Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Does a Man Ever Truly Stop Loving His Ex-Wife?
Dail Mail ^ | 6 July 2012 | Sandra Howard

Posted on 07/06/2012 8:04:05 PM PDT by nickcarraway

SANDRA HOWARD asks the question that unsettles every woman whose husband is divorced

Years after their divorce, Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner remained deeply in love. I saw for myself how abiding their mutual affection was when, one evening, more than a decade after they had separated, I joined them for supper.

Frank and Ava, the great crooner and the Hollywood star, were dining quietly in an unassuming New York restaurant and my first husband, jazz pianist Robin Douglas-Home, and I had been invited, too.

Frank and Robin had forged a friendship over a biography he had been writing of Sinatra. I was modelling for the Eileen Ford agency in New York at the time. It was 1962, a full five years after Frank and Ava had divorced when the four of us enjoyed that modest meal together. Yet what endures in my memory is the palpable chemistry that still existed between the singer and the actress.

Although he was married four times, Frank’s one great love remained Ava, and vice versa. I recall how they sat close together on a bench seat in that restaurant all evening, his arm draped around her shoulder, a proprietorial smile of pride on his face.

She was sinuous and elegant in a classic black dress: Frank once said she had the ‘easy grace of a tigress’. Although their marriage had been volatile, their love for each other never faltered. Ava, in fact, never married again. But Frank did: twice more in fact, and I have often wondered whether Ava’s successor, the waif-like actress Mia Farrow, felt undermined by the potent attraction Ol’ Blue Eyes felt for her beautiful predecessor.

(Excerpt) Read more at dailymail.co.uk ...


TOPICS: Hobbies; Miscellaneous; Society
KEYWORDS:
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-94 next last

1 posted on 07/06/2012 8:04:10 PM PDT by nickcarraway
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway

Yes.


2 posted on 07/06/2012 8:07:23 PM PDT by whitedog57
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway

Yes!


3 posted on 07/06/2012 8:08:18 PM PDT by doc1019 (Voting for the lesser of two evils is still voting for evil.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway

Yes!


4 posted on 07/06/2012 8:10:21 PM PDT by TheStickman
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway

Easy as pie.


5 posted on 07/06/2012 8:12:11 PM PDT by Stentor (Former free citizen of the US. Currently subject of the same.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway

Who says he ever loved the _itch?!


6 posted on 07/06/2012 8:12:35 PM PDT by Revolting cat! (Bad things are wrong!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Sandra, please come back. At least get closer. I so missed you. I’m a much better shot now...


7 posted on 07/06/2012 8:14:10 PM PDT by Cyber Ninja
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway; SpinnerWebb

Does a bear crap in the woods?


8 posted on 07/06/2012 8:16:49 PM PDT by tx_eggman (Liberalism is only possible in that moment when a man chooses Barabas over Christ.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway

No.

Though I have been happily married to a wonderful woman for 15 years my first wife will always be my true love. We met in college, grew up together and after 18 years she decided she needed her space. She filed for a divorce I didn’t want. She remarried 4 years later. She died from breast cancer 3 years after remarrying. I got remarried one month before her death. In a letter she wrote to be delivered to me after her death she told me she had never stopped loving me. I know I have never stopped loving her.


9 posted on 07/06/2012 8:17:24 PM PDT by redangus
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway

YES!


10 posted on 07/06/2012 8:18:03 PM PDT by big bad easter bunny (If it weren't for coffee I would still be living with my parents!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway; a fool in paradise

The question would be more reasonable if it axed about the future ex!


11 posted on 07/06/2012 8:18:36 PM PDT by Revolting cat! (Bad things are wrong!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway

If I’d have shot mine when I first wanted to, I’d have been out by now.


12 posted on 07/06/2012 8:19:51 PM PDT by umgud (No Rats, No Rino's)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway

I don’t know that it would be called love, but I don’t believe there’s bond of some sort is ever completely broken.
1. Marriage was instituted by God. “And the two shall
become one flesh.” It may be hell on earth, and may devolve into loss of respect or hate...
2. God hates divorce, so while the papers are signed and the
couple goes their seperate ways, I don’t believe there
really is such a thing as divorce.

I’m old, it’s just my opinion from observation, but it also hits close to home in some ways.


13 posted on 07/06/2012 8:21:02 PM PDT by WestwardHo
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway

All yes, for at least awhile.

Many yes, forever.


14 posted on 07/06/2012 8:25:56 PM PDT by Secret Agent Man (I can neither confirm or deny that; even if I could, I couldn't - it's classified.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: redangus

A most touching and romantic tale. Thank you.


15 posted on 07/06/2012 8:26:01 PM PDT by Old Sarge (We are now officially over the precipice, we just havent struck the ground yet)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway
Does a Man Ever Truly Stop Loving His Ex-Wife?

It doesn't matter if the man never stops loving the ex. If the ex holds nothing but vitriol in her heart, then love is useless.

16 posted on 07/06/2012 8:27:48 PM PDT by Old Sarge (We are now officially over the precipice, we just havent struck the ground yet)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: umgud

Thanks my screen needed cleaning anyway.. LOL


17 posted on 07/06/2012 8:27:58 PM PDT by bleach (If I agreed with you, we would both be wrong.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway

Yes to all four of mine....


18 posted on 07/06/2012 8:28:42 PM PDT by baddog 219
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway

When the vitriolic acid is spilled and etches it way into the soul of each partner leaving it a mass of of denatured protein, anguish and screaming nerve ends, NO. When you hurt the child, it is game over!

But most do not end this way and thus the lady from the past still exists in the present. I was lucky and she does not exist in my present life and I raised our child.


19 posted on 07/06/2012 8:30:49 PM PDT by cpdiii (Deckhand, Roughneck, Mud Man, Geologist, Pilot, Pharmacist. THE CONSTITUTION IS WORTH DYING FOR!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway

My ex-husband still loves me and is sorry he left our family.


20 posted on 07/06/2012 8:30:59 PM PDT by ottbmare (The OTTB Mare)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway
...Does a Man Ever Truly Stop Loving His Ex-Wife?...

Which one?

21 posted on 07/06/2012 8:35:27 PM PDT by FReepaholic (Stupidity is not a crime, so you're free to go.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway
Does a Man Ever Truly Stop Loving His Ex-Wife?

Depends. Is she Ava Gardner?
22 posted on 07/06/2012 8:39:54 PM PDT by AnotherUnixGeek
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway

Nope, never stopped loving her...I just can’t get over all the betrayals. ALL the betrayals.


23 posted on 07/06/2012 8:40:45 PM PDT by gilor (Pull the wool over your own eyes!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ottbmare

That’s what I have witnessed, a lot. Sometimes there is really poison but often it is a dark phase of life that would pass if people stayed true to their love or a fling that soon fizzles out but too late.

People get unrealistic expectations and think the grass is greener only to find out it was an illusion. Security comes from family ties and love.


24 posted on 07/06/2012 8:44:09 PM PDT by SaraJohnson
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway

Some people think too much


25 posted on 07/06/2012 8:54:53 PM PDT by InvisibleChurch ( if you love, you will not condemn, and if you condemn, you cannot love)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway

FRREEEEEEDOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm,,,,,,


26 posted on 07/06/2012 8:55:19 PM PDT by muleskinner
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: redangus

Wow, sounds like you two were soul mates. This does happen and it happened to you. A man or woman really only has room for one true love at any one time. Men are monogamous however and can have one true love and the others, physical play things. A good man commits and stays with just one woman out of sense of duty, but that’s not instinctive.


27 posted on 07/06/2012 8:56:04 PM PDT by GeorgeWashingtonsGhost
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: WestwardHo; nickcarraway; Secret Agent Man

I knew an attorney years ago who had been married a few times and told me he was never getting married again; he would just find a bitch he hated every three years and buy her a house...


28 posted on 07/06/2012 8:57:23 PM PDT by One Name (Go to the enemy's home court and smoke his ass.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: redangus

I don’t want to get too personal, redangus... but does your current wife know of your feelings and the letter? If she does... she must adore you. Not all women would be quite understanding of that particular situation. IMHO


29 posted on 07/06/2012 9:06:20 PM PDT by momtothree
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway
Heard these words of wisdom on the radio:

"My first wife died. My second wife ... wouldn't

30 posted on 07/06/2012 9:06:51 PM PDT by ZOOKER ( Exploring the fine line between cynicism and outright depression)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway
I wish I could say otherwise, but I have been married four times and two of my former husbands, the publicist David Wynne-Morgan and advertising executive Nigel Grandfield, had ex-wives.

Having been a second wife twice over, it is a huge relief to me that my present husband, Michael Howard — to whom I have been happily wed for 37 years — had never before been married.

Mr. Howard is quite a gambler!

31 posted on 07/06/2012 9:08:12 PM PDT by iowamark
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway
I married rather late in life (54). I watched my friends go thru many marriages and affairs, break-ups, re-groupings and divorces as I happily went through my life. I watches, as a single happy guy as they went thru these painful occurences. Guys slept at my place - Wives told me their stories over tearful hand-holdings. I saw how it affected families and children - I wanted nothing to do with that part of human nature.
Yeah...there were a few long-term happy marriages. But these were the rare exception.
I truly understand why 1st marriages are often referred to as "Trainer Marriages."

Finally I decided that enough was enough and got married.

My Dear Wife had been married very briefly, 1.5 yrs, previous. She was/is a successful person in her own right and has no need of financial support. She, WE, also have a 16 yr old Son from her 1st marriage. Good kid - still looking for the instruction manual on raising these things. (Yeah, I know - the Bible. Got it)

However, I do still, after 9 yrs, occasionally refer to her as my "First Wife"...quickly explained as my "#1 Wife."


..freedom is wonderful thing...I know...I have many pleasant memories of it.
32 posted on 07/06/2012 9:11:53 PM PDT by Tainan (Cogito, ergo conservatus sum)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway

For me the answer is no but my case is a little different. My first wife was murdered right before she was to have our first child 45 years ago in Louisville, KY. Right now I am on my fifth marriage and it is more for convenience than anything else. The two songs I relate to most are Bob Seger’s “Against the Wind” and Meatloaf’s “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad”


33 posted on 07/06/2012 9:16:41 PM PDT by Datom
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway

My first wife is the only woman I ever loved or wanted to love. Everything since has just been grating noise. I haven’t seen her in 30 years but we speak and write frequently. She’s my best friend and I can’t imagine life without her.


34 posted on 07/06/2012 9:19:23 PM PDT by davius (You can roll manure in powdered sugar but that don't make it a jelly doughnut.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway

You could say the same thing about ‘puppy love’ and ‘first love’

Get over it already...lol

(spoken as the second wife :>)... 29 years


35 posted on 07/06/2012 9:21:16 PM PDT by libertarian27 (Check my profile page for the FReeper Online Cookbook 2011)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Datom

“My first wife was murdered right before she was to have our first child 45 years ago in Louisville, KY.”

Gees, Louise. I am so sorry.


36 posted on 07/06/2012 9:21:37 PM PDT by combat_boots (The Lion of Judah cometh. Hallelujah. Gloria Patri, Filio et Spiritui Sancto.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 33 | View Replies]

To: cpdiii
It is often the case that we men are in love with the projection we have made upon a gal who caught our fancy. The chemistry is complicated by the nature of human beings. There are two types of humans (male or female), conscious and unconscious. We men tend to be more of the unconscious variety, but we tend to wake up as the little boy confronts reality in a close relationship with 'not mom'. Women tend to be of the unconscious variety IF they are more of the Choleric type, take charge selectors of a mate (read more directed by their animus than their anima). There are two types: conscious and unconscious; and four personality categories: choleric, melancholic, phlegmatic, sanguine.

The great love of my life was an unconscious choleric and the 24 years we spent together could best be described as a power struggle. But I continue to love her unquestionably. What is sad is how many times a divorce tends to awaken and rectify many character flaws, yet the spouses will not 'take another look' at the 'improved other'. It's all very Jungian don'tchaknow.

37 posted on 07/06/2012 9:23:32 PM PDT by MHGinTN (Being deceived can be cured.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 19 | View Replies]

To: MHGinTN

“It is often the case that we men are in love with the projection we have made upon a gal who caught our fancy.”

That was my take too. They can continue to love the idealized “vision” of their ex, when reality is very different.


38 posted on 07/06/2012 9:36:24 PM PDT by M1903A1 ("We shed all that is good and virtuous for that which is shoddy and sleazy... and call it progress")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 37 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway

stupid question.


39 posted on 07/06/2012 9:42:26 PM PDT by fish hawk (Religion: Man's attempt to gain salvation or the approbation of God by his own works)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway
The question should be: "Does a man ever stop hating his ex-wife?"
40 posted on 07/06/2012 9:44:01 PM PDT by Hoodat (“An unlimited power to tax involves, necessarily, a power to destroy.” - John Marshall)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway; AdmSmith; AnonymousConservative; Berosus; bigheadfred; Bockscar; ColdOne; ...

Or start, in some cases.


41 posted on 07/06/2012 9:47:49 PM PDT by SunkenCiv (https://secure.freerepublic.com/donate/)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: Hoodat

If he wants good mental health he does. Hating will sprout a root of bitterness, and a root of bitterness poisons everything in life until it is removed, often through difficult psychoanalysis.


42 posted on 07/06/2012 9:50:17 PM PDT by MHGinTN (Being deceived can be cured.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 40 | View Replies]

To: ZOOKER
That reminds me of a certain country song entitled

If you can't live without me, then why ain't you dead?

43 posted on 07/06/2012 9:51:45 PM PDT by Hoodat (“An unlimited power to tax involves, necessarily, a power to destroy.” - John Marshall)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 30 | View Replies]

To: WestwardHo

I agree completely.


44 posted on 07/06/2012 9:52:07 PM PDT by ConservativeMind ("Humane" = "Don't pen up pets or eat meat, but allow infanticide, abortion, and euthanasia.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: davius

How interesting. I would ask for more info, but of course I don’t want to pry.


45 posted on 07/06/2012 9:58:26 PM PDT by Hildy ("When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser." - Socrates)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 34 | View Replies]

To: MHGinTN
If he wants good mental health he does.

A few years after my divorce, I was led to the Lord by a friend. Shortly after, I took an inventory of myself and confessed my bitterness, realizing that it was based in fear.

I didn't have it in me to forgive because I hated her so much. But I knew it was God's will for me to do exactly that. So I confessed to him that I did not have it in me to forgive, but I acknowledged His will and ask Him to give me that ability. next, I started to pray for her, asking God to bless her. To make a long story short, I found that ability to forgive, and was delivered from the bitterness. In the end, she ended up getting saved too. She now goes to the same church I go to, and the kicker is that she has asked my current wife to be her spiritual mentor.

God is so awesome!

46 posted on 07/06/2012 10:02:50 PM PDT by Hoodat (“An unlimited power to tax involves, necessarily, a power to destroy.” - John Marshall)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 42 | View Replies]

To: whitedog57

Somebody That I Used to Know
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLKvAfKfe2A


47 posted on 07/06/2012 10:12:13 PM PDT by donna (Mitt quote: ...gay couples raising kids. That's the American way...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway

Yes, but it doesn’t mean that I ever want to live with her again. I’m way too old for that kind of aggravation and she hasn’t changed a bit.


48 posted on 07/06/2012 10:31:22 PM PDT by SWAMPSNIPER (The Second Amendment, a Matter of Fact, Not a Matter of Opinion)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway

It all depends. If the divorce is because the ex was abusive, controlling, and hateful, and the husband left because things had become intolerable and all his efforts to find a less disruptive resolution had failed, then that husband probably has no love at all for the ex.

If the divorce came because the two simply drifted apart, then yeah, there are probably still the embers of feelings there.


49 posted on 07/06/2012 10:47:25 PM PDT by Little Pig (Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nickcarraway
Yes, except when he watches their “private video”.
50 posted on 07/06/2012 10:55:38 PM PDT by Kickass Conservative (Godfathercare, either your Freedom or your Money will be on that Insurance Policy.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-94 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson