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WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
VARIOUS | 06/09/2012 | SELF

Posted on 06/09/2012 1:46:36 PM PDT by timlilje

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it

was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road

because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation

and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the

road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally

helped that little chicken to cross the road. This

experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from

Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance

it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't

about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken

crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is

on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either

against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my shotgun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can

clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the

road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross

the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to

cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I

am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need

some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken

won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on

this side of the road before it goes after the problem on

the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him

realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current

problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having

problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad.

So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes

and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give

this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road

and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe

there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to

have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because

he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent,

hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which

way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the

Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to

a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider

information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it

with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it

crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you

people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the

other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you

eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott

all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the

liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases

like the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the

road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken

crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed

the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few

moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the

first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a

serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its

lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the

road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world

crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will

not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important

documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer

is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is

much more stable and will never crash.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road,

or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: What?, Did I miss one?


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS:

1 posted on 06/09/2012 1:46:46 PM PDT by timlilje
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To: timlilje

Elizabeth Warren: My mother told me that I’m part Chicken, so I’m going to cross the road, too.


2 posted on 06/09/2012 2:00:21 PM PDT by jimtorr
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To: timlilje

3 posted on 06/09/2012 2:01:39 PM PDT by smoothsailing
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To: timlilje

Okay. I loved em all but the Jerry Falwell. The rest were good, no great. Edit please.


4 posted on 06/09/2012 2:02:58 PM PDT by sueQ
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To: timlilje

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it

was time for a change! The chicken wanted change! AND I WANTED A MENU CHANGE FROM EATING CHICKEN. THE CHICKEN HELPED RUSTLE ME UP SOME PUPPY.


5 posted on 06/09/2012 2:07:14 PM PDT by WKUHilltopper (And yet...we continue to tolerate this crap...)
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To: timlilje

Why should you let your chicken wander all over the place, crossing roads and all. Can’t you keep them penned up? Either that, or it had a warrant.


6 posted on 06/09/2012 2:14:13 PM PDT by SkyDancer ("Talent Without Ambition Is Sad - Ambition Without Talent Is Worse")
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To: timlilje
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Anonymous Buddhist: This chicken has crossed the road before.

.

7 posted on 06/09/2012 2:21:44 PM PDT by TLI ( ITINERIS IMPENDEO VALHALLA)
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To: timlilje

PETA spokesman: He crossed the road to escape all those barbaric chicken-eaters on the other side!


8 posted on 06/09/2012 2:22:28 PM PDT by jespasinthru (Proud member of the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy.)
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To: timlilje
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

He crossed to get some skillets and IT. Then he was murdered by a racist honkie.

9 posted on 06/09/2012 2:22:40 PM PDT by Responsibility2nd (NO LIBS. This Means Liberals and (L)libertarians! Same Thing. NO LIBS!!)
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To: timlilje

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"To get from the left to the right."
"Stepped out of rank, got hit by a tank."
"He ain't a chicken no more."

10 posted on 06/09/2012 2:26:00 PM PDT by dfwgator
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To: timlilje
Joe Biden:

"Don't you all see it? The chicken is a symbol of all of us. We have to think like the chicken. It's so obvious I can't believe we're even talking about it. We have to cross the road or we'll all still be here on this side of the road. My father wanted to be a chicken, dammit!"

11 posted on 06/09/2012 2:26:48 PM PDT by TigersEye (Life is about choices. Your choices. Make good ones.)
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To: berdie

later


12 posted on 06/09/2012 2:29:51 PM PDT by berdie
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To: timlilje

There was a Chick-Fil-A on his side of the road.


13 posted on 06/09/2012 3:21:16 PM PDT by Leep (Enemy of the Statist)
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To: timlilje

To see Gregory peck.


14 posted on 06/09/2012 3:42:55 PM PDT by MeneMeneTekelUpharsin (Freedom is the freedom to discipline yourself so others don't have to do it for you.)
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To: timlilje

Nancy Pelosi: “Because the Republicans are blocking our bill to make it a federal crime to jaywalk. And the chicken was trying to get to the other side so that he could push granny over the cliff.”


15 posted on 06/09/2012 3:54:12 PM PDT by Brilliant
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To: timlilje

Why did the Chicken cross the road?

To show the Armadillo and Squirrels it could be done.


16 posted on 06/09/2012 4:15:29 PM PDT by bluecollarman (Wanted....witty tagline.)
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To: timlilje
CHRIS MATTHEWS: "I have to tell you, you know, it's part of reporting this story, this chicken, the feeling most people get when they see that little chicken crossing that road. My, I felt this thrill going up my leg. I mean, I don't have that too often..."

BTW, that Jerry Falwell quote was sort of meandering. Fell flat. Otherwise, good stuff!

17 posted on 06/09/2012 4:49:17 PM PDT by SamAdams76
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To: bluecollarman

You a Texican?


18 posted on 06/09/2012 5:05:07 PM PDT by Texaspeptoman (Even cannibals get fed-up with people sometimes...!)
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To: timlilje

Why did the Chicken cross the road?

To prove to the possum it could be done.


19 posted on 06/09/2012 5:17:40 PM PDT by Ruy Dias de Bivar
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To: jespasinthru
"PETA spokesman: He crossed the road to escape all those barbaric chicken-eaters on the other side!"

Minnesotan: The chicken crossed the road to show the raccoon it could be done.

20 posted on 06/09/2012 5:22:14 PM PDT by redhead (Libs can't win without cheating--Conservatives don't have to cheat to win)
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To: redhead

Sheese, to get to the other side. WTH is wrong with you people. I mean are you stupid or something?


21 posted on 06/09/2012 5:29:34 PM PDT by sueQ
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To: timlilje

BARACK OBAMA: To get to the Polish death camp.


22 posted on 06/09/2012 5:33:28 PM PDT by Revolting cat! (Let us prey!)
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To: Revolting cat!
Why did the possum cross the road?

To get to the middle...

23 posted on 06/09/2012 5:42:25 PM PDT by FDNYRHEROES (It's 3 AM. Let me sleep on it. I'll get back to you in 16 hours.)
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To: timlilje

great stuff


24 posted on 06/09/2012 5:44:32 PM PDT by Gay State Conservative (Bill Ayers Was *Not* "Just Some Guy In The Neighborhood")
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To: Texaspeptoman

NW Florida, we have em too...


25 posted on 06/09/2012 9:16:54 PM PDT by bluecollarman (Wanted....witty tagline.)
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To: timlilje

Bump.....


26 posted on 06/09/2012 9:51:09 PM PDT by Intolerant in NJ
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To: Leep

There was a Chick-Fil-A on his side of the road.

Correction:HER side of the road. Not a transgendered Rooster.

Bonus joke: She crossed the road because she heard her chicken friend across the road had good “knock knock” jokes.


27 posted on 06/10/2012 12:51:27 PM PDT by Leep (Enemy of the Statist)
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To: timlilje

Why did the chicken cross the Möbius band?

To get to the same side.


28 posted on 06/10/2012 12:59:00 PM PDT by GreenAccord (Bacon Akbar)
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To: timlilje

The chicken crossed the road to prove to the ‘possum and the raccoon that it could be done ...


29 posted on 06/10/2012 1:05:10 PM PDT by ArrogantBustard (Western Civilization is Aborting, Buggering, and Contracepting itself out of existence.)
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To: All
He may make it there yet...


30 posted on 06/10/2012 1:41:01 PM PDT by jy8z (From the next to last exit before the end of the internet.)
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To: timlilje

:)


31 posted on 06/10/2012 5:21:00 PM PDT by VA Voter
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To: GreenAccord

Why did the chicken cross the road half way?

To lay it on the line.


32 posted on 06/11/2012 10:56:47 AM PDT by beachgal44
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To: timlilje

Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.


33 posted on 06/14/2012 9:31:23 PM PDT by irishtenor (Everything in moderation, however, too much whiskey is just enough... Mark Twain)
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