"It's not that they all have the same stories about study-abroad trips to Europe, or that they get wildly excited about the simplest saves...My biggest gripe is that all of this feels like an elaborate affectation."
It IS contrived. Watch any Seattle Sounders (among others) game and see all the creative originality of a mother's circle arranged playdate from these hipster hools.
"The whole thing seemed to be less an expression of genuine fandom and more like an elaborate piece of performance art."
Nothing is real anymore; especially if the experience can be wrapped up in a hashtag.
I agree with the contrived aspect.
On the other hand, I don’t want to see the MLS become like the NASL, which tried to make going to a soccer game like going to an NFL game, complete with cheerleaders.