Skip to comments.Vanity: For My Dad, who has Alzheimer's
Posted on 11/11/2012 12:09:12 AM PST by Yaelle
I wrote this tonight and just need to share it. Maybe some of you have family members with this insidious disease too.
Hello; it's good to see you.
I don't remember why it's good to see you, but it is.
I know I like you, and my eyes crinkle in evident delight that you are here.
Immediately I want to rattle off something witty and topical,
But I don't remember the words right.
So I look for something I can see, and relate it to you.
It's good to see you.
My smile is not like my smile of before. It's full of undivided pleasure.
When you used to come, I'd have a frown right after my quick grin.
The market is down; my team lost; there's a plumbing problem; I've got so much to do.
I'd cut the visit short because I was so busy.
Now, for now, nothing impedes the pleasure I have at just meeting your eyes.
I know I like you.
Later my expression will seem pained. It may be time for you to go.
Stimulation makes me very tired after a while.
I still walk like I did, hale fellow well met.
I know I used to feel important. I still do.
I don't remember why.
I don't remember that I used to juggle so many balls in the air;
I ran a business, took jobs on the side, volunteered, and traveled the world.
Numbers and bills and stocks and payrolls flew in and out of my head all day,
Things it now takes six people a lot of time to do instead.
I used to read trade papers, journals, novels, biographies.
Now I read each piece of mail with equal interest,
Even if it has an envelope that reads, "You may already be a winner."
I love to see my family. I ask questions of my older grandchildren
But they aren't the curious questions I used to ask.
Still, I try to ask a question, even if I don't get the words right.
I want to still tell them I love them
But I can't.
I want them to grow up like me, putting the most important things first.
It didn't always work with their parents but I hope it skips a generation.
But I can't get it right so I just smile at them and try to ask them if they are happy.
I still crouch down and play with my little grandchildren.
Nothing has changed! We connect in a special way
And that is all we need. We laugh. We play. We roll a ball together.
I hope they remember playing with me.
I am so glad you came.
I long to share with you something I thought about recently.
I love getting your opinions. I just don't remember on what.
But it's good to see you.
I know I'll be smiling big when I see you next time.
What MM said.....
Heartfelt prayers for you, your Dad and your family.
Please know that your FRiends here are lifting you all up in prayer.
May God keep watch.
Prayers for your father to have peace and the comfort of knowing deep down that God and his family love him!
God give you and the rest of the family strength and courage for this journey with him.
Thank you for posting this, painful though it may be. To echo what MestaMachine said, you continue to honor your father and by example encourage the rest of us to do likewise in our own lives, while we can.
We are going through this for the third time (two uncles and an aunt for whom we are primary caregivers).
I am sympathetic. It is hard, frustrating, and sad.
Lots of folks will give you good advice, so I will tell you one of the most important things: keep your sense of humor. If you cannot laugh once in a while....all you will do is cry.
Hang in there. It’s not a burden...it’s a work of love.
Beautiful bit of prose/poetry. I lost my dad back in 2009 to alzheimers. Started with hallucinations and went downhill from there. We were blessed in that he never lost his sweet personality. Let me know if you need to talk.
I am the youngest of 8. I am very close to 70. My mother and all of my siblings have suffered and eventually died in their 70’s fully consumed with this disease. I do not look forward to my sad journey. It started with recent memory loss two years ago. It is a horrible trip that I do not think I want to go on.
I started a business in ‘71 that has grown nicely and has provided my family and well as 35 employes a good life fulfilled by doing good things to many.
Realizing my future, I transferred control to my most valuable staff 6 years ago. I look back and i am so glad I did before the “beast” takes complete control.
I have enjoyed being a “freeper” since “99.
Thank God for spell checkers. I have forgotten how to spell even simple words.
What a beautiful and loving tribute. I don’t know if this can help, but as a child, I was taught a prayer to begin my day. It’s called a Morning Offering. One simply offers all the “prayers, works, joys and sufferings of this day,” to God for the intentions of those who are joining in the spirit of this prayer and for those we want to remember to the Lord’s care.
There are so many joys and sufferings, so many works and prayers all the time. Care taking is truly a gift. After my dad died, I finally realized that the best four and a half years of my life were those I was privileged to live with him as his care taker. The Lord truly works in mysterious ways. You, your father and your loved ones are now in my prayers.
Thank you so much for sharing this, dear Yaelle! I am praying for your dad and you.
My mother had Alzheimers for about the last 5 years of her life. I had the luxury of taking care of her. I never felt her mind was going just changing and altering. Her personality remained the same to me. It’s likely she never had the advanced stage of the disease so that was fortunate I suppose. She passed away from cancer before that happened. I never felt closer to her in those last years of her life taking care of her. In 2003 we drove across the country to Las Vegas and LA. I knew she would not remember any of it but I felt it was worthwhile to live in the moment. She did enjoy it. I don’t know if I did everything right in dealing with it all but I tried to do my best which is all we can do. I hope the best for you in dealing with it all.
Could you tell us more? Where did you buy it? How much did you give him? How did you give it to him? How long did it take before you noticed an improvement? We are trying coconut oil, but would like to add anything that would help. Thanks!!
Take it one day a a time. Your attitude is what's important, IMO. We enjoyed and laughed at the funny things she said and did. I shared with my friends some of the funny things she did. She passed two years ago at the age of 94 after being bedridden the last five years.
Even today it isn't unusual for a friend to remind me of something funny my mother said or did...and we have a good memory, shared again with a laugh. More often than not it is something I had forgotten and I'm happy for the reminder.
Attitude is everything!
I agree with you completely. I still love being with him no giving him my love and gratitude. Your grandpa and his raspberries, I love that you have his picture there.
It’s my mom who is taking on too much. We are about to get her a health care worker at home for him, which she doesn’t want. But this is too much for her and it isn’t going to get better. :(
Thank you so much, sweetie, for those nice words. Yes, your uncle sounds very familiar.
Thank you, Jim. Prayers really work. I do hope he does stay carefree as he is 95% of the time. His last 10 years of lucidity, he was “Atlas,” bearing far too much upon himself, always worried and crabby. His smile is so big now, and he has nothing to worry about — I pray he doesn’t develop the angers and fears of some patients. It’s a long sad road.
I believe it too. They are in there and they can feel the love.
Thank you for the compliment. It just poured out of me, thinking of my dad but also thinking of all the others out there suffering.
Why youre her mother! I still cry when I think about it.
Yes, how can I ever forget the good times? He made so many of them happen.
Oh, honey. Gd bless you and your precious dad too.
Oh, my dear. I cannot imagine what you have gone through. Over nd over. And now to be preparing for the same fate. Gd bless you and may you be spared somehow. I’ve always had a so-so memory and now each time I forget anything I wonder over and over if this is how it starts. How can you not worry?
I will pray that you are somehow spared.
Thank you. Yes, a sense of humor helps, and Dad still has some of his. We do laugh! He comes out with some funny comments when the family talks. It’s not always so funny but I am glad there are still those times.
It’s tragic. Life can be so hard at times. We all need to pray for strength and patience.
You were a blessing to your Dad. I hope to be so for mine.
With illnesses and conditions, I reach back to a paradigm I learned long ago. Life is a tapestry of beauty and color and meaning, like a real tapestry upon a wall, but we are not privileged to see the beautiful side. What we see is all the yarn, knotted and tangled on the back side, and often it doesn’t make sense. Gd and the angels can see the true whole picture. One day it will be our turn to understand.
Thank you for your prayer.
Hang in there. Its not a burden...its a work of love.
Well said, both of you!
Alzheimer’s/dementia runs in my family as well...
Mom and I talk at least once a day - I live in AL; she is home in VA. Some days she calls me back, like we haven’t spoken in days...
I just listen to the same stories like it’s the first time she has told them to me...
Sometimes I do laugh; sometimes I cry...
Hang in there!
"eyes crinkle in evident delight to see you" This is what brought tears to my eyes. To know your dad delights in your love even if he can't express it as he'd surely like to. That love you give him is something so many of our elderly long for and never get from family who've long forgotten them. What a joy to see that the Alzheimers hasn't terminated the family bond as it has for so many.
I've had so much joy in my life. But this part isn't so great. I understand that! It's easy to get lost in the heartache, frustration, and plain injustice of it all, isn't it? I've learned that I have to focus on the opposite aspect (gratitude) to keep peace and find joy to share. If I'm doing laundry and I see socks are missing again, I give thanks that I had parents who gave me warm socks when I was a child. How many times did I lose mine? If I'm running to the store to pick up something, I can feel resentful about the loss of time and the inconvenience. Or I can be grateful that God gave me parents who surely ran to the store for me when I was small and unable to care for myself. If mom or dad couldn't remember something, I'd thank God that he's blessed me with so many memories of them to cherish. For me, the key is to turn everything into a moment of gratitude that I had what I'm now losing for so long. If that makes sense.
Thank you again for sharing. May G-d bless you and your family with peace and much joy in your time shared together. Is there an Alzheimers ping list?
Alzheimer’s Disease is so cruel. So cruel.
Prayers for you and your family as you walk this difficult road.
Primatreat- I don’t know how to respond except to say that I am so sorry you are going through this. It’s so cruel.
I will be praying for you daily.
What a wonderful attitude to have. I am going to try to borrow it.
Gratitude is the key to enjoying life.
Prayers for your father.
Having worked in a hospital for 10 years I have seen and cared for many with this horrible disease...Some patients are happy even though they don’t remember you...these are the lucky ones....some are so far out of it, its really much sadder....I have told my kids they don’t have to visit me if I get alz. cause I won’t know them anyway......
Only someone with this “experience” would appreciate this conversation I had with my wife one day.
I had visited our two uncles in the nursing home. On the way home I stopped at the family homestead to check on the aunt and uncle there.
I called my wife on the way home,
My wife: How were they?
Me: Well Auntie was not wearing pants, but she was wearing a shower cap, so all in all she was fine.
My wife: Ok, thats great. Talk to you later.
After I realized what we had just said, I had to pull the car over to laugh at the absurdity of it.
I’m not really sure what XPS is, I know there’s an XP, XPC and YP...
I got mine from ebay, but my dad lives in India, so he got his stuff direct from the distributor. He would put it into his morning cereal or coffee. I can swallow stuff, so I just put it in my mouth and wash it down with water.
I think it took him a couple months to notice an improvement. YMMV of course, but it’s worth a shot.
A very moving tribute.Having had a Dad who has a disease very similar to Alzheimer's I think I understand your sadness.My Dad,like yours (no doubt) was a very,very good man whose memory deterioration was sad beyond belief.
My husband says, “Maybe she was feeling a little frisky and her husband thought he was gonna get lucky.”
We DO have to laugh!
Thank you for sharing - and no disrespect intended at all with our comment. Just looking for comfort in what we do have, our memories and all...
Dearest sweet you, ((((Yaelle)))) You honor your cherished Dad with sentiment like no other! You’ve told us he’s a wonderful, loving father and simultaneously he raised a wonderful, loving daughter.
Remember the old adage that says “live life for the moment?” You will have many wonderful moments with him, when he will be cognizant. There’s so much we don’t know about our loved ones with his disease and loved ones in comas. I personally believe that they understand more than we think, and I’m sure they understand love.
God bless you and your loving family. Your Dad and your family have my prayers.
Prayers for your father, for you and for your entire family. My dad is 99 and just went on hospice. Not what I would have wanted, but he’s his own person.
God bless you.
You and your dad are in my prayers.
I am so sorry that you all are going through this and you most certainly have my prayers.
My Dad went through the same. I also think that some of the things that he may see that others can not may be real but we can’t see them yet. If that makes any sense. He also saw and had conversations with long passed family.
My Dad thought for a while that I was his doctor and not his son. Not even close. I’m a software guy and will always be his son. In the end he told me the same that Mom did. I was their favorite and never thought that was even remotely the case. God Bless you, your Dad and all of your family and loved ones.
God bless you Yaelle.
Yes, I’ve been through that too.
Prayers that you always remember the good times.
Doing a Divine Mercy.
Doing a Divine Mercy.
My father passed away from Alzheimers on July 3rd, 2010. My heart goes out to you. It’s horrible watching that disease take someone. What a cruel disease.
Thanks. I may be mistaking it for XPC. I had asked the local farm supply to get it for me several years ago, but they had to buy an entire pallet when they ordered. I bought XP instead, and my husband and I took it. I was working with the public at the time, and I believe it kept me from getting colds and flues. I just ordered 3 lbs. of XPC. Thank you for the information and for reminding us of this product.
Prayers for God’s blessings.
Bump for later.
I am so sorry.
I agree. Crueler than Parkinson’s or cancer. I’d rather lose control of my body than my mind.
Sometimes it’s better to laugh than to cry.
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