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Please help! Trying to quit alcohol but facing challenges from family.
myself | July Fourth, 2014 | myself

Posted on 07/04/2014 9:02:19 PM PDT by proud American in Canada

Hi all,

I never, NEVER, thought I'd post this here. But at this point, I have no one to turn to.

I'm a 51 year-old housewife/reporter and photographer who tries to make money doing proofreading, editing, writing,taking pictures, and oh, yes, selling ads for a phone book belonging to a dear friend of mine who was on Gatineau's city council (that's how I met him; we broke a lot of stories here).

I need to make a profile on FR; it would save a lot of time. :)

Long story short. I grew up in Des Plaines, IL, met my French Canadian husband about 20 + years ago; we moved to Denver and had a son and daughter there. Thank God they were born on American soil! :)

About 15 years ago, my husband got a job offer and we had to move north. I felt like he'd punched me in the stomach; I couldn't breathe. I fell into a depression after moving the kids, by myself, driving all those miles (my husband had already bought a home and begun work with the government up here).

A year after we moved, 9/11 happened...and even though I was far away, I felt even more depressed, probably because I was separated from the country I love and knew was hurting, but I couldn't do anything. Thanks to FR, I sent care packages to the troops...

Anyway. Fast forward to today. I began drinking hard, and now, it seriously imperiled my health. I have to stop, and I do, for periods of time, but then... something happens and I fall back into old habits.

Example. I`ve never had a D.U.I. (I never drink and drive), but I lost my drivers license at the hospital because my brain chemicals were out of whack (too much ammonia?). I'm on lactylose.

Last weekend, a long weekend here because of Canada Day, I had a lot of errands to do with the car, so I needed hubby to drive me around.

Things were okay... until at some point, he kept being so sarcastic, so .... fake ... he kept saying, "where should we go right now? Please, let me help you!" (fake, fake, fake). I started to cry in the car. He'd beaten me down after two days of me asking him to drive me here and there to help my (Gatineau city) councillor friend make money...

I cried and gave up, and bought some booze at the grocery store, while he bought "make your own pizza" fixings...I had said, "we can get all of that at Walmart.." (where they don't sell alcohol). Instead, he chose a grocery where they sell alcohol…the one thing I didn’t want him to do).

Long story short, I feel like I'm pushing up the proverbial rock while my husband is kicking it, hard, back into my face.... all while doing that in front of our kids so that they have no respect for me. btw, when I don`t drink, we have the same fights... just not as emotional on my side. What do I do? How do you deal with trying to fix yourself when everyone seems to be aligned against you? Any advice would be appreciated. And I feel so embarrassed to reach out like this, but I’m at my wit’s end. My husband seems closer to our daughter than he does to me, and it hurts. Julie


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Health/Medicine; Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: addiction; depression; family
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To: CorporateStepsister

ÈThis is going to sound harsh, but you need to start cutting ties with the people around you who aren’t letting you change yourself into a better person. Alcoholics who want to genuinely get better, or if you want to change a general habit, you have to restructure your life and end up changing your life around.

That includes removing people from your life who sabotage you or try to down your efforts to better yourself. Hard, but in the end, you’ll see how easier your life is. These downers are just baggage and just a problem in your life. They are in fact, part of the problem and will remain so.

That they aren’t encouraging you to better yourself is a huge red flag and something that you need to think long and hard over. They’ll keep you from making your life better.È

______________________

You are right. It’s not harsh... it’s reality.

Do I choose life and my liver, or .... but removing my husband is tough.

He’s just really strange; he claims to want me to be healthy, yet he criticizes me and makes me feel small at every opportunity.

Anyway, I need to adhere to my previous post. I have to get to bed, but then I see people like you who take the time to respond, and I want to do the same.

Take care.... J.


81 posted on 07/04/2014 10:41:31 PM PDT by proud American in Canada (R.I.P., James Helmuth, my nephew who passed away at ten years old, from cancer, on March 23.)
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To: proud American in Canada

You’re not the “bad one” it has just become a bad mix. People change. Bet you are not the same person you were 10 years ago. I’m definitely not. Please realize, no one is at fault. Some couples are meant to last forever, some are meant to connect and move on. Even if you are meant to be together, a separation to think things out will do you both good. Prayers up for you!


82 posted on 07/04/2014 10:45:18 PM PDT by JennysCool (My hypocrisy goes only so far)
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To: proud American in Canada

Please read your private email and follow the suggestions. You have all the help you need now. There is a hope and a vision for you to be joyful, happy and free. Try it. God bless,
FE


83 posted on 07/04/2014 10:46:35 PM PDT by FlyingEagle
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To: Lazamataz

ping


84 posted on 07/04/2014 10:48:31 PM PDT by SunTzuWu
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To: JennysCool

Thanks, Jenny! :) God bless to you and yours. :)


85 posted on 07/04/2014 10:48:37 PM PDT by proud American in Canada (R.I.P., James Helmuth, my nephew who passed away at ten years old, from cancer, on March 23.)
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To: FlyingEagle

Thank you so much. There are so many kind people here.

May God bless you and yours,

Julie. :)


86 posted on 07/04/2014 10:50:00 PM PDT by proud American in Canada (R.I.P., James Helmuth, my nephew who passed away at ten years old, from cancer, on March 23.)
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To: proud American in Canada
he criticizes me and makes me feel small at every opportunity.

There's your answer in your own words. You have an entire world out there very capable of making you feel small. Your true friends are the people who make you feel big. Good luck!

87 posted on 07/04/2014 10:50:18 PM PDT by JennysCool (My hypocrisy goes only so far)
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To: fwdude
Perhaps they have a 12-step program for being an AA addict? :)

I think they have one, it's the 12 steps on how to be annoying, announcing yourself some kind of martyr to alcohol, and otherwise making everyone around them uncomfortable every time you go out anywhere with them when they make a huge point of ordering a soda instead of beer. No one cares what these people consume, but good grief do we all have to hear about it? If you're not gonna drink some wine or whatever, just don't order it and shut the hell up.

We had one of these at work, and the employee’s involvement in it was very disruptive. We had an out-of-town company-wide retreat, and this employee insisted that he/she had to find an AA meeting in the area, even demanded that transportation be provided by the company. Needless to say, he/she did miss several mandatory meet ups. It eventually was a career ender at our company

The sad thing that I have observed is that many/most of the people I know who joined AA and groups like it are not having problems in life because of booze or drugs, they are having problems because they are irresponsible, lazy, spiteful, envious, regretful of life choices, etc. Alcohol was how they dealt with their own failures. Take away the alcohol and the underlying issues not only still exist, they often become more pronounced.

As in my previous example of the girl who joined AA (which very much felt like a cult when she'd ramble on about it) and continued losing jobs and otherwise being a human disaster area. Quitting booze did nothing for her except to fool her into thinking that was her problem. It allowed her to blame booze for all the real issues she needed to change about her life. The whole thing was a total failure, and I am happy to say she is drinking again on a casual basis and is trying to be a more stable person by correcting some of the other glaring flaws that were holding her back. She's doing better.

This is not to say there aren't real addicts out there who need help from group therapy, it's just that most aren't truly addicted - they are simply irresponsible. AA won't fix that.

88 posted on 07/04/2014 10:53:23 PM PDT by Longbow1969
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To: proud American in Canada
Dear American in Canada,

Though I've not had a problem with alcohol (I have had father, sister, brother ex-husband and other family members and other dear friends with alcohol and pill addictions) I have had problems with depression as a result of growing up in an alcoholic family.

I care about anyone caught up in a web of addiction as it is an entire family problem and needs to be treated as such.

Your description of your family life and how your drinking adds to life issues, doesn't sound hard core - yet. I say yet because without help, it will become hard core and totally unmanageable.

Open up your phone book or go online and find a local AA and find a way to get to a meeting. If that doesn't work or the folks there aren't a good fit, check out various churches that hold support groups for various addictions and other kinds of support groups and find a way to go.

You must get involved in "tough love" support, where people won't support your addiction but will hold you accountable.

Next, find a good doctor, have a physical and speak with a health professional about whether you suffer from chronic low grade depression or not. If so, think about getting some medicine.

I read another comment where someone mentioned giving up on the term "trying to quit" or some such term. That's correct, you must give up on the idea that you are "trying to" anything. Either you continue drinking out of control periodically or you quit. It's as simple as that!

Easy, of course not, but what you have is deadly and it's no laughing matter. Either you quit or you will spiral out of control until you wind up dead.

Life is wonderful without booze or drugs and it can be again for you.

You have issued a real cry for help and I'd like to offer you as much as I can, from where I am as I know how dark your future must be looking at it where you are.

You may contact me under the "mail" section and I can speak more intimately about what you might need. Regardless, there are many of us here that have dealt with addiction problems, either ourselves or our loved ones and would like nothing better than to befriend you and help you find your way out of the trap you're in.

May God bless you. He is the Ultimate Healer!

89 posted on 07/04/2014 10:56:15 PM PDT by zerosix (Native Sunflower)
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To: Glennb51

not necessarily. that is way too simplistic.

if they were hypoglycemic you’d think they’d all be drinking cokes, pepsis, mountain dews or jolt colas. hell of a lot cheaper than booze. and the body would feel better b/c of the sugar.

that ain’t the reason.


90 posted on 07/04/2014 10:57:23 PM PDT by Secret Agent Man ( Gone Galt; Not averse to Going Bronson.)
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To: warsaw44

Wish I had some solid advice but it looks like you are getting some help on the thread

____________________________

That is for sure! :) People are so kind.

_____________________________

And for heaven’s sake, pay no mind to the wandering jerks with their lousy opinions.

______________________________

LOL!

What would FR be without them! ;)

Thank you, warsaw44... I’ll have to chat with you some time.

My Dad is Czech and our family used to send boxes of food and sundries back ‘home’...until, during WWII, they asked for tennis balls, and my Grandfather, 100% Czech, who spoke Polish, said, ‘if they want tennis balls, and have time to play tennis, why in the ***** are we sending care packages to them!’

Eastern Europeans must stick together. :)


91 posted on 07/04/2014 11:00:50 PM PDT by proud American in Canada (R.I.P., James Helmuth, my nephew who passed away at ten years old, from cancer, on March 23.)
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To: proud American in Canada

Yeah, I’ve been there; I am not divorced and never married, but thing is, that I’ve begun cutting people out.


92 posted on 07/04/2014 11:08:45 PM PDT by CorporateStepsister (I am NOT going to force a man to make my dreams come true)
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To: proud American in Canada
Ignore what everyone else may say or not say.
You are doing this for you, and your family even if they do not know or acknowledge your choice to quit....
Not trying to be trite or short on this situation, but just quit for you!
As they say in AA, one day at a time, but make that one day for you at a time.
Nothing beyond that about your situation should matter.
Good luck and count on NO ONE to help cause the only interest here is yours and not anyone for anyone else!
Don't expect anything cause when it come down to it, you are the only one you can count on.
Bless you and I will pray for you and your journey, but you can get there if you really want to.
but it is up to you.
93 posted on 07/04/2014 11:11:29 PM PDT by JSteff (It was ALL about SCOTUS.. We are DOOMED for several generations. . Who cares? Dem's did and voted!)
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To: proud American in Canada

AA worked for me. The key is let go and let God, attend meetings everyday for 6 months and get ride of the old people, places and playthings.


94 posted on 07/04/2014 11:22:55 PM PDT by Java4Jay (The evils of government are directly proportional to the tolerance of the people.)
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To: Ghost of SVR4

Scum


95 posted on 07/04/2014 11:35:19 PM PDT by piytar (The predator-class is furious that their prey are shooting back.)
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To: proud American in Canada

Julie, you are brave to post your story here. Most Freepers are decent and loving but there are too many jerks and you know that, so I applaud and admire you for doing this.

Skimming the replies I see good advise about AA. Please do DO that ASAP. AA people are among the kindest and most understanding people on Earth. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed about going, if you do. Other people there understand COMPLETELY and will listen and help but YOU have to let them. Please, please let them.

I know your heartache. I got married with highest of hopes on 8/11/2001. One month later our world broke apart. Lost jobs, savings. Had to move away from home and wound up in devastating straights... I spent too much time with a glass in my hand, drowning the sorrows and getting numb. I have managed by the Grace of God to get it under control - but after Barry was elected in 2008 I knew why Russians drank vodka, and I joined them, night after night. I understand. I understand what you’re going through. I know what you are feeling.

Julie I will pray for you. In Jesus’ name I lift you up in prayer to our most Glorious Father in Heaven, to either take away the desire and need to drink; or that He will send you to the right place to get help. Believe He will do it!

From one imperfect, 50-something Freeper to another, from my heart to yours, you are loved. We love you, I love you.

Please find AA and start your healing journey today, right now, this minute. Determine in your heart that you will do this and then DO THIS! Don’t let any reason or excuse stop you. Don’t let your husband shame you. You must get well before you can take care of anything else - you know this.

In Jesus’ name, Julie, please take care of yourself.


96 posted on 07/04/2014 11:42:20 PM PDT by CaptainPhilFan ( It's hard to kiss the lips at night that chew yer ass out all day long.)
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To: proud American in Canada

Exhausting yourself with exercise is another hiding place. Granted, a better one than drinking, but still a hiding place.

The key is finding out what you are hiding from. And then figuring out how/if that thing is something that can be alleviated.

That is not a journey many can make on their own. You need to have help on this road. If the people in your life are not willing or able (or worse yet, have a desire to see you remain broken), then you need to reach out to someone new.


97 posted on 07/04/2014 11:47:21 PM PDT by piytar (The predator-class is furious that their prey are shooting back.)
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To: proud American in Canada

Ethanol. The black atoms are carbon, the white are hydrogen, the red is oxygen.

People (including me) seem to expend a ridiculous amount of time, money, and emotion over this simple little molecule.

98 posted on 07/04/2014 11:47:36 PM PDT by TChad (The Obamacare motto: Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori.)
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To: proud American in Canada
I have no advice for you (you have been given some great stuff already!).

I just wanted you to know that I will be thinking of you and praying as you start this journey. Know that you have people cheering for you!

99 posted on 07/04/2014 11:55:15 PM PDT by TightyRighty (I enjoy well-mannered frivolity.)
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To: proud American in Canada
Go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting! You can find them through an Internet search or a call to directory assistance. There are many AA groups and they often meet in restaurants and churches. All AA groups offer sincere support and practical advice and help from fellow alcoholics.

Also, stop beating yourself up over alcoholism and any other lapses and failings. You are not being fair and honest with yourself. We are all weak and flawed creatures in a broken and fallen world. EVERYONE struggles and fails. EVERYONE. We are not required to be perfect, only to keep trying, which you plainly are doing.

100 posted on 07/05/2014 12:16:04 AM PDT by Rockingham
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