Posted on 10/24/2014 8:24:03 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Actual Table of Contents
1. Paid Vacations for Bureaucrats Gone Wild
2. Swedish Massages for Rascally Rabbits
3. Army Creates Free First-Person Shooter the Intelligence Community Worries Could Train Terrorists
4. Mountain Lions on a Treadmill
5. Anti-Terror Grant Buys State-of-the-Art SWAT Equipment for Safest Small Town in America
6. OPM Pays Contractor To “Flush” Security Clearance Investigations “like a dead goldfish”
7. Spouses Stab Voodoo Dolls More Often When “Hungry”, Study Reveals ($331K spent)
8. Scientists Hope Gambling Monkeys Unlock Secrets of Free Will ($171K spent)
9. Subsidies for Sports Stadiums Leave Taxpayers Holding the Bill
10. Teen Zombie Sings, Tries to Get a Date to the Dance
11. Watching Grass Grow
12. NIH Asks if Moms Love Dogs as Much as Kids ($800,000 spent)
13. Taxpayers Help NY Brewery Build Beer Farm
14. Colorado Orchestra Targets Youth with Stoner Symphony
15. U.S. Coast Guard Party Patrols
16. Chronicling Vermont’s Radical Hippie Movement in the 1970’s
17. USDA’s “Perfect Poop Pak” Smells Like Government Waste
18. Synchronized Swimming for Sea Monkeys
19. Penn State Shame Study Asks How To Boost Morale After Scandal
20. Promoting U.S. Culture Around the Globe with Nose Flutists, State Department Idol
21. Free “High-End” Gym Memberships for DHS Bureaucrats
22. Golf Testing, Elementary School Experiments Aboard the International Space Station
23. NASA’s Tower of Pork Protected by Politician
24. Congress Blocks Closure of Unneeded “Sheep Station”
25. Spray Parks and “Splashpads” Help Beat The Summer Heat
26. Roosevelt and Elvis Make a Hallucinatory Pilgrimage to Graceland
27. New Bridge Demolished for Using $3,271 Worth of Canadian Steel
28. Exploding Claims of “Sleep Apnea” Threaten to Bankrupt VA Disability Program
29. Pentagon to Spend $1 Billion to Destroy $16 Billion in Unneeded Ammunition
30. NASA Wonders How Humans Will React to Meeting Space Aliens
31. Bruce Lee Dance Play Panned As Promoting Racial Stereotypes
32. Road through “Ghost Mall” Hopes to Scare Up Business
33. Postal Service Pays Thousands to Ship Soda to Alaska for Hundreds
34. Taxpayers Sing the Blues for the Grammy’s Museum
35. Voicemails From the Future Warn of Post Apocalyptic World
36. The Funny Ways Government Wastes Your Money: Laughing Classes
37. FAA Upgrades Low-Traffic Airport Serving High-End Ski Resort ($18 Million spent)
38. FEMA Overlooks Flood Victims, Rebuilds Golf Course Instead
39. Disney Polynesian Resort Gets Makeover
40. Space Agency Hunts for the Lost Tomb of Genghis Khan
41. Abandoned Pennsylvania Mall Wants to be the East Coast Hollywood
42. Wineries Get Help Selling Beer, Chile-Infused Wine
43. Roaches, Mice, and Feces in Public Housing Funded by Uncle Sam, Slum Lord
44. DHS Buys Too Many Cars and Lets Them Sit Underused
45. Costs Skyrocket for “Birds in Space” Replica
46. DOD Tries to Build Real-Life “Iron Man” Suit
47. Drug Enforcement Administration Celebrates Itself With Own Museum
48. Missile Defense Misses the Target
49. Virgin Island Ferries Sit Unused for Nearly a Year
50. Jonas Bonus: Rich and Famous Rent Out Their Pads Tax Free
51. State Department Tweets @ Terrorists
52. Border Patrol Builds Over-Priced Houses for Temporary Workers
53. NASA Goes to Comic-Con, Explores the Marvel Universe
54. Army Corps Buildings in Afghanistan Keep Burning to the Ground
55. Airport Tree-Trimming Project Turns into 27-Hole Golf Course Renovation
56. Earmark-Funded High-Speed Ferry Sinks Alaska Community
57. The Selling of an Airport to Nowhere
58. NASA Study Predicts the Collapse of Human Civilization
59. Facebook for Fossil Enthusiasts
60. Gamers Tune in to Radio Show About Video Game Music
61. Two Dozen Teachers Travel to Germany for Classes on Bach, Baroque Dancing Lessons
62. Funding to Reduce Road Crashes Used to Restore Non-Working Lighthouse
63. “Gateway to Blues” Museum Funded Over Deteriorating Bridges
64. Study Shows How Buddhism Explains the Science of Meditation
65. “Get Fruved:” Social Media Campaign Featuring Students Dressed as Fruits and Vegetables
66. USDA Holds Contest to Build Wooden Skyscraper
67. Social Security IT Project Wastes Hundreds of Millions
68. Feds Waste Millions Trying to Convince Afghans to Grow Soybeans They Won’t Eat
69. Corporate Welfare for Mega Farmers
70. Snowmobile Race Part of NSF Zero Emissions Challenge
71. Unwanted, Unneeded and Unused Ice House
72. Virtual Food Fight Smartphone Game
73. Prescription for Higher Medicare Bills
74. Boutique Hotel Offers Luxury Spa Services, Afternoon Tea, and Upscale Nightcaps
75. Transportation Dollars Fund Media Campaign to Raise Austin Taxes
76. NASA Loses Hundreds of Electronic Devices Each Month
77. Huge EPA Warehouse for Paper Reports Thwarts Recycling Efforts
78. Food Stamps Get Traded for Cash and Drugs, Go to People Who Hide Their Income
79. DOD Pays 16 Times the Going Price for Helicopter Parts
80. Injured ICE Employees Cleared to Work, Stay on Workers Comp Instead
81. DOD Sends 16 Planes to the Scrap Heap for $32,000
82. Unbuilt Eisenhower Memorial Burning Through Cash
83. Butterfly Farm Flies Away with Federal Funds
84. Transit Security Grant for “Feel Good” Ads That Promote Local Tax Increase
85. Identity Thieves Steal Billions Each Year with Bogus Tax Returns
86. Feds Study Science Festival Attendance
87. Five Decades of Controversy for Beleaguered Government Program
88. Navy Sends Hundreds of Magazines to Congress to Promote Green Initiatives
89. NSF Studies Why Wikipedia is Sexist
90. Main Town Rebuilds 38 “Speed Humps” to Slow Traffic Through Neighborhood
91. DOJ Buys Premium LinkedIn Account to Promote Jobs During Hiring Freeze
92. Taxpayers Charged to Promote Hillary Clinton’s $14 Million Book in Europe
93. FAA Spending to Study What to Do With a FAA-Violating Municipal
94. Texting Drunks Asking Them Not to Drink
95. We All Scream for Federally Funded Ice Cream
96. NASA’s Near-Earth Object Program: The Comet that Keeps Chasing Its Tail
97. Medicaid Provider Taxes
98. Earmark Spends Taxpayer Money to Send Coal to Germany
99. Marketing Money for Little-Used Wisconsin Airport
100. Farmers Get Grant to Produce “Worm Power” Compost
Woohoo!! It’s Friday!!!!!
In
Investment opportunity:
Thought you might want to consider getting on board early.
A German Engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan. He’s making land mines that look like prayer mats.
It’s doing well.
He says prophets are going through the roof.
Here it is! WOOT!!!!
Top Ten...
I have no problem with that. They won't make an iron man suit per se, but they'll come up with something that will make our troops safer.
At least, that's how this sort of thing USED to work.
Dear America,
Look, this is a very simple equation. There's no big mystery here. This current Ebola virus outbreak in American and its ravishing of West Africa has been due to one thing and one thing alone. And we all know, even if we're too scared to admit, what current epidemic of this "African" disease is about and who is behind it. Because, well, I have just partly stated it —this current outbreak of Ebola is just another one of the Republicans' endless attempts at trying to exterminate or diminish the amount of Black people, around the world but especially in America.
There you have it, America, straight from me, one of your country's most enlightened and revered representatives, Sheila Jackson Lee of Texas' 18th district.
Republicans' attempts at killing Black people can be traced back over 1000 years, and so should be no surprise to us now with this newest and worst of Ebola outbreaks. It is no secret that the Reagan administration, dominated 100% by white Republicans (or so I think I recall), created AIDS in the 1970s to eradicate Black Americans after slavery ended a hundred years before. That is indisputable. They did it! Ronald Reagan and fellow Republicans made AIDS in a secret bunker under the headquarters of the Central Intelligence Agency in Richmond, Delaware, to wipe out Black Americans. And how many Black Americans have HIV-AIDS now compared to non-Black Americans? A staggering amount, that's how many. And what are the rates of Ebola among Black people in Liberia, Sierra Leone, and Guinea compared to the white populations there, huh..? Yep, that's what I thought!
When they're not cutting the funding for the Center for Disaster Control (CDC) and other agencies that help fight deadly infections and diseases, Republicans systematically go about creating more afflictionations that affect Black people in America and around the world. Yes, many times white people and other non-Blacks are affected by them, like that Nina Pham nurse in Dallas that first treated the dying Thomas Eric Duncan from Liberia. I guess she's what Republicans would call "collateral damage".
It's an age-old quest by Republicans to not only cut funding to help cure and prevent diseases mainly impacting Black folks, but to create them and aim to kill them. Example: Circle Celled Anemia? That is a disease afflicting no one else but African-Americans. And who invented that? Oh, gee, let's wonder. REPUBLICANS. Just more of their efforts to kill us all so we don't head to the polls on Election Day (not to mention that when those of us who do survive the "Circular Cell" disease do make it to the polls they must suffer another type of "disease", the disease of having to present voter identification —not just twice, but all three or four times! My God, what a degradation, an infection all its own, all thanks to Republicans.
Oh, another example: malaria. Years ago there was no malaria reported in the United States. But guess when it was reported: when the first European explorers came to the United States, that's when. Undoubtedly these first Europeans that arrived here 1000 years ago they "discovered" were no doubt Republicans, or at least early Republicans who just didn't know they were Republicans at the time. But what else do you call people who "just happened to DISCOVER malaria" in the U.S. way back then? Some will call them "unfortunate settlers" or even "victims" of this nerve-racking disease, but I call them by what they truly were: Republicans.
So now where does malaria still run rampant and what people does it mostly affect? Black Africans! You see, after slavery, roughly 565 years ago, the GOP knew that Black Africans would be immigrating to America in search of a better life. So they sent them malaria in blankets, wrapped up in ships as a sign of "good will" towards the Africans they once brought over here by the billions. So there −viola!− more fewer Africans alive to come join us in our great melting pot of America. I'm so making sense right now, America, it's not even funny.
And, if I were to be so forgetful, to not mention the scourge of diseases of the heart, cholesterol, and diabetes, and obscenity (the latter of which the American Medical Association considers a person being 40 pounds over what their height should dictate they weigh).
Left over from the days of slavery and impoverishment at the hands of Jim Crow (who has never been caught to this day!), Blacks had to eat left over pig fat and other scraps from their masters' (Republicans) tables, who eventually, over time, converted their heart-clogging scraps into the wondrous things we call "fast food" today. McDonalds, Wendy's, Burger King, Carl's Jr., Hardee's, Popeye's, etc., just say the franchise's name and behind it I can show you a group of scheming Republicans, all out to kill us through cheap, fatty, processed burgers and french fries, all aimed at not providing busy, hurrying consumers quick fixes for their appetites, but a DIET OF DEATH for African Americans, with their sugary drinks being the icing on top of their coffins, and so DEAD (thus left only to vote one or two more times again).
Show me Coca-Cola, show me an orange or grape or cherry−flavored Mountain Dew, show me any 8 or 12 ounce bottle of pure sugar with a dash of fruity-flavored carbonated water in them advertised as a "refreshing beverage" and I will show you the corporate culprits behind them and their lobbyists in Congress —Republicans, ALL! This also duck-tails into the rise of minty, menthol−flavored cigarettes, which so many Black people have become addicted to. Lord, what more
Republican−sponsored examples of diseases and life-ending consumer products need I point out? Behind every menthol cigarette or sugary soft drink or artery-clogging burger, french fies, or Ebola virus, Secular-Cell-Anemia or Malaria or tuberculosis or HIV-loaded genitalia I give to you a smoky, dim room of white, male, monocle-wearing Republicans behind it, all scheming with cigars in-hand to stem and ultimately end Black Americans' influence in America. And yes, yes, there are many non-Blacks that suffer from all of these ailments, certainly. And that's unfortunate, too. As I said earlier, it's just the GOP's definition of "cohabitating damage". But in COMPARISON, in comparison, by Lord, the statistics are outstanding and unwavering in their conviction (hence "convict").
Dear American, Black America especially, but also my fellow Blacks in Africa, is it not abundantly clear who is and has been behind all our diseases, viruses, poor eating habits and sexual behaviors over the last 1700 years? Can I not state my case any more clearly and concisely? Look at the evidence, besides my astute standing among Congress and America's leaders. Evidence besides, is not my natural expertise on these matters not enough to convince you? If not, I have little hope for African-American survival in the United States. And my blessing be upon you, you who live during this time of renewed Republican attempts at Black extermination.
If my endless knowledge and authority on these matters do not persuade you that Republicans are behind all these things, and many more I have not mentioned, then God help our 700-year-old democracy. I pray we all wake up and vote every Republican we can out of office on November 4th. Thank you and God bless Americana!
—Sincerely,
Sheila Jackson Lee,
Congresswoman, Texas District 18
Top 10!
You took my spot. In musical chairs I’d be out.
Prayer works.
Top 25 - I love these threads!
LMAO!
24. Congress Blocks Closure of Unneeded “Sheep Station”
So, they are Sheepless in Seattle?............
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