(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

[Lucky9teen]

It's that time of year again....

Here are some ideas (or not) for the kids....

This "Girls Only" toy is sure to inspire your daughter to reach for the sky...while dusting the high shelves.


So much for post-racial America.


Encourage your child's imagination to run wild as their Playmobil figures wait in line...
walk through the metal detector...are forced to throw out their shampoo. (PS -- It's almost 60 bucks)

Please don't give your child this toy. Please.


Gasoline-Powered Audi Two Seater Car For Kids - Get your little yuppie on his way with this gas-powered accident-waiting-to-happen.
For just under $14,000 you can watch your kid tear ass around the cul-de-sac at a maximum 13 MPH,
but keep it off the road because it's about as street legal as a lawn mower.


Reaction Extreme - The idea of this game is to not be the slowest person to buzz in or you get shocked.
Or, try the "Extreme" version where only the fastest player is safe and everyone else gets shocked. The point is: Electrocution = Fun.


I'm confused. I thought Spiderman was already an "Adventure Hero" and now he's dressing up in various outfits like a Barbie would?
He also apparently loves soccer and short shorts. (From i-mockery.com


A girl wears a special halter top with flowers instead of nipples that cause the baby to make sucking sounds and move its mouth.
The tagline for the toy reads, "Because you shouldn't have to wait until you have breasts before you start breastfeeding your baby."


The premise of "Video Girl Barbie" is simple: take a toy targeted for young girls and install (between the doll's breasts) a video camera capable of recording about 30 minutes of video. What better way to foster you daughter's interest in filmmaking than with a doll that looks like the Terminator?
(Check out the product's official site to see the cyborg up close.)

But before your kid gets excited about filming in breast-view, heed this warning from the FBI: In the wrong hands- specifically pedophile hands-
Video Barbie can be a "possible child pornography production method." For a full review of the product, check out TechCrunch.


A cross-over from "Fast Food Fails:" You have to give them credit for trying to secure their workforce as early as possible.


This is hands down the creepiest toy ever. Just watch.


Super Soakers' more extreme line of squirt guns were always intended for older children, and the "Oozinator" is no exception. Luckily, these boys appear just the right age to discover this addictive toy for the first time start using it a couple times a day (at least). Check out the full commercial here.


Dr. Drill n' Fill: The revolutionary new toy that promotes children's healthy and active lifestyle
by teaching them to associate fun with gouging out cavities. (Watch the commercial here)


Elmo has a little computer in his brain so he can learn your child's name and other phrases.
However, don't change the batteries or Elmo starts threatening to kill you. (Watch video here.)


This microphone is named after a rapper who’s known for using auto-tuning so he can sound relatively in pitch when he “sings”.
Now, in this no-child-is-allowed-to-be-mediocre era, your kid can get the illusion that he can sing,
even if he sounds like a cat held over a bathtub when he belts out the national anthem.


Under the loose category of chemistry, this perfume kit enables your children to mix potions and create a signature scent. There are aromatherapy options that purportedly help your child sleep or energize her even more. Essentially, it’s science for Snooki.
Perfumery retails for $19.99, and if your children don’t produce enough noxious smells on their own, it’s a viable option.


no comment


Pregnant Barbie - Where do babies come from? Good luck with that one.


Every parent wants their daughter to be covered in tattoos, right?

[Pride_of_the_Bluegrass]

[Pride_of_the_Bluegrass]

[ArGee]

Things You'd Love to Say at Work, But Can't! II

(Yes, there are duplicates. I don't have the patience to remove them. Besides, if they were funny once...)

1. "Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?
2. "Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
3. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble plastic is cheap. You choose.
4. Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control.
5. I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for thirty years.
6. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
7. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
8. Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't gone to sleep yet.
9. Back off! You're standing in my aura.
10. Don't worry. I forgot your name too.
11. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
12. Wait. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
13. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
14. Earth is full. Go home.
15. Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?
16. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
17. I'm already visualizing duct tape over your mouth.
18. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
19. I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter.
20. How about never? Is never good for you?
21. What ever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
22. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
23. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
24. You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.
25. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
26. I'm NOT stressed out. You're just extremely annoying!
27. Have a nice day. somewhere else.

[Pride_of_the_Bluegrass]

[who knows what evil?]

‘Never Say Never Again’ did it MUCH better...

[a fool in paradise]

In Houston, city employees are now exempted from jury duty.

The grifting and special perks continue.

[unique1]

http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00622/beer_goggles_622180a.swf

[ArGee]

In Houston, city employees are now exempted from jury duty.

Probably just as well. Would you want your case decided by someone who couldn't get a better job than a Houston city employee?

[unique1]

Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones
* *

Dear Timmy,
Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus

* *
Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. Nice” contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?
Respectfully,
Tim Jones
* *

Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney’s have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
* *

Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I’m taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
T-Bone
* *

Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? “He sees you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your s—t wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. You’re not getting what you asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in you’re ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy
* *

Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.
Timmy
* *

Timmy,
That’s what I thought you little b@stard.
Santa

[ArGee]

OK - You're gonna have to live with giving me nightmares for the next three weeks.

Oh, well, at least it wasn't Hillary.

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

Top 51!!

[GSWarrior]

I was into Major Matt Mason for a time.

[GSWarrior]

I was a Major Matt Mason geek for a time.

[llevrok]

Wahooooooo

In before more double posts !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[TheOldLady]

Ping to #24 and #25

[r-q-tek86]

If Men TRULY Ran The World...

Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a “Nice hustle, you’ll get’em next time” would pretty much do it.

Birth control would come in ale or lager.

Valentine’s Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you’d get the day off to go drinking. Mother’s Day too and the wifes’ birthday.

St. Patrick’s Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

Garbage would take itself out.

Oprah and Ellen Degeneres would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

The only show opposite “Monday Night Football” would be “Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle”.

When your girlfriend and/or wife really needed to talk to you during the game, she’d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

Instead of “beer-belly”, you’d get “beer-biceps”.

Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to “I love you”.

Tanks would be far easier to rent.

When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: “You know how fast you were going?”
You: “All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place.”
Cop: “Nice one, That’s $10.00 off”.

Women would never talk about how fresh they felt.

Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said “You’re #1!”.

The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

“Sorry I’m late, but I got wasted last night”, would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the “public ugliness” ordinance.

Hallmark would make “Sorry, what was your name again?” cards.

[r-q-tek86]

[unique1]

[TheOldLady]

“Sorry I’m late, but I got wasted last night”, would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

I used this one today. True story.

[BenLurkin]