panty hose are wrinkled” . Wife: “I'm not wearing panty hose” ...and that's how the fight started.

Wife: Last year, for my mom's birthday you got her a plot at the cemetery. This year you you didn't get her anything - why not ?”
Husband: “She hasn't used last year's gift.”...and that's how the fight started.

50 posted on 04/06/2012 11:55:45 AM PDT by stylin19a
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