Posted on 05/24/2013 5:21:48 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Stephen uses the Obama Scandal Booth to choose which White House Scandal to cover.
Top 10
Thanks to those who served.
TOP TEN!!
A beautiful fairy appeared one day before a destitute Mexican refugee outside an Arizona immigration office. “Good man,” the fairy said, “Since you just arrived in the United States with your wife and eight children, I’ve been sent here by President Obama and told to grant you three wishes.”
The man told the fairy, “Well, where I come from we don’t have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe with a lot of gold in them.”
The fairy looked at the man’s almost toothless grin and PING! he had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!
“What else?” asked the fairy, “Two more to go.”
The refugee claimant now got bolder. “I need a big house with a three-car garage on the water in Annapolis with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my relatives who still live in my country. I want to bring them all over here.” PING! in the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three-car garage, a long driveway and a spectacular patio with a barbecue in an upscale neighborhood overlooking the bay.
One more wish,” said the fairy, waving her wand.
“Yes, one more wish. I want to be like an American with American clothes instead of these torn clothes and a baseball cap instead of this sombrero. And I want to have white skin like Americans.” And PING! the man was transformed, wearing worn-out jeans, a Baltimore Orioles T-shirt and a baseball cap. He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.
“What happened to my new teeth?” he wailed. “Where’s my new house?”
The fairy said, “Tough sh!+, amigo, now that you’re a white American, you have to fend for yourself.”
Top ten.....maybe.
Top 10! Woo Hoo!
bookmark
top ten I hope
Did Colbert really do that!?!?
WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TGIF!!!
Posting for an elderly guy who is a good friend:
Taco Hell
$5.37!
That’s what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher.
Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some more change.
Then the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me.
He said, “It’s OK. I’ll just give you the senior citizen discount.”
I turned to see who he was talking to and then saw him handing back change to me.
“Only $4.68” he said cheerfully.
I stood there stupefied. I am a mere 59, nowhere near 65 yet?
A mere child!
Senior citizen? Bullshit!
I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo.
Was he blind?
As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil.
Old? Me?
I’ll show him, I thought.
I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.
Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted!
What am I now? A toddler?
“Dude! Couldn’t get too far without your car keys, eh?”
I stared with utter disdain at the keys.
I began to rationalize in my mind!
“Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!”
I turned and headed back to the truck.
I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn’t turn. What now?
I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.
That’s when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.
I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. Nor a car seat in the back seat.
Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.
Moments later (after finding my own truck) I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life.
That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger!
My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito,
Only it was nowhere to be found.
I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time.
There Elmo stood, draped in youth, tattoos, and black nail polish.
All I could think was, “What is the world coming to?”
All I could say was, “Did I leave my food and drink in here”?
At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.
Elmo had no clue.
I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag.
His mother explained, “I think you left this in my truck by mistake.”
I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.
She offered these kind words: “It’s OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time.”
All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone. Yessss, I was racing some orange-haired punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I’m not too old to be driving this fast.
As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her my bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket.
I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.
The good news was that I had successfully found my way home.
Pass this on to the other “old fogies” on your list (so they can have fun laughing, too).
P.S. Save the earth...... It’s the only planet with chocolate!!!!!
Say. . . did I post this already?
< Woohoo!! I made it! >
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TOP 20!!!
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