Posted on 06/01/2012 6:19:38 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil Engineers build targets.
and they came for the Big Gulps but I was not a Big Gulp user
Indeed.
I used to build printed wiring boards, and Hubby still does.
Needless to say I am an engineer, the first in the family and makes me different. Engineers don’t dread problems, we embrace them as opportunities.
Engineer, Wife or Mistress
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, “I like both.”
“Both?”
Engineer: “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done!
and if you haven’t see this, THE Knack is a classic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmYDgncMhXw
LOL! You made me LOL! [still giggling]
It’s the old kernel of truth. Got me again! [smiles]
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.” The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway.”
ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!” The doctor chimed in, “I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!” The priest said, “Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him.” He said, “Hello, George. What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?” The green-keeper replied, “Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.” The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, “That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”
The doctor said, “Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them.”
The engineer said, “Why can't they play at night?”
ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 5
The graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
The graduate with an arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”
ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 6
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 7
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.” Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool.”
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.” The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway.”
ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!” The doctor chimed in, “I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!” The priest said, “Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him.” He said, “Hello, George. What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?” The green-keeper replied, “Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.” The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, “That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”
The doctor said, “Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them.”
The engineer said, “Why can't they play at night?”
ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 5
The graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
The graduate with an arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”
ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 6
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
ENGINEERING CASE NUMBER 7
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.” Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool.”
Okay. Now you’ve done it. Old ladies can die laughing, you know. What a way to go!
I’m sending all your stuff to Hubby of the off chance he hasn’t heard some of it before.
[still giggling]
During the French Revolution, three professionals were arrested and convicted of having bourgeois values. They were a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer.
They were to be led to the guillotine one by one. The crowd was roaring with anticipated pleasure.
First up was the doctor. How dare he enrich himself through other people's illnesses? Access to basic health care is a right, right?
The doctor was placed in the guillotine, and the lanyard was yanked. The blade started on its massive, implacable way down. And lurched to a stop.
The official in charge declared that it would be inhumane to make the doctor suffer this way more than once, so he was setting the doctor free. The crowd howled.
The executioner checked his equipment. All was in order. He put a small tree branch in, and successfully lopped it in half. He re-sharpened the blade.
Next up was the lawyer. Who needs an excuse to wish such a lying, cheating scoundrel dead? The crowd was thunderous in its applause. The lawyer was placed in the guillotine, and the lanyard was yanked. Again, the blade stopped part-way down!
The presiding official once again said that he would set this prisoner free because of the unusual circumstances. The crowd screamed in frustration.
Now came the engineer, a man whose innovations and devices were costing jobs. The crowd fell silent. The executioner checked and re-checked his equipment.
As the engineer was marched up to the guillotine, he looked carefully at it, and said, “Wait. I see your problem.”
*Snort* [giggles]
Where do you get all this stuff?
LMAO!
"and that supervisors would determine if there will be any disciplinary action."
I would hope that police talking on a cell phone in a school zone would face the same fines as any other citizen.
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