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Mother Declares Her Children Are "the Biggest Regret of Her Life"
Shine from Yahoo! ^ | 4/10/13 | Rebecca Odes

Posted on 04/10/2013 11:25:33 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows

Let's talk about the mom who regrets her children. Last week, the Daily Mail published a first-person story by Isabella Dutton, a 57 year old mother of two who declared her children to be "the biggest regret of her life." Since the Daily Mail is possibly the internet's leading purveyor of "human interest in hating other humans" stories, it goes without saying that the article incited (and was intended to incite) a monstrous tsunami of scorn.

"A mother could never regret her children." It's a truism. But considering the life-altering effect of children on their mothers, it seems impossible that it could really be a universal truth. Isabella Dutton is clearly very unhappy. She feels trapped by the intense demands of her children, calling them parasites. I know lots of mothers who feel this way sometimes. But feeling like your kids are sucking your life force is one thing. Feeling like they "give nothing meaningful back in return"? That's something different.

Dutton believes she simply lacked the wiring for motherhood. She never wanted kids, but didn't want to deny her husband the experience.

(Excerpt) Read more at shine.yahoo.com ...


TOPICS: Health/Medicine; Society
KEYWORDS: motherhood; napl
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She chose...poorly.
1 posted on 04/10/2013 11:25:33 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows
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To: Slings and Arrows; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; Darksheare; OSHA; ...
I believe that Lillian Carter once uttered a similar sentiment.


2 posted on 04/10/2013 11:26:47 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows (You can't have IngSoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: Slings and Arrows

No mother’s day card for her next year...


3 posted on 04/10/2013 11:28:54 AM PDT by sinsofsolarempirefan
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To: Slings and Arrows

4 posted on 04/10/2013 11:30:26 AM PDT by F15Eagle (1Jn5:4-5,4:15,5:13;Mt27:50-54,Mk15:33-34,Jn3:17-18,6:69,11:25,14:6,20:31;Ro10:8-11;1Tim2:5-6;Ti3:4-5)
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To: Slings and Arrows

If she waits a bit longer a bill is surely going to ooze out of the Parliament septic tank and into law that would allow a ‘mother’ to abort their children at any age.

What’s the difference?


5 posted on 04/10/2013 11:30:34 AM PDT by IbJensen (Liberals are like Slinkies, good for nothing, but you smile as you push them down the stairs.)
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To: Slings and Arrows

She sounds like my mom. I don’t know how many times I heard her say that we’d ruined her life. Meh...


6 posted on 04/10/2013 11:30:45 AM PDT by Windflier (To anger a conservative, tell him a lie. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth.)
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To: Slings and Arrows

This is very sad. I have two sons, both more or less out of the house. Together with Mrs. Henkster, they have been the greatest joy and satisfaction of my life.

Some people are incomplete; they lack all the wiring that most of us are equipped with. Having been a prosecutor, I’ve encountered many of them; they often break the law because they don’t have the internal programming to deter them from wrongful conduct.

But to be a child and not loved by a parent is a truly sad thing and I feel much sorrow for this woman’s children.


7 posted on 04/10/2013 11:32:22 AM PDT by henkster (I have one more cow than my neighbor. I am a kulak.)
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To: Windflier

Sorry to hear that. Most of us have painful experiences, it shouldn’t come from our parents but of course it sometimes does.


8 posted on 04/10/2013 11:34:24 AM PDT by driftdiver (I could eat it raw, but why do that when I have a fire.)
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To: Slings and Arrows
A couple of 30-40 year olds still at home with their sippy-cup would be a disappointment.
9 posted on 04/10/2013 11:34:25 AM PDT by TexasCajun
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To: Windflier

Who was it that said....”My mother never saw the irony in always calling me a son of a bitch.”?


10 posted on 04/10/2013 11:34:50 AM PDT by Responsibility2nd (NO LIBS. This Means Liberals and (L)libertarians! Same Thing. NO LIBS!!)
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To: Slings and Arrows

..another child to be part of the “collective”.


11 posted on 04/10/2013 11:35:51 AM PDT by folkquest (I plan on being cranky for the next 4 years. Hope to crack a political smile at the midterms!)
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To: Responsibility2nd
Who was it that said....”My mother never saw the irony in always calling me a son of a bitch.”?

A genius.

12 posted on 04/10/2013 11:37:09 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows (You can't have IngSoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: Slings and Arrows
I believe that Lillian Carter once uttered a similar sentiment.

Another presidential mother let her actions speak for her, she dumped the little brat on her mother half a planet away and thousands of miles from the nearest continent...

13 posted on 04/10/2013 11:38:25 AM PDT by null and void (Gun confiscation enables tyranny. Republicans create the tools of oppression and Democrats use them.)
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To: Slings and Arrows; Revolting cat!

I get the feeling that Mama Stanley Obama must’ve told this to Barack Jr. at least once a day up to age 10.


14 posted on 04/10/2013 11:40:15 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (America 2013 - STUCK ON STUPID)
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To: Slings and Arrows

She could be big on the baby slaughter speech circuit if she plays her cards right.


15 posted on 04/10/2013 11:41:18 AM PDT by laweeks
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To: laweeks

University speeches too.


16 posted on 04/10/2013 11:42:35 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows (You can't have IngSoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: Slings and Arrows
"Mother Declares Her Children Are ........."

She makes it sound like they belong to her. Hasn't she heard that they are the communities kids? /sarc

17 posted on 04/10/2013 11:43:51 AM PDT by showme_the_Glory (ILLEGAL: prohibited by law. ALIEN: Owing political allegiance to another country or government)
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To: F15Eagle

LOL!


18 posted on 04/10/2013 11:45:53 AM PDT by Obadiah (High speed, low drag.)
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To: Slings and Arrows
Since the Daily Mail is possibly the internet's leading purveyor of "human interest in hating other humans" stories ...

LOL - that's a good way of putting it.

19 posted on 04/10/2013 11:47:15 AM PDT by Tax-chick (Do you know why I love reptiles? It's because they don't play guitars.)
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To: Slings and Arrows

I have a 57 year old brother (with issues) still living with Mom and Dad. Although he’s worried my mom sick, she still loves him. I’ve never heard a word of regret from her mouth. There simply aren’t enough like her (or my Dad for that matter). I give them all the credit for how I turned out, I thank God for having those two as my parents. I’m a FReeper vs an Occupier because of them.


20 posted on 04/10/2013 11:47:24 AM PDT by Huskrrrr
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To: Slings and Arrows

I have a 57 year old brother (with issues) still living with Mom and Dad. Although he’s worried my mom sick, she still loves him. I’ve never heard a word of regret from her mouth. There simply aren’t enough like her (or my Dad for that matter). I give them all the credit for how I turned out, I thank God for having those two as my parents. I’m a FReeper vs an Occupier because of them.


21 posted on 04/10/2013 11:47:24 AM PDT by Huskrrrr
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To: TexasCajun
A couple of 30-40 year olds still at home with their sippy-cup Budweiser™ would be a disappointment.
22 posted on 04/10/2013 11:50:43 AM PDT by central_va (I won't be reconstructed and I do not give a damn.)
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To: TexasCajun

Exactly. We don’t really know the context here, beyond she didn’t really want children at all.

After all, if your only child whom you cared for greatly for decades turned out to be a Moslem terrorist or serial killer, wouldn’t you be a bit miffed?

This woman is 57. Her kids could be anywhere from 10 to 37. Lots of that could cover very disappointing adults.

Otherwise, yes, it’s sad generally speaking a woman would feel this way. The man should not have married her if she said she didn’t want kids.


23 posted on 04/10/2013 11:51:57 AM PDT by the OlLine Rebel (Common sense is an uncommon virtue./Technological progress cannot be legislated.)
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To: Slings and Arrows

It sounds like she took care of her kids and still does with the daughter:

From the article:

But there were provisos: if I was going to have children I knew absolutely - illogical as it may seem in view of my feelings - that I intended to raise them myself without any help from nannies or childminders.

This wasn’t a way of assuaging my guilt, because I felt none. It was simply that, having brought them into the world, I would do my best for them.

I cannot understand mothers who insist they want children - especially those who undergo years of fertility treatment - then race back to work at the earliest opportunity after giving birth, leaving the vital job of caring for them to strangers.

Why have them at all if you don’t want to bring them up, or can’t afford to? And why pretend you wanted them if you have no intention of raising them? This hypocrisy is, in my view, far more pernicious and difficult to fathom than my own admission that my life would have been better without children.

And here, perhaps, is the nub of it: I would not take on the job of motherhood and do it half-heartedly. Unlike so many would-be mums I thought hard about the responsibilities of my role, and, I believe, if more women did before rushing heedlessly into it, they might share my reservations.

I did not really think about Stuart at all, until Tony returned after work and asked where he was.

He was fine, of course, but when they wheeled him back into the ward I did not experience that sudden leap of the heart that new mums are expected to feel. Instead I sat down with a cup of tea and thought bleakly, ‘What have I done?’

Back home, I resolved to breastfeed. I knew it would be best for Stuart and I think every mother should do it. But even during this intimate act, that elusive bond failed to form.

Stuart fed voraciously, every two hours. He seemed almost permanently attached to me, but the proximity of this suckling infant did not make me feel maternal.

I never wanted to hurt Stuart - I only wanted him to prosper and thrive. There is no doubt I grew to love him very much, and indeed still do. But I always wished I had never had him.

SNIP

Jo, 31, shares my opinion about motherhood: she has never wanted children; perhaps my views have shaped hers.

It is her tragedy that eight years ago she developed multiple sclerosis and had to give up her job as a chef. She is now bed-bound and lives with Tony and me.

I am her full-time carer and if I could have MS instead of her, I gladly would. She knows I would do anything to relieve her suffering and that I will care for her as long as I am able. I am 57 now and as I approach old age, I have an ever-more dependent daughter.

Yet I would cut off my right arm if she or Stuart needed it.

And that, maybe, is the paradox. I am a conscientious and caring parent - yet perhaps I would have resented my children less had I not been.


24 posted on 04/10/2013 11:52:09 AM PDT by beaversmom
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To: Slings and Arrows

wow, I do not even understand the concept of “regretting children”, my children are my greatest joy.


25 posted on 04/10/2013 11:53:44 AM PDT by svcw (If you are dead when your heart stops, why aren't you alive when it starts.)
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To: the OlLine Rebel

Here’s the article. Other than being brutally honest, she sounds like she took care of her children. Her daughter has MS and she still looks after her:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2303588/The-mother-says-having-children-biggest-regret-life.html#ixzz2PuPJefdS


26 posted on 04/10/2013 11:54:14 AM PDT by beaversmom
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To: Slings and Arrows

My Mom who had nine children wishes she could go back in time and have all her kids young and together again. I tell her shes a glutton for punishment but shes serious as all get out.


27 posted on 04/10/2013 11:56:29 AM PDT by tflabo (Truth or Tyranny)
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To: Obadiah

I don’t know who made that but...


28 posted on 04/10/2013 11:57:21 AM PDT by F15Eagle (1Jn5:4-5,4:15,5:13;Mt27:50-54,Mk15:33-34,Jn3:17-18,6:69,11:25,14:6,20:31;Ro10:8-11;1Tim2:5-6;Ti3:4-5)
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To: Slings and Arrows

Everyone is trained to chant: “my children are the greatest thing in my life . . blah, blah, blah.” If that is true, most people are just a bunch of losers who cannot make their own contribution to the world. And, at least a third of the “children” of the world are a menace that the world be be far better without.


29 posted on 04/10/2013 11:57:43 AM PDT by anton
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To: anton

We are not all cut from the same cloth. She took care of her kids. She did things with them. She stayed home with them. She breastfed. She got them to adulthood. She’s still looking after her daughter that has MS. She sounds better than some that claim they do love their kids and they are wanted.


30 posted on 04/10/2013 12:02:19 PM PDT by beaversmom
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To: Slings and Arrows

I read the article

The woman lacked the ability to bond with her children. I’m sure it happens more than we think. (How can a mother offer a young child up to pedophiles for money, but some do). Very sad for the kids.

And WTH is the point of her going on about it now?

Kids are grown, she has her life back pretty much. Why inflict your selfish need to unburden yourself publicly upon them?


31 posted on 04/10/2013 12:03:21 PM PDT by KosmicKitty (WARNING: Hormonally crazed woman ahead!!)
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To: TexasCajun
A couple of 30-40 year olds still at home with their sippy-cup would be a disappointment.

Along with sitting in her basement blogging all day as captainunderpantsH8sTBaggers.com

32 posted on 04/10/2013 12:06:24 PM PDT by ScottinVA (Gun control: Steady firm grip, target within sights, squeeze the trigger slowly...)
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To: Tax-chick

It’s why we love ‘em.


33 posted on 04/10/2013 12:08:02 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (You can't have IngSoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: Slings and Arrows
I just read the other day that in the last days people would be “wit hour natural affection.” Even a mother cat has a natural desire to love and care for her young. This sentiment is becoming more common, and convinces me we are on the verge of a general collapse of civilization.
34 posted on 04/10/2013 12:10:37 PM PDT by attiladhun2 (The Free World has a new leader--his name is Benjamin Netanyahu)
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To: KosmicKitty

The Daily Mail article says that she’s the caregiver for her daughter, who has MS.


35 posted on 04/10/2013 12:12:53 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (You can't have IngSoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: Slings and Arrows
My wife was the youngest of five her mother said on a regular basis that she regretted having her, yet my wife was the one that took care of her father when he had Alzheimer's disease, and took care of her mother later in life.

The same thing with a friend of mine, his mother said she regretted having him and he is her primary care giver

36 posted on 04/10/2013 12:13:16 PM PDT by verga (A nation divided by Zero!)
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To: Responsibility2nd

Jack Nicholson


37 posted on 04/10/2013 12:19:41 PM PDT by Robert DeLong (u)
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To: Slings and Arrows

I regret my eEX-husband, but I would NEVER regret my children. My 3 sons are the lights of my life.


38 posted on 04/10/2013 12:19:58 PM PDT by mardi59 (IMPEACH OBAMA NOW!!!!!)
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To: central_va
A couple of 30-40 year olds still at home with their sippy-cup Budweiser™. would be a disappointment
39 posted on 04/10/2013 12:22:56 PM PDT by Robert DeLong (u)
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To: Robert DeLong

winnah!


40 posted on 04/10/2013 12:23:49 PM PDT by Responsibility2nd (NO LIBS. This Means Liberals and (L)libertarians! Same Thing. NO LIBS!!)
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To: Slings and Arrows

I was on the balcony with my 3.5 year old, lifted her up and showed her the snow was gone and soon the grass will grow there and the flowers and the trees...

Then she pointed at a white bag across the street by the curb and said: garbage!

My little girl gives me much more than any other possibly could in life and without even trying.


41 posted on 04/10/2013 12:25:05 PM PDT by Berlin_Freeper
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To: ScottinVA

Thanks a lot for making me snort 7up through my sinuses. lol


42 posted on 04/10/2013 12:37:37 PM PDT by darkangel82
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To: Slings and Arrows; Tax-chick

IMHO, she is probably the type of woman who is beyond self centered. I’ve known some... the kids “ruined my figure, ruined my career, ruined my sleep, ruined my luxury money, ruined everything”. I have the strong feeling that her two kids grew up hearing these words over and over. For that, she is a monster. My regret is that I didn’t have more.. tax chick size more. Being a Mom has made me laugh, made me cry, made me worry, made me tired but most of all... made me unbelievably HAPPY!


43 posted on 04/10/2013 12:40:06 PM PDT by momtothree
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To: darkangel82

Is that soda less than 16oz?


44 posted on 04/10/2013 12:44:25 PM PDT by wastedyears (I'm a gamer not because I choose to have no life, but because I choose to have many.)
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To: wastedyears

It is now that I drank half of it.


45 posted on 04/10/2013 12:45:09 PM PDT by darkangel82
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To: darkangel82

LOL Good one


46 posted on 04/10/2013 12:47:27 PM PDT by wastedyears (I'm a gamer not because I choose to have no life, but because I choose to have many.)
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To: Slings and Arrows
She chose...poorly.

You got that right.

47 posted on 04/10/2013 12:48:16 PM PDT by Lx (Do you like it, do you like it. Scott? I call it Mr. and Mrs. Tennerman chili.)
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To: F15Eagle

LOL! That’s a hoot!


48 posted on 04/10/2013 12:49:39 PM PDT by FlingWingFlyer (Dude! Where's my Bill of Rights?)
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To: momtothree
IMHO, she is probably the type of woman who is beyond self centered. I’ve known some... the kids “ruined my figure, ruined my career, ruined my sleep, ruined my luxury money, ruined everything”. I have the strong feeling that her two kids grew up hearing these words over and over

Agree. I believe there are more people than one thinks that are like this. I can understand this. That's why couples should have addressed this situation before marriage.

49 posted on 04/10/2013 12:50:17 PM PDT by Digger
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To: Slings and Arrows
Isabella Dutton, a 57 year old mother of two who declared her children to be "the biggest regret of her life."

She is no Mrs. Cleaver!!!

50 posted on 04/10/2013 12:51:45 PM PDT by ExCTCitizen
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