Posted on 07/25/2014 12:45:23 PM PDT by EinNYC
I don’t know if you know this, but you can now purchase Kosher computers! They are made in Israel by a company called DELL-SHALOM. The price is so low… even with the shipping from Israel! However, before you purchase a kosher computer of your own, you should know that there are some important changes from the typical non-kosher computer you are used to, such as:
1) The ‘Start’ button has been replaced with a ‘Let’s go! I’m not getting any younger!’ button.
2) You hear ‘Hava Nagila’ during start up.
3) The cursor moves from right to left.
4) When Spell-checker finds an error it prompts, ‘Is this the best you can do?’
5) When you look at erotic images, your computer says, ‘If your mother knew you did this, she would die.’
6) It comes with a ‘monitor cleaning solution’ from Manischewitz that gets rid of all the ‘schmutz und drek.’
7) When running ‘Scan Disk’ it prompts you with a ‘You want I should fix this?’ message.
8) After 20 minutes of no activity, your PC goes, ‘Schloffen' ["to sleep"].
9) The PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
10) It comes with two hard drives – one for fleyshedik ["meat"] (business software) and one for milchedik ["milk"] (games).
11) Instead of getting a ‘General Protection Fault’ error, your PC now gets ‘Ferklempt.’ [choked with emotion]
12) The multimedia player has been renamed to ‘Nu, so play my music already!’
13) When your PC is working too hard, you occasionally hear a loud ‘Oy Gevalt!’ ["Oh, woe is me"]
14) Computer viruses can now be cured with matzo ball soup.
15) When disconnecting external devices from the PC, you are instructed to ‘Remove the cable from the PC’s tuchus.’ ["backside"]
16) After your computer dies, you have to dispose of it within 24 hours. [Jewish dead must be buried within 24 hours]
17) But best of all, if you have a kosher computer, you can’t get SPAM… [definitely NOT kosher!]
Cute.
LOL
Countdown to the first “I am offended” response.
10...9...8...7...
Sorry, this is not DU...
the operating system
Your mother buys you two new shirts, you wear one to please
her and she says, “What, you didn’t like the other one?”.
Haha! I’ve always wished I could speak Yiddish.
Then you'll have to wait for the first muslim computer.
When it's user gets offended, it explodes.
Ha! I like it.
oy! funny! ping!
“Silence! I KEEL YOU!”
I invented the first redneck computer but it never really went anywhere. For starters, if you spelled something right it would correct it. It also cost to much to operate; it ran on beer. It had a dog instead of a mouse. The cursor inserted four letter words about every third word. Worst of all, Windows had no screen so anything could come in when it opened.
Not from Freeper Jews
My computer does this, as does my iPhone and iPad. It’s an app.
9) The PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
Mainly because I will check it unless it is off.
“aha! I’ve always wished I could speak Yiddish.”
My mother always told me, “if you can’t say something nice about a person, say it in Yiddish.”
I suppose instead of bugs it gets locusts.
“hen you’ll have to wait for the first muslim computer.”
1. It doesn’t work.
2. Demands its own desk, then room, then house.
3. Kills all other electronic equipment in the house.
FWIW, there’s turkey Spam, which could be kosher...
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