Vanity: For My Dad, who has Alzheimer's

Sad heart | 11/10/12 | Self

[Yaelle]

I wrote this tonight and just need to share it. Maybe some of you have family members with this insidious disease too.

Hello; it's good to see you.
I don't remember why it's good to see you, but it is.
I know I like you, and my eyes crinkle in evident delight that you are here.
Immediately I want to rattle off something witty and topical, 
But I don't remember the words right.
So I look for something I can see, and relate it to you.
It's good to see you.
My smile is not like my smile of before.  It's full of undivided pleasure.
When you used to come, I'd have a frown right after my quick grin.
The market is down; my team lost; there's a plumbing problem; I've got so much to do.
I'd cut the visit short because I was so busy.
Now, for now, nothing impedes the pleasure I have at just meeting your eyes.
I know I like you.
Later my expression will seem pained.  It may be time for you to go.  
Stimulation makes me very tired after a while.
I still walk like I did, hale fellow well met.
I know I used to feel important.  I still do.
I don't remember why.
I don't remember that I used to juggle so many balls in the air;
I ran a business, took jobs on the side, volunteered, and traveled the world.
Numbers and bills and stocks and payrolls flew in and out of my head all day, 
Things it now takes six people a lot of time to do instead.
I used to read trade papers, journals, novels, biographies.
Now I read each piece of mail with equal interest, 
Even if it has an envelope that reads, "You may already be a winner."
I love to see my family.  I ask questions of my older grandchildren 
But they aren't the curious questions I used to ask.
Still, I try to ask a question, even if I don't get the words right.
I want to still tell them I love them
But I can't.
I want them to grow up like me, putting the most important things first.
It didn't always work with their parents but I hope it skips a generation.
But I can't get it right so I just smile at them and try to ask them if they are happy.
I still crouch down and play with my little grandchildren.
Nothing has changed!  We connect in a special way
And that is all we need.  We laugh.  We play.  We roll a ball together.
I hope they remember playing with me.
I am so glad you came.
I long to share with you something I thought about recently.
I can't.  
I love getting your opinions.  I just don't remember on what.
But it's good to see you.
I know I'll be smiling big when I see you next time.

[Smokin' Joe]

What a tremendous tribute.

Those of us who can remember must do so for those who cannot.

As one of my grandmothers faded, I learned to take pleasure in the moment of her company, knowing full well she might not remember tomorrow, and to give her gifts which she could enjoy--simple things like home made jelly to give a moment of pleasure back to someone who had given me so much.

She's gone home now, but I still remember, and that is enough.

[sneakers]

Oh my dear, my heart goes out to you! My mom had dementia, though we think it was caused by brain seizures. I saw your question about coconut oil. I myself have been researching it. I just did a search and found the following website:

http://healthimpactnews.com/2012/coconut-oil-and-alzheimer%E2%80%99s-disease-the-news-is-spreading/

Watch the videos. There is a man in one video who’s doctor wanted to put him in a home, but the man’s wife refused and she heard about coconut oil and decided to try. The man who has the alzheimers is the one talking in the video.

My prayers are going up for you and your dad

God bless,
sneaks

[Library Lady]

I have read about their XPS. What is the difference?

[arasina]

Made me cry, but I needed to anyway. Beautifully written, Yaelle. You revealed some of your father's loveable character in it.

I have a family member who has been diagnosed with FTD (frontotemporal dementia) which is similar to Alzheimer's.

[lysie]

My prayers are with you and your Dad.

[arasina]

Love shines on the inside where no one else can see. I believe this with all my heart and soul. The words may be forgotten, but the feeling never is. Somewhere deep, they know.

Yes. I believe this as well. Love is the vehicle for communication from soul to soul.

[Pinkbell]

I’ll pray for your father. I lost a grandfather to dementia and a grandma to Alzheimer’s. It’s a horrific disease, and it is heartbreaking seeing someone you love slowly slipping away. Their body is there, but their mind slowly isn’t. Towards the end of her life, my grandma would ask about her mom and her uncle who died decades before. She forgot who all but about six people were. What you wrote is beautiful by the way.

[2nd amendment mama]

Oh my ...my screen is very blurry. Thank you so very much for sharing that - it’s very, very touching. You are a very kind, special and loving daughter. I know your Dad is proud of you.

[Vermont Lt]

We are going through this for the third time (two uncles and an aunt for whom we are primary caregivers).

I am sympathetic. It is hard, frustrating, and sad.

Lots of folks will give you good advice, so I will tell you one of the most important things: keep your sense of humor. If you cannot laugh once in a while....all you will do is cry.

Hang in there. It’s not a burden...it’s a work of love.

[SledgeCS]

I lost my grandmother to Alzheimer’s and it was probably the hardest challenge of my life so far. Near the end the only person she recognized was me, my mother thinks it was because I was her first grandson. I tried so visit her every week and always in the afternoons, she so loved to visit the rose garden at the home even after she could no longer walk or even remember that the flower was called a rose. But every time she smelled the roses there was light in her eyes but it dimmed much too fast.

R.I.P Nana

[thesearethetimes...]

What MM said.....

Heartfelt prayers for you, your Dad and your family.
Please know that your FRiends here are lifting you all up in prayer.

May God keep watch.
Tatt

[luvie]

Prayers for your father to have peace and the comfort of knowing deep down that God and his family love him!

God give you and the rest of the family strength and courage for this journey with him.

[aposiopetic]

Thank you for posting this, painful though it may be. To echo what MestaMachine said, you continue to honor your father and by example encourage the rest of us to do likewise in our own lives, while we can.

[Vermont Lt]

We are going through this for the third time (two uncles and an aunt for whom we are primary caregivers).

I am sympathetic. It is hard, frustrating, and sad.

Lots of folks will give you good advice, so I will tell you one of the most important things: keep your sense of humor. If you cannot laugh once in a while....all you will do is cry.

Hang in there. It’s not a burden...it’s a work of love.

[Drawsing]

Beautiful bit of prose/poetry. I lost my dad back in 2009 to alzheimers. Started with hallucinations and went downhill from there. We were blessed in that he never lost his sweet personality. Let me know if you need to talk.

[primatreat]

I am the youngest of 8. I am very close to 70. My mother and all of my siblings have suffered and eventually died in their 70’s fully consumed with this disease. I do not look forward to my sad journey. It started with recent memory loss two years ago. It is a horrible trip that I do not think I want to go on.
I started a business in ‘71 that has grown nicely and has provided my family and well as 35 employes a good life fulfilled by doing good things to many.
Realizing my future, I transferred control to my most valuable staff 6 years ago. I look back and i am so glad I did before the “beast” takes complete control.
I have enjoyed being a “freeper” since “99.
Thank God for spell checkers. I have forgotten how to spell even simple words.

[MSSC6644]

What a beautiful and loving tribute. I don’t know if this can help, but as a child, I was taught a prayer to begin my day. It’s called a Morning Offering. One simply offers all the “prayers, works, joys and sufferings of this day,” to God for the intentions of those who are joining in the spirit of this prayer and for those we want to remember to the Lord’s care.

There are so many joys and sufferings, so many works and prayers all the time. Care taking is truly a gift. After my dad died, I finally realized that the best four and a half years of my life were those I was privileged to live with him as his care taker. The Lord truly works in mysterious ways. You, your father and your loved ones are now in my prayers.

[Alamo-Girl]

Thank you so much for sharing this, dear Yaelle! I am praying for your dad and you.

[xp38]

My mother had Alzheimers for about the last 5 years of her life. I had the luxury of taking care of her. I never felt her mind was going just changing and altering. Her personality remained the same to me. It’s likely she never had the advanced stage of the disease so that was fortunate I suppose. She passed away from cancer before that happened. I never felt closer to her in those last years of her life taking care of her. In 2003 we drove across the country to Las Vegas and LA. I knew she would not remember any of it but I felt it was worthwhile to live in the moment. She did enjoy it. I don’t know if I did everything right in dealing with it all but I tried to do my best which is all we can do. I hope the best for you in dealing with it all.

[AngieGal]

Could you tell us more? Where did you buy it? How much did you give him? How did you give it to him? How long did it take before you noticed an improvement? We are trying coconut oil, but would like to add anything that would help. Thanks!!