Posted on 09/24/2012 11:59:12 AM PDT by trailhkr1
Jeesh I was dumb but I know I am not the only one who thought this stuff. See below. Add yours
Like you, I never could understand what the words were, but my wife's father would sing this to her when she was a child.
Mares eat oats and does eat oats
and little lambs eat ivy,
a kid will eat ivy too, wouldn't you?
If the words sound queer and funny to your ears,
a little bit jumbled and jivey,
Well mares eat oats and does eat oats
and little lambs eat ivy,
a kid will eat ivy too, wouldn't you?
When I was little I didn’t like the evening newscasters because they said all sorts of bad scary things so they must be bad scary people.
I was right.
So, a couple of nights later, I burned their house down with a couple of gallons of gasoline as they slept.
After the trial, the judge and my family had a good laugh at my misunderstanding.
“Up on the housetop reindeer paws...”
Sure they make sense...
Mares eat oats, and does eat oats,
And little lambs eat ivy;
A kid’ll (kid will) eat ivy too, wouldn’t you?
Our school superintendent had the electric paddle. Luckily, I never had to go to his office. The principal paddled me A LOT, but I was able to take comfort in knowing that I dodged the electric paddle yet again. :)
When I was in first grade my friend and I came across some little kid holding a dead robin by its beak and pouring water down its throat. We asked him what he thought he was doing. He said he was going to make it come alive. We laughed him to scorn saying, “Hey, when it’s dead, it’s DEAD.”
When I was little and it rained I thought it was raining all over the world at the same time.
I never quite bought this but when you saw a pregnant woman and asked about it, some older kids tried to get you to believe she had swallowed a watermelon pit.
When I was in HIGH SCHOOL a shy plain girl ran from the gym and I found her crying in the locker room. I asked her what was wrong and she said she was going to have a baby. I could not believe this. When I asked her how this could happen she said she had been hit in the breasts out in the gym and her mother had told her if anyone every touched her there she would have a baby. Some seniors overheard and came in at that point and I left as they explained it to her.
The image is a pretty big one so I only linked to it.
Great thread!
I firmly believed that thunder was caused by the angels in heavan bowling, that babies were birthed out of the belly button, and that nursery school was medical in nature, being staffed by nurses...
It reminds me of another play on words.
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear.
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair.
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t very fuzzy, wuzzy?
Being an electronics genius from an early age, I knew that there was no one in the radio. But I did think that if I turned the radio dial to an unused spot and talked really loud into the speaker, I would get picked up on other radios.
I just remembered another one...
I grew up in a Mormon household, and one of my earliest memories was sitting in church, when an elder was praying, he ended his prayer, as all Mormons do in meetings, “We ask this in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, amen.”
Well, I’d never heard the word “thy” used in conversation...so somehow, my brain chose to hear it as “in the name of MY son, Jesus Christ”... which caused me to turn and look at his son, sitting there in church, with a totally new found respect!
But then my father, who is also in the priesthood, as are all male Mormons, was called to give a benediction, and I also heard him pray, “in the name of MY son Jesus Christ”. I was shocked...what was I supposed to do now? I was Jesus Christ too! But then when another man in church prayed, I was suddenly discovering that all the boys in church were Jesus Christ!... The Mormon Church beliefs were already pretty weird, I understood none of it at that young age... but believe me, I was getting religious ideas in my head that were more convoluted then Joseph Smith ever dreamed up!
To top it all off, not long after I discovered that I was Jesus Christ, my dad was driving us home from church in his new 67 Lincoln, it was a bright sunny day, I was sitting in the front seat, and staring into the sun trying to make that afterimage that appears when you stare into too bright a light. Now, I heard in church about the Holy Ghost, but I was confused exactly what the Holy Ghost was. I mean, I knew that I was Jesus Christ, and I knew that God lived with Joseph Smith on some planet far away, but I couldn’t conceive what the Holy Ghost was, or what it did. Then I wondered if maybe the Holy Ghost was what it was that was making the sunshine that was coming from the sun.
So I turned, and asked my father, “Dad, does the Holy Ghost live in the sun?” Well, my father was suitably impressed, and proud that is boy had such deep theological thoughts, to be asking if “the Holy Ghost lived in the SON”, and so my father replied, “Well, yes He does”. And after that I kept my eye on the Holy Ghost in the sky, a lot. The colored after images from staring into the sun sometimes formed strange images, and as I stared into the light I could sometimes imagine I saw a little bright man inside the sun waving to me, like he was saying “Hello, Jesus Christ!” and I’d wave back, “Hello, Holy Ghost! Say hi to God for me!”
Being raised in a family where for the most part I was expected to be seen and not heard, no one corrected me of my theological confusion for a couple years... and when they did, it was to tell me the Mormon party line, which was also crazy, plus I was resistant to accepting it because it would mean I was no longer Jesus Christ and I could no longer talk to the Holy Ghost in the sky...so I just nodded my head and decided that God was God, but I had my doubts about church...
Follow that up with growing up in an abusive household and forcefed LDS doctrine, it’s a miracle I’m not on heavy medications for the rest of my life. I do occasionally smoke a joint, and when someone says, “how can you be conservative or Christian and smoke that?” I say “shut the hell up! I’m 52 years old and it’s been a rough road downhill from being Jesus Christ, so give me a freakin’ break!” ;^)
(Forgive me, Lord, but You made me this way!!)
You know how your pee is more yellow sometimes than others? Well, I apparently had a not too far off understanding about where babies came from. Except I thought the man peed. And so jaundiced babies (which I was) came from the really yellow pee.
One that my son currently thinks: If we hear a song on the radio in my car, he will say, “Mommy has this song in her car, too.” He can’t get the whole radio vs. CD thing.
My mom taught me how to read when I was three, so I read a lot of things that I was probably too young to understand.
When I was about four years old, I read something about snakes making venom using food particles. A whole new world opened up for me. I would make venom in my own mouth and bite the kids on the playground who irked me. I tucked a green bean in at the back of my upper gum line, and waited for the magic venom to form (I picked a green bean because they tasted so nasty that I was sure they’d form the most evil venom.) I walked around with that green bean in my mouth for two days. I went to sleep one night and when I woke up, the green bean wasn’t there. I was so disappointed - no venom for me!
Not a real happy, skippy childhood memory there!
On the other hand, I read enough to really know where babies came from ;-)
Of course, Grandpa told me that I could salt a bird's tail-feathers and it couldn't fly. I don't know how much time I spent with the saltshaker trying to get near those birds
I always thought the Robot in "Lost In Space" had a guy inside.
That is exactly what Chance the gardener (Peter Sellers) thought in the movie Being There.
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