Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

Posted on 06/01/2012 6:19:38 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

















TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: friday; ofst; silliness
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-5051-92 last
To: fredhead

Does it float upside down?


51 posted on 06/01/2012 11:15:55 AM PDT by Ratman83
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 48 | View Replies]

To: musicman
The other one was a National Lampoon parody. This was an actual ad.....


52 posted on 06/01/2012 11:18:47 AM PDT by fredhead (It's my Herbie year...check out the number on the side of the famous VW.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 49 | View Replies]

To: JRios1968
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

You set me up!

53 posted on 06/01/2012 11:26:30 AM PDT by cartan
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 27 | View Replies]

To: fredhead

lol


54 posted on 06/01/2012 11:33:41 AM PDT by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 48 | View Replies]

To: TheOldLady

Understanding Engineers - Human Anatomy
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.”

Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.”

The last said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”


55 posted on 06/01/2012 11:34:28 AM PDT by Ratman83
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 50 | View Replies]

To: Ratman83
;-D   ;-D   ;-D
56 posted on 06/01/2012 11:55:20 AM PDT by TheOldLady
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 55 | View Replies]

To: TheOldLady

And I liked yours also.


57 posted on 06/01/2012 11:59:29 AM PDT by Ratman83
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 56 | View Replies]

To: TheOldLady

You meet two engineers. One is an extroverted one. How do you know?

He’s the one staring down at YOUR shoes.


58 posted on 06/01/2012 12:04:10 PM PDT by llevrok (EPA = Environmental Pirate's Association)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 50 | View Replies]

To: Ratman83

You’re not ratty. At all. Thank you for your service.


59 posted on 06/01/2012 12:04:24 PM PDT by TheOldLady
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 55 | View Replies]

To: cartan

Otch! New definition for Face Plant.


60 posted on 06/01/2012 12:08:40 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: JoeProBono

Please! Don’t insult Jughead!


61 posted on 06/01/2012 12:10:07 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: Old Sarge; Darksheare; Dead Corpse

Does it do ‘splody things? If so, i want one, too!


62 posted on 06/01/2012 12:12:16 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 21 | View Replies]

To: llevrok

LOL! I’ve been working with engineers all my life, and some of these jokes strike really close to home.


63 posted on 06/01/2012 12:12:45 PM PDT by TheOldLady
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 58 | View Replies]

To: al_c

Those would be nostalgic, but I’m too young.


64 posted on 06/01/2012 12:16:37 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 23 | View Replies]

To: TheOldLady

Thank you.


65 posted on 06/01/2012 12:18:45 PM PDT by Ratman83
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 59 | View Replies]

To: fredhead

GO FRED!!!


66 posted on 06/01/2012 12:21:27 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 48 | View Replies]

To: TheOldLady

Hey, I’m an engineer!


67 posted on 06/01/2012 12:25:45 PM PDT by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 50 | View Replies]

To: TheOldLady

The late Igor was not and “engineer” by degree, but his life was electronics and eventually, the aerospace industry. The “engineer jokes” reminded me so much of him!

(I don’t know whether to hug you or spike your chocolate with Ex-Lax!) ;o]


68 posted on 06/01/2012 12:29:20 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 50 | View Replies]

To: JRios1968

You admit that in a public forum? You’re my kinda guy!

You have to meet Hubby.


69 posted on 06/01/2012 12:43:00 PM PDT by TheOldLady
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 67 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Hugs or Ex-Lax... Hugs or Ex-Lax... Hmmm... That’s a tough one, Face! ;-P


70 posted on 06/01/2012 12:44:48 PM PDT by TheOldLady
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 68 | View Replies]

To: TheOldLady

Yah. Right. *HUG*

Thanks for the memories, fershure. He’s been gone 12 years, now, so the edges of the pain are not so sharp. He was a tyrant in his later days, but you helped me recall some good times! Thanks!

‘Face


71 posted on 06/01/2012 12:51:01 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 70 | View Replies]

To: TheOldLady

It’s ok, I am not ashamed of being a civil engineer.


72 posted on 06/01/2012 1:00:56 PM PDT by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 69 | View Replies]

To: JRios1968

Sure you say that now, but wait until the environmentalists come for you.


73 posted on 06/01/2012 1:03:48 PM PDT by Ratman83
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 72 | View Replies]

To: JRios1968

And thank you for your service as well. My brother was a DI in the Air Force, and he served in Korea.


74 posted on 06/01/2012 1:06:41 PM PDT by TheOldLady
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 72 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Back atcha, {{{Face}}}


75 posted on 06/01/2012 1:08:35 PM PDT by TheOldLady
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 71 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen

Little Johnnie’s Weekend Assignment

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”
“Very good, Sally” said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next, “I sold magazines” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.”
“Very good, Jenny” said the teacher..

Eventually, it was Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her breath, as Johnny always had a ‘different’ take on things.
Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467” he said. “$2,467!” cried the teacher,

“What in the world were you selling?”
Toothbrushes” said Johnny.

“Toothbrushes” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?”

“I found the busiest corner in town” said Johnny, “I set up a Dip & Chip stand, I gave everybody who walked by a free sample.” They all said the same thing, “Hey, this tastes like dog crap!” Then I would say, “It is dog crap. Wanna buy a toothbrush? I used the President Obama method of giving you something crappy, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it’s free, and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth.”

Johnny got five stars for his efforts, bless his little heart...


76 posted on 06/01/2012 1:26:09 PM PDT by sunny48 (America, home of the offended)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TheOldLady

Makes me miss Fierce Allegance


77 posted on 06/01/2012 3:04:11 PM PDT by r-q-tek86 ("It doesn't matter how smart you are if you don't stop and think" - Dr. Sowell)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 50 | View Replies]

To: JRios1968

Really?

J/K


78 posted on 06/01/2012 3:08:01 PM PDT by r-q-tek86 ("It doesn't matter how smart you are if you don't stop and think" - Dr. Sowell)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 72 | View Replies]

To: wyokostur; Lucky9teen
When Big Gulps are outlawed....only outlaws will have Big Gulps

New Yorkers aren't going to be so quick to surrender their forties...


79 posted on 06/01/2012 5:04:27 PM PDT by a fool in paradise (Washington could not tell a lie, Nixon could not tell the truth, Obama can't tell the difference.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 26 | View Replies]

To: r-q-tek86

She didn’t get it.

TOP 165!


80 posted on 06/01/2012 6:33:08 PM PDT by TheOldLady
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 77 | View Replies]

To: TheOldLady

Mechanical engineers build weapons.

Civil Engineers build targets.


81 posted on 06/01/2012 11:31:57 PM PDT by where's_the_Outrage?
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 50 | View Replies]

To: a fool in paradise

and they came for the Big Gulps but I was not a Big Gulp user


82 posted on 06/02/2012 12:18:48 AM PDT by xp38
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 79 | View Replies]

To: where's_the_Outrage?

Indeed.

I used to build printed wiring boards, and Hubby still does.


83 posted on 06/02/2012 6:56:45 AM PDT by TheOldLady
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 81 | View Replies]

To: TheOldLady

Needless to say I am an engineer, the first in the family and makes me different. Engineers don’t dread problems, we embrace them as opportunities.

Engineer, Wife or Mistress

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, “I like both.”

“Both?”

Engineer: “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done!

and if you haven’t see this, THE Knack is a classic:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmYDgncMhXw


84 posted on 06/02/2012 8:18:12 AM PDT by where's_the_Outrage?
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 83 | View Replies]

To: where's_the_Outrage?

LOL! You made me LOL! [still giggling]

It’s the old kernel of truth. Got me again! [smiles]


85 posted on 06/02/2012 8:23:09 AM PDT by TheOldLady
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 84 | View Replies]

To: TheOldLady
ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 1

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.” The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway.”

ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 2

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 3

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!” The doctor chimed in, “I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!” The priest said, “Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him.” He said, “Hello, George. What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?” The green-keeper replied, “Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.” The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, “That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”

The doctor said, “Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them.”

The engineer said, “Why can't they play at night?”

ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 4

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 5

The graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
The graduate with an arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 6

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 7

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.” Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool.”

86 posted on 06/02/2012 8:35:15 AM PDT by where's_the_Outrage?
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 85 | View Replies]

To: TheOldLady
ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 1

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.” The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway.”

ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 2

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 3

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!” The doctor chimed in, “I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!” The priest said, “Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him.” He said, “Hello, George. What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?” The green-keeper replied, “Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.” The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, “That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”

The doctor said, “Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them.”

The engineer said, “Why can't they play at night?”

ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 4

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 5

The graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
The graduate with an arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 6

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 7

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.” Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool.”

87 posted on 06/02/2012 8:40:30 AM PDT by where's_the_Outrage?
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 85 | View Replies]

To: where's_the_Outrage?

Okay. Now you’ve done it. Old ladies can die laughing, you know. What a way to go!

I’m sending all your stuff to Hubby of the off chance he hasn’t heard some of it before.

[still giggling]


88 posted on 06/02/2012 8:42:40 AM PDT by TheOldLady
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 86 | View Replies]

To: TheOldLady
Engineers & Guillotines

During the French Revolution, three professionals were arrested and convicted of having bourgeois values. They were a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer.

They were to be led to the guillotine one by one. The crowd was roaring with anticipated pleasure.

First up was the doctor. How dare he enrich himself through other people's illnesses? Access to basic health care is a right, right?

The doctor was placed in the guillotine, and the lanyard was yanked. The blade started on its massive, implacable way down. And lurched to a stop.

The official in charge declared that it would be inhumane to make the doctor suffer this way more than once, so he was setting the doctor free. The crowd howled.

The executioner checked his equipment. All was in order. He put a small tree branch in, and successfully lopped it in half. He re-sharpened the blade.

Next up was the lawyer. Who needs an excuse to wish such a lying, cheating scoundrel dead? The crowd was thunderous in its applause. The lawyer was placed in the guillotine, and the lanyard was yanked. Again, the blade stopped part-way down!

The presiding official once again said that he would set this prisoner free because of the unusual circumstances. The crowd screamed in frustration.

Now came the engineer, a man whose innovations and devices were costing jobs. The crowd fell silent. The executioner checked and re-checked his equipment.

As the engineer was marched up to the guillotine, he looked carefully at it, and said, “Wait. I see your problem.”

89 posted on 06/02/2012 8:43:39 AM PDT by where's_the_Outrage?
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 85 | View Replies]

To: where's_the_Outrage?

*Snort* [giggles]

Where do you get all this stuff?


90 posted on 06/02/2012 9:07:57 AM PDT by TheOldLady
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 89 | View Replies]

To: Arrowhead1952

LMAO!


91 posted on 06/04/2012 6:59:04 AM PDT by lormand (A Government who robs Peter to pay Paul, will always have the support of Paul)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 38 | View Replies]

To: lormand
I loved this part of the story:

"and that supervisors would determine if there will be any disciplinary action."

I would hope that police talking on a cell phone in a school zone would face the same fines as any other citizen.

92 posted on 06/04/2012 7:59:43 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (It's time to take out the trash in DC.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 91 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-5051-92 last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson