The Best and Funniest Country (esp. the South and Mid-West) Expressions [Vanity]

Pharmboy | 9-21-12 | Everyone

[Sparky21555]

Refering to an attractive woman;

“Finer than snake hair.”

[llevrok]

"I bet she could suck the chrome off of a trailer hitch"

Of one with large lips: You don't get lips like that sucking on door knobs

[llevrok]

it was a 60 year old Jesup lady (a classic southern one to boot) who gave me the pronunciation lesson. Wayne county inbreeding, I guess.

[Polyxene]

Tighter than bark on a tree. (Stingy)

[yarddog]

When you said inbreeding I had to smile a bit.

I am not going to say what her name is but it is not a common one. That is not common unless you live in SE Georgia.

[workerbee]

From my dad (Alabama): If I was in a better mood (happier, whatever)... I'd be twins. Also, sometimes varied to If I was happier, you'd have to tie my leg to a chair to keep me from floating away.

From my grandmother (W-Central PA): Offen the light. (turn off the light)

From my husband & his Kentucky relatives: I'm fixin' to... meaning I'm getting ready to... And among the males, she's hotter than a brick sh--house with a drop ceiling.

[morans14]

from my husband (Central IL) I’m as happy as a gopher in soft dirt

[gopwhit]

Another good one from Dad when he’d call us out on whatever:

“If bullsh-t were music you’d be a brass band”

[stayathomemom]

From my husband's family in southern Illinois:
She's so ugly she'd make a train take a dirt road.
From my husband's grandmother:
I've heard bugs fart before. (I don't believe you.)
I'm not talking just to hear my gums bump. (Pay attention to what I'm saying.)
From my Dad who grew up in NW Ohio:
Take the Toledo way around. (Go out of your way to get somewhere.)

[bunnie911]

“Soup cooling lips” (big lips)
Your girl friend eats like a beagle. (gobbles)
Quicker than a pit bull on a pre-schooler.

[class8601_nuke]

>> Angry enough to spit nails

my dad would always say “angry enough to chew wire and spit nails”

[mrs. a]

Smells bad enough to knock a buzzard off a sh*twagon.

[ColdOne]

that face could stop a 8 day clock

make a train take a dirt road

crazer than a sh1t house loon.

[rightly_dividing]

He’s crookeder than a dog’s hind leg.

[RegulatorCountry]

“He was so crooked they had to screw him into the ground when he died” (heard that one regarding a late great uncle who owned a car dealership, didn’t know he was poorly regarded and it shocked me).

[rightly_dividing]

She could eat popcorn from a Coke bottle.

[krunkygirl]

I’ve only been through the first 50 posts and laughed harder than I have in many months.

Can’t wait to read the rest!

Yeah, it’s a slow Friday night...

kg/nancy

[PLMerite]

“A crick is a creek narrow enought to step over.”

In England that would still be a River.

bump for later

[gopwhit]

I am loving this thread!

Speaking of sh-twagons, my Dad had this lovely:

“Crazier than a sh-thouse rat”